Demons and Redemption
by myrina-lux
Summary: Reposting of old fic under which will finally be finished. As Roy battles his demons from the past, he and Ed explore a relationship neither is ready to accept. Slash.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: Characters are property of the creator of 'FullMetal Alchemist'**

_**Demons and Redemption **_

_Chapter 1_

The dying flame of the candle mixed with the shadows as they played against the far wall of the cramped room. Other than the dim light it provided, the only other source was the muted moonlight that slipped in through the small window. Edward's brow furrowed as he drew in a deep sigh. The neatly printed letters on the delicate paper began to blur together, pooling into nothing more than a black mess. The boy blinked a couple of times trying to refocus his golden eyes on the endless lines of words before him.

"Brother….?"

The older one had let another frustrated sigh escape, garnering the attention of his younger brother.

"Yeah, Al?"

"Is something wrong?"

"Of course something is wrong!" Edward snapped, the recent sleepless nights and stunted progress wearing him down. "I've been staring at the same book for over two hours, I'm tired, I'm hungry, and we're no damn closer to finding any clues than we were four years ago!"

A very soft, sad whimper cut through the boy's rants, and he turned to face the glowing red eyes that peeked from behind the metal head a few feet away. Edward held out his gloved hand as a gesture of apology before shaking his head.

"Al….I'm sorry." His voice had softened considerably. "I didn't mean….."

"We'll find the stone, brother." Al assured, fighting to make his voice seem strong. His attempt brought a sorrowful smile to his brother's face. "I know we will. We wouldn't have made it this far…."

Ed watched as his brother carefully closed his book and reached for another. They had been sneaking into the small bookroom in Headquarters for almost a week now, ever since he had overheard Havoc talking about the third floor records room. Every night, just before midnight, they had both slipped into through a rarely used side door at Headquarters and deftly picked the lock of the newly discovered treasure trove.

Oh course, so far, they had only discovered Fool's gold.

Nothing concrete—never anything concrete. Only a snippet of information here and there, only enough to taunt them with its cruel promise. It was always the same—the missions, the books, the hints dropped by a certain smug Colonel. They all were enough to keep the flame of hope flickering alive, but never offered more than a tease of the seemingly unattainable answer. Ed let another sigh escape as he drew his eyes back to his own book, forcing them to focus once again.

"Brother?"

"Yeah?"

"Your stomach's growling."

Ed shrugged as he turned the page. "I'm okay."

A few minutes of thick silence passed, interrupted only by the sound of pages turning and a rumbling stomach.

"Brother?"

A gloved hand reached up to rub aching eyes. "What?"

"It's louder now." Al cautiously ventured. "Your stomach."

Ed opened his mouth to rant about how he couldn't help it, about how it wasn't his fault he didn't like the overcooked noodles they had gotten for dinner. But then he realized—Al was trying to take his mind off of its spiraling path.

"I know, Al, but there's nothing I can do about it right now."

"Well…..I remember seeing an apple in the Colonel's desk this afternoon." The younger boy informed. "Maybe it's still there?"

"I'm not eating that bastard's food!"

"We can always replace it, brother. I'm sure he won't mind if we tell him—"

"I don't care about _stealing_, it, Al." Edward hotly interrupted. "But the bastard probably poisoned it knowing that I would try to!"

Al suppressed a soft giggle remembering the last time Ed tried to pilfer something from the Colonel's office and ended up drenched in a bucketful of milk. Roy had let slip that he had an important folder in his desk, and of course, Ed had taken the bait. Later that night, after he thought Roy had left, he proceeded to break into the desk only to find a small note instead of the folder.

_Look up, shrimp._

That's when the bucket had fallen. All in all, a good prank for the Colonel as it also obliterated his paperwork for the next day, seeing as how it was too soaked to be legible. _**I'll get you back, bastard!**_ had echoed down the corridors of Headquarters for weeks afterwards.

Of course, that had been long ago. Roy hadn't played a practical joke like that in quite a while. The devious playfulness that had once hid behind his onyx eyes had all but disappeared as of late, replaced by a darkness that almost frightened Ed. Ever since….

_Hughes_.

Winry had let it slip about his death. Ed had been _furious_, _**seething**_, especially at Roy. But through his anger and grief, Grandma Pinako had tried to justify his actions, had tried to explain how everyone reacts to grief differently. How grief and rage can shape a man's soul instead of destroy it. Even Al understood. But Ed hadn't.

Not yet.

Edward bit his lip as he crossed his arms over his chest. He _was_ hungry after all, and the odds that the Colonel would have any premonition that he would break into Headquarters late at night after not eating his gummy pasta and be in need of his shiny red apple were probably infinitesimal.

_What the hell_.

"Alright, Al." The older one said with a sharp nod. "You'll be okay for a minute?"

"Of course, brother."

"Don't go _anywhere_."

"I promise."

Ed nodded as he headed for the door. "I'll be back soon, Al, okay?"

"Okay, brother!"

Ed's hardened eyes softened a little. The same cheeriness always pervaded that voice. No matter what. The teen didn't realize the smile that teased his lips as he headed down the hall.

The halls were dark, lined with shadows and emptiness. Ed found the door quickly, feeling in his pocket for the sharp pin they had used as makeshift key. But as soon as he grabbed the brass knob, the door slowly creaked open.

Ed drew back.

_Damn_.

Roy never left his office unlocked, not unless….

_**Damn**__._

The dark shadow that had shifted against the far wall revealed that Ed was not alone. A soft snore, however, also revealed that Ed could abandon the list of excuses that he was methodically running through to explain his presence in the Colonel's office after midnight. Roy was fast asleep.

A twisted grin briefly played against the boy's lips as he shook his head.

"Get kicked out of a girlfriend's bed and couldn't find your way home, bastard?"

A sudden buried twinge of jealousy burned in the boy's heart as he whispered the words—one he refuse to acknowledge. He took a few cautious steps forward, gauging each step of his heavy black boots so he wouldn't make any noise. He briefly entertained the notion of turning and closing the door, returning to the cramped room empty handed. But his growling stomach reminded him that it was hungry, that he was Edward Elric, Fullmetal Alchemist, and that he _never_ backed down from a challenge.

All he had to do was slip into the bottom drawer, grab the fruit, and leave. That simple. No problem. No problem at all.

Edward didn't really even look at the young man propped in the hard wood chair, just a quick glance to make sure his eyes were closed. He could hear the other's jagged breaths and the occasional snore, so he knew Roy was indeed in his own dream world. As he stepped closer, the permeating smell of scotch revealed just how the man had gotten there.

"Damn…."

The drawer was locked. Edward fell to his knees, scrunching down to inspect the lock. It only took a few seconds for his pin to work its magic, and then he carefully opened the drawer.

"Aha!"

Al was right—the bright fruit, whole and unbruised was sitting there waiting for him. Edward reached in, grabbing it with his flesh fingers, when they brushed against something else. Something cold. Edward peered over, realizing just what it was. A silver picture frame. It was balanced on an empty crystal glass next to a nearly empty bottle of scotch. Ed swallowed as he gingerly pulled it out, staring at the frozen images that smiled back at him.

Maes and Roy. Both looked very young, probably just out of their teens. Both were dressed in the deep blue of a military uniform and were leaning on their tall guns, grins lighting their faces. Hope and wonderment filled the two sets of eyes, hope that had been vanquished with the spark of a flame and the echo of a gun. It struck the boy then, just how haunted the dark eyes were now. How haunted and empty.

Edward sighed. He hadn't gotten the chance yet to tell Roy that he was sorry. Sorry for the loss of such a good friend. He had spoken to everyone else. Gracia. Hawkeye. Even little Elicia. But not Roy. For some reason whenever he looked into those haunted eyes, his words stuck in his throat and refused to come out. No matter how many times he swallowed, he could never relax his throat enough to say them. The picture was suddenly replaced and the drawer quietly closed. Ed slowly rose to his feet and finally allowed his golden eyes to fall on the sleeping man.

The silver light afforded by the moon cast an eerie glow on the older one's face, giving it an almost tranquil appearance. The lips that were so often lifted into a subtle but often-present smirk were now slightly parted as they drew in deep, uneven breaths. Roy's dark hair was a stark contrast to the pale face, and before Ed realized it, he had reached out and gingerly pushed a fallen strand from the cool forehead.

_Wait. _Ed thought, yanking his hand back as if he had just touched fire. _Did I just touch his __**hair?**__ I really need to get some sleep. Really. __**Really**_….

Still, Ed couldn't help but think how…..well, how strangely beautiful the man looked like this. Serene. Exotic. _Vulnerable_.

The boy suddenly shook his head, mentally snapping himself free from these thoughts that had involuntarily invaded him.

_Really, really need to get some sleep_….

A sudden chill slipped through the window, causing the sleeping man to shudder. Ed shimmied out of his own red coat and without another thought, carefully covering Roy with it. He watched with an unrealized smile as the man sleepily nestled under it.

"Don't forget to get it back." Ed reminded himself as he grabbed the apple and headed for the door. He turned before he reached it, allowing his golden eyes to watch the slow rise and fall of the chest now buried under the red wool coat.

Ed shook his head and opened the door. "Don't forget….."

XXXXX

A sharp pounding roused the teen from his deep, listless dream. Ed snarled as he grabbed his black pants, slipping them over his boxers as he stumbled towards the door. Who would be there so early? Who would be stupid enough to wake a certain grumpy, unpredictable young alchemist after just one hour's worth of sleep?

Ed would find his answer soon enough.

_Roy_.

Edward's face was momentarily contorted by a horrendous yawn as he warily glared at the figure on the other side of the door.

"Fullmetal."

"What do _you_ want, bastard?" He asked. "It's barely dawn yet, and you're already here to ruin my day?"

Roy was standing very still, his hands clasped behind his back. His normal blue uniform was partially obscured by the dark gray jacket that fell to the tops of his black boots.

"You left this in my office." The older one stated, now holding out a neatly folded red coat. Ed tried hard to stifle a gasp realizing he had forgotten to retrieve it before they left. The boy forced an indignation to his wide eyes before he snatched it from the man.

"Is that all?"

Roy furrowed his brow for a moment, feigning concentration. "I seem to remember you _wearing_ it when you left last night." He quietly observed. "Care to explain how it ended up back in my office?"

"How the hell should I know?" The boy snapped, trying to fight the flush he knew was rushing to his face. "Maybe it was lonely and flew there by itself."

"Ah, so you can transmute your coat into a living object now?" Roy chuckled as he raised a thin, dark eyebrow. "Interesting, Fullmetal."

"Look, you can go now. I don't need—_what are you doing?_"

Roy had sidestepped the smaller frame and slipped into the room, shocking the boy. Ed watched as the man stood with his back to him, hands now returned to their position clasped behind him.

"Look, Ed….." Roy quietly sighed as he studied the room. It was the first time he had seen this dorm room. It struck him how it reminded him very much of its owner. Papers and books flung everywhere in a frenzied chaos. Roy swallowed before lowering his head. "There's no reason to break into my office. If you need something, you just have to ask."

Ed's scoff stated that the boy thought otherwise. But then it occurred to Ed—Roy didn't know about the records room. He thought they had just tried to pilfer his desk for some stray information. Their secret was safe….for now.

"Yeah, well…..I couldn't sleep, and I thought I heard something about the Homunculi that you had." Ed lied.

Roy turned his head to the side just slightly, causing his raven hair to slip into his eyes a little.

"I don't have any information about them that would help you."

Ed nodded, hoping the man would leave now. "I was hungry, and I ate the apple you had. I'll get you another."

It took all the boy had not to cover his mouth in shock. Why had it _that_ popped out?

"Apple?"

"In your desk." The boy explained. "I….I must have dropped my coat on you when I tried to get it."

Sure….that sounded like a reasonable explanation.

Roy sighed and turned back around, heading for the door. "I know how much the jacket means to you." He suddenly whispered. "I wanted to return it."

Ed watched as he reached for the brass door handle.

"Colonel?"

The dark head shifted a little to the left as the gloved hand gripped the doorknob.

"Hm?"

Ed drew in a deep breath and lowered his eyes.

"I, uh…..I'm sorry about Hughes." He managed to finally whisper. "I never got a chance to tell you—"

"Don't worry about the apple, Fullmetal." The voice that had so sharply interrupted him was suddenly very void. The emptiness that echoed within it frightened the younger one. "I don't need another."

Then he was gone. Ed stared at the door for a few minutes before he reached down and hugged the soft red jacket closer to him. A hint of faded cologne mixed with scotch wafted from its fibers to the boy's nose.

_Roy's_ scent.

Ed lowered his head, unconsciously nuzzling his face in the soft collar. He wasn't sure why, but that scent soothed something inside him. Something buried deep in his tortured soul. He closed his golden eyes and drew in as deep as breath as his lungs would allow, not realizing the soft whimper that had escaped as he finally let it back out.

TBC….

**Author's Notes: **This is a reposting of my story under my old _myrina_ account I removed from some time ago when I left. Since my renewed interest in FMA, I decided to finish the fic. Please enjoy!


	2. Chapter 2

_**Demons and Redemption**_

_Chapter 2_

_Tap, tap, tap. Tap….Tap, tap. _

Edward was unaware of the four sets of eyes that were glaring at him as he leaned over his paper. He was sitting cross-legged on the black couch in the Colonel's office, staring at a document on the coffee table in front of him.

_Tap, tap, tap, tap…..Tap. Tap…..tap, tap._

Those sets of eyes narrowed, intensifying their unacknowledged and unrealized messages of utter annoyance as his pen thwacked over and over against the smooth wood. His mind was too occupied replaying the conversation he and Roy had shared earlier that morning.

_Tap, tap….tap, tap, tap._

Ed quietly sighed. He had never seen the look that had crossed Roy's face before he left. Was it wrong to mention Hughes to him? Had he been out of line? He had only wanted to—

_Tap, tap, tap, tap._

—try and be nice to the bastard. Obviously the man could not care less that for once, he was actually trying to be civil towards him. For once, he was actually trying to show the man a little respect. That alone had not been easy for Ed. But he had done it anyway. And what had he gotten in return? He had been—

_Tap, tap, tap, tap—_

"Fullmetal."

Ed was suddenly aware that the four shadows around him had receded and looked up to find two narrowed onyx eyes, one slight smirk and a gloved hand poised and ready to snap. He narrowed his golden eyes and drew back, looking as irritated as possible that the man had interrupted his mental tirade against him.

"Yeah?"

Roy sighed, as if the reason he had addressed him should have been more than obvious.

"Your pen."

Ed slightly frowned before looking down at it. "What about it?" He asked, his annoyance escalating. The nights of little or no sleep coupled with the conflicting feelings for the man speaking to him had taken their toll. He wasn't in the mood for the Colonel's usual pettiness.

"Stop tapping it."

"Tapping helps me think." Ed retorted.

"You think?"

"Yes, bastard, I actually _think_."

"Well, think without it."

Ed icily smiled. "Make me." He dared. "I need the pen to write the report. _You_ need the report before you can go home. I guess I—"

A quick snap followed by a quiet sizzle interrupted Ed. He looked down to find the pen now nothing more than a pile of ashes. A few snickers echoed behind him. Ed felt his cheeks grow hot.

"How am I supposed to—"

"Find another way." Roy replied with a smirk. "And if the report isn't finished before five, they'll be a significant reduction in your funding this month."

Ed huffed before jumping to his feet.

"Where are you going?"

"Lunch." The boy replied, scowling. "Unless you want to take that from me, too?"

Roy chuckled as he shook his head. "Just be back soon, Ed." He taunted. "You have a lot of work to do before you can go home."

XXXXX

"_**That smug bastard**_!"

"Brother, please don't get upset. The Colonel was just—"

"He _singed _my jacket!" Ed informed, waving the cuff of the offending sleeve in front of his brother. "Do you see this? Do you?"

The soft white glow of Al's eyes behind the armor widened, and his metal creaked as he nervously fidgeted. He knew he had to get his brother's temper under control or else the tables in the lunchroom were just seconds away from transmutation.

"Brother, I think I found something in the book from the records room."

"_Oh, I know how much your jacket means to you, ha, ha, ha!_" Ed continued to rant, shoving noodles into his mouth. "_That's why I'll burn a hole right in the sleeve! I'll just—_"

"Brother, I think—"

"_Oh, Fullmetal, what happened to your jacket? Did you burn it trying to roast marshmallows?"_

"Brother, I_—"_

"_I guess it's hard not to get burned like that when you're as short as the flames are! You just—"_

"_**Brother!**_"

Ed looked up, noodles hanging down his chin. "What?"

"I think I found something in one of the books." Al blurted out before the older one could pick up with his tirade.

The golden eyes narrowed as Al revealed just what he had figured out.

XXXXX

"Colonel?"

Roy didn't raise his eyes. "Ed."

Edward couldn't quell the uneasiness that was churning deep in his stomach. The brief address had been cold and anything but inviting. He drew in a deep breath as he watched the man stare intently at the paper propped on his polished desk.

"Al and I need to take a trip." He quietly informed. "We'll be gone for at least four days."

The pen hovering over the crisp sheet of paper paused. "Where?"

"To a prison outside of Liore."

A quiet sigh escaped before the older one finally shook his head. "Not right now."

"I'm not asking."

"You're not going."

The boy crossed his arms over his chest and clenched his jaw together so hard he was convinced his teeth were going to crack at any second. Roy had yet to raise his eyes.

"You can't tell me—"

"These bars on my uniform say otherwise, Fullmetal." The smooth voiced edgily warned. "Havoc, you and Breda have a new mission. _Babysitting_."

"_**I do not need a babysitter!**_" Ed yelled, his chest swelling with each angry breath. "And I _**don't**_ care what you say. Al and I are leaving in the morning."

"You do, and you can consider it your last act as a State Alchemist."

_That_ had been the final straw. Ed smashed his palms together and was in the middle of figuring out just what he was going to transmute the Colonel's desk into when the man held out his gloved hand. Roy slowly rubbed his thumb and middle finger together, taunting the boy to follow through.

"Learn a little self control, Fullmetal." Roy calmly ordered. "You can't go around transmuting things just because you're upset. Besides….you know that I'm much quicker than you."

The golden eyes were nothing but pure fire now. "_**Self-control**_?" He repeated scathingly. "Is that what you showed when I found you passed out with an empty bottle of scotch because you're too much of a coward to go after Hughes' killer? Is that self-control, _Roy_?'

There were a few shocked gasps that escaped behind the boy, but Ed didn't notice. He was too blinded by his own fury to hear them, or to see the brief look of hurt that flashed behind the dark eyes before it was quelled. The gloved hand dropped.

"_Brother…._"

"Forget it, Al." Ed replied, slamming his watch onto Roy's desk. "We're out of here. And don't bother sending your _babysitters_ to come after us."

Ed could feel the sets of eyes nearly boring a hole through him as they left. Riza immediately began to follow, but stopped when she heard Roy clear his throat.

"Let them go." He quietly commanded. His lieutenant reluctantly obeyed.

His subordinates watched as he stood and turned to look out the window, hands clasped behind his back. His dark eyes narrowed as they waited for the flash of a red coat and the swing of a blond braid to pass through the courtyard below. He blocked out the whispers behind him and focused on one single thought spiraling over and over in his mind.

_Can't you see I'm only trying to protect you?_

XXXXX

Ed couldn't sleep. It was pointless to return to the records room at Headquarters—he and Al had what they needed for now. In the morning, they would be leaving for Liore, with the Colonel's approval or not. He found himself wandering around the quiet streets, not realizing where he was headed until he actually got there.

"Mustang."

The man was sitting under the archway of his front door, knees pressed to his chest, eyes staring aimlessly at the stone walkway. Ed had never been in the man's house, although he had walked by it a few times. Actually, _more_ than a few times, although the boy would never quite admit just how many lately.

"_Mustang._"

Ed leaned forward a little, poking Roy in the shoulder. That was when he smelled the familiar scent of scotch on him.

"So you—" But then it hit Ed—Roy was in no state to really remember anything at the moment. The boy could easily get him to approve the trip, even have him sign a document for the mission. All he had to do was get the bastard inside, hold his hand as he signed it, then leave. This was _perfect_.

But then a twinge of guilt washed over the younger one. He had helped him into the large house, he had gotten his signature—or something close to it—on a piece of paper, and now he was home free. But then the man had staggered into the bathroom and brutally retched all of the scotch and even a few mouthfuls of bile. As Ed listened to him, he thought the least he could do was help the bastard into his bed so he could sleep it off.

The bedroom, like the rest of the house that Ed had briefly seen, was spacious and minimal. A large, low bed with a dark mahogany headboard and white linens was positioned against the far wall. Next to it was a matching nightstand embellished only with a slim lamp. A polished dresser stood against the opposite wall, its top stripped of any adornments. Aside from a rather plain, white rug at the foot of the bed, there were no accessories. No paintings, no pictures, no hints into the personality of the room's occupant. It was all so very impersonal.

Ed struggled with the man nearly twice his size, finally succeeding in leading him to the bed. After unceremoniously depositing him on the soft comforter, he reached over and turned on the lamp. Then he placed his hands on his hips, narrowed his golden eyes at the sprawled out figure and sighed.

He knew he should just turn around, walk right back the way he came, and close the door behind him. He _knew_ that. But there was something alluring about the way Roy was so helplessly laid out before him. The way his chest expanded and collapsed under the pale light of the lamp. The way his eyes twitched a little under their lids. The way his dark hair looked fanned out against the crispness of the white pillow. The way he looked strangely…_accessible_.

The boy shook his head. _Walk out __**now**_. Seemed simple enough. His mind screamed the command to his legs, but they showed no signs of obeying. A sudden shudder ran through the sleeping figure, and Ed decided he should at least cover the man before he left. He carefully slipped off the heavy black boots before drawing the comforter over the listless figure's legs. Ed cocked his head to the side and looked down at the rather constricting short blue jacket. He reasoned that it didn't seem very comfortable to sleep in, giving himself the excuse to take it off for the man.

But nothing was easy when it came to Roy.

"Do you think you could at least roll over, bastard?" Ed asked in frustration, fumbling for the buttons. "It's not exactly easy trying to get your clothes off of you."

The boy's eyes widened as soon as he realized just what he said. He could have sworn that he saw a flash of that infamous smirk cross the older one's lips, but convinced himself it was only his imagination. He gingerly settled on the edge of the bed and carefully undid the top part of the jacket. That's when a silver chain leading into the pants' pocket caught the sliver of light just right. Actually, _two_ silver chains. Ed looked down and realized the man had two watches in his pocket. He had taken Ed's with him. The boy carefully pilfered the silver watch and slipped it into his own pocket before undoing the final button on the blue jacket.

"There, that should—"

A heavy pair of arms suddenly pulled the boy down, grasping onto him. Ed's breath squeaked out of him, and he stilled in shock as he was pulled close to the warm body.

"R-Roy….?"

A soft snore answered him. The man was fast asleep, probably dreaming of a past lover. Ed wasn't quite sure why the wish that the dream could be about him had suddenly flashed through his mind. But it did, and at the moment, the boy decided being tucked into Roy's arms feeling the ragged breaths whisper through his hair was a good place to be.

Then the reality of the situation set in. He couldn't stay there. Roy had the excuse of several glasses of scotch, but Ed knew exactly what he was doing. He was curled up against his superior officer, in the man's bed, enjoying the feel of the strong arms around him.

Ed knew he had to leave _now_.

If he couldn't even remember to take his coat back, he certainly couldn't trust himself to wake up before Roy did. And being curled up in the man's arms in his _bed_ couldn't be as easily explained away as leaving a coat draped over him. Ed softly sighed before easing his way from under the heavy arms wrapped around him. He tucked the comforter around the sleeping figure and stared down at him.

"Roy…." The boy's voice was barely a whisper. "I'm sorry for what I said before….about you being a coward."

Then, before he could change his mind, Ed leaned down and placed a tentative, quick kiss on the slightly parted lips. The same scent of scotch that he had breathed in, he could now taste from the brief connection with Roy's lips. Ed quickly pulled back and walked out the door, not realizing that a pair of onyx eyes were intently watching him as he left.

TBC…


	3. Chapter 3

_Demons and Redemption_

_Chapter 3_

"Brother?"

The blond Elric had his full attention absorbed in tossing a few pieces of clothing into an open suitcase on his bed. Where were his extra socks? He had just seen a pair somewhere….

"Brother?"

Ed dropped to his knees and searched under the bed. His golden eyes narrowed and he tilted his head to the side as he tried to see what was balled up in the far corner.

"Yeah?"

"Where did you get this?"

The boy laid down completely, chest to floor, and strained to reach the shadowed item. "Get what?"

"This." Al carefully continued.

Half of the small body was nearly engulfed between the jaws of the hardwood floor and the bed railing as Edward scooted more towards the elusive socks. Al heard an exasperated grunt escape and then the unmistakable sound of metal scratching against wood.

"_What_, Al?"

A few uneasy squeaks slid through the armor as Al shifted nervously. He finally leaned down and held the object close to the floor.

"Your watch."

Al cringed at how loud the thud was when his brother's head jerked up and made contact with the bottom of the bed.

"Brother, are you alright?"

"_Of course I'm not alright!_" A flushed face finally greeted the younger brother as it emerged from under the bed. Ed tenderly rubbed the back of his head, knowing that a knot would soon by forming where it had made a most unfortunate connection with the bed. "I can't reach my socks because my arm is too short, and now I have a lump on my head. Great way to start our trip!"

He was throwing a bigger tantrum than necessary hoping to veer his brother away from the subject of his watch.

"We should get going, Al." He quickly snapped his suitcase shut and grabbed his coat. "The train leaves in half an hour, and we may have to sneak by some of the bastard's toadies."

"But if the Colonel gave your watch back that means he doesn't mind us going, right?"

Ed sighed as he grabbed the watch from his brother's hand. "He didn't exactly _give_ it back." He mumbled under his breath.

"Well then how—"

"Come _on_, already!" Ed barked, slipping the watch into his pocket and grabbing the heavy armored arm. Al decided it was best for the moment to drop the subject and follow his determined brother.

XXXXX

"Well, that was easy." Ed commented as he laid down, stretching his lithe frame across the bench on the train. He tucked his arms behind his head and closed his eyes, listening to the friction of the locomotive against the steel tracks. "Only two soldiers to stop us. It's almost insulting."

"If you ask me, brother, it was _too_ easy."

"Eh." The older one shrugged indifferently. "I think the bastard finally realized I do things with or without his permission." Of course, Ed hadn't told his younger brother about the piece of paper that he had procured the night before with a certain signature on the bottom. A shaky nearly illegible signature, but a signature nonetheless.

"Do you really think this man might know something?"

"I don't know, Al." Ed answered honestly. "But he knew Dr. Marcoh, and all the other records of him claim that he's dead. If they're hiding him in a prison, there has to be a reason why."

Ed bent his knees a little farther and mindlessly tapped his boots against the dark cushion of the bench. A few comfortable moments of silence passed as the older Elric slipped into a light sleep. The sounds of the other passengers shuffling around or the whistle of the train as it approached a crossing jerked him back to consciousness now and then.

"Brother?"

Ed cleared his throat but kept his eyes closed. "Yeah?"

"You never told me how you got your watch back."

The blond brow furrowed a little. "I didn't?"

"You _know_ you didn't." Al gently reprimanded. "Brother….I am worried you did something…."

"Don't worry about it, Al." The older Elric's voice had softened considerably. "Besides, it's mine to begin with."

Al simply nodded and decided it was better to drop the subject. Edward fell back into his hazy abyss of dreams, vaguely aware of the sound of metal scraping against itself before clanking against the floor. Somewhere in his foggy sleep, it registered that Al had gotten up and was probably walking to the back of the train where he could watch the passing mountains more easily. The younger boy had always loved the outdoors—the feel of the autumn breeze against his skin, the tickle of a butterfly that had flittered too close to his face, the smell of the fresh honeysuckles as they bloomed in the summer's heat. Those were gone for him for now, but somehow just seeing their beauty still afforded the trapped soul a little happiness.

Ed was aware of a shadow across his own as the sharp warning of the train's whistle jolted him from his nap. He submitted to a wrenching yawn before stretching a little.

"Lucky for us you found that book in the records room, Al." The boy lazily commented, eyes still closed. "Without it, we wouldn't have any more leads. Colonel Bastard probably won't even realize it's gone anyway."

"Actually, Fullmetal, I already have."

The boy bolted upright before he could draw another breath, swinging his legs over the bench until they hit the floor. Then the golden eyes flew open, a pair of onyx ones meeting their horrified glare.

"What are you doing here?"

Roy was sitting very still, one leg crossed over the other, gloved hands clasped in his lap. His dark gray coat draped over the edge of the bench until it stopped a few inches from the bottom of his boots. He greeted the boy with his patented smirk.

"I'm doing what everyone else on this train is doing, Fullmetal." The young man calmly replied. "I'm going to Liore."

"I meant _why_."

"Why _what_?"

Ed could feel his frustration spiraling up from the pit of his stomach, through his lungs, before burning a path up his throat. He clenched his hands into fists and flared his golden eyes.

"Why are you going to Liore?" He spat out the words very slowly so that Roy could feel the seething anger dripping from each one.

Roy was unfazed. "I had some vacation time."

"And so you decided to follow us? Are Hawkeye and Havoc and all your other little babysitters up front waiting to take us back?"

Roy's dark brows furrowed for a few seconds, as if he was genuinely taken back by the question. "I'm here alone."

"Perfect!" Ed spouted, falling back into his original position. He squirmed a little, adjusting to the cushion against his back, unaware of the eyes steadily watching him. "You'll be easy to ditch."

"That won't be necessary. I'm not here to follow you. I told you, I'm here for my vacation."

Ed scoffed and closed his eyes. "Whatever, bastard." After a few thick moments of silence, one golden eye cracked open and surveyed the uniformed man. "Al was sitting there, you know."

"I know."

"When he comes back, you move."

"Hm."

More silence hovered between them, and Edward wriggled a little more, trying in vain to find a more comfortable position for his back. He heard the quiet rustle of wool rubbing against itself.

"Enjoy your stay in Liore, Fullmetal."

"I will."

Roy suddenly chuckled. "Oh….one more thing."

An exaggerated sigh of annoyance escaped. "What?"

Ed was suddenly aware of a shadow against his own, of a heat prickling against his skin, of a soft breath against his neck. He opened his eyes to find Roy leaning down and hovering over him.

"Was that your first kiss?"

Before the boy had blushed the entire spectrum of red and ending with his face matching his jacket, Roy was gone. Ed listened, mortified, as the older one whistled with each step.

XXXXX

"Forget it, Al!" Ed huffed, arms defiantly crossed over his puffed chest. "We are _not_ staying in the same hotel as that bastard!"

A hint of amusement danced behind Roy's dark eyes. "Sorry, Ed. But there's not another one for miles. Besides….." The onyx irises flared. "It's not as if we'll be staying in the same room."

Ed was fairly sure that he had never been so many shades of red than he had in the past hour. Al drew his glowing eyes from his brother to Roy then back again, not quite understanding the change in the level of their tension.

"Brother, what—"

"_Don't ask_."

Roy smirked as he slipped the bronze key to his room into his pocket. He turned towards the stairs, the leather handles of his bag in his firm grip.

"If you'll excuse me, boys, I hear the women of Liore are quite beautiful. I think I'll go find out for myself."

Ed's fiery eyes narrowed. "Why would I care?"

Roy stopped, turning his head a little. "I didn't say you would, Ed."

"Well good." The boy snapped. "Because I don't."

"I'll keep that in mind."

"I don't care _what_ you keep in your mind."

The raven locks shook back and forth a few times. "Fine, Ed."

"Brother, what—"

"_Don't ask!_"

XXXXX

Ed couldn't sleep. For the past hour, he had followed the same aggravating routine. Tossing onto his left side. Kicking the thin blanket to the floor. Leaning over to retrieve the blanket. Flipping backing over to his right. Digging his head into the pillow. Tossing back onto his left side. Al wondered how he hadn't tired himself out just from all the sighing and flailing. The boy had finally admitted defeat and swung his legs over the side of the bed.

"I'm going for a walk, Al."

"Would you like me to go, too?"

Ed shook his head as he slipped on his black pants. "That's okay."

"Be careful, brother."

The older Elric grinned. "What could possibly happen during a walk?"

Al didn't want to think about it.

The hotel was far enough on the outskirts of the city to offer a quiet solitude. On its modest but adequate grounds was a small pond surrounded by sprawling oak trees. The leaves had already begun to drift from their branches, littering the dying grass with a palette of subtle colors. Ed shivered a little, feeling the shock of a cool breeze against his face. He shoved his hands in his pockets and made his way down the stone path to the pond. That's when he saw another shadow hidden among the others.

"Couldn't sleep either, hm?"

The boy kept his distance for the time being, barely sparing a glance at the figure leaning against the massive oak tree. He stood to the side, head lowered, but golden eyes guardedly raised.

"What are you doing out here?" Ed warily questioned. "I thought you'd be in the city."

The taller figure shrugged. "I decided to come back early."

Ed leaned over and found a bottle of scotch perched next to the dark boots. He shook his head, not realizing the sad sigh that escaped from his lips.

"Roy…."

The older man shook his head. "Don't worry, Ed. It's not even open."

"Not yet." The boy muttered under his breath. They were quiet for a while, both staring at the starless night. Ed finally drew in a deep sigh and briefly closed his eyes.

"You were awake."

Roy smiled. Not the subtle, smug grin that often teased his lips, but a genuine _smile_. "Mm."

Ed suddenly grinned. "_Bastard_."

The smile grew. So did the boy's confidence.

"Why are you here?"

The older man shrugged. "I like quiet nights like this."

"I meant in Liore."

The smile fell a little as the thin, dark brows lowered. "I thought I told you on the train."

"I don't believe you."

"Believe what you want, Ed." The playfulness from moments before had suddenly disappeared.

"You followed us." The younger one carefully countered. "You _always_ follow us or at least have one of your toadies do it. _Why_, Roy?"

The Colonel looked down and slid his hands into his pockets. The muted moonlight shimmered off of his dark locks.

"To protect you."

The boy huffed indignantly. "We're not kids. We don't need your protection."

"I got you into this, Ed. I have a certain…..responsibility."

Ed suddenly felt very daring. "Is that the only reason?"

A hint of that smile returned. "Would you like there to be another?"

Ed answered by walking over and positioning himself squarely in front of the older one, just inches from the rise and fall of his chest. He was close enough to catch the scent that had begun to intoxicate him, the scent that still lingered on his own red coat.

Roy slipped the glove off of his right hand before reaching up to cup the boy's face. Edward's skin burned against it, heated by his flush. The dark eyes seemed to search the golden ones, narrowing a little as if unsure of exactly what. Ed bit back a whimper as an unsteady thumb slowly stroked across his cheek. The hand slid down, gently grasping the boy's chin. Edward raised his head with the direction Roy was trying to tilt it. Then he closed his eyes and waited to feel the press of lips against his own.

The kiss was _exquisite_. Pure. Fiery. Naïve. Wanting. And utterly _exquisite_.

Ed was greedy and impatient, nipping at Roy's lips so that the man would part them. The older one could only chuckle at his eagerness, and soon enough, allowed the boy's soft tongue in to explore. Warmth pressed against warmth, gently stroking and battling. Of course, everything was _always_ a battle between them. Roy's hand slipped back into the loosened braid as the kiss deepened, weaving its fingers through the soft strands. A gentle tug earned him a muffled yelp and an even more urgent exploration of his mouth. After a few more seconds, Roy finally drew back. When Ed opened his eyes, when he looked deep into the dark ones, he was expecting them to shine.

What he found instead was sorrow.

"This can't happen, Ed." Roy quietly whispered, tucking a wayward strand of hair behind the boy's ear before dropping his hand. "That kiss was the most it could ever be."

Then he was gone, the crunching of dead leaves under his boats the only sound that echoed against Edward's ragged breaths.

TBC….


	4. Chapter 4

_**Demons and Redemption**_

_Chapter 4_

"Brother?"

Ed crossed his arms more tightly against his chest and lowered his head. He stared at the cobblestone road, halfheartedly counting each step as they made their way into town…_one hundred and nine…one hundred and ten….one hundred and eleven…._

"Yeah?"

"I just was wondering…"

…_.one hundred and twelve….one hundred and thirteen…..one hundred and fourteen…._

"Wondering what?"

….._one hundred and fifteen….one hundred and sixteen_…..

"Well….." The younger Elric clasped his metal hands together and drew his glowing eyes to the side. "It's just…."

…_.one hundred and seventeen….one hundred and eighteen…..one hundred and nineteen…._

"Just what?"

"Er…well….it's just…..I thought you wanted to go check out the prison today." Al carefully reminded. "Why are we going into town?"

Ed shrugged, trying to seem indifferent to the question. "As long as we're here, we might as well check out a few bookstores." He quietly explained.

"Oh."

…_.one hundred and twenty….one hundred and twenty-one…..one hundred and twenty-two…._

"Are you sure it's not to see the Colonel?"

"Why would I want to see that bastard?" Ed asked, a little too defensively. Al's armor creaked as he let his clunky hands fall back to his side. _…one hundred and twenty-three…._"Besides, he's probably not even here anyway."

…._one-hundred and twenty-four….one hundred and twenty-five…_ "Yes, he is, Brother. He's right across the street."

…_.one hundred and twenty—_

Ed managed to catch himself just before he ended up sprawled on the street, face down, blond braid toppled over his head, red coat covering him like a shroud. He slowly turned to where his brother was pointing, and saw a familiar uniformed man seated at a small table of a sidewalk café.

Roy looked very….relaxed. His trademark smirk was dancing on his lips, although it was softened. Ed could just catch a glimpse of the dark eyes, noticing how they shone in the afternoon light. He was chatting with a petite waitress, and the smile on her face betrayed that they were speaking about more than just his order. Ed watched in dismay as Roy suddenly gestured to the seat across from him, beckoning the young woman to sit down.

"Maybe he's just asking about the specials." Al ventured with a nervous laugh.

"And, what? They're so many of them she has to sit down just to list them all?" Ed suddenly slapped his palm against his forehead realizing he had just betrayed that he remotely _cared_ about the Colonel showing interest in the auburn-haired girl. "Besides…." He quickly added. "What do I care?"

Ed turned around and headed back the way they had just come. He felt a sharp tug on his sleeve and turned around to meet the glowing eyes.

"Brother?"

"I _said_ I don't care, Al!" The older Elric argued, his braid whipping back and forth as he furiously shook his head. "I mean, so what if she's pretty, and closer to his age, and fawning over his every word with that fake grin on her face?"

"Brother, I just—"

"And so she probably acts like everything he says is funny and laughs at his stupid jokes. Tee hee hee."

"Brother, I just want to—"

"I mean, _I _laugh at his jokes sometimes, you know, Al?" Ed continued his tirade, unabated. "Even when no one else does."

"Brother, I just wanted to say that—"

"He's probably going to pull out his gloves soon and blow up a few chairs just to impress her." Ed said, hands now on his hips as he glowered at the man. "I was impressed, too, the first time I saw it. But what does he want me to do? Have a parade in his honor every time he snaps his fingers? I've seen it already! I don't have to keep acting like it's the most amazing thing I've ever seen in my whole life every time he does it!"

"_**Brother, I just wanted to say that you're going in the wrong direction.**_" The words tumbled out of Al before Ed had a chance to continue with the reasons he couldn't care less about Roy's new friend. The older one finally drew his golden eyes over to the towering armor and lowered his brows.

"What?"

"I just wanted to tell you that you're going back to the hotel." The younger one explained. "The bookstore is on the other side of the café."

Ed looked down the street and then back towards the café, seeing the sign for the bookstore next to it. He sighed before shaking his head.

"Well, why didn't you just say so in the first place?"

Al flung his bulky arms in the air in defeat before following his brother. Ed didn't even acknowledge the man as they walked by his table, trying not to notice when the girl passed a small slip of paper across it. By the time they had perused nearly every shelf in the bookstore, Ed had almost convinced himself he didn't care.

_Almost_.

"I thought you and Al were heading for the prison today."

Ed jumped at the voice that was low and smooth in his ear, nearly dropping the book he had just purchased. He shrugged and feigned interest in its leather binding, running his fingers over each stitch.

"I wanted a new book." Ed tried to sound as uninterested in answering the man as possible, even throwing in a half-hearted shrug. "Do I have to get permission for every little thing I do now? I thought you were on your vacation which means you're not my superior officer right now, _Roy_."

The boy couldn't see the smile that briefly played on the older one's lips, but he did hear the soft chuckle.

"I'm wearing my uniform." He countered. "That means I'm still a colonel today."

"Oh? Is that how you got that waitress to go out with you?"

Ed immediately brought his hand up to cover his mouth as if this would miraculously obliterate what he had just asked. He heard another amused chuckle, this time much closer to his ear.

"I don't know, Fullmetal." Roy answered. "What matters is that she _is_."

"Well, I don't—"

A shrill scream interrupted them, and both alchemists rushed towards the door of the bookstore. Just a few feet away on the sidewalk, a shrieking woman was struggling against the two very strong arms wrapped around her.

"You're _**my**_ wife, and if I want you home, you'll damn well come home!"

The mixture of fading and fresh bruises on the side of her face revealed this was not the first time the woman had felt the brunt of her husband's wrath. Roy reached down and pulled his gloves from his pocket.

"Let her go."

The wild eyes narrowed as they focused on Roy. "This doesn't concern you, soldier."

"It's _Colonel_ to you." Roy very slowly spat back. He eyed the man as he slipped the white fabric of the glove over his right hand. "Or better yet, the Flame Alchemist."

The man was hardly impressed. "Oh, an _alchemist_?" He mocked, tightening his grip so that the woman began to choke.

"Actually, not _an_ alchemist." Ed corrected as he lunged behind the man, the automail on his arm now converging into a deadly blade. "_Two._ Of course, the Flame isn't as well-known as me—Fullmetal."

"I'm supposed to be afraid of you, peewee?"

"_**Peewee**_?" Roy sighed as he shook his head. This wasn't going to go well. "_**Peewee?**_ _**Who are you calling so short that he—**_"

"_**Fullmetal!**_" Roy held out his right hand, rubbing his thumb and middle finger together with a deliberate slowness. "I've got the situation under control."

"Listen, Roy, I'm—"

But suddenly Ed found himself the center of the inebriated and very angry man's attention. His wife was tossed a few yards away, and suddenly two massive hands were now wrapped around Ed's throat, fully encompassing it. Before Ed could even blink, there was a snap, a tell-tale hiss and then an agonizing scream. He took a huge leap back as the man's chest was fully engulfed in flames.

Ed looked down at the writhing man then at the charred book in his hand. He slowly shook his head before tossing it to the ground. Then he walked over to Roy who was now kneeling on the street trying to calm the young woman.

"You're welcome."

The older Elric glared at the man walking beside him. They were just on the outskirts of the town now, heading back to the hotel.

"I didn't thank you."

Roy grinned. "That's what I was pointing out, Fullmetal."

"He _did _help you, Brother."

"Hmff." Ed's hands curled into fists before he shoved them into the pockets of his coat. They walked a few more minutes in an uneasy silence before the boy stopped and turned to his brother.

"Al, come on."

Onyx eyes narrowed. "Where are you going?"

"It's still early. We have time to reach the prison."

But Roy shook his head. "No."

"I'm not asking, Roy." Ed hotly replied. "Why do you always think that I'm _asking_ for permission?"

"You're not going today. Wait until—"

"I _**told **_you, bastard, I am not asking for your permission!" Ed yelled, hands now free and wildly flinging in the air. "Come on, Al—we're going."

"No, you're _**not**_. You need to wait until—"

"_**Let's go, Al! NOW!**_"

Roy frowned and grabbed the collar of the boy's coat, dragging him around the corner. Ed struggled against the grip, wrestling to free himself from the older man.

"We'll be right back, Al." Roy called back.

"Yes, sir."

"What the hell are you doing?" Ed shrieked, trying in vain to get in a well-placed kick as he was slammed against a brick wall. They were in an alley now, the only ones privy to their conversation a few stray cats.

"You need to stop this, Ed."

"Stop _**what**_, bastard? Stop you from sticking your nose into _my_ business? Stop you from following me wherever I go? Stop you from meddling in the one thing that will keep me sane?"

Roy's onyx eyes widened, and Ed saw a fire he had never seen smoldering behind them. The smile from moments before had been annihilated by an expression that almost frightened the younger one.

"Stop being so insolent!" Roy fumed, shoving the boy hard against the gritty brick. "I'm trying to _**help **_you. If you had just taken the time to let me finish, I was going to tell you that the prison operates on a skeleton staff on the weekends. If you wait until tomorrow, you'll have a better chance of getting past the guards."

Ed stood stunned for a few moments before he finally lowered his head. "Oh."

The dark haired man released his grip and turned away from the younger one, shaking his head in utter frustration. A sharp silence settled between them as Ed stared at Roy, and Roy stared at the ground.

"Edward…" The Colonel quietly began. "You have nothing to prove to me. You need to stop letting a broken heart get in the way of your decisions."

"Who said I have a broken heart?"

Roy reached up and cradled his forehead. His eyes pressed so tightly closed that Ed could almost make out the tiny veins webbing across the lids.

"Ed…."

"Having a broken heart means that I cared about you in the first place, bastard." The boy acridly lied. "All I did was kiss you. I didn't profess my undying love and devotion."

The younger one couldn't gauge if the man believed him or not. After a few excruciating minutes of silence, Roy finally held out his hand.

"My mistake, Edward."

"Damn right."

The dark eyes opened but remained decisively off the younger alchemist. "I need to get ready for tonight…."

"Fine."

Roy breathed out a heavy sigh. He drew his eyes to the side, daring a glance at the fuming boy. His thin brows lowered when he saw Ed's hands were empty.

"Where's your book?" He quietly asked. "Did you drop it?"

Ed scoffed. "You _burned_ it."

"Oh." The older one cleared his throat. "Sorry."

When his apology elicited no other response, Roy shrugged and walked back into the street. Ed didn't follow until he could no longer hear the sound of the heavy black boots against the cobblestone.

XXXXX

Ed didn't return to the hotel until well after midnight. When he finally slipped his key into the door and quietly opened it, he found a pair of glowing eyes fixed on him.

"Hi, Al."

The younger Elric was standing in the corner, draped by solemn shadows.

"Hi, Brother." The response was very soft, very subdued. "I-I was worried."

Edward cleared his throat and shuffled his boot against the wooden floor. "I'm sorry."

The metal creaked as the younger one shrugged. "It's okay."

Ed started to slip out of his coat as he walked towards the bed. He opened his mouth, about to assure his brother that everything would be fine, that they would go to the prison tomorrow, that they would finally find out something about the stone, when his eyes fell on his pillow. There, placed against the soft pale cotton, was a dark leather bound book, a red silk ribbon wrapped neatly around it.

"What's that?"

"The Colonel left it a little while ago." Al quietly answered. "I….I think he wanted to see if you had come back yet."

"Oh." Ed closed his eyes for a few seconds before turning back to the door.

"You should probably let him know you're okay, Brother." Al gingerly suggested. "He seemed worried."

Ed scoffed. "I doubt it."

"Brother…."

It took the younger Elric a few more minutes before he finally convinced his brother to at least go and thank the Colonel for the book. When his knock went unanswered, Ed decided to turn around and head right back to his room. But then, as if on cue, the whir of a lock clicking and freeing itself from its mechanism echoed into the air, and the door slowly opened.

"Edward."

"Can I come in?"

Roy narrowed his eyes for a moment before finally stepping aside. Ed dared a glance at him as he passed, noticing that he was dressed in civilian clothes. He had on a pair of neatly pressed black pants, their matching jacket draped over the side of a chair. His white shirt was starched, its top two buttons undone and offering the boy a glimpse of the smooth skin and collarbone that were usually hidden by a constricting uniform.

"What do you want?"

Ed shrugged and focused on an imaginary spot on the floor. "Thanks."

"You're welcome."

The boy stayed quiet, raising his eyes to study the small room. Roy's suitcase was propped in the corner, and other than the jacket, nothing was out of place. The smooth blanket draped over the bed had only a few wrinkles on the edge, most likely where Roy had been sitting just moments ago. Like the man's bedroom in his home, it was void of anything personal, anything that was uniquely Roy. A sudden clearing of a throat interrupted the boy's thoughts.

"Was there something else?"

Ed drew in a very deep breath. "I want to know why."

"Why what?"

Ed let the breath escape into an exasperated sigh as a sign that the older one shouldn't have to ask. But whether he was truly clueless or just wanting the boy to say it, Roy wasn't going to answer the question unless Ed explained himself.

"Why can't it happen?" The younger one finally finished.

Only the silence answered him.

"_**Why**_?"

Roy sighed. Which answer should he tell the boy? That it was wholly inappropriate for an officer to have this kind of relationship with his subordinate? That it was even more egregious because that subordinate was only a teenager with no parent to protect him from those with such predatory thoughts? Or would the boy believe the more bitter truth—that Roy couldn't allow _anything_ to interfere with his ultimate goal to rise in the ranks and atone for all he had done? Even as the answers battled each other in the man's mind, a darker truth gradually emerged.

_I don't deserve him_. _I don't deserve __**this**__. I don't deserve the right to look into those eyes and see anything but resentment and rage and __**hate**_.

So many answers, but not a single word could bring itself to pass his lips. Roy finally just offered a shrug and shook his head.

"So you don't even have a reason?" Ed ventured, Roy's silence deceiving him into thinking he had a chance. "Are you that much of a coward?"

It was the second time the boy had called him that. The onyx eyes flared as the word slipped into his ears. His jaw tightened as he took a step closer. "_**A**_reason?" Roy repeated, shaking his head again. "No."

But Ed didn't back down. "You're a coward."

Roy felt his face burning. He took a step closer to the boy but said absolutely nothing.

"Didn't you hear me?" The younger one taunted. "I said that you're a—"

"Go back to your room, Fullmetal."

However, Ed hadn't gotten to where he was in his young life by doing what he was told. And he wasn't going to get what he wanted by following orders. Al's body, the completion of his own, and now Roy were all challenges that he was not going to lose. If there was one thing that lit the fire that burned deep in his soul, it was determination.

Ed suddenly reached out with his automail hand and grabbed a hold of Roy's crisp collar, yanking the man forward. For a brief moment, the older one lost his balance and thrust out his arm to keep from toppling into Ed. His hand landed against the wall just inches from the blond head, and he found himself staring down into the boy's fiery eyes.

"Ed—"

But this time, Roy would be the one who was interrupted, and it wouldn't be with a simple dismissal. Ed had leaned up, balanced on his toes, and captured his superior's lips with his own. At first, Roy tried to pull back and break the kiss, but the metal fingers grasped tighter, pulled harder on his starched shirt. He eventually yielded and began to kiss back, forcing open the younger one's lips to explore.

Ed was unaware of the quiet whimper that escaped at the press of Roy's tongue against his own. It was now the second time he had felt such an intimacy with the man, and he was beginning to like the electricity that passed between them through its connection. He was vaguely aware of a rustling next to him before he felt a hand on his neck and the gentle stroking of a thumb against the hollow of his throat. Roy pushed deeper inside with his tongue, and Ed could feel the fingers around his throat tighten a little, almost like a message to him. _I'm still stronger than you, Fullmetal_. Ed smiled into the kiss and allowed the man to think he was in control.

The older one finally pulled back, but before Ed could protest, he felt the hand around his neck slide up. The fingers pushed and forced his head to tilt, allowing Roy's lips access to the tender throat. They trailed kisses along the jaw line, under his chin, and finally down to the top of his collarbone. Ed softly moaned at each one, at each swirl of a well-practiced tongue followed by the gentle press of soft lips. He closed his eyes and allowed a deep sigh to escape, practically melting into the wall. He didn't feel the shift of Roy's hands or realize they had wrapped around his own until he felt them being slammed against the wall above his head.

"Roy?"

The question was breathless, almost fearful. But the older one only smiled before slowly dropping to his knees. The strong hands left their grip on Ed's, which the boy didn't seem to realize at all. He kept them against the wall, barely aware of the fingers caressing his sides because he was too focused on the lips hovering above his belt. Roy teased him as he tugged on the belt of the black pants, urging the smaller frame away from the wall a little. Then he raised his dark eyes and watched the younger one's reaction as he ghosted his hand over the obvious bulge in front of him.

Ed's eyes were closed now, and his lips were slightly parted. He was biting down hard on the bottom one, as if the pain reminded him that he was there and this was real. Roy chuckled to himself at the sight of the boy before he leaned forward and pressed a kiss against the hardness constrained by the silver zipper.

A low hiss escaped from the younger one that almost sounded like Roy's name. The invisible fetters around Ed's hands suddenly disappeared and he lowered them, seeking the shining raven locks brushing against his belt. Roy felt the fingers of flesh and metal entwine themselves in his hair and pull hard, urging him to go further. As he reached up to unbuckle the heavy belt, three barely discernable words slipped from the younger one's lips.

"_I do care…._"

Roy froze, feeling the urgent tugging of his hair and listening to the low, ragged breaths of his young subordinate.

Then he pulled back.

"What….?"

Ed opened his eyes and looked down, wondering why the man had stopped. He had no idea what he had whispered, no idea that his heart had betrayed him. He watched as the older one unsteadily rose to his feet.

"Roy….?"

The man shook his head. "No_._" He whispered hollowly. "_No, no, no, no, no_."

"_No_ what?" Ed asked incredulously. Here he was against a wall in Roy's hotel room with a very uncomfortable ache between his legs which had just been unceremoniously abandoned.

Roy shakily walked over to his chair and grabbed his discarded jacket. Ed just shook his head in absolute disbelief.

"How can you—"

"Go back to your room, Edward." The man mumbled as he struggled to slip his arm through the dark sleeve. He left without looking to see if the boy was following his order.

Ed listened to the door slam before he slid down to the floor and buried his face in his hands.

TBC….


	5. Chapter 5

_**Demons and Redemption**_

_Chapter 5_

There was a bitter chill in the air that the morning sun could not warm. Ed shuddered a little before wrapping his coat more tightly around his small frame. He had been uncharacteristically quiet all morning, worrying his younger brother. His usually ravenous appetite had disappeared, and as much as Al had tried to cajole him into eating more at breakfast, he simply shrugged and continued to pick at the raisons on top of his pastry.

"The prison should be just over that hill."

Ed nodded, briefly raising his eyes to see for himself. They had been walking for almost an hour, most of which was in silence. Al had tried to prod a little into what had happened the night before, but had quickly given up and instead chatted about the weather and the scattered shacks along the countryside. Although he was the _younger_ Elric, Alphonse was hardly naïve to the tension between his brother and the Colonel. He had steadily watched over the past few months as the scorn that echoed in his brother's eyes slowly turned into something else. And he had watched as the care that Roy had tried to hide behind his dark eyes deepened.

"The bastard was right—look Al, there aren't even any guards at the gates."

The large building was surrounded by a formidable looking fence, but the small stations along its north and south sides were abandoned. They easily slipped onto the prison grounds, but realized actually getting into building itself might prove more difficult.

"Brother?"

Ed was standing, black boots spread apart and hands planted firmly on his hips, peering up at the roof.

"That's it, Al."

"What is?"

The blond pointed to a partially obscured air vent. "That." He said, shrugging out of his heavy red coat. "Boost me?"

"Brother…..are you sure this is a good idea?"

Ed shrugged. "How else are we going to talk to him?"

The younger Elric knew better than to argue and leaned down to help the blond climb onto the window ledge. Soon Ed had scampered up to the roof, and Al watched as two golden eyes peered down at him.

"You should go down by the road and wait, okay, Al?"

The cumbersome armored-head nodded. "Be careful, Brother."

A lopsided grin was the younger one's answer.

The long, metal air duct was just large enough for the determined alchemist to slide into and slowly maneuver down. It took almost half an hour for the boy to find the warden's office, drawn there by the voices and clicking of a typewriter.

Ed narrowed his eyes and looked through the slats of the small vent in the upper wall of the office, hoping to sneak in and find out which cell held the prisoner. Much to his dismay, he found the office occupied.

"The Warden should be with you shortly, Mr…..?"

"It's Colonel, ma'am." A familiar, smooth voice answered.

The young woman smiled, standing a little too close to the uniformed man for Ed's liking, before she finally left. Ed strained to see just what folders the white gloves were sifting through before the warden and two guards entered the room.

"I wasn't aware that Central was sending someone to check on our facility, Colonel…..?"

"Mustang."

"Yes, Colonel Mustang." The slightly balding man pressed his thin lips together for a moment as he peered at Roy over the rims of his small, round glasses. "As I was saying, we hadn't received official notice that you would be here."

Darks eyes flashed as a hint of Roy's trademark smirk teased his lips. "Oh, this isn't an official visit." He offhandedly explained with a wave of his hand. He settled in a chair that left his back to Ed and crossed one leg over the other. His hands clasped neatly together and rested lightly on his knee. "Since the city has been the target of a couple of recent uprisings, I thought I'd check on things while I was passing through. I have a habit of showing up unexpectedly."

Ed fought to suppress a snort.

"Well, during both recent…._episodes_….the prison remained unaffected." The warden edgily assured. "There's no cause for concern."

"So all of the prisoners are accounted for and in their cells?" Ed watched as Roy lifted his gloved hand and reached behind his neck, gently rubbing it. A seemingly casual gesture. But then two fingers straightened and tapped against the dark locks. Golden eyes narrowed, studying how a third finger was added and tapped. Then they pointed up before the hand retreated and returned to its original position on the man's knee. Ed smiled, understanding. _Cell twenty-three, upstairs_.

"Of course they are, Colonel Mustang."

"Then you won't mind if I see for myself?" Roy asked, rising to his feet.

The two guards standing behind the warden immediately stepped forward, hands tensed and ready to move to their holsters in a heartbeat. Roy didn't flinch, but instead dropped his right hand to his side, tapping his middle finger and thumb together.

"Is that really _necessary_, Colonel?"

Shining eyes narrowed, studying the fake grin plastered across the older man's face. Roy could have easily taken out the man, the guards, and half the prison with a single snap. But somewhere in that prison, crawling through a moldy air duct to the second floor, was a certain blond with fiery golden eyes and soft lips that Roy didn't want to be part of the collateral damage.

Roy cleared his throat. "No, I suppose it's not."

The warden nodded. "Well, we appreciate Central's concern, but everything is under control here." The man dryly replied. "Now, why don't I walk you out?"

XXXXX

"Al!"

There wasn't much for a bulky suit of armor to blend in with along the quiet countryside, but Al had slipped behind a large cart as he waited patiently for his brother. He had been watching the small brown speckled birds perched on the tips of his metal toes until the excited yell had scattered them back into the clear sky.

"Brother, did you find him?"

Ed shook his head, but the scowl his brother expected on his face from yet another setback wasn't there. Al carefully rose to his feet and looked down at the blond.

"Were there too many guards around?"

Another shake was Al's answer. By the flash in the golden eyes, the younger one knew he must have found out something.

"There weren't _any_ guards, Al." Ed said, trying to catch his breath. He had been running since his black boots hit the ground, hurrying to tell his brother what he had found. Or more precisely, what he _hadn't_ found.

"No guards?"

"Only the ones with the warden. But there were none inside the actual prison, Al. _None_."

"But what kind of prison has no guards?"

Ed grinned as he crossed his arms over his chest. "One with no prisoners."

"What?"

The blond braid shook back and forth in the cool wind. "Every cell was empty, Al." He explained. "This prison was supposed to hold some of the most notorious criminals in the state, but I couldn't find any evidence that they were there. There were just boxes of food stacked in the kitchen rotting, Al. My guess is that they haven't had prisoners for a long time. That means we're onto something here."

"What now, Brother?"

Blond eyebrows furrowed in thought. "We need to get back to that records room in Central. Check out the other prisons. Maybe we can find a clue there." The boy nodded his head in the direction of the town. "As soon as Mustang comes out, we'll head back to town and check out the train schedules for tomorrow."

"The Colonel left already."

Ed swung around, unaware of the surprise that flashed behind his eyes. "When?"

"About an hour ago." Al patiently answered. "He said that you were inside the prison, and that he knew you had everything under control."

The shorter one drew back, his eyebrows lowered in disbelief. "He said that?"

"Yes."

"The bastard actually _said _that I had everything under control?"

Al's eyes glowed brightly against the warming sun. "Yes, Brother." Al couldn't hide the smile in his voice. "He said he had confidence in you, and that he knew you would get what we needed."

Edward straightened his shoulders a little and puffed out his chest as a wry grin spread across his lips. "Well, I guess…..I guess I should thank him for his help. He's back at the hotel?"

Al drew back. "Uh…..not exactly, Brother."

The golden eyes narrowed. "Well, where is he?"

"He said he was leaving for Central."

Ed turned, brows lowered, smile slipping from his lips. "Today?"

The sound of metal creaking as Al nodded briefly overtook the squawking birds nearby. The older Elric immediately tried to quell the disappointment in his face, and offered his brother a forced shrug.

"Well, good." He said, one eye narrowed and focused on Al to gauge if he was believing him. "Now we can finally enjoy ourselves. Hell, we can actually have some fun tonight and go back to Central in the morning. How about it, Al?"

There was a definite smile sparkling behind the white glow of the younger one's eyes. "Whatever you want, Brother."

Ed nodded twice, trying to seem very sure of his decision. Al noted how he didn't smile once at all that night, even when the waiter that had offered him the children's menu had slipped and fallen on his way to the kitchen.

XXXXX

The Elrics had been back in Central for almost a week now. Ed had avoided Headquarters as much as he could, slipping in to drop off his reports when he knew Roy was not in the office. Al had run into the Colonel a few times, and had politely answered his questions. He noticed how the man tried to seem nonchalant when he had asked about Ed. Al also noticed it was the same way that Ed acted when he debriefed him after those conversations.

Ed had decided it was safe enough to slip back into the records room at headquarters. Al had surprised him by suggesting that it might be easier for him to go on his own, that he had some reading he wanted to finish anyway. Of course, what he didn't tell his brother was that he knew Roy would be the only one working late that night.

A sudden rustling followed by the creaking of a door in the distance caught the Flame Alchemist's attention. He decided he had spent enough time catching up on the endless stacks of documents that needed his perusal and signatures for now. By the time he finished the last paper and grabbed his heavy gray jacket, the noise down the hall had disappeared.

Roy could see the glow of a dull light from under the door to the records room. He drew in a deep sigh, knowing just whom he would find, but not knowing just what he would say. Of course, that point was moot as soon as the young man pushed opened the door and found the curled figure softly snoring in the corner.

"Ed."

Roy slowly fell to his knees and looked down at the figure slumbering beside him. Ed was curled up on his side, his hands pressed together and slipped under his cheek as a makeshift pillow against the hardwood floor. His knees were bent and tucked against his chest, making him look even smaller than he was. A low, gravelly snore would escape now and then, causing an unrealized smile to brush across Roy's lips.

"_Ed_."

A subtle shiver ran through the boy, and his eyelids twitched a little. But then another snore escaped, and the small chest rose and fell in a rhythmic pattern. Roy reached over and brushed a wayward strand of hair from the cool forehead. Then he reached out and gently shook the sleeping boy's shoulder.

"Edward."

An automail hand briefly shifted, swatting at the annoyance as if it were a persistent fly, before it slipped back under Ed's face. Roy leaned a little closer.

"Fullmetal."

This time a quiet snore and the nestling of the blond locks further against the warm hands were the older one's answer. Roy lowered his thin eyebrows, still unsure whether or not the smaller alchemist was actually sleeping. A sudden grin found its way to the pursed lips as the perfect way to test that fact crossed Roy's mind. He carefully placed his hands on either side of the blond head and leaned down, his lips by the exposed ear.

"_Shrimp_."

Nothing, not even a twitch. Ed was definitely sleeping. Roy's grin grew.

"You know, I almost walked right by you." The older one began, tenderly ghosting his fingertips along the loosened braid. "You're so small, that book on the floor nearly hid you."

This time, only the tiniest of a hitched breath escaped. The older one was now fully convinced that the boy was deep in an abyss of dreams, or else he would have found himself at the pointed end of a bladed automail arm for using such insults. He settled more comfortably on the worn slates of the hardwood floor and stared down at the snoozing alchemist.

He looked almost serene in his sleep. _Almost_. The burdens of his young life still seemed to weigh heavily upon his shoulders, but a certain calmness had settled on his face. Roy was still leaning over the curled frame, his hand now planted against the floor just beside Ed's waist. His other hand hovered over the boy's face, as if he wanted to touch him, but just couldn't bring himself to do it. Roy smiled to himself, shaking his head. When would he ever get another opportunity like this?

The hand lowered and fingertips lightly traced along the golden eyebrows now furrowed in what Roy imagined was probably an unpleasant dream. A slight frown brushed across the older one's lips as he wondered what was plaguing the boy in his sleep. The fingertips then ran along the sweep of the long lashes, before following the curve of the small nose. Roy leaned down and captured the slightly parted lips with his own before tracing them and letting his hand fall to the floor.

Ed twitched, shifting a little in his sleep. Roy froze, his mind racing for an explanation as to why he might be crouched over his subordinate in a dark closet, his face hovering inches from the boy's, but luckily, it wouldn't be necessary. Ed simply sighed and stilled once again.

"_Ed…._" Roy shook his head as he pressed a kiss to the soft outer shell of the boy's ear. "I…..I'm sorry."

The dark haired alchemist then slipped his hand over Edward's smaller one, lacing their fingers together. He spent nearly an hour watching the boy sleep before covering him with his wool coat and finally heading out into the bitter winter night.

XXXXX

"Bastard."

Roy was alone in his office. He was sitting very still, a piece of paper propped in his hand, as the morning sun bathed his desk in its soft glow. He drew in a deep breath but didn't raise his shining eyes to acknowledge the smaller alchemist now standing in front of his desk.

"Fullmetal." He finally said after clearing his throat. His eyes remained fixed on the typed letters before him. "How was your trip?"

"Great…after _you_ left."

Roy graced the boy with a brief glance. "Is there some reason you're here before noon?"

"Yeah." Ed plunked the heavy wool coat on the man's desk, scattering a pile of papers to the floor below. "Somehow your coat found its way on me."

Roy continued to feign concentration on the document in his hand. The only sign that he was even remotely listening to the younger one was a slightly raised eyebrow.

"Did it?"

"Obviously, bastard." Ed retorted, golden eyes narrowed. "How else would I have it?"

The thin eyebrow lowered and Roy's lips briefly turned into a frown. "Well, Fullmetal…." He quietly answered. "I have heard of a few recent sightings of flying coats here in Central. Seems they get lonely and search for company."

The golden eyes narrowed, but the boy's mischievous grin stayed in place. "Thanks for your help finding the right prison cell." He quietly said. "How did you know I was up in the vent?"

Roy's infamous smirk briefly made an appearance. "Easy, Fullmetal." He replied, his eyes still decidedly off of the boy. "It was the perfect hideout for someone as small as you."

The older one was expecting a full-out tirade, complete with transmutations, four-letter words, and flailing limbs, but all he got was a slow nod. He finally raised his onyx eyes, watching as Ed turned and headed for the door.

"Oh, and, Roy?"

"Hm?"

Ed turned his head a little, making sure the man could see the grin that was dancing on his lips.

"What exactly are you sorry for?"

The paper finally slipped from the gloved hand, and Ed turned enough to see the dark eyes wide with an utter shock. Ed's grin grew. For once, he finally had the bastard.

"_Damn_."

The golden eyes shone brightly as they bored into the darker ones. They said so much to the man who was shaking his head in disbelief.

_I know I have a chance now, Roy. I know you just want to protect me….._

_I know your determination is weakening. _

_**I know if I keep trying, I can have you, Roy**_.

The older one closed his eyes, listening to the rattling of the heavy door as it slammed closed.

"_**Damn**_."

TBC….

**A/N: Thanks so much for the feedback from previous and new reviewers! It's nice to know there is still interest in this fic. :)**


	6. Chapter 6

_**Demons and Redemption**_

_Chapter 6_

"Colonel."

The quiet address and clearing of his throat had elicited no response for Havoc. The tall man tried again, this time shifting a little closer to the solid oak desk.

"_Colonel_."

Again, nothing. The lowered slate-colored eyes echoed a hollowness that betrayed Roy's mind was miles from the sun-bathed office.

"_**Colonel**_."

Roy suddenly lowered the paper that was in his hand and acknowledged the man standing across from him. "Hm?"

"Sir….you've been staring at the same paper for the past forty-five minutes."

The senior officer shrugged. "It's an important document, Havoc."

"Uh….sir, it's just that…..well, they're only three sentences written on it."

A slight frown turned down Roy's lips. "Well, these three sentences are very important."

Havoc tapped his fingers against the edge of the desk. "Sir…..they're directions to my date's house tonight." He gingerly informed. "They accidentally got mixed into the expense reports Lieutenant Hawkeye needed you to sign an hour ago."

Roy drew back and narrowed his eyes, feigning deep concentration on the elegantly written words. "Yes, well…..I just wanted to make sure you knew how to get there."

"Well, I—"

"Good." Roy said with a sharp nod. Before Havoc could draw another breath, the paper fell to the desk, a gloved hand raised and the sound of the friction of a snap filled the air. There was a brief hiss, then the paper was destroyed instantaneously. "Then you won't be needing those."

Havoc's cigarette tumbled to the floor when his jaw dropped in horror. "Uh, Colonel—"

"Has Fullmetal been in today?"

It had been three days since the flashing-eyed alchemist had taken a large leap ahead of Roy in their increasingly reckless game of one-upmanship. The older one had been mentally berating himself ever since, unable to fully accept that he had let his guard down and been beaten by the boy. At the same time, he had to admit to himself that he was impressed by how well Ed had fooled him. Roy mused at the possibility that the younger alchemist was _actually_ maturing. Ed was a conundrum to him, sometimes seeming no more than pure fire housed in a small body. He carried the weight of the world on his shoulders, hurled from a mostly carefree childhood into the world of a state alchemist before he was even a teen. Yet, even though he had been forced to grow up virtually overnight, committing himself to this quest for Al's body and the rest of his own, he still acted with the rashness of a child's mind. As much as he was impressed by Ed's sudden maturity, the fact that he had tempered his usual feistiness just for Roy scared the man. It told him that Ed was serious about pursuing him, that he would not give up until he got what he wanted. Roy sighed, suddenly realizing he hadn't gotten an answer.

"Havoc?"

But the light-haired man was too busy trying to sift through the small pile of ashes, mumbling about how Roy always ruined any chance he had with actually finding a girlfriend. The higher-ranking man shrugged before picking up another sheet of paper.

XXXXX

"Find anything yet, Al?"

The boys were sitting on the floor in their room, meticulously combing through a few newly procured record books from Headquarters. Al was propped against the wall, quietly sifting through page after page of names. Ed was on his stomach, legs bent and swinging in the air. There was an empty porcelain plate to his left and a pile of apple cores to his right, threatening to topple over and onto him at any minute. Al raised his glowing white eyes and looked at his older brother, studying how he had his chin resting on the palm of his hand and his golden eyes narrowed in fierce concentration.

"Well, I've seen his name mentioned once, but nothing else. How about you, Brother?"

Ed shrugged. "Same thing. _Augustus Lapis: April 15 though September 13, 1915_. Not a very long prison sentence if you ask me."

"Wait….what prison is that?"

Ed sighed as he slammed the book closed and shoved it off to the side. It narrowly missed the leaning tower of the bitter apple cores.

"East City" The older Elric replied as he reached for another book. "Why?"

"It says right here that Augustus Lapis was in the prison in Youswell from January of 1915 to February of 1916."

Golden eyebrows furrowed. "How can he be in two prisons at once?"

"I don't know. Maybe it's a mistake?"

"I don't think so." The blond braid slowly shook back and forth. "But there's definitely something going on here. I wish I knew why he was mentioned in Dr. Marcoh's notes in the first place, but we won't know that until we find him."

"Are we going to visit these other prisons?"

Ed opened his mouth to answer, but a horrendous yawn quickly overtook it. "We don't have a choice." He finally replied. "It's the only lead we have, Al."

"We should keep looking through the records, though. He might be listed somewhere else, too."

The older one nodded in agreement. "Are we out of apples?" He asked, flipping open his new book. "I only ate one or two."

Al stared at his brother incredulously. "Uh, Brother—"

But a quiet gasp interrupted him. He watched curiously as Ed examined a piece of paper that had slipped out from the back of the book.

"What is it, Brother?"

_We need to talk._

—_Mustang _

Ed could feel the blood rushing to his cheeks as he shoved the note in his pocket. "Nothing." The short alchemist jumped to his feet and brushed the dust from his coat. "I….I should go to Headquarters to see if there are any more prison logs in the records room."

Al lowered his head, pretending to be absorbed in studying the book clutched in his metal hands. He had a feeling the paper had something to do with a certain raven-haired colonel. "It's probably better if I stay here and look through the ones we have."

When Al drew his eyes up, waiting for a response, he found that he was already alone.

XXXXX

"What do you want, bastard?"

It was getting late, almost seven o'clock. Roy should have left by now, but was lingering in his office, unable to admit to himself just why he was still there. He had been standing at his window, staring into the darkening night sky when the self-assured voice reached his ears. Roy had to fight hard to suppress the smile threatening to betray itself. He kept his back to the shorter alchemist, but briefly raised his eyes to catch his reflection in the window.

"It took you long enough to find that note."

Ed tried to put his best _I don't really give a damn_ expression on his face. "Hmph."

Roy lowered his head a little. "You really shouldn't be taking those books out of the records room." He quietly warned. "Someone other than me is bound to find out."

The golden eyes narrowed. "Is that why you wanted to talk to me?" He shook his head, refusing to admit to himself the disappointment that briefly twisted in the pit of his stomach when Roy nodded. "You know, you haven't even asked what I found out from that prisoner."

"Not my concern, Fullmetal."

"Oh." Ed crossed his arms over his chest and flashed the man a grin, knowing the dark eyes were now watching him through the reflection. "So you followed us to Liore on your supposed vacation, beat me to the prison, and looked up the cell number for me for something that wasn't your concern."

Roy shifted one of the hands that had been clasped behind his back and slid it into his pocket. "Is there something else?" He quietly asked. "I'm going to be late picking up my date."

"I didn't get the chance to talk to the prisoner."

Roy stayed quiet for a few moments before finally clearing his throat. "No, I suppose you didn't." He replied. "It's hard to have a conversation with someone who isn't there."

A soft gasp of realization reached the older one's ears. "You _knew_." Ed lashed out in disbelief. "You knew that it didn't have any prisoners! Why didn't you just tell me instead of letting me crawl through that disgusting air vent for over an hour?"

Roy finally turned. He leaned down and pulled his coat from where it had been draped over his chair. "You seemed to be enjoying yourself." He said with a piercing smirk. "Now….if you'll excuse me, I have a beautiful woman waiting for me, Fullmetal."

"Where are they?"

The older one was halfway to the door. "Who?"

"You know damn well who." Ed snapped. "The prisoners."

The raven-haired man shrugged. "I don't know." He honestly replied.

"Don't you care? That prison in Liore should have had over two hundred inmates! They could be roaming the countryside committing more crimes. You're a soldier—aren't you supposed to keep people safe? Isn't it your job to protect them?"

A sudden sorrow flashed through the dark eyes before Roy closed them. He was standing just a few feet from the boy now, but had yet to look at him. He was quiet for a few moments before finally sighing.

"I'm going to be late."

"Why did you _really_ want to see me?"

Roy paused, hand stopped midway through its journey to the brass doorknob. His throat suddenly felt very dry, and he swallowed a few times to find his voice again.

"Edward…..you need to forget about what happened in Liore."

"Oh….I see." The younger one acridly replied. "You think I _want_ to remember just how you left me in your hotel room?"

The onyx eyes slowly closed. "No, Edward." Roy whispered as he opened the door. "And neither do I."

Ed could only watch in silence as the man left him yet again.

XXXXX

The moonlight bathed everything in the immaculate den with a dull, gray sheen as it slipped in through the sheer curtains. Roy was lying on his couch, still clad in his uniform. His hands were clasped over his chest as he drew in slow, rhythmic breaths. He was hovering halfway between his dreams and consciousness, yanked from the brim of sleep each time he reached it by his cruel, relentless memories. The soft tapping against his front door registered somewhere in his exhausted mind, but he didn't move. It wasn't until that tapping escalated into a persistent and loud knocking that the man finally drew in a deep breath and swung his legs over the edge of the couch.

"Edward, it's after midnight."

Roy had some idea of just who would be at his house that late, and he knew it could only lead to disaster, but he still found himself opening the door and staring down into those daring, golden eyes.

"I know what time it is, bastard."

Roy sighed. "What do you want?"

"I need to ask you about a couple of things Al and I found in the prison records."

"Then ask me tomorrow."

Ed flashed a very bright grin. "It _is_ tomorrow."

"Ask me at _Headquarters_." Roy emphasized, closing the door. A heavy black boot suddenly slid in between the edge of the door and its frame, preventing the contact. "Ed…."

But the boy was hardly deterred. He easily slid by the taller man and into the house. Roy shook his head in defeat before turning to face him.

"You wear your uniform on dates?" Ed asked, eyeing the exhausted man.

"Is that what you wanted to ask me?"

Ed shook his head and walked from the entry hall into the den, smiling to himself when he heard the front door closing behind him.

"Edward…."

The boy swung around, finding that Roy was suddenly very close to him now. He slowly drew his eyes up, falling deeply into the dark ones now focused solely on him.

"I meant what I said before." Roy quietly reiterated. "You need to forget what happened."

"Do you want to forget?"

The older alchemist made the mistake of hesitating. The look in the golden eyes betrayed that Ed thought he was actually gaining ground with the man, and that was the last thing Roy wanted him to believe. Before he could open his mouth to answer, he felt the press of urgent lips against his own, pulling him into a deep kiss. Roy grabbed the boy's wrists and spun him around towards the wall. Ed soon found himself against the wall, arms pinned above his head.

"I've fallen for you." Ed blurted out, unaware of just how bright red his cheeks now were. He closed his eyes for a brief moment, not seeing how Roy looked as if someone had just punched him hard in the stomach.

"Please, Ed." Roy pleaded, shaking his head. "You can't—"

"I _know_ you feel the same about me." Ed squirmed enough to free one hand, immediately dropping it to the front of the man's uniform. "I _know_, Roy."

The fingers slipped underneath the perfectly tailored jacket, finding a teasing hold on the waist of the pants. They shifted and gently tugged on the flap that hid the silver zipper before slowly sliding it down.

"Ed—"

The harsh, inexperienced press of lips against his own in a crushing kiss stopped his argument before it began. Ed smiled as Roy began to kiss back, feeling his lips spread open with a sudden urgency. The boy's hand then slid into the opening of the blue pants, eliciting a gasp as they finally found the hardness they were seeking.

"I know you care about me." Ed murmured, letting his fingers caress the throbbing erection that the soft boxers could barely contain. He was growing hard himself at the quiet groans that were slipping from Roy's lips into his own.

"You covered me with your coat when you thought I was cold."

The boy's fingers hesitated in an uncharacteristic shyness before finally slipping through the cotton opening of the striped boxers. A louder groan hissed from low in Roy's throat as fingertips began tenderly sifting through his soft, dark curls.

"You held my hand when you thought I was having a nightmare."

Ed relished in the shudder he caused to run through the older man's frame as his fingers finally wrapped around their prize.

"You kissed me and told me that you were sorry."

The boy's hand slowly slid down the impressive length, feeling just how much it was throbbing in his grip. Roy's breath hitched in his throat as his hips involuntarily bucked forward. The man's breaths became shallow, and the tiniest of moans began to seep from deep in his throat. Ed raised his eyes and watched the way Roy bit down on his lower lip, studying the way he squeezed his eyes shut and the way his jaw tensed with each escaped sound. He savored knowing these intimate details about the man who was somewhat of an enigma to him. A man who had been an elusive but persistent figure in his life for almost four years. Here, now, in the quiet stillness of a moonlit room, Ed was learning the mannerisms of Roy that only few saw. That only his _lovers_ saw.

"And now I know just what for, Roy." The fingers tightened their grip and began to find a steady rhythm, slipping up and down the pulsing heat. Ed whimpered when he felt fingers thread through his braid, pulling on it greedily. "I know you're sorry for hurting me."

Ed kissed hard, and this time was the one seeking the electric touch of the other's tongue. His automail hand dropped, finding a grip on Roy's straight hip, urging it in its thrusts. The boy broke the kiss and leaned forward, burying his head against the older one's strong chest. He pressed his cheek to the furiously beating heart.

"I think you might even love me."

The words murmured against his breastbone pushed the older alchemist over the edge. His control now vanquished with those seven simple words, Roy held his breath and came hard in the boy's hand.

Ed shivered at the feel of it. "_Roy…._"

That one whimpered word, his whimpered _name_, brutally flung Roy back from the brink of ecstasy. Heknew it was now or never. He knew one more kiss could doom him and the boy he was fighting so hard to keep from danger, from the harm that seemed to steal everyone close to him. An iron grip suddenly came down on the exploring hand, yanking it from the pants and slamming it hard against the wall.

"You're _wrong_, Ed."

The mixture of fear and confusion that tempered the desire in the golden eyes was heartbreaking.

"But….." Ed blushed very hard, now unsure of every word, of every touch he had given this man. Roy knew this was his chance.

"Don't you get it? You're only a boy. Nothing more than a kid. I don't want to be in a relationship with you. And I sure as hell don't love you." Roy dropped his hand from the disheveled braid and slid his finger under the smaller one's chin. He slowly lifted it to make sure the fiery eyes were focused solely on his own when he spat out his next lie. It was the only way he knew he could get Ed to believe him. "I only want to fuck you."

Ed's jaw tightened as he fought to keep his gaze with the onyx eyes. Roy could tell by the way the boy was searching them that he was fighting to figure out if the proclamation was the truth. The sudden flash in the golden eyes showed the older one that Ed didn't believe him.

"Then fuck me." The boy taunted, greatly daring. "If that's all you want me for."

Roy shook his head and reached down to pull up his zipper. He knew this was his opening, this was the way to make sure the boy walked out of that house and never looked back. He closed his eyes and drew in a shaky breath. "With half a body, that's the only use you'd be to me." He whispered, his voice suddenly very void. "And you thought I _loved_ you? I've never heard of anything more pathetic, Ed."

The low, hurt moan that escaped the Ed's lips was haunting. Roy squeezed his eyelids so tight that they burned, trying in vain to block out the agony he knew was emanating from the younger alchemist. He could see in his mind the fire dying in the golden eyes with that one moan, knowing that he was the one that had extinguished it.

And he _hated_ himself for it.

"_Ed_—"

The near inaudible plea was cut short by a sudden sharp blow that hit Roy hard across his jaw. He felt his tall frame being shoved back and stumbled to regain his balance. Two more punches followed, hot against his already stinging skin. Then there was absolute silence.

"I _**hate**_ you."

Roy waited until the unsteady footsteps receded and his front door slammed shut before he reached up to rub his burning jaw.

"Good." He whispered to his empty house. "I need you to, Ed."

He was unaware of the tears stinging against his onyx eyes.

"It's the only way I can protect you."

TBC….


	7. Chapter 7

_**Demons and Redemption**_

_Chapter 7_

"Colonel?"

Roy was vaguely aware of the quiet, concerned voice behind him. He was sitting at his desk, but the uncomfortable chair was turned around so that he could gaze out of the window. The sky had darkened considerably over the past few hours, its normal bright blue concealed by threatening storm clouds.

"Yes?"

"Is everything alright?"

The raven-haired man breathed out a heavy sigh before turning around and greeting the brown eyes focused on him. A sudden flash of lightning lit up the sky behind him, surrounding his silhouette with a brief, white glow.

"Of course."

But Riza was hardly convinced. She pressed her lips together for a few moments, scrutinizing every detail of the haggard face. There was a concern that echoed in her soft eyes, as deep as that which filled the onyx ones that momentarily met them. Of course, the object of her concern was sitting a few feet in front of her, while Roy's was miles away. The only similarity was that neither wanted to be helped. Ed would deny Roy's help as much as Roy would deny Riza's. It was an irony that the Colonel missed, but one his lieutenant sadly realized.

"It's just that you seem a little…. preoccupied."

Roy shrugged. "I have a lot of paperwork."

"You're worried."

The Flame Alchemist scoffed. "_Nothing_ worries me, Lieutenant."

The soft frown that passed over the young woman's lips betrayed that she thought otherwise. It also betrayed that she knew exactly what that _nothing_ was.

"You haven't asked about the Elric brothers yet." She gingerly pointed out.

Dark eyebrows lowered beneath straight, black locks. "Why would I ask about them?"

"It's just that you like to know what they're up to whenever they leave Central."

Shock flashed behind the dark eyes before Roy could quell it. He leaned forward, clasping his hands together on his desk, and quietly cleared his throat. "What do you mean _leave Central_?"

"They boarded a train this morning for—"

The shrill ring of the telephone interrupted Riza. She stared at the phone first then at Roy who promptly nodded his head. The receiver was immediately removed and placed against her small ear.

"Yes?"

Roy's eyes narrowed as the possibilities of just where the young alchemists were began to swirl around his head. A deep concern began to twist inside him, coupled with an anger that Ed had left the city without telling him. An anger not at the boy, but at Roy himself. It seemed his plan to save the boy by pushing him far away had not only backfired, but could have placed him in even more danger. Roy _knew_ better, knew that when Ed was angry, his rage drew him to recklessness like moth to a flame. Now he was roaming the countryside somewhere, broken-hearted, furious, and without the help of a certain colonel to keep him safe.

"He's right here, sir. I can tell him."

Roy mouthed _what_, but Riza just shook her head.

"Right now?...Of course." The striking young officer briefly closed her eyes. "Thank you, sir."

The receiver was carefully placed back in its cradle, and Riza faced the Colonel once again.

"What is it?"

"The Fuhrer wants to see you."

Roy rolled his eyes before breathing out an exasperated sigh. "What now?"

Riza shook her head as she watched the man slowly rise to his feet. "He wouldn't say. He just asked that you come alone."

The soft brown eyes watched with concern as Roy slipped a pair of white gloves into his pocket. He then reached up and tried to brush the wrinkles out of his jacket before straightening it. "I don't like the sound of that."

"I'm sure it's nothing, sir."

The higher-ranking officer shrugged. The worry for the blond-haired alchemist was momentarily pushed into the back of the Colonel's thoughts.

"Well, only one way to find out, Lieutenant."

Riza could only nod as she watched Roy disappear into the darkening hallway.

XXXXX

"You asked to see me, Fuhrer?"

The middle-aged man peered over the newspaper he had been perusing to acknowledge the piercing eyes now fixed on his good one. He gave a slight nod before folding the paper and tossing it onto his polished desk.

"Colonel Mustang." Bradley's icy voice contained more than a hint of false cordiality. He briefly returned the younger man's salute before clasping his hands over the paper. "I have some good news for you."

But Roy's stomach tightened as the words left the older one's lips. Somehow the look on the stern Fuhrer's face betrayed that the news would be anything but good for him.

"Yes, sir."

"First, I'd like to talk to you for a moment." The knot in Roy's stomach began to cause a burn that crept under his ribcage. "I understand you took some vacation time, is that right?"

"Yes, sir."

A fake grin briefly adorned the older man's face. "How nice. And how exactly did you spend it?"

The dark eyes narrowed, and a noticeable cringe followed as Roy tightened his jaw. "I traveled, Fuhrer, sir."

"Yes, I presume you did." The man cleared his throat before leaning back a little in his chair. His office was large, almost overwhelming, especially if only two people were in it. The windows framed the man and his massive desk, casting an eerie glow on his tan skin as the clouds overtook the afternoon sunlight. An occasional clap of thunder echoed through the immense room, rattling in every shadowed corner. "And just where to, Colonel Mustang?"

Roy drew in a deep breath, knowing full well that at this point, his superior already had the answer.

"Liore, sir."

"Oh, yes, Liore."

There was a thick pause, and Roy watched the man steadily as silence covered them. He was suddenly very aware of every breath he took, every shift of his body, every blink of his dark eyes. He tried to be just as impassive as the man seated across from him, but he knew that by now, a slight look of distress must have crossed his face.

"Don't worry, Colonel." Bradley suddenly stated. "I told you I have _good_ news."

"Of course, sir."

"I received a call from the warden of the prison out there." Roy bit his tongue so hard he knew he was drawing blood. A bitter, coppery taste briefly passed through his mouth as he nodded. "He said you came by to check on things."

The younger man clasped his hands together behind his back. "Yes, sir. I knew of the recent uprisings and thought I would make sure everything was alright while I was there."

"That took some initiative, Colonel." The Fuhrer offered a nearly imperceptible smile with his wooden praise. "I appreciate that in my officers. That is why I'm transferring you where I think you'll do the most good."

Roy swallowed hard but let no other sign of his shock manifest. "A transfer, Fuhrer?"

"Yes. To Youswell." Bradley reached over and picked up the newspaper once again. "Seems like there have been reports of a possible uprising. I want the town and its prison to remain free of any trouble, at least for the few months it will take us to transfer the inmates to a larger facility. That's what we had to do in Liore. In any event, you've demonstrated that you're the perfect man for the job. Congratulations, Colonel Mustang."

A stiff hand pressed against stray raven locks to offer the Fuhrer a salute. _So that was the official explanation of Liore's missing prisoners._ Roy knew now that this went much deeper than a simple administration mistake in a countryside prison. His worry for Ed and Al quickly mushroomed. "I will accept the position with honor, sir."

"Excellent. You'll be leaving this afternoon."

"And my staff?"

The Fuhrer eyed the younger man briefly, a dangerous look settling behind his exposed eye. "You have a staff already waiting for you in Youswell."

"Sir, may I not be permitted to—"

"It's unnecessary, Mustang." The newspaper crinkled as the man disinterestedly flipped the page. "There is a small staff already in Youswell. Now, if I were you, I would start packing."

Roy offered the man a quick bow even though he was no longer watching. "Thank you, Fuhrer."

A brief wave of a hand signaled that he was dismissed. Roy waited until he was well outside the man's office before finally exhaling a shuddering breath.

"_**Damn**__._"

XXXXX

Two weeks passed, with Roy learning very little about the whereabouts of the Elrics. He had to be careful in his phone calls to Central, unable to ask just where and how the boys were because of the unsecured lines. Each night found him settled in the same stool at the same bar staring down into glass after glass of cheap, burning scotch.

All he had sacrificed. All he had lost.

_This_ is where it had gotten him.

Hughes' murder. The pain he had caused Ed. He had accomplished nothing but their downfall by trying to protect them.

His plan to atone for all he had done during the rebellion in Ishbal had all but disintegrated like the buildings and people he had annihilated with a single snap.

He would never see his goal of becoming Fuhrer now. He knew full well that the _few months_ Bradley had transferred him was in reality a life sentence. The Fuhrer wanted him gone.

He was never going back to Central.

"Colonel Mustang?"

A flash of onyx eyes and a brief salute acknowledged the younger officer. "What is it?"

"Sir, we've detained two….uh….individuals trying to enter the city's prison. One's just a kid, and the other is….well…..I guess you should see for yourself."

Roy's heart clenched in his chest as he drew his eyes to the door. He fought hard to flush the shock from his face as he rose to his feet and greeted the ones that had consumed his every thought lately.

"The pipsqueak claims he's a State Alchemist."

"Pipsqueak? _**Pipsqueak?**_ Who are you calling so short that he—" But the rant immediately stopped when the golden eyes fell on the uniformed man standing behind the desk by the window. An immediate hatred filled them. "You bastard, you set us—"

"Colonel Mustang." Al hurriedly interrupted. "It's nice to see you again, sir."

The dark head dipped slowly in a brief nod. "Alphonse."

"You know this….." The stocky young lieutenant was scrambling for just the right word to describe the imposing suit of armor.

"Yes, these are the Elric brothers." Roy tried to calmly explain. "Edward _is_ a State Alchemist."

"See? I _told _you I was, you dumb—"

"Thank you, Lieutenant." Roy sharply cut in. "I can handle the situation from here."

"I'm sorry, Colonel, sir, but the order from Fuhrer Bradley is that any unauthorized individual caught in or around the prison must be interrogated by at least two officers."

Ed gasped, looking at Roy in shock. He realized now that their quest for the elusive prisoner had caused them to stumble into something much bigger. It was something his younger brother had learned right after they left. Something Riza had carefully warned Al about when he had called in to check with Headquarters. Al had been too worried that one more obstacle might break his brother, so he hadn't told him just yet.

"Of course, Lieutenant." He smoothly agreed. "I'm sure these boys meant no harm."

"Maybe not, but the Fuhrer also made the punishment very clear to alchemists who engage in any illegal activity, sir. I think it's best if we follow his orders, right, Colonel?"

Roy stiffly nodded. "Fullmetal, give me your watch."

"Like hell I am."

"Brother, I think you should do what the Colonel asked."

Ed looked at his brother incredulously. "_**What**_?"

The white eyes glowed behind the cumbersome armored head, begging Edward to believe them. The older Elric drew his eyes back to the Roy's, studying them for the same message.

"It will be returned to you after a proper investigation, Fullmetal." Ed found the same pleading in the dark eyes before they almost imperceptibly shifted over to the short uniformed man beside Roy. Ed understood now. _Don't say anything else. Not here. _The boy gave a slow nod. Message received. "Until then, I have to ask that you stay away from the prison. With the threat of an uprising, we don't want any additional problems."

Without another word, Ed walked over to the desk and unceremoniously deposited his watch on a small pile of paperwork. The he spun around on his heel and headed for the door.

XXXXX

Ed found himself wandering the nearly empty streets under a starless sky. Al had finally explained everything to him once they had left the cramped interrogation room. _Lieutenant Hawkeye told me that there's something happening in the prisons. When they found out the Colonel had been asking questions in Liore,_ _he was sent here. He was demoted because of us, Brother. Because he helped us try to find the prisoner. I didn't want to upset you even more, so I didn't tell you_. Ed had scoffed. _Why would I care if that bastard got transferred here?_ But the desolate look in the golden eyes had been enough of an answer for Al. It had been the same look that filled them the night Ed had returned from Roy's house. A look of emptiness and hurt. The younger Elric thought it would be better to just leave things alone.

But then they had gotten caught.

"_Bastard_."

Ed kicked a loose stone as hard as he could, watching as it rolled along the uneven cobblestone walkway. There were only a handful of lights glowing against the dark sky now. Only a few buildings with their doors still open. Ed breathed out a heavy sigh and happened to glance into one of them. What greeted him was not a welcome sight.

A familiar figure was sitting alone in the far corner of the bar. The dark-haired man was hunched over what was probably not his first glass of scotch, staring at the rich liquid as he swirled it around.

_He was demoted because of __**us**__._

"Fullmetal, it's not wise for us to be seen talking."

The younger alchemist had found himself waiting for the man to finally emerge, unsure of just why his body wouldn't seem to obey his mind's pleas to turn and walk away. But it hadn't, and he was there, undaunted by Roy's reprimand. He began to follow Roy as the older one headed down the street. "Al told me there's something going on involving the prisons. Something big." He said, struggling to keep up with the taller man. "I know that you were just trying to help."

"Fine." Roy lifted his collar up to shield his flushed face from the chilled winter winds. "You're welcome. Now go home."

"I didn't wait outside in the freezing cold to thank you, bastard." Ed shot back. "I want my watch back."

A numb hand unconsciously reached into the pocket of the heavy coat, feeling for the cold silver object. "I can't give it to you yet." He quietly replied. "They're too many people who would question that."

"I don't give a damn. It's mine, and I want it back."

Roy simply shook his head and sped up his pace. His head was already swirling from the scotch, and a deep pounding echoed against his temple.

"Look, the sooner you give it back, the sooner Al and I are gone."

The response was terse and offered the boy no invitation to continue. "It's too dangerous."

"Look, bastard, I _earned_ that—"

"_No._"

"You want me gone, right?" Ed fumed, eyes on fire. "Give me the watch back, and I'll be out of your hair."

Roy said nothing this time, irritating the younger one even more. He continued walking, staring down at the chipped cobblestone, his blurry eyes studying the occasional discarded cigarette or crumpled paper on the path. He could feel the fury emanating from the younger alchemist beside him.

"I'll get it back somehow, bastard."

Roy suddenly stopped and breathed out a heavy, burning sigh. _Just once, just __**once**__, couldn't the boy see he was only trying to protect him?_ He turned and faced Ed, finally meeting the wide eyes with his own.

"No, you won't, Fullmetal." He assured as firmly as the scotch allowed him to. "You're going to stay here until things blow over, then you'll get it back. I'm still your commanding officer, and for now, you'll do as I say."

"My _commanding_ officer? From the looks of this place, it seems like you're more of a corporal than a colonel."

Ed regretted the words the second they passed through his lips and thickly hung in the air between them. The look of hurt that briefly drowned the onyx eyes stung the younger one bitterly.

"Go back to your hotel, Fullmetal."

The boy watched as the dark haired man turned and began fiddling with a door of a rundown building.

"Why are you going in this dump?"

"I _live_ here."

Ed's cheeks flushed a deep red, partly from the nipping winds, and partly from sticking his foot in his mouth twice in the past ten seconds.

"Oh." He finally whispered. "Sorry."

Roy said nothing as he struggled to work the key into the rusted lock. He was aware that the shadow behind him hadn't moved.

"I'll find you later, when it's safe." He quietly informed, his tone all but shouting at the boy to leave. But Edward stood behind the man, hands on hips, eyes fiercely narrowed. "We can talk then."

"I want to talk _now_."

"Ed…." An exasperated sigh floated into the chilled air. Roy still had his back to the younger alchemist. "Things don't exactly go well when we're alone."

For once, the boy didn't argue. Roy closed his eyes as he heard the footsteps finally fade into the distance.

XXXXX

Roy had lost track of the time as he gazed out of his small apartment, watching mindlessly as the sheen of snow on the ground grew thicker and thicker. He was leaning against the wall, polished eyes void as they stared into an equally vacant night, watching the distant shadows. One hand was resting in his pocket, wrapped around the cold silver of an alchemist's watch, fingertips tracing the engraved design of its cover. The other was grasping a glass that was long ago dried of its rich, burning contents. An unrealized sigh escaped as he closed his eyes for a minute, trying to block out the pain that had been slowly building in the back of his head since that morning. When he finally opened them again, he realized one of those distant shadows was suddenly much closer.

"Damn."

Roy foolishly thought if he just stood very still, the knocking would go away. But it didn't. It only grew louder and more furious. The dark-haired man shook his head in defeat before placing his empty glass on the windowsill.

"_Fullmetal._"

The blond head was lowered, and the small frame was shuddering in the vicious winds. Roy raised an eyebrow, realizing the boy wasn't wearing his trademark red coat. He was clad only in his short black jacket which was now heavy with melted sleet.

Roy reached up and ran his fingers through his disheveled raven locks. He knew inviting Ed inside was reckless, was dangerous for much more than just the simple fact that they shouldn't be seen talking. With that much sadness in the golden eyes, and that much scotch in the drowning dark ones, it was bound to be a disastrous decision.

But Ed was shivering hard now, and he still hadn't said a word.

Roy's resolve was slipping fast.

"Come on." He whispered, nodding inside.

At first the smaller alchemist didn't move, and Roy wondered if he was just going to stand on his doorstep all night staring at some imaginary spot on his porch. But the blond head finally dipped in a quick nod. Roy pushed the door open further and watched as the boy walked past him.

"How long have you been out in this?"

Ed shrugged. He had been wandering around since he followed Roy there earlier, unsure himself why he hadn't just gone back to the hotel. Ed kept his back to the dark haired man, curling into himself in a very defensive position. His hands were shoved deeply into his pockets, the flesh one numb from the relentless winter storm. Roy cocked his head to the side, intently studying the boy's unsteady breaths.

"You'll catch a cold." He quietly stated. "Go sit by the fire."

Ed felt the man brush by him and lifted his eyes enough to watch as he disappeared down a short, narrow hall. The golden eyes widened a little as they examined the apartment. It was a far cry from Roy's spacious home in Central. The walls were dingy and bare, the faded paint peeling just beneath the sloped ceiling. The den was sparsely furnished with a few pieces of mismatched furniture. The couch was worn, its once blue cushions and armrests now faded beyond any recognizable color. There was a battered desk just under the window, adorned only with a gun and discarded holster. Just in front of the fireplace was an old wooden chair, a blue military jacket draped across its back. Unpacked crates were stacked in every corner, their contents ignored by Roy. The only sign that anyone really called the apartment home was a metal trashcan full of empty bottles.

It struck Ed then just how much Roy had lost trying to help him.

_And you thought I __**loved**__ you? I've never heard of anything more pathetic, Ed._

"Here."

Ed raised an eyebrow, staring disdainfully at the dark liquid in the glass being offered to him. "I don't like that stuff."

Roy's hand remained extended. "It's not for you to like." He quietly explained. "It's to warm you up. Take a sip."

The boy finally accepted and took a wary sip. Roy couldn't help the sorrowful smile that played on his lips when Ed grimaced at the pungent taste. As Ed settled in front of the fireplace, the older alchemist disappeared into the bedroom for a minute before returning to the cramped den. Ed watched as he tossed a pillow and coarse wool blanket on the couch.

"Take the bedroom."

"What?"

Roy gestured towards the window and the flurry of white snow that was beginning to coat it. The storm was vicious now, and there was no way the younger one would make it home. Ed lowered his head in defeat. "The couch is fine."

Roy closed his eyes as he briefly shook his head. _Why must everything with this boy be a battle?_ He sunk onto the worn couch and reached up to unbutton the collar of his wrinkled white shirt.

"Go." He finally whispered, nodding his head towards the bedroom. There was a look of uncertainty that crossed over the younger one's face. The orange glow of the fire seemed to accentuate every emotion that flashed through the golden eyes. The hurt. The fear. The rejection. The boy finally rose and shuffled into the bedroom, closing the door behind him. The older one sighed as he slid out of his heavy blue pants and covered his haggard frame with the blanket.

Roy was vaguely aware that a quiet whimpering had slipped into his restless dreams. He sluggishly turned over and buried his head deeper into his thin pillow, trying to block out the sounds. He was hovering between a hazed consciousness and the listless abyss the scotch was lulling him into. A heavy arm came up and slung itself over the twitching eyes, and Roy began to drift once again. But then a loud cry echoed against the crackling fire, and the man found himself on his feet in an instant, his blanket tumbling to the floor.

"What….?"

Then he remembered. _Edward_. Roy rushed to the bedroom and swung open the door, fully expecting the boy to have fallen out of the bed and gashed open his forehead. But the only things on the hard floor were the blankets that had been tossed there in the midst of a fitful nightmare.

Roy sighed.

Ed was only dreaming.

The raven-haired alchemist leaned his weight against the door frame and crossed his arms over his chest. A brief shiver tickled down his spine from the draft, and suddenly he was very aware that he was clad only in his boxers and his white dress shirt. He stood there quietly, scrutinizing each expression that passed over Ed's face. His hopes that the boy would wake himself were fading with each pained whimper, so with a knot in his stomach, he finally walked to the bed.

"_Ed._"

The boy flung upright in an instant, his chest heaving, a thin sheen of sweat covering his face. It took him a few moments to remember just where he was, and just who was sitting on the edge of the bed next to him. The boy immediately groped for the blankets, only to find that he was lying in Roy's bed in his black tank and boxers and there was no covering to be found.

"They're on the floor." Roy quietly informed. "The blankets."

Ed immediately leaned over and grabbed them, hiding his small body under their soft warmth. His golden eyes warily studied the figure sitting very close to him. Roy kept his eyes decidedly off of the boy.

"You were dreaming."

"Oh."

An uneasy silence settled between them and seemed to multiply with each one's raspy breaths. Roy scooted a little further away from the younger one, but somehow couldn't bring himself to leave. He also couldn't bring himself to meet the glowing eyes.

"Are you…..alright?"

When Roy didn't get an answer, he finally turned and looked at the boy. The moonlight that slipped past the slats of the battered shutters played among the loose strands of Ed's golden hair. With his eyes now closed, he looked so serene to the older alchemist, so passive. The sheen of the muted light coupled with the soft perspiration beaded along his forehead made his skin shimmer. Ed had no idea how hard the polished eyes were struggling to capture every nuance of his face until he felt the tender brush of fingertips along his cheek. He opened his eyes and searched Roy's.

The slightly trembling hand suddenly retreated and clasped with its twin in Roy's lap. The intensity that suddenly blazed from the younger one's eyes finally forced the dark ones away.

"Roy?"

The older one breathed out a heavy sigh and stared at his hands. "Yeah?"

Ed crossed his arms over his chest. Roy could hear the boy's breaths quicken with uncertainty.

"Do you really think that I'm only half a person?"

The sheer anguish that filled that one simple question was finally what broke the older one's resolve. Roy reached over and cupped Ed's face with his hands, gently stroking along the cheekbones with his thumbs. Through the anger, the uncertainty, and the panic of being rejected once again, Roy found himself falling deeper into them. He searched the wide eyes in silence, locked in a gaze that was far more intimate than any physical contact they had ever shared. Roy drew in a deep breath, knowing that this impending kiss would doom him. Knowing that this kiss could doom them both. But even then, he knew he wasn't going to stop, not this time. The scotch, the isolation, and the fire reignited in the golden eyes had made him very reckless.

Roy slowly leaned down and met Ed's lips, quickly prying them open. The press of the younger one's tongue to his own was urgent and needy. Roy's strong hands shifted as their tongues began to explore and tease each other, one slipping into the tousled braid, the other dropping to the boy's neck. He could feel the throb of the pulse against his thumb, reveling in how it quickened the stronger his tongue played.

It was Roy who finally broke the kiss, but before the younger one could protest, he felt soft nips along his jaw. He cocked his head to the side, allowing the older one better access to his smooth throat. One of Roy's hands fell, idly seeking the edge of the black tank.

"No."

Roy lifted his head, surprised by the iron grip that was now pinning his hand in place. It took his muddled mind a few moments to realize just why boy had stopped him.

_The automail_.

Roy swallowed hard as he leaned close to Ed's face, burying his lips by the small ear. "Edward….what I said before—"

"Don't." The blond quietly demanded. "Just don't take it off, okay?"

"Edward—"

"_**Don't**_."

The boy could feel the warmth of slow breaths against his neck, and he closed his eyes, waiting for

Roy to pull back. But he didn't. Instead, fingertips ghosted along the automail shoulder before slipping under the soft fabric. Ed jolted at the touch, at the gentle exploration of the edge of his skin and the beginnings of his metal limb. Soon, soft lips joined the fingertips, and the younger one writhed under the attention. Roy's warm tongue traced the path where metal met skin, lightly trailing along the cold automail. Ed shivered a little, closing his eyes as the tank top was gingerly lifted over his head and tossed to the floor.

"No."

Ed's golden eyes flung open. "No what?"

Roy breathed a sad sigh across the boy's exposed chest. "I don't think you're half of a person."

The softest of whimpers was his reply.

The soft eyes closed again, and Ed sighed contently as the wandering lips teased him. The dark head shifted lower, and Ed found that his nipple was now the center of the man's attention. The boy gasped, arching his back in the air as soft lips began to suck.

"_Roy…._"

A strong tongue teased the hardened nub with a few flicks before Roy dipped lower, trailing kisses down the boy's breastbone, then along the curve of each rib. His tongue moved in tiny circles before his lips covered each spot with a light kiss. Metal and flesh fingers began to tug at the raven locks as the wet warmth moved lower and lower, finally meeting the elastic waist of the boy's boxers. Roy hooked his fingers beneath it, intending to finish what he had started in that hotel room in Liore when two firm hands suddenly pushed him away.

"Don't."

Roy drew back in disbelief. Half of him expected the boy to stand up, stick out his tongue and say _this time __**I'm**__ the one leaving._ But those weren't the words that left the younger one's lips.

"I-I don't want….." Roy watched as the boy's face flushed brightly under the moonlight. Ed suddenly sat up and leaned very close to him, nestling close to his ear. "I want _you_."

Roy knew then that his last grasp at control was gone. He was freefalling, and there was no one there to stop him. All he could do was lower his head and give the boy a very slow nod.

"Lie down."

Ed obeyed with an uncharacteristic submissiveness. Roy shakily reached over to the nightstand and grabbed a small bottle, feeling the mattress jostle a little beside him. When he turned back around, he found that Ed was now naked and trembling, and the older one was convinced it wasn't entirely from the cold air brushing against his now exposed skin.

Roy leaned down and kissed the soft lips with an almost chaste gentleness. The fingers now carefully preparing the boy reminded them both that what they were about to do was anything but. An urgent tug on the waistband of his own boxers signaled to Roy that the boy was ready for him. So he slowly slid them down to free his now painful erection and carefully mounted the blond.

After drawing a deep breath, Roy slowly began to enter the smaller figure below him, feeling the hard shudder that ran through Ed at the intrusion. He paused and leaned down, placing a gentle kiss just under the pulse point on the exposed neck. After a few moments, he slid further in, closing his eyes as the flesh and automail thighs wrapped around his straight hips quivered a little. He knew from the low groan that the boy was in pain. When he opened his mouth to ask Ed if he had hurt him, the absurdity of the question stopped him. He _had_ hurt Ed, more deeply than this act ever could. So instead, he simply reached up and threaded his fingers through the blond bangs that had fallen into Ed's face.

"It's okay." A strained whisper assured. "You can go deeper."

This time, it was the Colonel who shuddered. He nuzzled his nose against Ed's smaller one before capturing the parted lips with his own. As man began to devour him, Ed relaxed his hips, allowing the penetration to deepen. Soon Roy was fully inside him.

When Ed opened his eyes, he was greeted by two blazing ones. Roy suddenly covered the hand that was resting above the pillow with his own, lacing their fingers together. He gently squeezed them, offered the boy a smile, and then he _moved_.

Ed arched his back when he felt the heat of the body above his fade. But just as quickly, it returned, as did the heat inside him. Roy's strokes were unhurried at first. In. Out. Tip to base. Over and over in a maddening and deliberate slowness. But as the warmth of the boy's muscles clamped around him, his thrusts became quicker and more erratic. Some fast and hard, others slow and gentle. The mixture caused the hardness between Ed's own legs to throb mercilessly.

Ed focused on the sensations that surrounded them in that small, dark bedroom. The shadows against the far wall that followed the smooth thrusts in and out of him. The sounds of the sheets rustling beneath him, of the old mattress creaking under their weight, of the haggard breaths escaping Roy's lips. The scent of scotch and sweat and everything _Roy_ that filled his nose with each inhaled breath. The feel of the tiniest drops of perspiration as they slid down the curve of the older one's jaw line and onto his own chin. The coarseness of Roy's starched shirt pressing against his chest and the softness of the face buried in the crook of his neck. He barely noticed that the hand which had been gripping the headboard had suddenly shifted. So when deft fingers wrapped around his neglected erection, the shock elicited a loud, unadulterated groan.

The raven-haired man skillfully matched his every thrust with a stroke of the boy's pulsing shaft. Each one elicited a louder moan—some wordless sounds, others taking the shape of his lover's name. Roy was hurled closer to completion with each one, even as he fought desperately to prolong it.

But his exhaustion, the scotch burning deep inside him, and the erotic sound of Ed's growing moans stole his self-control. As soon as he felt the spray of warm liquid against his chest, he closed his eyes and lost himself in his own draining orgasm. Ed squirmed beneath him, whimpering at the feel of the man climaxing _inside_ him. Roy felt the fingers locked with his own offer a weak squeeze, and he smiled into the boy's slick neck as he squeezed back.

It wouldn't be until the morning sun slipped into the older one's dreams, luring him to wakefulness that the haze of desire and scotch would disappear. It wouldn't be until the weight against his chest clung tighter in the throws of a nightmare that Roy would open his dark eyes and realize just what had happened. Only then did a voice scream from deep inside his head. Only then did it scream the same question over and over again.

_What the hell have I just done_?

TBC…..


	8. Chapter 8

_**Demons and Redemption**_

_Chapter 8_

The harsh sunlight softened as it filtered through the designs left by the ice on Roy's bedroom window. His dark irises found a hint of their true blue color as it fell across them. He was staring at the ceiling, very aware of the warmth pressed against his side. It was past dawn now, but Roy wasn't sure just exactly what time it was. He listened to the breaths that were whispering off the small patch of skin his partially unbuttoned shirt exposed as he watched the disappearing shadows. Roy was fairly certain this time that Ed was asleep.

But he was still afraid to touch him.

The revelation brought a hint of the trademark smirk back to the striking face. Just a few hours ago, he had done more than touch him. So much more than just a simple touch. He had kissed him, stroked him, _fucked_ him hard as he held the boy's hand in his own. He had listened to his moans and grown harder as he watched the smaller frame writhe beneath his own. He had finally done what he had fought so desperately to bury into the furthest, most desolate corner of his soul.

He had lost his battle.

Roy very quietly sighed. He had been awake for a while, and he still had no idea what he was going to say to the boy now snoring against his chest. There was no avoiding the fact that he would hurt him. No matter the reasoning, he would definitely hurt him. Whether he explained that he was still Ed's superior, or that they both had a goal that was far more important, or that he had simply been weakened last night by scotch and seeing the boy suffer in his dreams. Whatever he said, he knew he was still going to hurt him. Whatever he said, he knew it wasn't going to change things.

What had been shared between them could never be taken back.

The smirk suddenly disappeared. This had been a mistake, like so many other mistakes he had made in his life. He just needed to admit that and then forget that it had ever happened. It was that simple: just forget that it had ever happened. Roy nodded, as if trying to persuade himself to that fact. The subtle shift in his body had roused his companion, and he looked over in surprise as Ed turned over and curled up on the far side of the bed. The boy's shadow betrayed an unsettling fact. Ed was shaking.

Suddenly all of Roy's resolve began to melt like the iced patterns on his window.

"Ed?"

There was a soft rustling followed by a cough. "Yeah?"

"Are you alright?"

Metal fingers clutched at the edge of the mattress. "Yeah."

Dark eyebrows lowered as Roy studied the figure whose back was now to him. He stayed quiet for awhile, simply watching the erratic rise and fall of the small ribcage. Roy shook his head. The boy was still trembling.

"Ed?"

The metal fingers tightened their grip. "What?"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure, bastard."

But the older one was hardly convinced, even with the hint of Ed's fire that had slipped out with the appellation. Roy turned his head and nestled more comfortably under the soft blankets.

"You're shaking."

Ed's jaw tightened. "I'm cold."

Roy wasn't entirely sure he believed the excuse. But he still closed his eyes and tried to force himself back into a restless sleep. Of course, that was working about as well as Ed willing his body to stop the tremors that were running up and down his spine. The older one finally cleared his throat.

"Ed."

"_What?_"

Roy lifted up the edge of the blankets. "Come here."

There was an unbearably long pause before the smaller body finally turned over and shifted closer to him. Ed tentatively settled his head back on the strong chest and closed his eyes when he felt the wool blankets settle over him.

Roy began to drift again, strangely lulled by the weight pressed against his side. The weight that was the object of the conflict brewing inside him. His hand unconsciously found its way over the automail one resting just under his ribcage. As he fell back to sleep, his fingertips began to lightly trace circles over the cold metal.

"I can't feel that, you know."

The fingers froze. Roy's breath caught thickly in his throat before he embarrassedly dropped his hand to the mattress. He could feel the smaller one tense against him, and somewhere inside his mind, he began to search for the right words to tell the boy that this would never be happening again. But as he opened his mouth, he felt Ed lift up a little and lean over him. Before he could ask what was wrong, he felt a timid kiss just above his breastbone. Roy closed his eyes, the words he needed to say suddenly slipping back down his throat. He lifted his hand from the mattress and gently settled it on the blond head nestled against his shoulder. An unrealized smile escaped when he felt a soft sigh against his neck, and he slowly threaded his fingertips through the soft bangs.

He would tell Ed when they woke up.

The onyx eyes closed. He would tell the boy that this had been a mistake when they woke up again. He could do it then. Now, he just wanted to sleep. With the weight curled against his side and the warm breaths against his neck, he just wanted to sleep.

There was only one problem with Roy's plan.

"Edward?"

He had awoken to an empty bed.

"Ed?"

But he was now the only one in the meager apartment. A quick check revealed that the boy's clothes were gone. So was his silver watch. The only sign that the other alchemist had even been there at all was the small blood stain blaring at Roy from the crumpled white sheets. Roy reached up and ran his fingers through his disheveled locks, tugging on them masochistically.

"_Damn it._"

XXXXX

With each step along the uneven curb, Ed winced a little more. He tried to ignore the twinge of pain he felt from the night before by focusing on everything else. The sound of the slush crunching under his heavy black boots. The pungent smell of the garbage rotting in the street's gutters. The sting of the bitter morning wind against his numb face. He wanted to focus on anything but the burning reminder of what had happened the night before.

Ed was no fool.

The look in the dark eyes, the quiet in the usual smug voice. Ed believed that Roy had been driven not by a deep care for him, but by a fire fueled by a bottle of scotch. He _believed_ that, but he still let it happen. Every kiss, every thrust, every tender stroke he let happen because he knew it never could again. And while he may have realized that rejection would be the only outcome of what had happened on that uneven mattress, he would be damned if he sat there and listened to the man's excuse as to why that was so.

So he had left.

Ed had made up his mind as he stared at the man, studying the way the dark brows furrowed even in sleep. He and Al would leave Youswell and move on to the next town mentioned in the record books. This small mining town had yielded no clues anyway, and Ed knew that there were bigger answers in bigger towns. He would leave Youswell.

He would leave Roy.

"M-Mr. Elric?"

Ed sighed as he drew his golden eyes to the innkeeper. "Yeah?"

"I, uh…well, it's just that…I-I…."

The young alchemist reached into his pocket and pulled out the heavy brass key to his room.

"What?"

"I….I-I'm afraid there's a problem with your room." The lanky, middle-aged man uneasily explained. "You'll have to find lodgings elsewhere."

"_**What**_?"

The man lowered his gray eyes. "I'm sorry, Mr. Elric." He quietly apologized. "But I've already seen to it that your belongings were packed. They're waiting for you by the couch."

The loose braid flung wildly as the boy shook his head back and forth. "What are you talking about?"

"Please, Mr. Elric." The man begged. "J-Just take your things and leave."

Ed's eyes narrowed as he clamped his hands on his hips. "What's going on? You can't just—"

"Is there a problem here?"

When the frustrated alchemist swung around, he was greeted by the cold eyes of the lieutenant who had caught him trying to sneak into the prison. Two lower officers flanked him on either side.

"What—"

"_Please,_ Mr. Elric." The innkeeper begged. "It's best if you just go now."

Ed's jaw clenched so hard it was close to shattering. "_**Fine**_." He swung around and headed for the hastily packed bags. "Just tell me where my brother is."

"I, uh…..I-I don't….."

Ed's face paled as he swung back around. "_**Where**_—"

"I think it would be best if you came with us, Mr. Elric."

But the small alchemist kept his attention fully on the innkeeper, ignoring the rustling of the uniformed men behind him. He could tell by the way the gray eyes were decisively off of him that the man knew far more than he was telling.

"_**Where is my brother**_?"

"I-I don't know, Mr.—"

"After all I did for you? After all I did for you and this _**whole town**_, you're going to let—"

A sharp blow suddenly thwacked against the back of the boy's neck, and he tumbled into a painful darkness.

XXXXX

"What did you mean when you said _after all I did for this whole town_, Mr. Elric?"

Ed blinked a few times, his golden eyes trying to adjust to the sudden burst of light. He realized he was sitting in a very cramped room that consisted only of a table that occupied most of it and two chairs. He also realized that he was settled uncomfortably in one of those chairs, hands bound behind his back.

"We couldn't have you transmuting into something dangerous, now could we?" The Lieutenant asked, seemingly reading the alchemist's mind. "Not during our little _discussion _here."

Through the slowly disappearing clouds, one very clear fact emerged. Ed suddenly jerked in his restraints.

"**Where is my brother?**"

"I'm afraid I don't know what you're talking about."

"Like hell you don't." Ed spat back. He was struggling fiercely to free his bound hands. "What have you done with him?"

The lieutenant slowly shook his head. "I don't recall you coming into Youswell with a brother." He taunted. "Now, I _do_ recall you being told not to return to the prison, which is why you're being detained here again. State alchemist or not."

"I'll give you three seconds to tell me where my brother is." Ed venomously proclaimed. "After that, I take no responsibility for what happens to you."

A condescending chuckle was the boy's answer. "I think you've got this all wrong, Mr. Elric." The man explained. "_I'm_ the one that asks the questions. Now…what did you mean when you said _after all I did for this whole town_?"

But the man's response was a fiery stare and a clenched jaw. The silence only infuriated the Lieutenant more, and he raised his hand ready to strike the young alchemist. A sudden white-gloved iron grip stopped him.

"The Fullmetal Alchemist did this town quite a favor a few years ago." Roy icily replied. "In light of that, I'm sure he's confused as to why he would suddenly be _asked_ to leave, Lieutenant."

"Colonel, I did not know you had arrived." The man yanked his hand free and brought it up for a salute. "I was just interrogating the young Elric here, per the Fuhrer's orders."

"How exactly is binding his wrists behind him and threatening to hit him _per the Fuhrer's orders_?"

"Sir, we have detained Edward Elric because he returned to the prison after he was ordered not to." The lower-ranking man explained.

Roy lowered his eyebrows and glanced over at Ed. The boy answered with a slight shake of his head. "When did this happen?"

"Last night, just before dawn."

The Flame Alchemist fought hard to quell his look of surprise. Both he and Edward knew that wasn't true since the younger one had spent the hours just before dawn naked and nestled against his chest. Roy drew his eyes over to the other officer's face and examined it with a deliberate slowness.

"Who reported it?"

"The Warden, sir." The Lieutenant's eyes glowed. "I don't think he would lie about something like that. I believe Mr. Elric was there….unless you have some reason to believe otherwise, sir?"

The Lieutenant's hand had vaguely gestured towards Ed's pocket and the silver chain now prominently displayed attached to the heavy belt. Roy closed his eyes.

_Shit_.

"Seeing as how you disobeyed a direct order, Fullmetal….." Roy quietly began. "I have no choice but to detain you."

"_**WHAT?**_" Ed jumped to his feet, chair and all. "You bastard, how can you—"

"Untie him and take him down to the holding cell." Roy ordered, cutting off the frenzied outburst.

"With all due respect, sir, if we untie him, he may use alchemy—"

"Then so will I." Roy calmly interrupted as he held up a gloved hand and lightly rubbed his thumb and middle finger together. "Or did you forget that I'm the Flame Alchemist?"

"I'll undo his restraints immediately, sir."

Roy nodded, following the officer as he dragged the boy down the hall and into a claustrophobic cell. Ed stared at the dark-haired alchemist with rage-filled eyes, watching as he stood against the cell door. He listened intently as Roy spoke quietly to the younger man, trying to decipher the muffled words. With his tall frame partially blocking the Lieutenant's view of the door, Roy continued the conversation, all the while tapping his fingers against the metal lock of the cell. Ed wouldn't understand why until he saw the small spark and realized that the metal mechanism was being melted away.

XXXXX

The snow was relentless that night as it began to pound against the lone figure walking in the deserted fields. Roy could see the opening of the mine shaft just a few yards away, and the sudden shift of shadows told him he had guessed right about the boy's whereabouts.

"How did you know I'd be here?"

The older one sighed as he settled more comfortably on the hard ground. "There are only two places here big enough to hide something as conspicuous as Alphonse." He quietly replied. "The prison and the mines. I figured you'd come here first to look for him."

"Not _something._" Ed gritted between his teeth.

"What?"

"Al's not a _something_." The boy acridly explained. "He's a _someone_."

The dark head lowered. "I'm sorry." Roy softly apologized.

A few minutes of uneasy silence passed as Roy feigned interest in the shadows playing on the far side of the mine shaft, and Ed drew circles in the dirt with his automail finger. He raised an eyebrow when he heard a quiet rustling and drew a sideways glance at the dark-haired man next to him.

"Hungry?"

Ed briefly looked at the outstretched hand and the odd-shaped piece of bread in it. Then he shook his head.

"We've found something much bigger than a missing prisoner, haven't we?"

Roy shrugged as he carefully chewed the stale crust of the cold bread. "It seems so."

"For once, it's something you know nothing about."

There was no response to that. Roy ate in silence, and Ed resumed the mindless pattern in the gritty dirt. Outside the mine's entrance the snow began to fall furiously, covering the dusty ground with its mud-filled slush. It was too heavy for them to travel anywhere until dawn. In the distance the glow of the town could be seen, its intensity fading as the shops and taverns began to close their doors for the night.

Ed's thoughts began to grow more panicked as he thought about Al being all alone, wherever he was. The guilt of leaving his younger brother alone and unprotected while he spent the night at Roy's weighed heavily on his mind. He was vaguely aware of the shift in the shadows across from him as Roy slid out of his heavy gray coat.

"What if they take him to a lab?" A soft, near trembling voice suddenly asked.

Roy paused for a few seconds before he reached up to unfasten the short blue jacket of his uniform. "There's nothing you can do about it now, Ed. You're not going to get anywhere in this." He quietly replied as he gestured towards the snow. "You'll just have to wait until morning and figure out a plan."

Ed turned his head and watched as the older alchemist folded his short jacket into a pillow of sorts. "If they touch that seal…." Metal and flesh fingers clenched into tight fists. There was something feral in the boy's voice now, something wholly vicious. It was enough to make Roy turn and look at him. "Then I swear that it will be the last thing they ever do."

Roy closed his eyes. "They wouldn't risk that, Ed." He tried to assure. "More than likely, if the military does have him, they'll use him for testing. But, like I said, there's nothing we can do about it now."

A quiet, subtle realization whispered into Ed's thoughts then. Roy had said _we_ instead of _you_. That fact was tucked into the back of the distraught alchemist's mind for later processing. For now, he turned and watched as Roy laid on his side, his back to Ed, and pulled his coat over himself as a blanket. It would be a few minutes before the boy curled up a few feet away from him, tucking his knees to his chest in an effort to keep his body heat from escaping. Ed closed his eyes and listened as the breaths echoing in the dark cave began to slow.

"Roy?"

The older one swallowed a few times, trying to ease the gravelly feeling that had suddenly settled in his throat.

"Yeah?"

Ed drew in a deep breath. "I'm sorry you got demoted trying to help us."

The older one sighed but said nothing for a long time. After a while, Ed just shrugged figuring that he had fallen asleep. He was trying to find a more comfortable spot amid the hard ground when a quiet response reached his ears. "I wasn't demoted." Roy finally replied. "I'm still a colonel."

"You know what I mean."

Roy said nothing. The younger alchemist heavily sighed.

"You'll be in some trouble for helping me escape, huh?"

This time, the older one cleared his throat.

"Get some sleep, Ed."

The boy closed his eyes. "Yeah."

But with guilt and fear eating away at his soul like a parasite, sleep was the last thing Ed could do. Throughout everything he had endured, throughout the loneliness and resentment of being abandoned by their father, through the agony of their mother's death, through the brutality of their attempt to bring her back and the costly price they paid for it, Ed had always been comforted by the fact that Al was right there beside him. He was _never_ alone. It was the only truth that made things bearable. But here, now, even with the softly snoring figure just a few feet from him, Ed felt very, very alone.

A quiet sob threatened to escape. Ed suddenly turned and scooted closer to Roy, curling up next to his warm body. The coat had fallen a little when Roy had moved in his sleep, turning onto his back, and now his partially unbuttoned shirt was exposed. Ed nestled his head on the slowly rising chest and breathed out a shuddered sigh.

"I can't lose him, Roy. He's all I have." Ed's voice trembled fiercely as he tried to bury his tears. His fingers gripped the wrinkled shirt so hard that he unknowingly pulled off a button. "Al is all I have."

Roy had to fight to keep his breaths steady and not betray that he had been awakened by the sudden warmth against his chest. He bit his tongue hard so the three words that were pushing to escape his lips could not.

_You have me….._

He waited until long after he was assured the younger one was asleep before he brought his hand up, letting it settle on the boy's hip, and pressed him closer.

TBC….


	9. Chapter 9

_**Demons and Redemption**_

_Chapter 9_

Ed awoke to a sharp pain digging under the small of his back. A quiet grumble escaped as he squirmed, trying to ease the burning sting. After a few seconds, he began to drift again, slipping back into his dream world of muted, swirling images. But just as he found himself on the brink of sleep, the searing pain ground into his back again. Ed sighed heavily as he reached behind himself and swatted away a jagged rock with his automail hand. He smiled in satisfaction when he heard it smash into pieces several feet away. The rock deserved it after all for disturbing his much needed sleep, Ed reasoned. What was a rock doing in his bed anyway? It didn't have a right to be there among the softness of his mattress and warm wool blankets. There was only one problem with his theory. A problem Ed was slowly beginning to realize.

He wasn't sleeping in his bed.

Ed opened his eyes and blinked. This wasn't his mattress. It was cold, it was hard, and it was causing dust to stir up in a small cloud every time he breathed out.

This definitely wasn't his mattress.

The young alchemist sighed. If he wasn't in his bed, then where…? But then he remembered. The inn. Al's disappearance. The mines. And Roy.

_Roy_.

The heat he had been pressed against all night. The steady heartbeat he had let lull him to his dreams. The one that had come looking for him in the harshness of a late winter storm. Ed narrowed his eyes trying to adjust to the shadowed cavern. He must have shifted in his sleep and was now curled up on his side, knees bent and tucked close to his chest. He couldn't feel the heat of that other body now, and he shivered as a cold draft suddenly brushed against him. Sleep beckoned him again, trying to lure him back, but there were two things that were stopping him: Al and the deep rumbling in his stomach. Only one of those things could be taken care of at the moment.

"Hey, bastard, do you still have a piece of—"

But when Ed turned over as he was probing for a little breakfast, he found he was asking the question to a disheveled pile of dirt.

Roy was gone.

Ed closed his eyes and tried to pretend that his heart wasn't sinking at the discovery. After all, why would Roy follow him on his quest for Al? The man was a dog of the military, a cog in their machine. He didn't have time to scour through every nook in every desolate town trying to find the armor-trapped soul. He had seen that Ed was safe, that the boy was fully capable of proceeding on his own. There was no reason for him to stick around any longer. Not when he had his own problems to rectify back in town.

Ed stretched his arms above his head before slowly rising to his feet. As he reached down to brush off the grime that covered his black pants, he found himself asking just _why _he was upset. Roy had every right to leave, every reason to walk out of the crumbling mine shaft. The blond braid shook back and forth before Ed finally admitted the answer to himself.

"I needed you, Roy."

The revelation had slipped from his lips unnoticed. Unnoticed by _Ed_. At least until a soft rustle and the low clearing of a throat betrayed that Ed wasn't as alone as he thought. He swung around, face flushed from more than the bitterly cold winds, and met a pair of onyx eyes.

"I've been looking around the mine." Roy quietly said, his face betraying no sign that he had heard the sentiment. He was holding a small lantern he had found just inside the long tunnel. "I've found something you should see."

Ed nodded, his embarrassment not yet allowing him to use his voice. He brushed the rest of the dirt off of his clothes before walking over to the other alchemist.

"Hungry now?"

The boy drew his eyes to the extended hand and the piece of bread cradled in it. It took a few seconds, but Ed finally accepted the offering.

"Something's happened here."

Ed's brow furrowed as he tore the stale bread in half. "What do you mean?" He asked, shoving the meager breakfast into his mouth.

"You'll see."

They walked in silence. Ed ducked behind the older one, following in his shadow. Every now and then, his golden eyes would dart up and study the jagged walls. It was an oppressively small space, and the slope of the chiseled walls made the tunnel seem like it was growing more narrow with each step. Ed couldn't imagine what it would be like having to spend day after day trapped in this dark place, only earning enough money to put a scanty meal on the table and a patched roof over one's head. He was so focused on the thought that he didn't notice the figure ahead of him had suddenly stopped. Not until he smacked right into it.

"Sorry." Ed mumbled, immediately drawing back.

Roy simply shook his head and gestured to the open cavern before them. "Look."

The massive space was eerie in its emptiness. There were no workers there that day, and by the dust that covered some of the tools, it looked like there hadn't been many there in a while. Pick axes littered the ground and gloves were discarded along side them, as if everyone had left unexpectedly. But those things didn't hold Ed's attention for long. Not when there was something far more ominous along the far wall.

"What….?"

It was blood. _Everywhere._ Splattered in morbid patterns against the serrated rock of the wall. Dripping gruesome paths along the slope before collecting in large pools at its base. Several sets of footprints that had smudged over one another circled around the pools.

"What….happened here?"

The older one's dark eyes narrowed. "Something more than mining."

Ed walked further in, his eyes widening in horror. He had briefly searched the main cavern of the mine when he had gotten there last night, but without the benefit of the Flame Alchemist to light the lantern. All he had seen was what _wasn't _there. Al.

The boy looked down, brows lowered in shock, and examined the blood-stained dirt. He was vaguely aware of the rustling behind him.

"_Ed_."

The golden eyes drew to the side, watching as the dark head nodded to the ground beside them. Ed turned and followed the man's gaze, his eyes widening at the sight of a very distinct set of footprints. Ones that had ground heavily into the dirt. Large ones with very pointed toes.

"_Al._"

Roy slowly nodded as he squatted next to the prints, drawing the lantern closer to inspect them. "He's been here."

Ed turned and looked at the gruesome scene behind him before shakily kneeling beside the older alchemist.

"Wh-Where is he?"

"I don't know, but I think—"

"I'm going to _**kill**_them."

"Edward, I don't think—"

"I'm going to find every last one of those military bastards, string them up—"

"_**Ed!**_"

The boy looked down at the hands that were now gripping his collar, momentarily snapping him out of his rage. He brushed the gloved hands away before drawing back and crossing his arms over his chest.

"What?"

"First of all, we don't know for sure that the military is involved in this." Roy carefully pointed out. "And secondly, I don't think whoever has Al is interested in experimenting on him. I think they need him."

"For what?"

"His strength." The older alchemist replied. "Do you see how deep the groove marks from the carts are in the dirt? They're mining something much heavier than coal here."

The blond shook his head in confusion. "Why would Al help someone without telling me? He just…..He wouldn't leave me like that."

Roy narrowed his dark eyes and shook his head. "I don't know." He honestly answered. "But when you didn't come back to the inn, he may have thought that you were in custody. He may have been tricked."

The boy's expression changed from worry to absolute guilt. Roy realized his mistake instantly and held out his hand.

"Ed, I didn't mean to imply—"

But the younger one had suddenly turned and bolted, running down the narrow shaft towards the mine's entrance. It took a few seconds before a stunned Roy could react. He caught the boy just as he made it into the heavy snow, wrapping his arms around the slim waist to pull him back inside.

"_**No!**_" The older one sharply ordered. "You'll freeze to death out there."

"_**Let go!**_" Ed yelled, struggling against the powerful grip. "I have to find Al!"

"Ed, you'll never make it—not in this." Roy calmly countered, his grasp still tight. "Look, he's probably at the prison, and if he is, then he's safe. If they need him, they won't harm him. We need to wait until—"

"Use your alchemy, you bastard!" Ed sharply interrupted. "_Melt_ the damn snow!"

Roy shook his head, wincing as the heel of a heavy black boot made contact with his shin. "I can't do that, Ed." He replied. "I can't—"

"_**Melt it!**_"

"_Ed!_" Roy gave an exasperated sigh as he finally dropped his arms. "It wouldn't help. They're going to be looking for you. You can't go there until—"

But Ed had taken all he could. He swung around, his golden eyes blazing with an unbridled fury, and glared at the older one.

"All you care about is yourself!" He yelled, his guilt over his brother's disappearance manifesting in a feral rage against the only other person available at the moment. Unfortunately for Roy, that person was him. "You don't want me to go to the prison because it'll cost _you_. You're too worried about getting yourself out of trouble so that you can get another damn star on your shoulder. Well guess what, bastard? You're the one who got us into this mess. You came to _us_ promising everything under the sun so that I would become the next great find, and you would get all the credit. Well you _owe_ Al and me, you selfish bastard. I need you, and you damn well better come through."

There was a thick silence before Roy finally turned and headed from one storm to another. He stood in the mine's entrance, allowing the heavy snow to sting his skin. "You don't need _me_, Ed." He quietly said, his voice suddenly very hollow. "You need my alchemy."

With that he lifted his hand and slowly snapped, disintegrating the wall of snow with a flash of bright light. He walked a few steps into the clearing and snapped a few more times, making a path towards the prison. Then he lifted up the collar of his coat to shield himself from the pelting snow and headed into the blizzard back to town. He did not clear a path for himself.

XXXXX

Roy sighed as he flipped the page of the report. He had been milling through the recent ledgers and documents from the mines since he had gotten home that night, trying to find any clue as to what was truly going on there. He had discovered that starting nearly a year ago, the number of miners collecting a salary from the state began to steadily dwindle. He also discovered that at the same time, the number of prisoners reported at Youswell began to decline as well. When he began to compare the two, he saw that for every number of miners no longer working, the exact same number was reported as transferred prisoners out of Youswell. Ed had been right. This was something much bigger than they had realized.

A horrible yawn contorted Roy's striking face as he finally set the folder down on his desk. It was snowing again, and the oddly shaped flakes were clinging thickly against his window. He reached up and rubbed his aching eyes, startled a little by the whistle of the tea kettle in his kitchen. He had nearly forgotten he had put it on the stove a while ago. Yet he was more startled by the blond alchemist standing by his backdoor staring up at him through slush-covered bangs.

"You left it unlocked."

Roy said nothing as he walked over and turned off the stove. Ed watched as he took two mugs down from the cabinet and carefully placed a fragrant tea bag in each one before pouring in the hot water.

"So…..how much trouble are you in?" Ed asked sheepishly.

Roy stared down at his mug, mindlessly listening to the spoon clinking against the porcelain as he stirred the tea. "The Fuhrer wants you to report directly to Central." He answered, his voice even and emotionless. "There's a train leaving the station at seven tomorrow morning. He wants you on it."

Ed scoffed. "Like that will happen."

Roy simply shrugged. Ed watched as he placed the steaming mug on the table and motioned for him to sit down.

"What, you aren't going to drag me kicking and screaming there?" The blond asked as he settled in one of the uncomfortable chairs.

Roy shook his head. "You're no longer under my command, per the orders of Fuhrer Bradley." He quietly replied. "You're not my concern now."

Somehow, even though Ed had said much more acrid things that morning, Roy's words stung. Bitterly. The younger alchemist lowered his head. "Oh."

"He'll ask you about the prison."

Ed stared down at the cup, allowing its fragrant steam to brush against his face. "I didn't try to go in this time." He answered. "There were too many guards."

Roy lowered his thin, black eyebrows. "They must be starting to transfer them." He whispered more to himself.

The sound of the mug scraping against the tattered oak table echoed throughout the small kitchen as Ed pushed it away from him. Roy stayed standing, with his back to the unusually silent boy.

"Roy…" Ed softly started. "This morning….what I said. I didn't—"

"You can stay here tonight since you have nowhere else." Roy abruptly interrupted. "Do you want the couch or the bed?"

Ed folded his arms on the table and rested his chin on them, staring aimlessly at the cream-colored mug. "The couch I guess."

The older one left an extra pillow and blanket in the den before he walked into his bedroom and slammed the door behind him.

XXXXX

Roy was close to the edge of finding his restless dreams when a sudden jolting of the mattress hurled him back. At first, he thought he had imagined it, that his exhausted mind was trying to trick him. But as he reached out his arm, stretching it before he fell back into a dark sleep, it touched something. Something warm. Something short with a blond braid. Roy's eyes immediately flew open and meet the sheepish gold ones.

"I was cold."

Roy examined the younger one's face, studying the way the moonlight chased the shadows across it. Then he gave a defeated nod and closed his eyes again, tucking his hand under his pillow. He found himself on the brink of sleep once again when a realization crept up and dragged him back. Ed was shuddering from the chill.

"Still cold?" He asked, his voice dry and gravelly.

"Yeah."

Roy sighed before he reached across the smaller frame and grabbed something off of his nightstand. Ed wondered just what he was searching for when a snap answered his question. There was a low hiss, then crackling as flames roared in the fireplace across the room. Roy slipped his glove off and nestled back under the covers, letting his arm drop and remain slung over Ed's waist.

"I guess I do need you for your alchemy." Ed said with a wide grin.

"It was easier than getting out of the bed, pipsqueak."

For once Ed ignored the taunt and tentatively nestled closer. "Admit it." He softly dared. "You did that just for me."

Roy swallowed hard, keeping his eyes closed, then whispered his answer against the boy's neck. "There are a lot of things I do just for you, Ed." The last part of the quiet sentiment went unspoken.

_You just don't see them_.

The shudder that time was not from the cold.

When Roy felt the jostling next to him again, he didn't have time to ask what was wrong. The soft but urgent pressing of lips against his own stole that chance. He parted his lips, coaxing Ed's tongue to play with his own. Roy moaned softly at the feel of the warmth invading his mouth. His hand came up, wrapping itself around the back of Ed's neck, his fingertips digging into the base of the loosened braid.

As the kiss deepened, Roy shifted so that he was hovering over the smaller alchemist. His fingers slipped from the braid and moved along the boy's jaw, tracing the curve of it. Ed reached up and grabbed a fistful of raven locks, pulling the older one as close to him as possible.

Roy finally pulled back, reaching up and freeing his hair from the automail grip. He pushed the hand down onto the pillow, pinning it in place by the wrist. His dark eyes flashed as they studied the flushed face below them. Ed's eyes were wide, their gold suddenly very deep. His lips were parted as he drew in quick breaths. Strands of his blond hair were stuck to his forehead, now sweat-slicked from the heat of the fire and the heat of a certain Flame Alchemist's kiss. Roy suddenly grinned and leaned down for another.

Ed could have easily swatted away the hand holding his automail one, but he decided to let the man think he was in control. But as long as his flesh hand was free, the small blond reasoned, at least it could do some exploring.

Roy smiled into the kiss when he felt fingers tugging at the collar of his shirt. His smile grew to a wide grin when he felt the insistent fingers slip further down, trying to undo the buttons. But Ed being Ed, there was little patience in the act. Roy broke the kiss and drew back when he heard the snap of thread and then buttons flying across the room, finally toppling to the wooden floor below.

"You're going to pay for the tailoring to fix that, Fullmetal."

Ed flashed his lopsided grin. "Take it out of my budget, bastard."

The low growl that was the boy's response turned into a groan when the wandering fingers brushed over a sensitive nipple. Ed felt the soft lips pull from his own before latching onto his neck, gently sucking at the sensitive flesh. His own groan escaped, and his fingers became more daring, yanking the wrinkled white shirt completely open.

As Roy's lips trailed down the soft neck, he felt fingertips tracing the curve of his ribcage. He suddenly pulled back and sat up, struggling to free himself from the shirt. Ed watched as it ended up in a crumpled mess on the floor, surrounded by its loose buttons. He watched, and his breaths quickened even more.

Ed had never seen the raven-haired alchemist without his shirt. A technicality that was kind of ridiculous considering what they had already done together. But there was something about the intimacy of it that struck the boy. Roy was sitting there, looking down at him, the glow of the fire he had created just for Ed surrounding him. His physique matched his personality—subtle but strong. The muscles that shaped his upper arms and his chest were firm but not overstated. Golden eyes absorbed every detail of the smooth skin, drawing down to the faint trail of dark hair that started just below the flat stomach and disappeared into the waist band of the blue boxers. He was snapped out of his admiring trance by a sudden tugging on his black tank.

As Ed was pulling his tank over his head, he felt fingers yanking at the waist of his own boxers. Before he could fumble out of his top, the boxers were already halfway down his thighs, being pulled with an utter sense of urgency. Soon he was completely naked, a sudden flush coloring his face as he watched Roy mapping every inch of him. When he lifted his knees a little, reflexively trying to cover himself, he felt strong hands clamp down on them. The hands then shifted, gently spreading the thighs. The younger alchemist was suddenly very aware of the jagged scars that marred his body, melding flesh with metal. Roy had seen it before, but their last encounter had been frenzied and hurried. Now, the older one was memorizing every inch with a deliberate slowness, making Ed very self-conscious. Roy seemed to sense it and leaned down, placing a tender kiss on the warm forehead. He nuzzled his face against the boy in a silent gesture. One that spoke volumes to Ed.

_You're beautiful to __**me**_.

The lips then lazily wandered down, stalling for a moment over the pale pink ones before capturing them. The dark head dipped lower, and a warm tongue joined the lips in their exploration of the exposed chest. A lick here, a nip there, and a few well-placed bites elicited low, whimpered moans. Roy suddenly felt hands on his shoulders, gripping them as the intensity of his gentle bites increased. He moved further and further down until his lips at last found the prize they had been seeking all along.

"_**Roy….**_"

Ed's back had suddenly arched, bowing up from the soft mattress, and his fingers had dug deeply into the smooth skin they were clutching.

Roy had taken him into his mouth.

"_Please…._"

The heat of that wet cavern and the softness of the warm breaths had Ed's hips bucking so violently that Roy had to grip them hard to keep the boy against the bed. His tongue teased the head, swirling around and around before it finally relented and slid down the length of the shaft. The pressure of the warm tongue against his throbbing erection was nearly too much for the boy, and Roy could tell that he was already very close. He fumbled for the nightstand and the small jar in it, knocking his gloves to the floor in the process. By the time Roy pressed a slick finger to the boy's entrance, Ed was whimpering with every breath.

The dark head suddenly drew back, and Roy began to slip his boxers down enough to free his own pulsing erection. When he leaned forward, the grip on his shoulders suddenly tightened with an almost painful need.

"Take them off."

The onyx eyes met the golden ones at the breathless command. Ed offered an almost coy smile.

"It's only fair…." He pointed out.

Roy shook his head as he reached down to slide the cotton boxes off completely, and Ed caught the smile that briefly passed over his lips. After a little awkward shifting and struggling, the boxers found themselves wadded up in a dark corner.

The first contact of skin to skin caused a hiss from both of them. Ed spread his legs wider, allowing Roy to settle between them. Flesh and metal rubbed against one another in anticipation as blond curls mingled with dark black ones. Roy drew in a deep breath and stared down into the wide golden eyes before he gently eased his way in.

Ed gasped loudly, squirming at the intrusion. He tried to find a more comfortable position, and Roy paused, waiting for the body beneath his own to settle.

"More?" Roy finally asked, his voice now rich with a husky tone.

The boy drew in a deep breath and nodded. The older one complied and slid a little deeper, searching Ed's face for any sign that he should stop. But the dancing eyes revealed that was hardly the case. Ed suddenly wrapped his legs around Roy's straight hips, digging an automail heel into the small of his back, trying to urge his thrust to go deeper. Roy reached back with one hand, running his fingers along the boy's thigh before reaching under and tickling the underside of Ed's knee. The sensation caught the younger one off guard, and he lifted his thigh a little allowing Roy to fully penetrate him.

"Are you alright?"

There was something about the sudden tenderness in Roy's voice that struck Ed. Here, now, in his bed, the absolute power of the famous Flame Alchemist was being tamed just for him. Ed reached down and took hold of the hand teasing his knee, intertwining the strong fingers with his own. He felt a gentle kiss against the base of his throat before Roy pulled back and thrust in a not-so-gentle way deep inside him.

The blond head tipped back, and a low groan escaped Ed's lips before they were covered with another pair. Roy was in no hurry this time, and even with the urgent squeezing of the thighs hooked around his waist, he managed to keep a tauntingly slow rhythm. In and out. In and out. Slow and deep. Roy smiled at each breathless plea for him to go faster, and simply shook his head, his onyx eyes flashing. It wasn't until Ed shifted his thighs, raising them a little, that Roy hit him just right inside. The cry that it caused finally urged the older one to speed up his movements. Roy leaned down and buried his face in the pillow beside the loose strands of blond hair and just let _go_.

It was Ed who came first. The nearly inaudible whimper in the form of his name pushed him over the edge. Roy didn't last much longer, gripping the fingers in his with an unrestrained strength until he had emptied himself completely. Then he collapsed on top of the smaller body, chest heaving as he fought to find his breaths.

Roy wasn't sure just how long they stayed like that, breathing against one another. But when he finally tried to pull back, he felt the flesh fingers disentangle themselves from his own and then join metal ones as they clasped around his neck.

"Don't…." A soft whisper begged him. "Stay like this."

The older one only had the strength to nod.

Ed woke up a few hours later to discover they had shifted in their sleep. They were back to their original positions again, with Roy sleeping on his side and Ed on his back next to him. A heavy arm was draped over Ed's waist, and soft snores tickled his ear. The fire had started to die down, allowing only a muted glow to light the room. Ed carefully turned his head so that he could study the sleeping figure next to him. The thin cotton sheet was partially covering Roy, drawn up to his waist. It slipped a little at his hips, allowing Ed a glimpse of the dark curls that crowned the now sleeping penis. The older one's chest was barely moving as he drew in deep, steady breaths. Ed reached over and let his fingers lightly ghost along the curve of his arm, along his straight hip, and finally along the top of the sculpted thigh. Roy shivered a little from the touch but stayed locked in his dreams.

Ed suddenly drew his hand back and closed his eyes, a sorrowful sigh whispering from his lips. Here, in the quiet solitude of his lover's bed, one very real truth began to emerge.

_Equivalent Exchange_.

Ed was too…._happy_. Even with Al missing, he knew deep in his heart that his brother was safe, and that he would find him soon. Especially with Roy's help. Ed hadn't felt this content in a long time. Not with all he had suffered, not with the self-imposed shackles that bound him to his goal. But everything came with a price—that was a lesson the young alchemist knew all too well. If he was happy it meant that sometime soon, there would be suffering to balance it. Equivalent Exchange. The knot in his stomach that was growing tighter with each passing minute told him that something was going to happen. Something would go very wrong. And although the boy tried to shake the feeling as he stared at his lover, at the peace which he had never seen before settling across Roy's striking face, the fact of the matter remained.

Ed was _right_.

TBC…

**A/N: Thanks so much to those who are reading and reviewing! It's so nice to hear feedback about the story. :)**


	10. Chapter 10

_**Demons and Redemption**_

_Chapter 10_

It was a sudden chill that woke Ed. Like stinging chards of ice being driven into his spine. He shuddered hard before pulling his knees further into his chest, curling into a tighter ball. The blankets that were tucked around him seemed to offer little warmth and even less protection. He clenched his jaw more tightly with each breath, trying in vain to stop the rattling of his teeth. The cold had permeated his dreams as easily as it had the soft blankets over him, and soon the boy found himself bolted upright, staring into an unsettling darkness. He blinked his golden eyes a few times trying to adjust, trying to place just where he was.

Then he remembered.

The snow. The cold. The fire.

And _Roy_.

The boy swallowed a few times before rubbing his eyes with his flesh hand. When he refocused on the gray shadows, he realized that two of those things were now gone: the fire and the man who had created it with a single snap.

Ed sighed. He was alone again.

Alone and _naked_.

The boy strained his neck, peering around the dark room in an attempt to find his clothes. The scattered moonlight betrayed their hiding place in the far corner. Another sigh. Ed didn't feel like walking across the cold floor to retrieve them. He didn't know how long he sat there staring at them before a quiet rustling from behind the closed bedroom door invaded his thoughts. His eyebrows furrowed a little as he pulled the blanket from the bed and wrapped it around his shivering frame. Then he softly padded across the room and cracked open the door.

"_Roy…._"

The older alchemist was clad in the deep blue pants of his uniform and a crisp white dress shirt, sitting at the desk at the far end of the den. Ed could see from the sheen of the fading moonlight that the dark hair was wet from a recent shower, and he quietly cursed himself for not waking up in time to join him. It was obvious to the younger one that Roy had not heard him, that his attention was absorbed by something on the desk that Ed couldn't quite see. The boy lifted a little onto the balls of his feet, flesh and metal grinding against the hardwood floor, to try and catch a glimpse of what it was. But then the raven locks shook back and forth, as if Roy were answering some question deep in his soul, and that object was slipped back into the top drawer and locked away. Golden eyes narrowed as they watched Roy slide a piece of paper from another drawer before grabbing a pen. The quiet skating of the metal tip against the smoothness of the paper and the oak underneath was the only sound that filled the room as Ed watched every movement of the man's hand. Ed tilted his head to the side, the tousled strands of blond hair slipping into his eyes, watching as the pen was carefully set on the edge of the desk. He studied the curve of the older one's neck as Roy leaned down and gently blew on the paper, drying the thin trail of ink. Then the man very precisely folded the piece of paper and rose to his feet. Ed instantly ducked back into the room and curled under the blankets, closing his eyes to feign that he was still stirring in his dreams.

The boy fought to even out his breaths as quiet footsteps came closer and closer to the room. The soft creak of the door caused a slight hitch in his throat, but the footsteps went decisively around the bed and over to the closet. Ed curled his fingers around the edge of the pillow, listening as Roy slipped on the blue military jacket before buttoning his gray coat over it. Then the black boots moved again, this time tentatively.

This time to the bed.

Ed swallowed, feeling the onyx eyes on his back. The younger alchemist wasn't sure just how much time passed, but he did know that each minute seemed to torture him in its slowness. Finally, the rustling of wool filled the unbearable silence, and Ed felt the blanket being tucked more securely over his automail shoulder. It took every ounce of self-restraint the boy had not to smirk at the gesture of Roy trying to keep his metal arm warm. But then he felt fingertips tenderly tuck the loose strands of hair back behind his ear before a gentle kiss was placed on its soft, exposed lobe. Then it took all the boy had for that smirk not to turn into a smile. Ed suddenly heard Roy slip something under his automail hand, and after that, the boy was alone. When the golden eyes finally opened, he realized just what it was.

The letter Roy had been writing.

A sudden chill caught Ed's heart. A sudden fear. The last time he had found a note from the man, things didn't exactly end the way either of them had wanted. Guesses at what the words were hidden within the folded paper began to race through the boy's mind, and none of them were reassuring. Did Roy want him to leave? Did the words lament the man's regret for the night before? Would they tell Ed that he was too young, that everything had been a mistake, that Roy had only allowed him into his bed because he had felt sorry for him? The cruel thoughts began to lap over one another, circling in the young alchemist's mind, entangling themselves tighter and tighter until they wound themselves into an endless pit of doubt.

Ed finally sighed and struggled to find his way out of his cocoon of soft cotton. He pulled his knees up and rested his chin on them, staring at the paper for a while. He ran his fingertips over the edge of the crisp folds, drawing in slow breaths. Then he finally straightened his legs and unfolded the note.

_Don't go anywhere until I come home tonight. We can figure out what to do about finding Alphonse then. _

_You need to trust me._

—_Roy _

Ed didn't realize the loud sigh of relief that escaped. The sigh or the wide grin. He stared at the meticulous handwriting for a while before he refolded the paper and slid it onto the nightstand. A quick glance at the small window revealed the waning of the night sky. It was almost dawn. Ed's grin grew.

He had plenty of time.

He could sneak back to the prison, hunt for any clues as to his younger brother's whereabouts, and be back before Roy ever knew he was gone. Roy may have needed his trust, but Al needed _him_. A gaping yawn suddenly contorted the boy's face. Ed reached up and ran his hands through his hair, tugging a little on his bangs. The chill shuddered through him once again. Golden eyes drew to the corner of the room, where they fell on his clothes still wadded up in the corner, waiting for him to retrieve them. Then they shifted to the bathroom door, which was even further away. The boy grumbled as he finally threw off his blanket, letting the cold air hit his skin. It was the best way he knew to wake himself up. He knew he needed to leave soon if he was to slip back into the tiny apartment before its owner came home. The boy was confident, though. Ed knew he could investigate any information about where they were keeping Al and return to Roy's apartment without a hitch.

After all, he _was_ the Fullmetal Alchemist.

XXXXX

"Colonel?"

Roy was sitting at his desk, staring at another purposeless document that needed his approval. Even though he had been mindlessly adding his signature to paper after paper that morning, the stack which sat precariously on the far corner of his polished desk never seemed to dwindle. It was as if the papers had melded together into some mythical creature, and for every one he signed, two more would spring in its place. His mind was far from the rationing of army supplies within the region at the moment. As each hour passed, it drifted more and more towards a certain blond-haired alchemist he had left asleep in his bed that morning. One by one, images from the night before began to float back from his memories, slipping into the forefront of his mind. The way the boy looked as he writhed beneath him. The low groans that would escape from deep in his throat when Roy reached that spot deep inside him. The wisps of blond hair that became trapped against a sweat-soaked forehead. With each thought of Ed, Roy's stomach began to twist into a knot, trying to tell the man that something wasn't right. Roy was worried. They would be looking for the renegade alchemist now that he hadn't shown up in Central on the early train. But he had left a note telling the boy to stay put for the time being.

Ed _would_ do what Roy told him, the older one kept telling himself.

_Wouldn't he?_

"Colonel?"

The dark eyes drew towards the figure standing in the wooden doorframe.

"Yes?"

"There's a phone call from the Central Command Center for you."

Roy's body tensed for a moment before he recovered and gave the lower-ranking officer a slight nod. He motioned with his hand for the man to leave and then reached over for the receiver.

"Colonel Mustang."

The Flame Alchemist was more than hoping that the voice on the other end was a familiar one, one that would have the information he had requested about the prison transfers the day before.

He would get half of his wish.

"Mustang, you sound tired. Is everything alright there?"

The dark eyes widened. "Fuhrer, sir…..what can I do for you?"

"Well, it seems Fullmetal wasn't able to make his train on time." The cool voice answered. "As he's needed here in Central, I'm calling to make sure he boards the one tomorrow morning."

"_Needed_ in Central, sir?" Roy asked, trying to keep the concern from slipping into his voice. "I thought you were simply asking him to return to keep an eye on him."

"There are a few things I need to discuss with him, Mustang. Things you shouldn't concern yourself with." Fuhrer Bradley firmly replied. "I take it that if you have seen Fullmetal today, you'd tell me?"

"Of course, sir." Roy made sure to answer without hesitation. "But I have neither seen nor had any contact with the Elrics since we last spoke, sir."

"I figured as much." The Fuhrer's tone indicated otherwise. "I knew I had placed my trust in you for a reason, Mustang."

Roy tapped his fingers against the side of his desk. "I take it you will be assigning me the task of finding Fullmetal, sir."

A quiet chuckle preceded the Fuhrer's answer. "I'm afraid you'll be too busy for such a simple assignment."

Roy drew back, his jaw dropping a little in shock. "Busy, sir?"

"Yes. I want to make sure that Youswell's prisoners make it up north without any problems. I know you're the perfect one to handle the situation. You'll be leaving with them in the morning."

The young man shook his head. "And Fullmetal?"

"I've already spoken to your subordinates about it." Bradley answered shortly. "They'll be handling things while you're away—including finding the boy. No need for you to be occupied with that while there are more important things that require your attention. Remember, Mustang, I'm putting my full trust in you."

"Yes, sir. I appreciate that, sir."

A dial tone was his response. The Fuhrer's was the stack of unsigned papers being dumped into the trash. Roy sighed as he turned his chair and stared into the dreary winter sky. The knot in his stomach began to burn, pulling a few more internal organs along with it. He closed his eyes and hoped that his fugitive alchemist had read his note.

_You __**need**__ to trust me, Ed._

XXXXX

Ed was impressed with himself.

After a long day of walking against the harsh winds and through the desolate land outside the town, he had returned just before sunset. But his neglected stomach hadn't been as impressed. Ever since the boy had reached town, it had grumbled its grievance with an increasing loudness, drawing the attention of a few people walking close to him. By the time he finally reached Roy's apartment, the young alchemist was convinced that starvation was a real possibility. He tossed his slush-covered jacket on the couch and headed into the kitchen to pilfer whatever awaited him.

Which wasn't much.

"Guess you eat out a lot." Ed mumbled, staring at a nearly bare pantry.

After a few minutes of scavenging, the blond finally found a few ingredients that when mixed together, might actually resemble a meal. He searched the cabinets for a pot and walked over to the small stove, ready to whip together an actual dinner.

Ed leaned over the pot of boiling water, peering in at the noodles as the bubbles spun furiously around them. He reached over for the nearly empty container of salt and gave it a few shakes over the fragrant pot, a grin overtaking his face. The boy shook his head as he glanced back at the now set table. Even though the plates and silverware were mismatched, even though there was only one set of chopsticks and a large jagged chip in one of the bowls, he had managed to make it look very presentable.

This was all so very…_domestic_.

Ed grinned again as he reached over to turn off the stove.

He was _very_ impressed with himself.

"Well?"

Roy had walked in the door a few minutes later, his head lowered, melting snow glistening within his saturated locks. He had been very quiet, keeping his onyx eyes distinctly off of the younger alchemist as he ran his fingers through his hair. Neither noticed the fine spray of melting snow that spattered around him, covering the gold stars on his shoulders. Without a word, Roy had walked into the kitchen and settled at the table, staring down at the bowl of fragrant food. Now he sat very quietly picking over the noodles with the prongs of his fork. He had yet to take a bite.

The older alchemist finally cleared his throat. "It's good."

Ed scoffed. "You don't have to lie to me if you don't like it."

_That_ finally earned him a glimpse of the stormy onyx eyes. Roy stared at the younger one with an uncomfortable scrutiny before returning his attention to the stiffening noodles.

"Did you get my note?"

The boy sighed. "Yeah."

"You must have been bored sitting here all day."

"Well, I spent a lot of time making this." Ed ventured, trying to bury the hurt that was threatening to betray itself in his voice. This was _not _the reaction he was expecting from the man whose bed he had shared twice now. Roy simple shrugged and continued to feign inspection of the meal.

Ed had taken about all that he could.

The boy drew back and flung his chopsticks onto the table. They slid against the wood with an unsettling clatter before coming to a rest against Roy's glass of water. Flesh and metal arms crossed over a heaving chest and golden eyes flared.

"That's the last time I try to do something _nice _for you, bastard."

The dark eyes lowered again and focused on the slender noodles.

"I didn't think I had enough food left to make anything."

Ed said nothing, the fire overtaking his golden irises more and more with each passing moment. Roy finally set his fork down and leaned back in his chair.

"Which is why I came back around noon to bring you some lunch." He quietly continued, his eyes raising once again. The implication of that fact immediately registered on the younger one's face. "I guess _you_ feel like you have to lie to me."

Ed's arms loosened and slid down his chest. "Roy….."

The older one suddenly stood and headed towards the den. "I'm not really hungry."

The sound of Ed's chair scraping against the floor as the boy jumped to his feet echoed behind him. Roy walked over to closet and took out the snow-drenched coat he had hung there just moments before.

"You don't understand."

The older one lowered his head. "The problem is that I _do_, Ed." He quietly contradicted. The boy watched helplessly as he slid his arm through the heavy sleeve. "You'll never trust me."

"Where are you going?"

"Out."

The blond lowered his head. "I guess you want me gone then."

But Ed was surprised by a quick shake of the dark locks. "What I want doesn't seem to matter to you, Edward." Roy truthfully answered, a hint of sorrow buried deep within his voice. The boy found it soon enough. "But I understand. We both have goals. You have to do what you have to do to achieve them. Sometimes the cost can't matter."

Ed stood there silently for a while just staring at the now empty den.

The rest of the meal was left uneaten.

XXXXX

Roy didn't know how long he just stood in the doorway to his bedroom, staring at the smaller figure at the window, framed by the moon's opalescent light. It was well after midnight by the time the man had finally slipped off the stool in the back alley bar. Surprisingly, even to the man himself, Roy had barely finished one glass all night. The rest of the time, he had stared at the melting ice sliding around the bottom of his drink, listening to the muted chatter around him. Men lamenting their wives. A waitress bickering with a patron over a meager tip. The bartender commenting on how business was slowly waning away just as the mine was. The words filtered into Roy's ears, but they went unacknowledged. There was only one thought that permeated his drowning mind as he stared at his empty glass, and as he walked through the stinging snow to his isolated apartment.

_I didn't protect Hughes, and I __**can't**__ protect Ed. _

_Besides…..I have my __**own**__ goal. _

By the time he reached his front door and his fingers groped blindly in his coat pocket for his key, he almost believed it.

_Almost_.

Then he had seen Ed.

Roy finally gained the courage to walk into the shadowed room and touch the boy. He stood behind the blond then reached up and very lightly ran the back of his fingers against Ed's stiff neck.

"I didn't think you'd still be here."

The boy shrugged.

"You'd do anything for him, wouldn't you?"

Ed closed his eyes and very quietly sighed. "He's my brother, Roy." He softly replied. "We've been to Hell and back, and I'm the one who dragged us there."

The older one simply dropped his hand and wrapped his arms loosely around the slim waist, pulling the boy against his chest. Ed shivered as the snow-drenched wool of Roy's coat brushed against his skin.

"What did you find out?"

Of course, Roy already knew.

"The prison is almost empty." Ed quietly replied. "They're moving the prisoners somewhere else. Where ever that is, Al has got to be there."

"You should let me—"

"You can't stop me, Roy." The younger one quietly declared. "I'll do everything it takes to make sure that Al is safe. He means too much to me to just sit back and wait for something to happen."

"So you know how it feels." Roy whispered as he dropped his arms and pulled back.

The younger one swung around, his golden eyes wide, his lips parted in shock. It was the closest the man had come to actually admitting he cared for Ed, that his need to protect him went beyond that of a concerned commander for his protégé.

Automail fingers suddenly grabbed Roy's collar, yanking him down so that he was closer to the fiery-eyed blond. Before the Flame Alchemist could react, lips crushed against him, forcing them open. Ed knew the man could feel his grin as he shifted them around, turning them towards the bed. The shocked gasp against his lips as the boy suddenly shoved Roy down onto the mattress and straddled the straight hips caused that grin to absolutely beam.

Ed leaned over his lover, chest heaving, blond bangs falling down into his face. Roy's dark eyes blazed brightly with a hint of their true deep blue color as they studied the face hovering above him. Roy smiled, reaching up to cup to that face, trying to lean forward enough to feel the needy touch of those lips. But Ed was faster. He slapped the hand away and shook his head, his eyes shining to match the intensity of his grin. Then he reached down and unfastened the heavy blue pants, yanking them down just far enough to expose what he had been seeking.

The first feel of lips gliding along his hardening shaft caused Roy's back to arch off the bed, and a low moan to escape his lips. He felt flesh and metal fingertips digging into his hips, and his own fingers sought the softness of the blond strands hanging down against his skin.

Roy shuddered hard as a warm, daring tongue began to explore the base of his hardening shaft. It was obvious that this was one thing that the younger alchemist did not have very much experience. But that mattered little to Roy. Just raising his eyes enough to see the blond hair splayed across his stomach and the edges of his starched shirt, to see the head move up and down in a tentative, probing rhythm, just feeling the warmth of the boy's breath between his legs and the heat of his tongue massaging his growing hardness was enough to push him towards the edge. His breaths became more ragged, and his head became too heavy to keep tilted, dropping back against the soft pillow. As his fingers fell from Ed's hair and grasped at the sheets below, Roy's mind began to drift. He realized he could not tell Ed that he knew where the prisoners were going. That _he_ would be the one to accompany them. If the boy followed him to the north to find Al, the Fuhrer would most certainly find out.

Then Roy truly wouldn't be able to protect the boy.

The older alchemist knew that he couldn't tell Ed everything just yet. If he could just keep the younger one in the dark for a little while longer, he might be able to come up with some sort of plan to find Al and smooth things over with Bradley. As each frenzied stroke of that tongue urged him to his rapidly approaching peak, the bittersweet irony of what he was doing began to seep into the ecstasy that was flooding his senses.

He was doing the very thing he had chastised Ed for just a few hours before.

He was lying to him because he didn't trust him.

He was lying to him because he needed to protect him.

He was lying to him…..

Because he _loved_ him.

TBC….

**A/N: Roy, Roy….thinks he can control everything. ;) Thanks again to all the awesome reviewers—it's so nice to get feedback for the story and know people are interested in it!**


	11. Chapter 11

_**Demons and Redemption**_

_Chapter 11_

It was snowing again. From his position on the bed, Roy could just see over the curve of the automail shoulder to watch as the delicate flakes began to slip from the night sky. Ed was softly snoring, his back pressed against the older one's rhythmically rising chest. Roy's hand was hanging over the boy's straight hip, reaching over his stomach to the thigh pressing into the malleable mattress. His fingertips were idly tracing a pattern along the hardened skin, where metal and flesh were forged into one. He was unknowingly mimicking the pattern that the ice was leaving against the softly glowing widow. Every now and then Ed would stir, as if uncomfortable with the intimate touch along his scarred hip, but then he would quietly sigh and nestle further back against the warmth of his lover's chest.

Roy closed his eyes and bent his head a little, feeling the softness of the unbraided blond locks brush against his face. He was still mulling over what exactly he was going to tell Ed in the morning. The older alchemist knew that whatever lie he did finally decide on, he would have to act as indifferent about it as possible. If Ed even remotely suspected that Roy was heading somewhere that might be connected to Al, the blond would lose any self-restraint he had left and jeopardize everything. Roy stirred a little as he contemplated his choices, causing the blanket to slip down Ed's arm. The boy grumbled in his sleep, turning his body over so that he was now facing his lover.

"…..always….hogging….covers, Al." He groggily mumbled, fumbling for the edge of the blanket. A sorrowful smile escaped Roy's lips as he mused that Ed's dreaming mind was trapped in a childhood memory. He pressed a tender kiss to the cool forehead, amazed at how the simple touch instantly stilled the restless form. His smile fell as he wished the boy's defiance could be so easily conquered.

At least enough for the older alchemist to protect him.

Roy's arms suddenly tightened, drawing the smaller frame closer against him. A quiet, grumbled protest escaped the boy before he decided somewhere in the back of his sleeping mind that he liked this sudden contact. It brought a sorrowful revelation to the awake one's mind. Here, now, in this desolate mining town, in this cramped apartment, in this tattered, worn bed, Roy could keep the boy safe.

But _only_ here.

It was out there that the Flame Alchemist feared. It was out there that had taken Hughes, that threatened to take Ed. No matter how hard he tried, the boy was determined to hurl himself headlong into danger to achieve his ultimate goal. Ed's recklessness was the water to Roy's flame: it made him _useless_.

Roy wasn't sure if he was ready to accept that.

The man suddenly pushed the figure curled against him away and slowly sat up. He drew in a deep breath, his dark eyes narrowing as they studied the shadows moving along the wall.

"What am I doing….?"

The answers began to swirl around his tormented mind, darkening it like the shadows he was watching.

_You're putting him in danger by encouraging him on this desperate quest. _

_You're putting __**yourself**__ in danger by covering for him._

_You're losing sight of your own goal by helping him with his. _

Roy reached up and rubbed his face, realizing that sleep would elude him that night. He slid out of the bed, careful of the snoring warmth next to him. Ed shifted a little, his automail hand reaching for the now empty space next to him. Roy leaned over and tucked the blankets around the small figure before grabbing his robe. As he struggled to slip his arms through the heavy flannel, he quietly made his way to the den.

The sleeping blond would find his way back to wakefulness almost an hour later. The first thing he realized as a sudden shudder overtook him was that he was cold. The second, that Roy was gone. A quiet rustling from the den revealed where the boy's lover was, and with a deep sigh, Ed threw off the thin blankets and headed for the bedroom door.

Roy was in the same spot the younger alchemist had found him the other night. Again he was sitting at that tattered desk. Again, he was hunched over something that was being held with utter care. Ed could tell by the way the shadow was moving against the far wall that Roy was shivering despite the heavy robe. Shivering or shaking…he wasn't sure just which. The boy shifted his weight from his flesh leg to his automail one as he studied the man, trying like he did before to see just what held Roy's undivided attention. But soon enough, the object was suddenly locked back in the drawer, and Roy was on his feet. Ed quickly ducked back to the bed, pulling the soft covers up enough to nearly cover his head.

Then he waited.

It seemed like an hour passed before the creak of the bedroom door let Ed know that Roy was finally coming back to bed. He laid as still as he could, fighting to even out his breaths as the mattress suddenly jolted with the weight of another person. Ed could feel an arm hesitantly fall on his waist before he was pulled against a strong chest. He could feel a chin settle on the top of his head and ragged breaths brush through his hair.

He could also smell the faintest hint of scotch.

It took the younger one a while before he found his dreams again. Long after Roy's breaths finally evened out, and just before the muted moon gave way to a chilly sunrise. When he woke up, he found that void next to him once again and the sound of clattering coming from the small kitchen.

"I made breakfast."

Ed was running a towel back and forth over his damp hair. His bangs clung to his forehead, still warm from the steam of the shower.

"_You_ cook?"

Roy smirked. "I have a lot of hidden talents."

That earned the older alchemist a roll of the golden eyes. Ed brushed the wet hair out of his face and turned to toss the towel onto the bed.

"I wouldn't call what—"

But the taunt was stopped mid-thought by the sudden discovery next to the now abandoned towel.

A half-packed suitcase.

"I've been ordered by the Fuhrer to head up north for a couple of days." Roy quietly explained. "It's just a routine inspection of a few small towns."

The golden eyes narrowed, fiercely inspecting the dark ones to determine if Roy was telling the truth. Ed suddenly turned his back to the older alchemist and lowered his head.

"Must be pretty important if Bradley gave you the orders himself."

Roy stared down at the starched shirt in his hand. "It's routine, Ed." He carefully reiterated.

"Besides….he probably just wants me out of here for a little while to search for you." Roy walked over to the bed, standing against the boy's back, and tossed the shirt into his open suitcase. He reached up and wrapped his hands around Ed's shoulders, feeling the warmth of flesh under one and the chill of metal under the other. "Which is why you need to stay right here until I get back. If they find you…..then you won't be able to keep looking for Al."

Ed sighed, grinding his teeth a little as he contemplated the older one's words. "You should send someone else." He finally said.

"I'm a 'dog of the military', Ed." Roy said, trying his best to keep his tone light. "You know that means I have to be ready to do their bidding at a moment's notice."

Ed's lips curved into a slight frown as he crossed his arms over his chest. Roy watched with a raised eyebrow as the younger alchemist stared at his half-packed suitcase.

"I should go with you." The boy suddenly asserted. "I'm not finding out anything here, and if those prisoners are being transferred anywhere near you, Al could—"

"They're not_._"

"But I might find out—"

"It would be too risky, Ed." Roy firmly interrupted. "I know you're small enough to fit into my suitcase, but—"

_That_ did it. A bright red burst across the boy's face as he flailed his arms in the air. "_**Who are you calling so small that he could—**_"

Roy stopped the tirade with a firm hand clamped over the open mouth and a well-placed bite on the flushed neck. "_You_." He whispered so softly against the out shell of Ed's ear that a noticeable shudder slithered down the smaller one's spine. He then placed a light kiss on the darkening red mark a couple of inches below the boy's ear. "Besides, you'd be bored. I'm just there to oversee the inspection of a few of the border towns."

"In other words, you'll be napping."

Roy smiled as he pressed a kiss to the younger one's temple. "Something like that."

A sudden smirk passed over the blond's lips. "_I_ could make that nap more interesting." He informed, reveling in the arms that were suddenly around him.

"Hm…..don't see how, Fullmetal."

The boy broke free of his captor's embrace and turned around. The sudden grip of an automail hand on the blue jacket nearly tore the clasp completely off of the heavy fabric.

"Well, then let me _show_ you, bastard."

Roy was half-tempted to let the younger alchemist continue—_more_ than half-tempted—but he had a train to catch. He gripped the cold metal wrist and pulled it loose, freeing the now wrinkled fabric.

"I'll be late, Ed."

The boy scoffed. "And….?"

"_And_ if we want any access to research, one of us needs to stay in the Fuhrer's good graces." Roy smirked as he shook his head. "Even if it is just by a thread."

"Hmff."

Roy shook his head before he reached around the shorter alchemist for his suitcase. Ed watched with a quiet disappointment as Roy headed for the closet.

"I could take a later train and meet you." He ventured, watching as the dark locks shook back and forth.

"I'll be back soon, Ed." The older one firmly argued as he headed for the den. "Then I can help you look for Al."

"But you might find out something about the prisoners. Maybe they—"

"_**No.**_" He was at the front door now, listening to the boy's echoing breaths grow more shallow with frustration. Roy's onyx eyes suddenly softened as he stared at the boy, arms crossed over a puffed chest, lips turned down in an offended frown. He sighed before setting his suitcase on the scuffed floor and walking over to Ed. He stood close enough to feel the younger one's warm, heavy breaths against his neck. For a while, it seemed as if he wasn't going to move, as if his own breaths depended on the ones he felt against him. But then he shifted. He leaned down and pressed his lips against the boy's slightly parted ones, capturing them with his own. Ed immediately sought the warmth of his lover's tongue, groaning in frustration when his aggression was met with tender strokes instead.

When Roy finally pulled back, breaking the kiss, two wide, fiery eyes greeted him. He cupped the boy's face and leaned back down, but this time the target of his lips was the small ear hidden by the damp blond locks.

"Don't do anything stupid." Roy whispered, his voice a strange mixture of pleading and commanding.

"When have I ever—"

Another quick press of lips to his own ended the younger one's question. Roy drew back and dropped his hand.

"Just be careful, Ed, alright?"

Ed huffed. "I'll be _fine_."

Roy's dark brows lowered as he studied the boy, searching his face. He finally nodded and turned towards the door. "I'm sure the Fuhrer has asked my subordinates to look for you. It's important you stay here, Ed." The older alchemist reached down for the worn handles of his suitcase, his back to the younger one. "Besides….I wouldn't mind having you here when I get back."

The golden eyes immediately brightened. A quick but noticeable blush also found its way to the boy's cheeks. He understood the meaning of the proclamation well enough. Ed watched as Roy reached for

the door.

"Hey, bastard."

The gloved hand paused, hovering over the brass handle. Roy turned his head just slightly, his dark hair falling into his eyes.

"Yeah?"

Ed grinned even though the man couldn't see him.

"Be careful, too."

Roy couldn't stop the smirk of satisfaction that briefly teased his lips.

XXXXX

Ed put his hands on his hips and narrowed his eyes, staring at the cramped apartment around him. He was bored. Very, very _bored_. But he was also determined to show the older alchemist that he could be trusted.

That he could do what he was told.

_Sometimes_.

Roy's breakfast consisted of some now cold over-scrambled eggs and nearly burnt toast. Ed snickered as he thought to himself how the Flame Alchemist felt the need to use too much fire in everything he did. But he _had _tried. Ed forced himself to eat a few bites of the rubbery breakfast before he decided a little investigating might help his boredom.

And he knew exactly where to start.

The desk. The one place that had a somber hold on the older alchemist, drawing him every night to its hidden solace like a siren's song. Ed still didn't know just what those onyx eyes stared at hour after hour as the moon made its journey through the stark Youswell sky. But after finding the sleeping Colonel in his office that night in Central, a near empty bottle of scotch and a picture of his slain friend nearby, Ed had some idea.

Or so he thought.

"_Damn it_."

The top drawer was locked. Ed propped his elbows on the scarred top of the oak desk, letting his chin rest on his palms. Roy had locked it for a reason. This was private. Something that the man obviously wanted to keep that way.

Ed wasn't _really _going to break into the man's private sanctuary, as tattered as it was….was he?

The sudden swish of metal slicing through the thick air answered the boy's question. His automail had transmuted into a sharp blade, its point slim enough to easily slide through the most complicated locking mechanism. One click later, and the drawer was open, its contents finally revealed to the prying blond. Its very _familiar _contents.

At first Ed thought the frozen image of Hughes was the only thing in the small drawer. But then as Ed gingerly shifted the frame to the side, lifting it a little in the process. That's when he saw the small deep blue box that was hidden beneath it. The golden eyes narrowed as flesh fingers very carefully urged the box from its hiding space, pulling it free of the heavy silver frame. On the top was the insignia of the State, embossed in a rich gold. Underneath that, in curved, calligraphied letters, the words _Lt. Colonel Roy Mustang_.

"_Lieutenant _Colonel?" Ed quietly asked, realizing this must have been something the older alchemist had received a few years before. When he finally opened the pristine box and saw just what was nestled against the velvet lining, he knew _exactly _when Roy had received it.

The Eastern Rebellion.

These were his medals.

These were what he had been looking at.

_I saw my share of really terrible things._

The solemn sentiment that had been uttered while the two were cleaning the damage after Ed's assessment in the East suddenly slipped through the boy's mind. He very lightly ran his fingers over the densely woven ribbons before tracing the curve of the round medals themselves. The insignia from the outside of the box was echoed on the two medals, one in bronze, the other silver. They were in pristine condition, their surfaces gleaming in the soft morning light. Ed was about to gingerly remove them from their velvet prison when a sudden banging against the front door startled him. The creaking of a metal crowbar against the wooden doorframe told the boy that someone wanted in, and it wasn't Roy. He quickly slammed the drawer shut and ducked under the desk, curling his small frame into the corner against the rough wall. As the door finally flung open, the boy realized the medals were still in his hand, and he slid the small box into his jacket pocket.

"Where should we look first?"

Ed lowered his eyebrows, straining to hear the answer to the raspy voice.

"Check the bedroom." The answer was terse. Ed could hear heavy footsteps approaching him before the heavy black boots of a soldier came into view. "I'll look here. The Colonel's bound to have something on where the kid is. Word from Central is that he has Fullmetal on a leash."

Ed bit his tongue hard enough to draw blood to keep from kicking the man in his shin.

"We're sure he'll be gone for a couple of days?"

The sound of papers shuffling briefly swirled above Ed. "Yeah—getting those prisoners settled up north will take some time. The Fuhrer and the Brigadier General both made sure that the Colonel would be occupied with that so we could get a lead on Fullmetal."

The familiar coppery taste of blood trailed along Ed's tongue again as he bit down with a brutal force. This time, though, it wasn't to keep from betraying his hiding place.

This time, it was from the realization that Roy had lied to him.

He had gone up north without telling him.

He had gone to get back Al.

XXXXX

The bleak landscape that passed by the small window of the train was monotonous. To Roy, it seemed as if the same three trees and parched fields passed by over and over again. He was used to these tedious train rides by now, having been shuffled from one dreary town to the next at the Fuhrer's whim. With Hughes gone, it seemed his ambitious odyssey to the top was finding more and more impediments.

As if someone was deliberately blocking his efforts.

Lately, he seemed resigned to this fate. The hope of avenging his closest friend and atoning for all he had been forced to do had been replaced by fear. A fear of failure. A fear of losing what little he had left.

A fear of losing what he could never protect.

Roy sighed as he shifted his back, trying to find a more comfortable position against the hard leather seat. He wished for a moment that he was back in the comfort of his own bed, as tattered as it was, his aching frame curved against the softness of his mattress. An unrealized smirk flashed across his lips as he also wished for something else to be in that bed with him. Some_one_ else.

Then the smile faded.

Thin, dark brows furrowed as Roy recalled Ed's face that morning. In his mind, he tried desperately to study every detail, trying to convince himself that the boy had been telling the truth when he promised Roy he'd stay there. It's not that he didn't think that Ed was capable of protecting himself—after all, the boy _was_ an alchemic prodigy. It was just that where Al was involved, Ed's fuse grew even shorter, and his actions far more reckless.

Roy chuckled sadly, remembering the now ironic words that Riza had somberly uttered to him as he stood by Maes' grave.

_When those two boys are in harm's way, sir, sometimes your decisions aren't exactly rational._

He and Ed really were quite alike. Maybe too much.

That fact began to chip away at the fragile belief that the younger alchemist was sitting in the small apartment dutifully waiting for him. After all, if he knew Ed had been taken captive, he'd use everything in his power to find him. Which meant the odds of the boy actually fulfilling his promise were growing slimmer by the second. All Roy could do now was hope that he could get back to Youswell before Ed found a plan. And if all went well, Roy would be accompanied by a rather large piece of armor that housed a very gentle soul.

But the Flame Alchemist was the first to admit that when things involved both Ed and him, things very rarely went _well_.

"Colonel Mustang, I presume? This is indeed an honor. I've heard many things about you from your days in the Eastern Rebellion."

Roy stiffened his arms and bowed slightly. "Warden Lohn."

"Please, there is no need for such formality." The Warden replied, gesturing towards an empty leather chair. "Would you like something warm to drink?"

The young man inwardly groaned. He didn't have time for this. He needed to be at the station when the prisoners arrived.

"I appreciate the gesture, but I really need to meet the train to help unload the prisoners."

"The prisoners are already here, Colonel. They came last night."

An audible gasp of surprise escaped Roy's lips. "But—"

"They arrived early." The Warden's clear, sharp eyes surveyed the young man, studying him as he stood there, avoiding the offered chair. "I'm sure we tried to notify you, but we don't exactly have the best communications in this part of the country."

The onyx eyes slowly narrowed at that comment. _Then why are they putting over three hundred supposedly dangerous criminals here?_ Roy suddenly nodded and headed for the door.

"Well, part of my job is to ensure that they are in their cells and that the prison is up to par." He informed, a fierce authority taking root in his voice. He headed for the door before nodding towards the gray-haired man. "I'll find you once I've completed the inspection."

Roy expected the man to follow him, to protest letting him loose in the prison. But the Warden simply smiled and gestured towards two guards.

"Would you like any help, Colonel?"

The State Alchemist slowly shook his head, wondering just what exactly he was about to find. He slid his hands into his pockets, trying to appear more relaxed, but his senses remained fiercely acute. It was what one of his senses _didn't _pick up that struck the young man first. _Sound_. It was quiet. Too quiet. Only the echo of his dark boots making contact with the cement floor resonated against the silence. Roy's dark eyebrows lowered as he peered into the claustrophobic cells, each with two cots shoved against the crumbling walls. The prisoners were sitting very still, hands clasped in their laps, staring at the floor. They were all very….complacent. Roy had seen a lot of prisoners in his time—some soldiers in the Rebellion, others in the outposts where he was stationed—and one thing was for certain:

The young colonel had never seen any like _this_.

Their faces were a sickly gray in the dim light, their cheeks sunken in from an obviously far too restrictive diet. Not a single prisoner acknowledged him, nor did they betray that they even realized he was there. Every one kept his hollow eyes focused on the ground as he walked by. Roy walked down a few dusty corridors before finally approaching one of the guards and demanding to inspect the prison's provisions. The guard seemed less than thrilled, but obliged without a word of protest. Roy drew his eyes to the side as they walked down to the cellar, watching the man with a quiet distrust.

"These are your food supplies?" Roy asked, eyeing the stacks of crates.

"Yes, sir."

"There seems to be more than an ample stockpile here." He commented, his onyx eyes suddenly drawn to a large crate in the corner. "Why are the prisoners so emaciated?"

"They refuse to eat." The guard answered matter-of-factly. "Religious protest or something."

Roy lowered his eyebrows, causing a furrow between his brows. "_Religious protest_?"

"That's all I know. Are you finished in here, sir?"

But the sudden gleam of metal from behind the slats of the large crate told Roy he wasn't. The State Alchemist shook his head as he turned back to the young guard. "I need a final count of the prisoners before I leave." He ordered. "I'll do a quick inventory here while you take care of that. After all, you know the prison better than I do."

The guard did not look pleased. "Yes, sir."

Roy waited for a few minutes until after the heavy footsteps receded before he shifted the heavy cloth that was partially draped over the large wooden box. That's when a glimpse of two bright orbs greeted him.

"_Alphonse._"

The white eyes grew very bright. "Colonel!"

Roy nodded as he examined the large crate. "Your brother's been worried about you, kiddo."

Al straightened up, knocking the top of his armored head against the rough wood of his cramped prison. "Ed is here, sir? But I thought…."

The older one shook his head. "He's in Youswell."

"B-But they told me they had him….at the Inn…when he didn't come back…."

A look of guilt briefly washed over the Colonel's striking face. "They told you he was in custody?"

"Yes, sir." Al whispered, his voice drowning in worry. "They said that once I helped them transport boxes from the mine, I'd be taken to him. B-But….h-he was never in their custody?"

"He…..Well, Alphonse, he…." Roy swallowed hard and lowered his head, an uncharacteristic sheepishness creeping into his dark eyes.

"He was with you, sir?" Al finished.

The older one felt his face flush slightly at the question. "He….I found him outside my apartment that night." He quietly explained. "He was soaked from the snow. I didn't want him going back to the inn in the storm."

"Brother is safe, then, Colonel?"

A twinge of panic grabbed a hold of the older one for a few seconds before he finally forced a smile to his lips. "Yes." He promised, hoping he had sounded much more certain than he actually felt. "Besides, you know Ed is more than capable of taking care of himself."

The armored head lowered a little in agreement. "Yes, sir." Al quietly replied. "But usually when I'm there to keep his temper in check."

Roy's smile widened for a moment before he nodded. His onyx eyes narrowed as he searched for a crowbar among the scattered tools in the corner.

"Or you, sir."

The hunt for the metal tool paused for a moment as Roy processed those three small words. He turned his head just slightly to the side, catching a glimpse of those trapped glowing eyes. His own softened as he finally turned back to the dull metal bar propped against a battered crate.

"You try to protect us."

The older one shrugged, leaning down to procure the tool. "Not very well, I'm afraid."

"But you do, sir." Al protested, wriggling a little in his wooden prison. "Ed knows that, but he wants you to think he doesn't need it. He wants you to think that he's able to do things by himself. That's important to him, Colonel."

Roy sighed as he took the cold tool into his gloved hand. "Here, we need to hurry." He somberly replied, changing the subject. "They'll be looking for me soon enough. I don't think they're too happy to have me looking around their supply room."

The older alchemist slid the metal in between the slats of the crate near its edge, working to pry the corner open. The nails, now free from being wedged deep within the splintering wood, clattered to the floor below. "Al…." Roy started, finally popping open one side of the tall frame. The hesitation in his voice betrayed that he wasn't quite sure he wanted the answer to the question he was about to ask. "Do you know who took you? Were they soldiers?"

Al was able to move his arms enough to push against the wall of the crate. It creaked loudly before snapping off from the tremendous weight. "No, they weren't soldiers, sir." He answered, stepping out onto the concrete floor. "But they had weapons. Lots of them."

Roy's eyes narrowed in thought as he nodded towards the now splintered box. Al understood. He clapped his hands together and placed them on the broken slats, transmuting them back into place.

"What did they have you and the other prisoners take out of that mine?"

Al's white eyes narrowed as he inspected the now undamaged crate. "There were no others, sir." He answered, confused. "Just me."

"Just…..Alphonse, didn't you see the blood in the mines? It was all over….."

The white eyes had gone very still. "B-Blood?"

The older alchemist realized then that whatever had happened in the mines occurred after the gentle soul had been there. He forced a smile to his lips trying to comfort the distraught younger Elric.

"I'm not sure what it was, Alphonse." He tried to convince. "Do you know what they had you move?"

"No, sir." The slight hitch in the trapped voice betrayed that Al was not convinced by the Colonel's words. "They just had me move a lot of heavy crates from the mines to some large trucks. I couldn't tell what was in them, but I don't think it was anything they mined."

"Well, whoever—"

A sudden rattling at the top of the stairs jarred them both. Roy motioned for the boy to hide his bulky body of metal behind the crates, draping part of the cloth over him. Then he leaned down, feigning inspection of a few boxes of canned food.

"All of the prisoners are account for, Colonel Mustang."

Roy slowly nodded, heading towards the door. "I'll just sign that and be on my way." The officer indicated, gesturing towards the clipboard in the guard's hands. He intended on creating a small pyro-generated diversion once he was outside the prison walls so that he could slip back in and free Al. He _intended_. But as the Colonel had very quickly learned, when it came to the Elric brothers, nothing seemed to go as planned.

And definitely not when one wayward Fullmetal Alchemist managed to slide in the small windows at the top of the basement wall, dropping next to the bulky figure covered with a dark sheet.

"_**Brother!**_"

Ed turned around, his braid swinging up and against his cheek. "**Al?**" His golden eyes widened at the sight of the two glowing ones behind dusty sheet. He jumped over the smaller boxes, the tips his black boots catching the edges. He stumbled forward, nearly smashing through the wooden container that had housed his younger brother. "_**Al!**_"

Roy's brows furrowed at the sudden commotion from behind the doors of the supply room. He signed the last of the paperwork before handing it to the younger officer.

"Should I check, sir? Make sure everything is alright in there?"

The Colonel shook his head. "I'll do it." He stated, his tone taking a sudden almost deadly firmness to it. "It's most likely a rat or two drawn in by the ample supply of uneaten food you have." He quietly answered. "A very _small_ rat…."

"Yes, sir."

Roy waited until the man was out of earshot before he heavily sighed. "That better have been my imagination."

But as the Colonel reached for the handle of the door, he knew better. He knew his _imagination_ was going to be a short, blond haired alchemist with blazing eyes and a temper to match.

Roy was right.

"_Damn it, Edward_."

The younger alchemist swung around, his eyes pure _fire_. "_Damn it?_" He repeated incredulously. "_**Damn it?**_ _That's_ all you have to say to me? You son of a _bitch_! You aren't here to inspect the border towns—you're transferring prisoners! You _knew_ Al might be here, and you kept it from me! How can you—"

A firm hand pressed against his lips stopped the boy's feral rage. He felt himself being shoved against a wooden crate, its splinters scraping against his back.

"_**Edward!**_" Roy warned, his dark eyes narrowed. "Calm down. Half the prison can hear you!"

"So _**what!**_" The boy lashed back. "You goddamn hypocrite! You lecture _me_ about trust, and you lie to me every chance you get. I sat in your apartment while my brother was out here alone, thinking that you would actually stay true to your word. Thinking that you would actually help me like you promised. But it was all bullshit, wasn't it? All you really do is pull the strings and make damn sure that I know it. Well, I get it now, Roy. I _get_ it. As long as you're in my life, you'll always try to run it."

The gloved hand slowly dropped, releasing its grasp from the collar of the black jacket. Roy drew back and closed his eyes for a few seconds, trying to gather his thoughts. When he finally opened his mouth, piecing together his answer for the seething boy, it wasn't his voice that broke the unbearable silence.

"He's just trying to help us, Brother." Al sorrowfully asserted.

"Well, not anymore!" Ed shouted, his eyes blazing. "You can go back to that shit-hole apartment of yours and drink yourself to death staring at your goddamn medals every night! Al and I have more important things to do, and we _**don't**_ need your help! You're out of our lives, Roy. Get it? From this moment on, you're out of our lives."

Roy breathed out a very defeated sigh. His passive demeanor was a stark contrast from the blazing fury that was seething just inches from him. He reached up and ran his gloved fingers through his raven locks, brushing them out of his stern face.

"Don't be foolish, Edward." He quietly replied. "If you're transferred to another officer's command, you risk exposing your secret."

"That won't work with me anymore, bastard." Ed quickly shot back. "Al and I are on our own now. I'm breaking free of your leash. I'm not the military's dog anymore. We're finding that stone on our own."

"_**Brother**_—"

The sudden sound of quickly approaching footsteps cut through the oppressive silence. Roy straightened his jacket before taking a step back.

"You do what you have to, Edward." He hollowly said. Then he headed towards the stairs to meet whoever was waiting on the other side of the door for him.

"Ah, Colonel." Warden Lohn greeted, a wooden smile plastered across his thin lips. "I trust your inspection is almost complete?"

"Almost." Roy replied, giving a curt nod.

"I'm a little surprised that an officer as esteemed as yourself would be doing such a simple duty out here."

Roy's eyes narrowed edgily. "I do what my country and the Fuhrer ask of me."

The Warden nodded, his face expressionless. "Well, as I said before, I heard many things about the famed Flame Alchemist during the uprising in Ishbal." He continued, paying no heed that the tone in the younger man's voice had warned him not to. "You very expertly took out many of their strongholds…..even carried out a few executions, as I understand it."

The young alchemist's shoulders straightened and he lifted his chin a little, staring icily at the man across from him. This was one conversation he did _not_ want the Elric brothers to hear. As he studied the older man, it occurred to him that he wasn't the only one pulling the strings. His finding Al seemed a bit too…..easy. A bit too contrived. Roy's onyx eyes slowly narrowed as this revelation began to churn in his mind. "As I said, Warden, I do what is asked of me." Roy reached down and buttoned his wool coat, his eyes remaining in a severe lock with the older one's. "Now—if you'll excuse me, as this assignment is complete, I have a train to catch."

Roy headed down the narrow corridor towards the gated entrance of the prison.

He didn't turn back.

XXXXX

"Brother, are you sure it's a good idea to be back here?"

Ed had his head lowered, trying to avoid the bitter winds coming from the dusk-cloaked sky. They had taken the train back to Youswell, deciding that despite the argument Ed had with the Colonel, the near-desolate mining town was still the best lead they had. The older Elric shoved his numb hands in his pockets and shrugged.

"I need my clothes back." He sounded as if he was trying to convince himself more than his younger brother. "And this is the best place to find out what's going on with the prisoners. Something happened in that mine, Al. Something the Fuhrer doesn't want us to know. We need to find out what."

"But they'll be looking for you." The armored Elric carefully countered. "They'll probably send the Colonel to find us."

The blond scoffed before rolling his eyes. They were inside the town now, just a few blocks from Roy's apartment. The hazy storm clouds that filled the sunless sky were beginning to dissipate, leaving something else in their wake. Something the boys would soon notice. "He'll be too busy finding his next glass of scotch to worry about a couple of strays." He icily retorted. "Besides, we—"

A sudden gasp from the usually quite giant beside him stopped Ed's thought from completing. When he turned towards the metal shell that housed his brother, he found the white eyes glowing widely, staring up at the sky. That's when he saw what had caused the reaction in his brother. That's when he saw the thick, black smoke that began to choke the muted sky above them.

"Brother…."

Ed's heart clenched in his chest. The ominous, billowing sign was too close to Roy's apartment. But it was probably just an abandoned building, the boy tried to convince himself. And even if it wasn't, Roy was most likely already drowning his guilt in his usual amnesiac of choice. Ed's jaw tensed as he picked up the speed of his steps.

"Bastard probably overdid it showing off to some waitress." He mumbled, not realizing just how quickly he was walking, or how much Al was struggling with his bulky armor to keep up. When they finally turned the corner to the decaying building that was Roy's home, Ed discovered just how wrong he was.

"_What….._"

The apartment where Ed had been just that morning was now just a pile of charred beams and crumbling ashes. The kitchen where he had painstakingly prepared dinner as a surprise for Roy was now just a burned skeleton with a warped shell of an oven and refrigerator. The bedroom where he had fumbled through losing his virginity as he clung to the powerful frame moving deeper and deeper inside him was now completely obliterated. There was a crowd of onlookers gathered around, murmuring to each other as they watched the soldiers picking through the still steaming ruins. The sound of the water that had finally extinguished the blaze dripping from the smoking rubble and fragmented wood echoed loudly against them.

But Ed noticed none of that. His wide, disbelieving eyes were focused solely on one horrific image.

Two soldiers were carrying a stretcher from the ruins, a thin white cloth covering the outline of a charred corpse lying on its dark green fabric. From under the softly rippling sheet, a hand jostled by the movement of the two men as they struggled with the stretcher slipped free. A hand that was covered in the mired remains of a white glove. Its red alchemic circle was one that the two Elric boys knew very well.

A low, agonized moan made its way from deep inside Ed as he slowly sank to his knees.

"_Roy….._"

Al just stared in utter shock, his brother's shallow breaths echoing around him. "Colonel….." He sorrowfully whispered. "_No…._"

Ed reached up and grabbed his bangs, yanking on them masochistically. "_**ROY!**_"

TBC…..

**A/N: Thanks again to everyone reading, and especially those reviewing! It's encouraging to hear feedback from readers. :) And thanks to everyone who's favorite the story—that makes me feel awesome! **


	12. Chapter 12

_**Demons and Redemption**_

_Chapter 12_

"The Fuhrer should be arriving from the train station at any moment."

The raspy voice startled Ed, finally causing him to draw his golden eyes away from the window. He had been looking at the slush-covered panes, mindlessly staring at the small chip that had radiated across the glass, its cracks mimicking a finely woven spider's web. Behind it, on the other side, the now familiar dreariness of gray clouds hung over the town.

Ed hated the sky in Youswell.

"I suspect he'll want to speak to your brother as well."

Al was sitting in the hallway, across from the cramped interrogation room. The heavy armored head was lowered, the bulky metal frame hunched over. Ed had demanded that the door be left open so that he could see his brother was safe. He hadn't looked at him yet. Somehow, the older Elric could not turn his head towards him. As if the armor was a blaring, unequivocal reminder of just why they were there in the first place. Why _he_ was there. Why _Roy _was there.

It was a reminder that Roy had been forced to this God-forsaken outpost for helping them with their goal.

Roy had been there for _him_.

Roy had died for him.

_Because _of him.

The young alchemist knew that if he accepted that fact, he would find himself drowning in an abyss of overwhelming guilt. An abyss from which he might never resurface. That hollow shell of metal now served to haunt Ed with _two_ reminders of what his actions had caused.

His brother's body.

And Roy's soul.

"Fuhrer Bradley, welcome to Youswell, sir." The sudden greeting jarred Ed back from his guilty conscience and into his somber reality. He turned fully towards the door, watching as the imposing figure stepped inside the room.

"On your feet, Fullmetal." The Lieutenant commanded. "Show the Fuhrer some respect."

Ed simply tensed his jaw and leaned back against the uncomfortable wooden chair. He crossed his arms, flesh over metal, against his chest and obstinately stared at the older man.

"Fullmetal, get—"

"It's alright." Bradley coolly interrupted, holding up his hand. His one exposed eye narrowed, focusing on the small figure sitting across from him. "The boy is understandably upset. After all, Colonel Mustang was his mentor of sorts, right, Fullmetal?"

An icy stare was the Fuhrer's only answer.

"The Fuhrer asked you a question. Do I need to remind you—"

"Do I need to remind you that as State Alchemist, I outrank _you_, Lieutenant?" Ed spat out. The blond-haired man's cheeks flushed with a sudden shamed rage as he realized that this boy did indeed outrank him. A sudden quite chuckle cut through the thick silence.

"He's right, Lieutenant. His watch gives him a rank equivalent to Major." Bradley said with a forced smile. "I can handle Fullmetal alone. Why don't you help the investigators sift through the files they need?"

The young man nodded, saluting as he turned towards the door. As soon as his hand wrapped around the handle, Ed jumped to his feet.

"_Don't close that door_!"

One clear gray eye slowly drew to the side, focusing on the large armored figure on the bench in the hallway. Then it briefly flashed before returning to the seething boy who had lunged towards it.

"It's alright." Bradley assured the lower officer. "You can leave it open."

Ed swallowed hard, his golden eyes narrowing as the lieutenant glared at him. The sound of the narrow wooden legs of a chair being dragged across the floor startled the young alchemist.

"Please—sit, Fullmetal." The Fuhrer gestured towards the chair across from the one he now occupied.

It took a few moments before the boy decided he was going to comply. He sunk down, arms crossed over his chest once again, and glared at the older man.

"We were worried when you didn't show up in Central as scheduled."

Ed lowered his head. "I had asked for some leave to take care of personal business." The boy quietly replied. "I was going back to Central as soon as I finished."

A thin, dark eyebrow arched. "Personal business?"

The blond simply frowned as the Fuhrer's response. Bradley waited a few minutes before realizing he wasn't going to get an explanation.

"Well, regardless, you and your brother will be heading back on the same train that I am." Ed fought hard not to roll his eyes. "We won't know the entirety of what happened to Colonel Mustang until the investigation is complete. In the meantime, I don't think it's safe to have my alchemists running loose through the border towns."

"Al and I will be alright." The boy bluntly countered. "In case you hadn't noticed, we do just fine by ourselves."

Something brief and unreadable flashed through the Fuhrer's eye at those words. Something that Ed didn't like.

"I can't risk losing _two _of my best alchemists. Once you're in Central, we can go to better lengths to keep you protected if we need to."

Ed's eyes blazed with a feral rage. "If you couldn't risk losing us, then why the hell did you send Mustang here in the first place?" He gritted out between his clenched teeth.

"He was a more than capable officer. I saw no reason to think any problems would arise." The older man's voice was very level, very unaffected. It seemed as if the more ferocity radiated from the boy, the more calm the Fuhrer appeared. Ed didn't notice. "I'm sure you've heard by now that he was quite an asset during the Eastern Rebellion."

"Then how did this happen?"

Bradley lowered his head. "It might have been an accident." He said, his tone not even trying to convince the younger one of the statement's truth.

"Or?"

The exposed eye raised and gave the boy a very calculated look. "Well…..there are things about the Colonel that you do not know, Fullmetal." He was baiting the boy, and Ed's guilt-born fury was blinding him to it. "But our train is leaving shortly. We should—"

The golden eyes narrowed dangerously. "_What _things?"

A nearly imperceptible smile briefly passed over Bradley's thin lips. "You shouldn't worry—"

"_What_ things?"

The Fuhrer suddenly rose to his feet and walked to the window that had occupied Ed's attention a few moments before. He stood with his back to the boy, carefully watching the young alchemist's face through the reflection that the ice-covered glass allowed. "Colonel Mustang was a very troubled man." He finally answered, clasping his hands behind his back. "He was affected greatly by the orders he was instructed to carry out in Ishbal. But that is what a State Alchemist must do, right, Fullmetal? They must carry out the wishes of the State."

Ed's eyes narrowed as he turned his head and met the gaze fixed on him through the reflection. "That's why he was _here_." He angrily pointed out.

The hands clasped more tightly behind Bradley's back. "Yes." The man conceded. "Here. In Youswell. Alone in a desolate outpost."

The blond breathed out a slow, unsure breath. "What….what is that supposed to mean?"

"Perhaps we should—"

"_Answer me!_"

The demand coupled with the solid thwack of flesh and metal against the wooden table sent a throng of officers into the already cramped room. Bradley turned his head slightly to the side, momentarily breaking his gaze on the alchemist.

"You may leave us."

"Are you sure, sir?"

A brief nod was the Lieutenant's answer. The cold gray eye returned to the window, and once again locked its gaze onto Ed.

"There were rumors, Fullmetal." The Fuhrer finally answered. "After carrying out a particular execution in Ishbal, he was….well, from what reports I received, he was not exactly…._stable_."

Ed understood then. Too well. He gasped as his blond braid shook back and forth. "You think he…..?"

"I'm afraid the death of Brigadier General Hughes may have led him back down that path."

But that revelation was too much for the boy. He knew that what had happened in Ishbal had haunted Roy, but he never believed that the officer with the confident stride, the constant smirk, and the onyx eyes that told Ed he was always two steps ahead of him would ever take his own life. "Roy would never—"

"_Roy_?" The Fuhrer finally turned around and cocked his head to the side, studying the younger one.

Ed felt the color rush to his cheeks before he could lower his head. "Colonel Mustang would never…."

"He tried once."

"You don't know that."

The older man slowly walked towards the door. He paused at the rickety table, staring down at the now flustered alchemist. "But I think you do."

The flesh and automail fingers curled until Ed's hands were clenched into tight fists. He did not realize just how hard his chest was heaving.

"Come on, Fullmetal." Bradley firmly ordered. "It's time to leave."

Ed swallowed hard. "I don't see why I have to go back."

"I've already explained that." There was a hint of annoyance that had crept into the Fuhrer's normally controlled voice. "Besides, I'm sure you'd like to be in Central for the Colonel's funeral."

_Funeral_. Somehow with that one simple word, it made things seem very real. Too real. Ed's hands clenched hard enough to where his fingernails cut deeply into the sensitive skin of his palm. It was easier to deal with physical pain than emotional. Ed had learned that lesson all too well.

XXXXX

"Why do you think the Fuhrer really wants us back in Central, Brother?"

Ed found himself staring out of another window, his elbow propped on its small ledge so his chin could rest on his palm. His eyes were aimlessly focused on the darkening sky. The storm that had threatened the town all morning had finally settled over Youswell, framing its rundown buildings with its sharp flashes of lightning. He and Al were sitting across from each other on one of the last cars of the train, as far away from the Fuhrer and his entourage as they could be.

"Brother?"

Ed shrugged. "How should I know?"

Al lowered his head. "Do you….do you think that maybe the Colonel might have…..?"

The older Elric tensed his jaw, grinding his top molars harshly against the bottom ones. Al's glowing eyes lifted enough to see the bone buckle under his brother's skin. This time, Ed did not answer.

"I don't think he would." The younger one asserted after his brother's silence. "He didn't seem like—"

"There's a lot you don't know about him." Ed abruptly interrupted.

The words of Fuhrer Bradley had begun to penetrate the grief-born rage enough to slip into Ed's consciousness. And with each word, images began to emerge from the swirling thoughts. Images of Roy sitting at that tattered desk in that run-down apartment, a dwindling bottle of scotch next to him. Images of Roy passed out in his office at Central, a picture of Hughes in the bottom drawer of his desk. Images of that self-assuredness that seemed to always find a place behind his dark eyes slowly fading. Images of a darker emotion taking its place.

Ed closed his eyes as his mind drifted back to the conversation he and Al had as they made their way back to Resembool for repairs. The one where he first began to see that maybe the armor of arrogance around Roy had a few cracks.

_Listen, Al. You remember when Colonel Mustang showed up in Resembool, at the Rockbells? He said he came in response to one of the letters we sent._

_Sure, I remember. He said he was looking for Dad._

_Yeah, well, think that was his actual reason, or was he coming for something else?_

Ed still hadn't quite connected everything. He knew of the horrors of Ishbal from Dr. Marcoh. He knew from the sadness that sometimes shadowed the true dark blue of Roy's eyes that whatever had happened there haunted him. Then Hughes had been killed, and the shadow behind those eyes grew. As much as the boy did not want there to be even a hint of truth in the Fuhrer's words, Ed was forced to realize there was.

Roy's demons may have finally conquered him.

A sudden gasp from the otherwise quiet suit of armor across from him made the golden eyes fling wide open. Al was turned at an awkward angle, his bulky body twisted, his white eyes burning as they focused on something outside the train. Ed furrowed his brow as he strained to see over his brother's metal head.

"Al, what—"

But then he saw it. He saw what had captured the younger one's attention.

_The casket_.

Two uniformed men on either side were bearing the weight of the wooden casket as they carried it to the cargo car of the train. The light color of the pine was obscured by the green and white flag draped over its sharp edges. A hint of the golden insignia that was embroidered on the top of the fabric was just visible as the men gingerly loaded the box through the wide opening of the car. The Elric brothers watched as the four men, clad in the deep blue dress uniforms with large black bands draped shoulder to hip, stood in a line and saluted. Then they turned and left as the workers secured the macabre cargo for the ride to Central.

"He's really gone, isn't he, Brother?"

Ed lowered his head far enough that his chin was practically buried in his chest. His thick golden bangs fell forward into his eyes, hiding the buried tears the older one was trying desperately to keep them from slipping down his face. He swallowed hard enough to make the back of his throat burn, trying to regain any semblance of composure.

"Soldiers die, Al." He finally whispered.

The younger one let a sorrowful gasp echo through his heavy armor. "But this is the Colonel—"

Ed silenced his younger brother by holding up his hand. "I'm tired." He quietly lied. "Wake me when we get to Central."

Al said nothing, watching sadly as Ed laid down, settling his back against the leather seat, and clasped his hands behind his head.

XXXXX

Ed wasn't sure how long he had been lying against the uncomfortable seat before finally opening his eyes. Al had not bothered him but knew that his brother had been awake the entire time. The blond slowly sat up, taking a moment to adjust to the muted light reflecting from the clouded sky.

"We still have a couple of hours before we reach Central." Al softly ventured.

The older Elric gave a slight nod. Before he realized it, he was on his feet, standing in the middle of the narrow aisle.

"What's wrong, Brother?"

Ed shrugged. "I just need to walk around."

A small creak escaped as Al nodded. He knew where his brother was going, even if Ed himself did not. Soon enough, the blond alchemist found himself standing in front of the door of the cargo car, his golden eyes staring through the small square window at the flag-draped casket which was prominently situated in the middle. There were stacks of crates against the far wall, each labeled with their contents. Some were dried foods, others medical supplies and ammunition for Central Headquarters. Along the sides of the slightly rocking car were piles of luggage packed closely together, their handles peering out from under the layers of leather and canvas. Ed's hand unconsciously dropped to the cold metal knob, his eyes widening in surprise when it refused to budge. He finally drew his gaze away from the gold insignia and looked down at the handle. He jiggled it a few times before realizing it was locked.

Ed pushed the sleeve of his red jacket up enough to reveal his expertly crafted automail arm. In an instant, it flashed into a long, thin blade, its pointed blade curved into a piercingly sharp point. The young alchemist quickly worked the tip between the door jamb and the poorly constructed lock. He unlatched it without a second breath before the blade rescinded, and the arm's true shape returned. The door swung open, clattering against a stack of smaller crates, jarring Ed enough that he nearly stumbled back.

But then the boy just stood there, frozen.

Ed stood very still for a few long moments before his legs obeyed his mind's command to finally move. He shifted his automail one first, shuffling the tip of the black boot against the gritty floor before taking an actual step. Some part of him expected the casket to shift with him, for the heavy fabric to slide off and tumble to the grime-covered floor below.

But it didn't. It just stayed there in the center of all those crates, as if the famed Flame Alchemist, the young Colonel revered by his loyal staff, the hero of the Eastern Rebellion, was now nothing more than _cargo_.

The boy drew in a stuttered breath before taking another step, his small frame now fully inside the car. The tightly hinged door automatically swung shut behind him, causing him to tumble forward a few steps. The young alchemist found himself just inches from the pine box, staring down at the gold embroidered insignia that symbolized a State the boy didn't trust. A State whose leader sat just a few cars away, seemingly indifferent to the death of one of his top officers. Ed closed his eyes, trying to block out the image before him.

He didn't realize he had fallen to his knees until he felt the chill of the floor through his black pants. He also didn't realize that despite his desperate struggle to quell them, tears had begun to collect in his golden eyes. As he reached out with a trembling hand, his fingers ghosting along the edge of the casket, one word began to take shape in the shadows of his grief.

_Why?_

The answer began to emerge from the darkness. One answer accompanied by the flash of one impassive, gray eye.

_Colonel Mustang was a very troubled man._

Ed lowered his head, vaguely aware of the soft tickling on his nose as his tears slipped along its length. They followed its curve until they reached the rounded tip and fell to the dust-covered floor below.

_After carrying out a particular execution in Ishbal, he was….well, from what reports I received, he was not exactly….stable._

"Tell me you didn't, bastard….."

The last words that the boy had acridly spat at his lover slowly began to resurface. The last words before Roy returned back to Youswell and sealed his fate.

_You can go back to that shit-hole apartment of yours and drink yourself to death staring at your goddamn medals every night!_

"Tell me you didn't….."

_I'm breaking free of your leash._

"Tell me, Roy…."

_You're out of our lives. Get it? From this moment on, you're out of our lives._

"Tell me you didn't do this….." Ed begged in a trembling voice. "_Please….tell me…._"

But Roy did not. _Could _not. And with each minute of oppressive silence, the Fuhrer's veiled suggestion of how the older alchemist may have died seemed more and more plausible. And if Roy had truly taken his own life, then Ed had to accept that his own words may have driven the drowning man to the desperate act. Ed had to accept that the assertion he had made in Central during their first bungled encounter was true.

_I think you might even love me._

The older one had devastated him that night, and now Ed realized why.

Roy _had_ loved him.

Roy had sacrificed nearly everything for him. He had placed his own goal aside to help the younger alchemist. He had gone to great lengths to make sure the boy and his brother were as much out of harm's way as possible. What had seemed to Ed as nothing more than promotion-seeking manipulation had actually been for _him._

And Ed had returned that devotion by being an insolent brat. He had shown his own love for the man by lashing out every chance he could. He had driven the man to the brink of despair and practically pushed him over its edge.

The boy swallowed a deep sob before letting his forehead fall down against the edge of the casket. His fingers grasped the edge, clenching the green and white fabric with a feral grip, as a new question suddenly pushed its way to his lips.

"_Tell me that it wasn't because of me….._"

But just like with his other question, there would be no response. All that answered Ed was the quiet vibration of the train as it hugged the rails of the track, speeding closer and closer to Central and Roy's final home.

XXXX

Ed had no idea how long he had been sitting by the foot of the casket, unaware of just how swollen his eyes were, of how numb the fingers had become. He also had no idea that the train had now stopped, that it had reached its destination.

Not until he felt the gentle squeeze to his shoulder.

The young alchemist swung around, his golden eyes wide with shock as he met the tear-filled ones of a very pale but familiar face.

"_Edward_."

The boy unsteadily rose to his feet, reaching up to wipe his eyes with the back of his heavy red sleeve. Hawkeye offered him a comforting but distraught smile when he finally met her gaze again.

"We need to…."

Ed drew back, looking at the grief-stricken officers behind her. _Falman._ The usual emotionless expression he wore as a mask on his face cracked from a deep, stunned grief. _Havoc_. His head was lowered, the shock of unruly blond hair toppling into his face. He was fiddling with the cigarette in his hand, twisting it end over end through his fingers, watching aimlessly as pieces of the ground tobacco tumbled out. _Fuery_. One hand held his thick glasses behind his back. The other was covering the dark eyes completely, hiding his tears. _Breda_. His stubby fingers were buried in his thick red hair, tugging on the short locks. He was shaking his head over and over, his eyes wide, his mouth hanging open in utter disbelief.

Roy's loyal staff.

_It's true, kid. Mustang's no political novice. He'll do whatever he has to to move up the chain around here. But if that's all he was about, we wouldn't follow him._

_Tell me, then, what else is he about?_

_You'll learn soon enough._

"It's true….the Colonel is really…."

Havoc's words evaporated into the thick silence. Ed just shook his head and pushed through them to get to anywhere but where he was. He shoved his hands in his pockets, trying his best to block out the devastated look on their faces. _Especially_ Hawkeye's. Her eyes had been the most….haunted. The most tormented. But then the boy's hand had brushed against something in his coat pocket, something with sharp corners.

Ed gasped when he realized what it was, and he immediately swung back around.

"Lieutenant?"

Riza forced her eyes away from the casket, focusing on the subdued boy. Ed opened his mouth, his fingers very gingerly running over the edge of the leather box in his pocket. _The medals._ He had forgotten about them. He had forgotten that he had shoved them into his pocket as the two officers broke into Roy's apartment. They belonged to the fallen man, and Ed knew he should give them to the Lieutenant so she could make sure he was buried with them. The boy stood quietly for a few awkward moments, wondering why he hadn't said anything yet, why he hadn't told her about the medals. Then the young alchemist suddenly shook his head, his fingers now clutching the box with a fierce possessiveness, and turned away, running towards his brother.

XXXXX

"Brother?"

The Elrics had been given a modest but livable room in the soldiers' quarters, along with two guards. While the Fuhrer had assured that the officers were there to protect the boys, Ed knew otherwise. The uniformed men weren't there to make sure that no one could get in. They were there to make sure that the brothers couldn't get _out_.

"Brother?"

Ed was sitting at the tattered pine desk, leaning back in the uncomfortable chair. His feet were propped on top of the empty desk, balancing the titled chair and keeping it from toppling back onto the ground. Every now and then, Ed would push back with the heels of his boots, tilting the chair as far as it would go before allowing it to fall forward again.

The older one closed his eyes. "Yeah?"

"We need to leave now." Al softly reminded. "Or else we're going to be late."

Ed's chair suddenly stilled. "I'm not going."

Al gasped a little before taking a tentative step towards his brother. "What do you mean….?"

The blond shrugged as if his brother had just asked him something as mundane and ordinary as what the weather was like that afternoon.

"I'm not going."

The high-pitched creak that escaped the metal joints as Al took another step jarred them both.

"B-But….how can you not go?" The younger Elric asked in disbelief. "It's the Colonel's fun—"

"I know damn well whose funeral it is, Al!" Ed snapped, leaning forward with such forced that the front two legs of his chair slammed into the wood. His soft bangs fell into his lowered face. "I'm _not_ going."

"But, we—"

"Mom's funeral was enough." The grieving boy somberly argued. "I don't have to go to anyone else's."

Al sorrowfully drew back. "But the Colonel—"

"Look, Al—there's no reason for us to be there. He was just…"

Ed felt the hot tears threaten to surface again. He lowered his head further and bit his tongue hard, trying to will the grief back down into the pit of his twisted stomach.

"He was just what?"

The older one closed his eyes for a few moments, his view of the battered hardwood floor beginning to blur.

"H-He was just a soldier, Al. Another dog on the State's leash." He finally finished. "It's not like he was a friend."

Al lowered his head, his white eyes dimming in sorrow. "He was _my_ friend, brother."

All the older one could do was listen as the armor which held his brother's sorrowful soul shifted and walked to the door. Ed waited long after he was assured his brother was gone before he reached into his pocket and gingerly pulled out the leather box. He slid his automail finger along its edge, prying the top open. The two golden eyes, brimming with persistent tears, stared at the pristine medals for over an hour. He wasn't exactly sure why he had kept them. All he knew now was that he could never let them go. He suddenly pressed the box to his heart before slipping it back into his coat pocket. Then he stood and walked to the door, slamming it heavily behind him.

The young alchemist walked around the city, his head lowered, the harsh wind battering against him. He didn't realize that it was now well past dusk, that he had been walking for hours, that a thick night sky had settled over the city. He didn't realize that his brother was frantically searching for him. He didn't realize that the Fuhrer had sent guards to find him. He didn't realize just where his heavy boots were finally leading him.

Not until he looked up and found himself standing before a newly covered grave, its crisp white headstone already in place. A headstone with three devastating words.

_Colonel Roy Mustang_.

Ed stared at the chiseled name, feeling his legs weaken beneath him. The finality of that pristine stone had a devastating effect on a boy who had suffered more than one tremendous loss already. As the blond fell to his knees, as his flesh and automail fingertips began to curl into the freshly turned dirt beneath them, a very dark thought began to take shape in the back of Ed's mind for the second time in his short life.

A dangerous thought that had wrought so much devastation in the past and had led the boy on his crusade in the first place.

A very _wrong_ thought….

….especially for an _alchemist_.

TBC….


	13. Chapter 13

_**Demons and Redemption**_

_Chapter 13_

It had begun to rain again. Just like in Youswell, the morose clouds had overtaken the sky and cloaked Central with their gray misery. The drops of water spattered against the headstones in the cemetery, pelting against their precisely chiseled names. They made no distinction between rank or power or wealth, covering each stone with the same muddy drizzle.

Each stone and one lone boy kneeling before a freshly covered grave.

"Carbon…..twenty kilograms."

An occasional clap of thunder tore through the sky, threatening a far more menacing storm than what covered the city now. The lightning flashed with more and more frequency, highlighting the sorrowful tableaux in the quiet graveyard.

"Ammonia…..four liters."

Flesh and automail fingers dug more deeply into the freshly turned soil, allowing the rain to seep in around them. The water mixed with the soft earth, slowly transforming it into a thick mud. The cold sludge began to stain the skin of the exposed hand.

"Silicon…..three grams."

Unseen shadows loomed over the identically-sized headstones, some from the slender saplings that had been planted along the outer edge of the cemetery, others from a large figure slowly walking down the center row.

"Sodium…..two-hundred and fifty grams."

A sudden chilled wind rushed through the air, stirring the damp blades of grass. They seemed to shudder as if they were conscious, sentient creatures, actually feeling the sting of the bitter cold. The small figure kneeling on them did not acknowledge the numbing burn of the wind against his skin.

"Water…..thirty-five liters."

The moon was making a valiant effort to emerge from behind the dark clouds, but it was in vain. The storm had the night sky in its clutches, and everything around it was at its mercy. The rain took its cues from the increasing booms of thunder, pelting faster and harder against everything in its path.

"Phosphorus…..eight hundred—"

"_Brother._"

Ed jolted at the powerful hand squeezing his shoulder. He slowly closed his mouth and turned his head a little to the side. "You shouldn't be here."

Al's fingers slipped from their place on Ed's drenched jacket. "Brother, what are you—"

"You should go." The older Elric turned back to the headstone and lowered his head.

But the disquieting skid of metal hinges as the armored shell settled beside him let Ed know that wasn't going to happen.

"You're listing the ingredients for a human body."

"You're wrong."

Al's eyes grew fainter. "No." He replied, a sudden fear bleeding through his voice. "I'm not. I may not remember when we tried to bring Mom back, but I know what all of those things make when they're together."

"Al, please….just _go_."

"Brother, after everything we've been through, how could you even be thinking about this?"

"I'm _**not**_thinking about anything! Just _**go**_, Al."

The younger one watched as his brother's fingers dug deeper into the saturated earth, disturbing the freshly covered grave. For the first time, Ed could smell the headiness of the dirt as its pungent scent filled his breaths. The heavy rain drops began to fall harder now, rhythmically drumming off of the heavy shell that was Al's body.

"I won't let you do this, Brother."

Ed drew in a shuddered breath before he closed his eyes. His hands were practically buried up to his wrists in the mud now, unconsciously slipping further down towards the casket that lay below.

"Al, _please_…..go back to our room."

The armor clamored in response, but instead of turning away, the younger Elric shifted closer to his grieving brother.

"Not without you."

Ed inhaled a sharp gasp, trembling as its acrid odor burned deep within his lungs. He was silent for a long time, simply curling further into himself, contorting his small frame as his hands wedged deeper into the thick mud. Al watched as his brother finally opened his tear-filled eyes.

"**Leave**….**me**…**alone**."

The glowing eyes dimmed with sorrow. "I can't do that."

"**Al—**"

Ed finally turned then, finally saw his brother kneeling beside him in the rain. It was only then that his panic hit him full force, that another emotion besides grief and rage penetrated his soul. _Fear._ Al was kneeling next to him _in the rain_.

"_**Al!**_" Ed cried, jumping to his feet. The mud flung out from beneath his hands miring them both. "Your seal! You can't get it wet!"

The younger one shifted his heavy head enough to let his brother see what his other hand was doing. Ed let a sigh of utter relief escape when he saw the borrowed raincoat that was pressed against the back of his armored neck.

"I won't leave you, Brother." The firm admission this time alluded to more than just abandoning Ed at the cemetery. The blond lowered his head and closed his eyes when he realized that. "Please don't leave me, either."

The older Elric said nothing, his jaw clenched, his blond locks darkened by the mud-born snow. The silence hovered between them with an oppressive dread, and Al's worry began to escalate with each soundless moment. Finally, Ed breathed out a low sigh.

"Go back to our room, Al." He whispered, his voice very subdued. "I'll be there in a few minutes, okay?"

"Do you promise?"

Ed slowly nodded. "Soon, Al."

As the large figure began making its way back to the paved road just outside the hallowed ground, he thought he heard the faint sound of a blade swishing through the air. The sound of molecules quickly realigning themselves into another shape, of metal compressing itself into a slim, sharp blade. Al's eyes flashed a fiery red for a moment as he convinced himself it had been the wind.

His brother had _promised_ him.

And through everything that the younger one remembered, Ed had never let him down.

"I thought I told you to go back to the military quarters."

Al turned a little, acknowledging the smaller shadow now beside his own. "I wanted to wait for you."

There had been a hint of accusation in the older one's observation, one that stung at the trapped heart of his brother. But Al knew Ed was grieving, knew that his own heart had been shattered by the loss of his first love. So he shook his hurt off along with the collecting raindrops and started down the shadowed street.

But Ed didn't follow.

"Brother…?"

The armored head had turned to find the smaller, shuddering figure perfectly still. His hands were buried in the pockets of his red jacket. Al could see the singe mark on the sleeve from Roy's attempt at stopping Ed's complaints about paperwork by disintegrating his pen. Ed swallowed hard before raising his eyes.

"I'm going to his house, Al." He whispered, his voice strangely devoid of any readable emotion.

"But—"

"I have to return something to him." Ed's flesh fingers curled around the box of medals that were secured deep in his pocket. "Something that belongs to him."

"I'll go with you."

Ed's brows furrowed for a moment and his lips turned down into a slight frown. The rain was sliding off of the tangled locks that had freed themselves from the confines of his braid, but he took little notice. After a few minutes, he pulled his hand from his pocket and slowly nodded.

The walk was quiet, and no more words passed between the brothers. Every now and then, a noise would cut into the unsettling silence. The distant sound of tires crunching against densely packed snow. A door slamming to lock out a husband whose homecoming from a nearby bar was a few minutes too late. The relentless winds knocking defenseless tree branches against the shingles of a roof. The howl of a lonely cat that brought a glimpse of a sad childhood memory flashing through both brothers' minds. Finally, the older one stopped as they reached the front door of a large house.

"How will we get inside?"

Ed's golden eyes narrowed as he stared at the brass door knob. It would have been no problem for him to transmute his automail arm into a sharp-pointed blade to release the lock. It _would_ have been. But as the boy cocked his head to the side, he realized he didn't need to.

The door was already unlocked.

"Ed….?"

Ed didn't say anything. Instead, he reached out with his metal fingers and slowly pushed the door open.

An eerie draft slipped through the small entryway, greeting the boy as he took his first step into the house. It brushed against his face and through the loose strands of his hair, bringing with it a scent that cruelly caused a flood of memories before his eyes. A trace of cologne and scotch was suddenly very strong to Ed as he drew in a deep breath, remembering the last time he stood in that house. He closed his eyes, concentrating on those memories, trying desperately to sharpen the muddled edges as they took shape in his mind. He tried to focus on the way Roy's trademark smirk would soften into a genuine smile. The way the older one's raven locks fell into his face and covered the curve of his ears. Ed fought to see those onyx eyes in his mind, to see the way they would betray a hint of their true blue when Roy let his guard down. Then softer memories filled his mind. The rise of his lover's chest as he drew in breaths while he dreamed. The hitch of a gasp in his throat just before he reached his climax buried deep inside Ed. The feel of the older alchemist's arms wrapped around his waist with a protective possessiveness. The boy breathed out a stuttered breath as the memories began to overwhelm him.

"_Brother_."

Ed suddenly snapped open his eyes. "What?"

"Someone's here."

The older Elric jerked his head to the direction that Al's heavy arm was indicating, his breath catching as he watched a shadow disappear along the bedroom wall. As he took a few steps closer, the shadow reappeared and the familiar sound of heavy black boots clapped against the hardwood floors. Ed's breaths were coming faster now, his mind flooding with an impossible thought. As he moved closer to the bedroom, he saw the deep blue of a uniform and the flash of a gold star. His eyes widened as he gasped.

"Roy—"

"Edward...?"

The young alchemist drew back. The voice that greeted him was not the one he had wanted to hear.

"Alphonse? Boys, what are you doing here?"

The older brother said nothing, his voice uncharacteristically stolen from him. He heard the creak of metal and saw a much larger figure's shadow drowning his.

"Lieutenant Hawkeye." Al greeted. "We didn't…..we didn't know anyone would be here."

The young woman studied the two boys standing in front of her, one whose saturated clothes clung to his shivering form, the other with streams of mired water clinging to his dull metal frame. She was suddenly very aware of how she must have looked as the two boys watched her and quickly reached up to wipe the escaping tears from her eyes.

"I….I was just packing the Colonel's things." Her voice was melodic in its sorrow. She briefly gestured towards the bedroom as if to prove her words, before drawing her hand back to her side. "Why are the both of you out in this storm?"

Edward faltered for an explanation as he opened his mouth. Riza's soft brown eyes watched him carefully, waiting for the words that didn't come. Finally Al took a step forward.

"My brother has something that belongs to the Colonel."

Ed gasped, drawing his eyes to the side to cast a sharp glance at his brother. He _had_ told Al that's what he needed to do, but somehow, he hadn't really expected to give up the last tangible link he had to his lost lover. But the younger one had only been trying to help him. He had only wanted to cover for his grieving brother. The small alchemist finally drew in a heavy breath and reached into his pocket.

"I have his medals." He quietly informed, holding the box out towards Riza. "I….I found them after they put out the fire. I know how much they meant to him."

Al let the lie slide. He knew his brother hadn't found them in the ashes of Roy's apartment. He also knew then that Ed hadn't wanted to let them go.

Riza reached out and gingerly took the rectangular box from the flesh fingers that reluctantly offered it to her. There was a sad smile gracing her face as she very slowly opened them and ran her fingertips along the curve of each medal.

"I know they meant a lot to him." Ed quietly reiterated. "I know he cared about his promotions."

Riza suddenly shook her head and closed her eyes. "That's not why these were important to him, Edward." She softly contradicted.

The boy drew back, shaking his head. "Why, then?"

The striking young woman opened her eyes, unaware this time of the tears that slipped from their corners. "Do you know how he got these?"

"Because of the Eastern Rebellion." Ed answered, unsure of what the Lieutenant was trying to explain. "For his part in Ishbal."

"Ishbal." Riza repeated in a whisper. "Yes."

"He and the other State Alchemists ended the Rebellion, didn't they?" Al quietly ventured.

The blond woman nodded. "The war had been going on for many years. The Fuhrer knew the alchemists could finally put an end to the uprising and stop the loss of soldiers' lives. Roy….he was very young when he was sent to Ishbal. Only a few years older than you are now, Edward."

The golden eyes widened at that revelation. Deep down inside, the boy knew the uprising had been nearly ten years ago, but somehow he had never truly realized just how young Roy had been when he was thrown into the State's jaws. After a few tense moments, the boy finally shook his head.

"He knew when he joined the military that he'd have to do their bidding, didn't he?" The boy solemnly tried to reason. His stomach began to wrench itself into a knot. Deep down inside, he knew her words would only bolster the Fuhrer's suggestion that Roy had finally been dragged under by his demons.

"Yes." Riza softly agreed. "But I don't think he realized just what that meant until….." She let the thought trail before shaking her head and drawing the box closer to her. Ed realized then that he wasn't the only one grieving.

"Then why did he join?" He finally asked.

Something unexpected slipped into Riza's swollen eyes then. Something that caused Ed to draw back. A small hint of her _absolute_ devotion.

"He had a goal." She replied, briefly closing her eyes. "Just like you boys."

Ed lowered his head, his slick hair still clinging to his burning face. The one question he wanted to ask couldn't manage to get past his lips.

"What was his goal?"

Riza drew her soft brown eyes over to the glowing white ones that were focused on her. To the armor-embodied voice that _had_ managed to ask the question. Then she drew in a quiet, pensive sigh. "In the beginning I think he wanted to make the State a better place. He wanted to use his alchemy and his determination to help others." She looked down and pressed the dark box against her heart. "He decided the military was the best way to do that. He thought they were trying like he was to achieve a common good."

"And then….?"

A sorrowful smile danced across Riza's lips as she shook her head. "Then he truly realized what it meant to be a soldier."

Suddenly, the conversation that played between the brothers when Roy told them that the younger one had to back out of completing the State alchemy certification flashed through Ed's mind. Al was devastated, and Ed had calmed him with an assurance.

_Easy, Al. You remember what Aunt Pinako said, right? State Alchemists are military and get thrown into service whenever war breaks out. You have to do what they say, even hurt people for some good you don't understand. _

Ed had missed the look of sorrow and guilt that had briefly cracked through Roy's normal assuredness then.

"He had to kill….." Al whispered.

"Yes."

They were all quiet for a while as a feeling of uneasiness washed over them. A feeling of loss, of hallowedness. Of being very aware that they were standing in the house of the man they were speaking about, a house that the man would never be in again.

"When he returned….he had changed." Riza finally broke into that nearly oppressive silence. "He knew then how the State worked. He told me once that the State Alchemists were 'human artillery'. I think then he decided he would use the State just as it had used him. He would still make things better. He would just do it—"

"From the inside." Ed interrupted.

Riza nodded. "These medals were a reminder of the price he had to pay to do that."

Her voice was shaking now, her tears threatening to escape from the barrier she had been fighting to keep them locked deep inside. Al moved a little towards her, his metal arm extended as a comforting gesture.

"Brigadier General Hughes wanted to help him." The young lieutenant whispered. "When he died, the Colonel's guilt…."

Ed lowered his head, trying to keep his own mask from slipping.

"At his funeral, the Colonel told me he had worked on his own theory of human transmutation years ago." Riza quietly revealed. "I think he started thinking about it after he returned from Ishbal."

Golden eyes widened in utter shock. "He….He had a theory…..?"

Then another conversation flooded into Ed's mind. One after he had discovered Shou Tucker's atrocities. After he had discovered the chimera that had been Tucker's own daughter nothing more than splattered blood and tissue on a back ally wall.

_There's no use, kid. You can't go around trying to bring every living creature that dies on you back to life, Edward. It's not possible, and it's not healthy. It's an ugly world out there, and from here on out, it's only going to get uglier on the path you've chosen. Just be thankful it wasn't you and get on with your life…..There's a reason you became a State Alchemist, right, Ed? Can you really afford to be distracted by every little lost cause? _

Now Ed understood the bitterness that had flooded Roy's voice. He understood why the man had tried to callously tell him to move on.

It was because _he _had to, also.

It was because he had a goal, too…..and just like Ed, he couldn't afford to let past tragedies keep him from it.

XXXXX

Ed had convinced Al that he needed to go back to the house alone. That he needed to say goodbye to Roy before letting go. He had waited until Riza had left and headed back down the street. Al had let him and had started back to their room in silence, his conscious battling him with every step.

The door was locked this time. Ed stood on the front porch for a long while, just staring at the handle. The memory of finding Roy there the night before they traveled to Liore flashed in his mind. Roy's dark eyes had seemed almost black that night, shadowed by the memories that haunted him. Ed reached out and ran his fingers along the frayed wooden doorframe, wondering just how many times the raven-haired owner of the house had passed under it. The boy was suddenly sobered by the fact that the man would never walk through it again.

The young alchemist didn't realize he had been standing in the relentless rain for nearly an hour before he actually worked the lock free with the sharpened edge of his briefly transmuted automail. When he finally took a step inside the entry way, he was unaware of the deep shudder that seized his body from the cold draft.

Ed sighed. The place was so….empty. Void. Even the shadows seemed lonely. The boy narrowed his eyes, trying in vain to discern them from the furniture as he stepped into the sparsely furnished den. Metal and flesh fingertips gingerly ran over the edges of dust-covered books, over the smooth fabric of the dark-colored couch, over the sharp corners of an intricately carved desk. Before he realized it, he found himself standing in the bedroom, staring at the precisely made and very empty bed.

It would be a while before the golden eyes, now glistening with unacknowledged tears, shifted and glanced around the room. The closet door was partially open, displaying empty hangers and a few scattered boxes on an otherwise bare shelf. Ed knew that Roy hadn't taken much with him to Youswell and realized what remained had now been packed away by Lieutenant Hawkeye. What little traces of the onyx-eyed alchemist had been lingering in his home were now all but gone just like the man himself.

Somehow this realization was the one that finally caused the boy to crack.

The sound of the first gasped sob surprised the boy himself as it echoed into the dark void of the bedroom. By the time he realized his tears enough to try and choke back the next sob, he was already on his knees, his hands digging into the edge of the mattress.

"I'm sorry….I'm so sorry…." Not even the howling winds outside made an effort to acknowledge the boy's apology. "I…..I didn't mean…I…..I'm sorry, Roy….."

Fingers dug hard into the smooth comforter, feeling each small lump of the wool blanket and mattress underneath. As the tears began to slip down his face, gently dropping onto the hardwood floor below, Ed wasn't sure just why he was begging for forgiveness. For not going to Roy's funeral. For the times he unfairly lashed out at the man. For the fact that he never took the time to realize just what his lover was truly trying to accomplish. For not noticing the man was teetering dangerously close to the edge of a guilt-filled chasm. For not trying to pull him back.

All Ed knew was that those same words kept plummeting out of his mouth.

"I'm so sorry…..so sorry, Roy…..so sorry…."

As Ed tried in vain to catch the breaths that were frantically tumbling from his lips, his fingers lost their grip and slid off the edge of the bed and down the side of the mattress. Somewhere amid the abyss if his grief and remorse, a physical sensation registered in the back of his mind. His fingers had brushed against something stiff as the reached where the mattress met the mahogany slats of the bed's under-frame. Another sense suddenly permeated his sorrow. This time it was sound. The object underneath the mattress had crinkled when his fingertips had touched it. Ed recognized the noise instantly. _Paper_.

The boy quickly pushed the edge of the mattress up to reveal what had been hidden there. His golden eyes were met by a slim leather-bound journal.

"What…..?"

Ed carefully slipped the book from its wedged home, running his hand along the cool leather. He had no idea just what it was or why it had been hidden underneath Roy's mattress, but those would be answered for him as soon as he opened its dark cover.

The first page that greeted him was nearly entirely black from all of the ink used to scratch out what had been drawn on it. Yet even through the dark camouflage of ink, the young alchemist knew instantly what he was staring at.

Transmutation circles.

The golden eyes narrowed. These did not have the familiar pattern of the Flame Alchemist's own circle. These did not have the inverted triangles laying over each other, a small symbol of fire hovering on the outer circle above them. These were different. Ed gasped.

"You were trying to remember your theory on human transmutation….." Ed whispered in shock, his voice informing no one of this save for the now restless shadows. His thumb brushed along the circles and formulas that were peering from beneath the scratch marks. "For Hughes…..the Lieutenant was right…."

Ed gingerly flipped the page, his eyes studying the frenzied alchemic hypotheses scattered in diagrams and circles on page after page. Some circles were large, nearly enveloping the whole paper, others small. All were scratched out only to be frantically redrawn a few pages later. As Ed shifted the journal slightly to catch a better glimpse of it under the pale moonlight, he saw the corner of a picture slipping out. Folded neatly underneath it was a letter, one whose last words caught the boy's eye.

_Just be careful, Roy. Protecting those boys like you have can cost you a lot._

Ed slowly unfolded the note, seeing immediately that it was from Hughes. He glanced at the date and realized the man must have sent it to his friend after Roy had been transferred to the Eastern Headquarters. It was a warning that the higher-ups were not pleased with the fact that Roy was letting their alchemic prodigy take these side trips whenever they pleased. It was a warning that it might cost the young colonel his ultimate goal.

And his atonement.

The damp, blond braid suddenly swung wildly as Ed leaped to his feet. The journal stayed gripped within the safety of his automail fingers, clutched with an almost feral possessiveness.

The boy was more determined than ever now. He would bring Roy back. He would help the man reach his goal because _he_ was the reason it had begun to slip through his fingers. Hughes' death was just another grief that added to Roy's torment. Another reason he damned himself to his demons. And all along, Ed had done nothing but damned him as well.

Roy deserved to be back, living and breathing—he deserved to finish what he started and make peace with all he had done in Ishbal. He deserved to reach his goal so that he could finish what he had vowed to his closest friend. What he had promised Hughes.

Or at least, that was what the heart-broken boy tried to convince himself washis _true_ reason for attempting this forbidden act once again.

"Carbon…..twenty kilograms. Ammonia…..four liters. Silicon…..three grams…..Sodium…."

XXXXX

Al was trying very hard to push the feelings of distrust that were menacing him from the corners of his heart. It was a feeling he rarely encountered when dealing with his older brother. His protector. His only anchor in his world. But with each step that he took back towards the Colonel's house, the stronger its clutches were on his heart.

At first the younger one simply tried to deny the gnawing feeling inside him. Then he tried to dismiss it. But the distrust festered like a cancer in his hollowed metal body. Soon it was joined by another drowning emotion. Fear. So after nearly two hours, he decided to hunt for his lost brother.

Al knew something wasn't _right_. When he rounded the corner that led to Roy's street, an intense blue light suddenly flashed into the storm-laden sky. Its rays glowed with a furious brilliance.

With a _familiar _brilliance.

"_**BROTHER!**_"

By the time Al flung open the front door, the blinding light had subsided. A cold wind whipped around his heavy armor with an intensity the boy had never seen before. Papers were swirling around him with a blinding force, causing an eerily unsettling noise to echo throughout the house. The glowing red eyes focused first on Ed huddled on his knees in the corner of the room, then drew to the shadowed figure standing in the middle of the den. Al gasped as he fell back, tripping on the buckets behind him.

But Ed didn't notice. He shakily rose to his feet, his breaths jerking out of him as if he was being punched over and over just under his convulsing ribcage. With wide golden eyes, the boy stared at what was before him and whispered one simple word.

"_**What…..**_**?**"

TBC…..


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer: I don't own the characters of FMA-I just like to write about them...**

_**Demons and Redemption**_

_Chapter 14_

Ed was aware of the pain first. A searing heat that burned straight through his abdomen amplified by a piercing cold gnawing at his stomach. There was an intense pressure beneath his lungs as if someone had shoved a hand through the layers of skin and tightly-banded muscle and wrenched everything together. It seemed like he floated in this abyss of pain for a while before realizing he needed to breathe.

Then the _real _pain began.

His first attempt at expanding his lungs sent a convulsion through his body, jolting muscles that did _not_ want to be moved. Their protest at being filled radiated through the boy's abdomen. His second attempt ended in a sharp gasp when it felt as if every inch of muscle and tissue beneath his ribs had been speared by a hundred needles. Somewhere in the back of his mind, reason battled with need. Reason told his body that the agony was not worth the effort, and just as Ed seemed to agree with the idea, need seized his lungs and tried to fill them with air once again. But this only ended with a coughing fit, one that caused a moan to escape through his gravelly throat.

"Just try a nice, shallow breath, Edward."

It was a woman's voice. A soothing one, but not one he recognized. Not the same one that had calmed him when he had fallen out of a tree when he was just six, lying in wait to ambush his younger brother. Not the same voice that had promised him his agony would pass when fever had taken hold of him when he was only a toddler, when he thought the heat would open its jaws and swallow him whole. Not the same voice that would always betray that its owner was smiling long before Ed could actually see her face.

No. This was a voice he didn't know.

"That's it…a nice, easy breath."

There was a rustling and then smooth, cold fingers wrapped around his arm, just inside his elbow. He could hear the clinking of glass against metal somewhere above his head, then something burning as it began to seep into his blood where the fingers held his arm. Just when his mind tried to persuade him to open his eyes and investigate, it betrayed him and began to drift. He felt as if he was floating, his limbs detaching from his torso, then his head from that, until finally he was weightless and just a whisper in some dark abyss.

"That should ease his pain." The words echoed into Ed's darkness. "Hopefully he won't pull the IV line out again."

Then….nothing. Ed was swallowed by the abyss. No chance to ask that unknown voice who she was. No chance to find out why he couldn't seem to open his eyes. No chance to try and piece together those shards that were floating around in his mind so he could remember what had happened. And as he drifted, he realized that he couldn't bring himself to care.

XXXXX

"….into some real trouble."

A voice invaded the sanctity of the boy's painless abyss. The words were bursts of light that taunted him, that teased him into finding his way out.

"That's why the Lieutenant wanted us here in case he wakes up."

The boy wasn't aware of any pain, but this strange sense of hurt pervaded every nerve of his body. As if his body was screaming to him from so many places, he couldn't pinpoint just where that hurt was coming from.

"She's talking to the Fuhrer now?"

Ed was struggling through the muddled darkness to hear the words. Even trapped in his sedated sleep, he could sense the presence of others around him. But the words, the voices…..they seemed too far away.

"Yeah. The Major's watching Al while she's gone. He's….He's pretty upset over his brother."

_Al_. Ed twitched a little, his body responding to the name. _Al_. It sounded familiar to the boy's fragmented mind as he drifted deeper into nothingness.

"The Major….those boys are lucky he was there. If he hadn't…..I don't know what would have happened."

Slowly, Ed could feel his other senses start to sharpen. The faint smell of cigarette smoke began to filter into his abyss, and shadows began to gather around him.

"You don't really think Fullmetal was trying to…?"

_Fullmetal. _Another name that seeped into the boy's subconscious. There was something about it, something that told him he should recognize it. Ed fought the heavy medication coursing through his blood to try and remember.

"He _did_ have all the ingredients. When Fuery was cleaning up the mess, he said he found a chunk of black hair."

_Ingredients_? Ed fought hard to find his way to the surface, to free himself from the darkness that clung to him like a heavy cobweb. Something about that word….._ingredients._ It caused a sudden panic to flush through him. Somewhere in his darkness, Ed heard a hollow voice echoing. His _own_ voice. _Lime….silicon…..ammonia…..water…._

"But bringing the Colonel back? I though the kid pretty much hated him."

Too many things were swirling around Ed's mind. Too many words. A disjointed puzzle that was missing too many pieces. Each time he tried to put a few of them together, they all seemed to disappear again.

"Maybe he felt guilty. After all, he _was _the reason Mustang was transferred in the first place."

More words. More puzzle pieces. The shadows on the edge of his darkness seemed to be getting closer. The smell of rich tobacco grew stronger and stronger with each labored breath.

"Yeah—but to give up everything he'd been working on? To jeopardize his mission to find the stone? It just doesn't seem like Ed."

Ed could feel his body shudder as his mind tried to battle its way back to consciousness. He could feel a flush of heat prickling down his skin.

"Guilt does a lot of strange things to people. I know there were a few stories about Mustang when he got back from Ishbal. And you saw how he changed after Brigadier General Hughes was killed."

The shadows began to sharpen, the voices started to drift closer. The words swirling around him had receded until only a few remained. _Guilt_. That one sent a coldness through the boy's heart, capturing it in an icy grip. _Colonel_. That one hovered close, at first offering Ed warmth in his desolate unconscious. _Mustang_. Then the warmth turned to rage. _Colonel Mustang. _And finally sorrow.

"Well, Ed better hope that the Lieutenant is able to convince the Fuhrer with her story. If he really _did _try to…..well, let's just say that things are about to get a lot worse for him."

Ed was close. He could feel himself being pulled to the brink of consciousness. He could feel the darkness begin to fall away beneath him. The shadows were almost clear now, their forms nearly recognizable. That sorrow in his heart was pushing him to remember. He was so close…..so _close_. _Mustang…..guilt…Al…..ingredients. _He could feel his thoughts begin to sharpen. _Mustang. Mustang. Must—_

Then one word that explained it all. One word that forced his unconscious mind to see the truth. To remember.

_**Transmutation**_.

But then there was a sharp pain in his arm. Something burned deep inside his veins. His mind fell back again, toppling end over end into the darkness below. Ed tried to scream, but hands seemed to wrap around him from behind, covering his mouth. He had been so _close. _So close to remembering. But now he was drifting again. Now another voice scattered the words that surrounded him.

"That should help his pain. I'll be back at the end of my shift to give him another sedative."

He had been close. So close. _So close_…..

XXXXX

Darkness again. Ed wasn't sure how long he had been floating in it before he was aware that he _was_. There were no shadows this time. No voices slipping into his abyss. No cigarette smoke floating around him. Not even pain like before. There was just….

Darkness.

Then the images came. Slowly at first. Slow and muddled. Ed had to strain just to catch a glimpse of them. The sheen of an armored body. The flash of onyx eyes. A flag-covered coffin. The boy struggled to make sense out of the swirling pictures, trying desperately to fit them into some kind of coherent memory.

But then they disappeared.

Before Ed could reach for them, the darkness began to slowly change, its edges stretching around him. It grew wider and taller until it surrounded him completely, until it was above him and beneath him, until it formed into a solid presence on every side.

As Ed tried to figure out what was happening, dark forms began to rise from underneath him, some large, others just tiny specks. Each one slowly began to mold into a discernable shape, and as the boy watched, he realized just what they were. A couch….a desk…a window. He was in a room. His mind was shaping the darkness of his unconsciousness into a memory. A place. A house.

But _whose?_

Then he saw something by his feet. Something small and rectangular. When Ed reached down to grab it, the object was absorbed back into the darkness, leaving only a thin wisp of black smoke. But not before the boy's unconscious had realized what it was.

A book. _Roy's _book. With page after page of frenzied alchemic calculations.

And then it hit the boy. Like a wall of ice-water slamming against every cell of his body, it hit him.

He was in Roy's house. He was surrounded by buckets and jars and pages of scribbled theorems.

He was remembering the transmutation.

Ed had meticulously measured all of the ingredients for a human body, placing the exact amount of each one on the floor in front of him. Slowly the pile began to grow, each component fusing with the others. When he had finished, he reached into the pocket of his red coat, feeling for an object with his flesh fingers. Before he had left Roy's grave, the boy had shoved his hands deep into the sludge of dirt and rainwater. Then, with his automail arm transmuted into a blade, he had pried open the casket enough to slice a charred lock of hair. That was the last ingredient placed on the mound that the young alchemist would attempt to shape into a human being.

After drawing in a trembling breath, Ed had lifted his hands, and clapped them together. Then he had slammed them onto the hardwood floor, causing an unsettling thud. The sound now echoed in the memory, echoed around the boy as he watched the memory unfold before him.

He felt a sudden wind begin to take life around him just seconds before a pure blue light radiated from the ground. He had gritted his teeth so hard together that he could feel his jaw buckling under the pressure. His arms began to shake and a sudden burning begin to lick at his stomach. The young alchemist struggled to keep his balance as the wind grew stronger and stronger around him, but soon he was knocked across the room. He felt the pain of the impact against his back as the air was wrenched from his lungs.

A deep panic began to fester inside him, screaming at him to somehow stop the transmutation. But it was too late. The pile had already started to absorb into itself, churning each ingredient together as it searched for its shape. A grotesque sound filled the boy's ears as he watched it grow. With each movement it made, Ed could feel the gnawing in his stomach intensify, the pull just under his diaphragm steal more and more of his breath. As he watched the mass begin to mold into the recognizable form of a body, as he watched the light begin to change shades as it intensified, a realization hit him as hard as the pain in his lungs.

Something was _wrong_.

The figure shouldn't have taken shape so quickly, it shouldn't have been able to form limbs among the sludge of ingredients. _Not yet. _It shouldn't have stood there, staring at the shocked boy with a _face_.

As Ed rose to his feet, his knees threatening to buckle underneath him, he stared in disbelief at the eyes that were watching him. That's when one simple word had managed to form on the boy's lips.

_**What?**_

Then there had been a loud crash. The floor beneath him crumbled against the weight of an iron-fisted blow. Ed watched in horror as the figure began to disintegrate before his eyes. Before he could reach out, before he could stop it…..it was over.

He had lost consciousness.

"_**No-o-o-o!**_"

"_Brother….._?"

Ed was sitting up before he realized it, every muscle screaming in protest as it found itself jerked out of its atrophy. His golden eyes were wide as he blinked over and over, trying desperately to adjust to the bright light. A deep burning met his every breath as his chest heaved violently.

"Brother? _**Brother!**_"

Ed turned his head and looked at the armored figure sitting beside his bed.

"A-Al?"

The white eyes glowed. "You're awake." The younger one said, relief flooding his voice.

Ed squinted, trying to block the sunlight from his eyes. "Where….?"

"You're in the hospital, chief. Seems you had a little accident."

The golden eyes shifted to find a tall figure with a hooked grin staring back at them. Havoc was leaning against the wall, flipping an unused match through his fingers.

"It wasn't an accident." The young alchemist roughly answered.

"_Brother—_"

"Well, Ed—as far as the Fuhrer knows, it _was_." Havoc warned. "At least that's what Lieutenant Hawkeye is telling him right now to save your skin."

The injured boy lowered his head, a sudden sorrow washing through his eyes. "It didn't work."

The sound a metal scraping against itself echoed in the uneasy quiet of the room. Al leaned forward, moving closer to his brother.

"Major Armstrong stopped the transmutation before it could complete." He quietly explained. There was a raw emotion that hitched the younger Elric's voice, one that his brother could not quite place. Anger? Fear? Betrayal? Ed drew in an unsteady breath as he tried to identify it. "You….You lost three of your ribs."

Ed gasped as he jerked his head towards his brother. "B-But….that means it must have—"

"There was nothing there, chief. No body. Nothing." Havoc quickly countered. "At least not by the time the Major was through anyway."

Flesh and metal arms wrapped around the bandaged abdomen as Ed curled into himself. He thought he had seen, just for a moment, just for a fleeting moment, the shape of a body. The shadow of a face. The golden eyes closed and a chill shuddered through the boy's frame.

"No body." He softly said, shaking his head as wisps of his hair loosened and fell into his pale face. But he had _seen _it, hadn't he?"No body…."

XXXXX

"I understand it was quite an explosion."

Riza stood in front of the Fuhrer's desk, her arms stiff, her brown eyes fierce as they stared straight ahead.

"I've already assigned Master Sergeant Fuery to clean and begin repairing the damage, sir."

Bradley was standing with his back to the young officer, his hands clasped tightly behind him.

"Well, we're lucky Major Armstrong was able to get to Fullmetal in time." He stated, his tone deceptively charming. "I would hate to have lost two State Alchemists just days apart from one another."

A flood of grief filled the soft brown eyes before Riza could lower them. She swallowed hard to give herself time to find her voice.

"Yes." She finally answered, her normal confidence subdued. "It would have been a shame."

The dark head turned just a little, just enough to allow the man's uncovered eye to briefly study the young woman. Riza could feel the scrutiny as she lifted her head and met the stare.

"Exactly how did this happen, Lieutenant?"

Riza drew in a deep breath. "Edward was helping me pack some of the Colonel's belongings." She spoke slowly, taking time to annunciate each word. "I had turned on the stove to make some tea for us. I left without realizing I hadn't turned it off. Somehow there must have been a spark and the gas ignited, sir."

The Fuhrer's thin lips briefly turned down, curving into a slight frown. But then he nodded before turning and finally facing the officer standing before him.

"Very lucky." He said, his smile effortless and insincere. "All of you, wouldn't you say, Lieutenant?"

"Yes, sir."

The older man nodded as he gestured towards the door. "Why don't you return to the hospital and give Fullmetal my regards?" His tone let the young woman know this was not a suggestion. "I'll be there to visit him later this afternoon."

"Of course, sir." Riza raised her right hand, offering a stiff salute before she turned and headed towards the door. Her shoes thudded dully against the hardwood floor. The dark-headed man nodded as he watched the door close behind her.

"Well, now, I guess we know without a doubt where Lieutenant Hawkeye's loyalties stand." Bradley mused, clasping his hands behind his back once again. "She was willing to lie to me to protect Fullmetal."

One of the shadows on the far wall suddenly shifted a little, no longer in need of its hiding place. "You never doubted that, did you?"

Bradley chuckled as he shook his head. "In fact, I believe we were all counting on it."

The shadow moved closer, moving slowly towards the Fuhrer. "Do you think it's time we handled he second part of our plan?" The smooth voice asked. "We wouldn't want the little alchemist to try again, now would we?"

The dark head shook once before turning slightly to the side. "No, we've gotten what we needed."

"Yes, we have." The figure stood just inches from the Fuhrer now, leaning close as it spoke its next words. "And if that brute had gotten there any sooner, we would have failed."

A thin, dark eyebrow arched in amusement. "Oh?" Bradley quietly asked. "I think Major Armstrong's timing was impeccable. Now, why don't you check on our latest…._acquisition_? I have a feeling I'll have a visitor very soon."

XXXXX

"_I'm sorry_."

The brothers were alone now, alone and with nothing to do but face the truth of what had happened. Havoc had used the excuse of needing a cigarette to give the boys their privacy, sensing the tension between them.

A deep red began to envelope the white glow of Al's eyes as he stared in disbelief at his brother. "You're sorry?" The hurt in the younger one's voice was overwhelming. Ed closed his eyes and tried not to picture what the boy's face would have looked like at that moment if he had his body back. He tried not to imagine the utter pain that would fill the soft eyes or the way the boy's bottom lip would quiver as his tears fought to free themselves. He _tried _not to. "You're _**sorry**_? You….you lied to me, Brother. After all we've…..you're the only person that I knew I could always believe, no matter what. And you….you _lied_."

Ed breathed out a long, defeated sigh. He slowly drew his knees to his chest, wincing at the pressure against his tender abdomen. "I know, Al." He whispered, resting his chin on his knees.

That was all he could say. Two simple words. _I know_.

The brothers remained silent for a long time, each one drowning in his own grief. Ed closed his eyes wishing that the sedatives would pull him back into their grip. He barely acknowledged the soft creaking next to him. Not until his thin mattress dipped with the weight of another person.

The weight of a suit of armor.

"Brother?"

Ed swallowed trying to moisten his painfully dry throat. "Yeah?"

Al reached out, his hand hovering between them. "If the Colonel really did…..end his own life, do you think he'd want to come back?"

It was the one question Ed hadn't allowed himself to ask. The one question he knew would have stopped him. Would have instantly made him realize that his motives were purely selfish ones. He wanted his lover back, and he hadn't allowed himself to think whether or not Roy would have wanted that, too.

The older one finally shook his head. "_No._"

Al let his hand fall to the soft blanket that had pooled at Ed's waist. "I'm sorry, Brother." He softly whispered. "I know you loved him."

Ed suddenly shuddered hard. "I love _you_, Al." He answered, ignoring the fact that his brother had known all along how he felt about Roy. "And I was stupid to do what I did. I….I wasn't thinking about the promise I made to you. It was selfish and stupid, Al." The older one finally opened his eyes and met the glowing ones peering back at him. "Forgive me?"

The armored head slowly nodded. "Brother?"

"Yeah?"

"He loved you, too."

XXXXX

"Ed, I don't think you should be moving around just yet. Your doctor—"

"I need to talk to the Fuhrer, Havoc." The boy was already halfway dressed, trying to balance on his automail foot as he slipped his other through the black pant leg. "I'll be back as soon as I can."

"But, Brother—"

"I feel fine, Al." Ed promised, forcing a grin to his lips. "It's just a few blocks away. Besides, the sooner we get out of here, the sooner we can hunt down the leads on those prisoners. I have a pretty good feeling we've stumbled across something that might lead us to the stone."

Al knew when his brother was like this that there was no stopping him. He finally nodded but insisted on walking with the pale blond to Headquarters, not saying anything as the boy leaned his body more against him with each step. He dutifully waited outside under the shade of the arched entryway, watching as his brother disappeared into one of the side stairways.

The massive building was nearly empty as the officers began to wander down to the commissary for lunch. Ed made his way up to the top floor, his sides aching more and more with every stair. Each breath radiated sharper pains through his battered lungs. When he finally reached the top and headed down the stark hallway, his chest was heaving heavily.

The large carved doors of the Fuhrer's office were closed, blocked by a short, stocky officer. The man hardly gave the young alchemist a second glance as the boy marched up to him.

"I have to see the Fuhrer."

The officer scoffed and kept his gaze straight ahead. "Think again, kid."

"_**Kid**_?" Ed asked, his golden eyes narrowing, half from insult, half from the ache throbbing through his chest.

"Yeah—_kid_."

The boy tried to keep himself from gritting out a growl, knowing that it would only cause the pain under his ribs to sharpen.

"I think this proves that I outrank you, _soldier_." Ed countered, holding up his gloved hand to reveal his silver watch. "Now _**move**_."

"Look, I don't care—"

"I have to speak to the Fuhrer. Now get—"

The heavy door suddenly swung open, startling them both. Ed drew back and crossed his arms over his chest, serving the man standing before him with an icy glare.

"Ah, Elric." Bradley acknowledged, greeting the boy with a slowly spreading grin. "You're just in time to congratulate our newest Brigadier General on his promotion."

"I don't care what who—"

Ed's rant abruptly ended when Bradley stepped to the side and allowed him a perfect view into his office. The young alchemist's golden eyes grew wide when he saw the figure occupying the dark leather chair in front of the Fuhrer's desk. The shadowed man was sitting very still, one leg crossed over the other, hands clasped and resting on his knee. The position of the uniformed figure seemed very causal but his shoulders had tensed from the moment the younger one had burst through the room. The dark head turned just slightly, offering the boy a glimpse of a raised eyebrow and a familiar onyx eye.

"_Fullmetal_."

TBC….


	15. Chapter 15

_**Demons and Redemption **_

_Chapter 15_

"I'm sure this must come as a surprise to you, Fullmetal."

The young alchemist didn't quite realize how wide his eyes were as he stared passed the Fuhrer, the man's words registering somewhere within the shock that had frozen him. A quiet chuckle reverberated beside him as a firm hand landed on his shoulder, steering him into the room.

"Brigadier General, I'm sure your subordinates would like to see you." Bradley stated, his tone letting the dark haired man know this was more of an order than an urging. "I can fill Fullmetal in as to what has happened."

The uniformed figure stood, eyes decisively off the boy gaping at him, and turned. He stiffened his arms at his side and gave Bradley a slight bow before walking towards the door.

"Thank you, Fuhrer, sir."

Bradley nodded, his grey eye narrowing a little as he watched Roy walk by. It had shifted, just for the slightest moment, to gauge the boy's reaction as the older alchemist had passed him.

"Well, now, why don't you have a seat?"

Ed's senses involuntarily sharpened, absorbing every detail of the figure as it walked by, its dark eyes focused on the shadowed hallway instead of him. The mild spiced scent of familiar cologne worked its way into his breaths. The soft feel of a wool coat brushed against his flesh fingers. The almost imperceptible clenching of the man's jaw was picked up by the narrowed golden eyes. The slight hitch of the controlled breaths echoed in the boy's ears.

"I know it's quite a shock to see the man whose coffin you vigilantly sat guard over during the train ride back here." The Fuhrer's stare had intensified as he carefully spoke the words, drawing first to the boy's face then to the figure in the hallway. It had jerked suddenly at those words, stopping abruptly in its movements before finally continuing towards the stairs. Ed jumped a little when the door behind him swung shut and that grip on his shoulder tightened. "I was surprised myself. And quite relieved as I'm sure you can imagine. I don't like to lose one of my best alchemists or most loyal officers."

The boy felt himself being pushed towards the chair Roy had occupied just moments before. His scent still lingered among the dark leather.

"You aren't saying anything, Fullmetal." Bradley mused as he settled into his own chair. "From what I know about you, this is very unusual."

Ed's jaw tightened. "What have you done?"

The man drew back in mock surprise. "What have _I _done?" He asked, clasping his hands together. "This was all just a simple…..misunderstanding. A series of strange and unforeseen events. No one's done anything—as far as I know."

There was an accusatory tint to his voice, one that was not meant to be veiled. But the boy was in too much shock to recognize it.

"A _misunderstanding_?" Ed asked, his eyes on fire. "I _saw_ his body on that stretcher—his coffin….his _grave_. How….?"

"Yes, well apparently it wasn't Mustang who died in that fire. After all…you can't bring a person back from the dead, can you?"

Ed could feel the blood draining from his face as the Fuhrer's words swirled around his mind. The tone in the older one's voice was blatant, the taunt obvious. Ed could hear Havoc's warning echoing somewhere around it.

_It wasn't an accident….._

_Well, Ed—as far as the Fuhrer knows, it was. At least that's what Lieutenant Hawkeye is telling him right now to save your skin._

The boy's eyes widened. _Did Bradley know what he had tried?_

"That would be the greatest sin an alchemist can perform." The quiet declaration cut through Ed's thoughts. "Human transmutation….."

Ed's hand suddenly left its grip on the edge of the chair and reached up to his abdomen, pressing against the tightly bandaged wound. It was then that another thought burrowed its way into his rising panic. Not _did Bradley know_, but….

_Had it __**worked**_?

"But, we both know that no one has ever successfully achieved such a thing anyway, right, Fullmetal?"

Ed swallowed hard before raising his eyes. "What happened to the Colonel?"

"_Brigadier General_." The Fuhrer corrected, a caustic sense of amusement in his voice. "After all he's been through, I thought his devotion merited a promotion."

A low, nearly inaudible growl escaped from deep inside the boy's throat. "What _happened_ to him?"

A loud squeak skidded into the air as Bradley leaned back in his chair, cutting through the tension. The expression on the man's face remained solid, his uncovered eye holding a glint of smugness.

"Mustang had been assigned to investigate the mines when he returned to Youswell." The Fuhrer explained, his narrowed eye keeping a fierce hold on the boy. "After he returned from overseeing the prisoner transfer, he was ordered to check out the mines for evidence of excavation not approved by the State."

"What kind of excavation?"

A dark eyebrow arched in answer. "That's what Mustang was supposed to investigate." He replied. "The miners found crates that didn't belong there. They also noticed tool marks along the walls of the caverns. Since Youswell is in his jurisdiction, he was sent to find out why."

Ed remembered too well the scene at the mine. The crates. The blood. The desperation as he searched for his younger brother. The night spent curled against the warmth of another body. The boy's automail fingers curled, gripping the chair's arm with a feral grip.

"Somehow the mine shaft collapsed, trapping Mustang." The Fuhrer continued, watching as the boy absorbed each word of his explanation, watching as disbelief brewed behind those golden eyes. "He was finally able to free himself using his alchemy."

The blond head shook a few times. "But what about the body they found—"

"Most likely a thief." Bradley interrupted. "Youswell does have its less than upstanding citizens. Somehow, he must have accidentally caused the fire that killed him. After all, it seems that General Mustang's homes do have a tendency to….explode."

Ed didn't return the thin smile that briefly flashed across the older one's lips.

"Which reminds me….I was going to visit you later this afternoon at the hospital, but it seems you have saved me the trip. What is it you needed to speak to me about, Fullmetal?"

Ed lowered his eyes briefly, knowing now that the reason he came was no longer what he needed. With the return of Roy—homunculus or not—Ed knew he couldn't leave Central now. Not until he figured out exactly what was happening. He and Al would have to wait to follow the trail of that elusive prisoner.

"I was wondering how long you needed me to stay in Central."

Bradley leaned forward in his chair, clasping his hands together on his polished desktop. It was deceptively clean, with no stacks of papers, no letters, no sign at all that this was the most powerful political figure in Amestris. The question of what the Fuhrer actually _did_ slowly crept into the back of the young alchemist's mind.

"Well, that will be the Mustang's call for now." He finally answered. "As I said before, after the ordeal he suffered and the loyalty he has always shown, I felt it appropriate to award him with the rank of Brigadier General. Much like our fallen comrade, Maes Hughes. Because of that, you're back under his command as soon as your injuries heal."

_Maes Hughes_. There had been something in the way the name had rolled off of the man's tongue that had driven a coldness into the boy's spine. Ed bit his tongue to keep the words he wanted to say buried inside.

"Yes, sir." He grated out, finally raising his eyes once again. "I'll report to him tomorrow."

Bradley's thin smile widened. "Very well." He said as he motioned for the door. Ed stood and gave the man a stiff, forced bow before turning his back to him. His boots sank heavily against the hardwood floor as he walked towards the door.

"Oh, Fullmetal?"

The boy stopped but did not turn. "Sir?"

Ed heard the sound of heavy fabric rubbing against leather as the man behind him rose to his feet.

"Try being more careful around stoves." Bradley replied.

The boy's lips turned down and his eyes narrowed. "Yes, sir."

Ed could hear the quiet chuckle behind him as he walked down the hall.

XXXXX

A wall of cold air slammed hard against Ed as he walked out of Headquarters. His mind was drowning in the intensity of too many emotions. Of hope. Of shock. Of rage. Of _guilt_. They all battled each other inside the boy, making it impossible for him to comprehend what had just happened. Even with the drastic change in temperature, the boy was nearly at the gates before he realized he was no longer inside. He suddenly stopped and turned, glancing back at the pristine white building. He caught a glimpse of Roy in his office, surrounded by his subordinates. He could just make out the look of shock on Riza's face as she squeezed his arm, trying to convince herself that he was real. Ed then shifted his eyes to another window, another office. There he found one grey eye staring back at him.

"Well, _that_ was interesting."

The Fuhrer shrugged as he continued to gaze out the window. He was watching the blond alchemist as the boy stared at the building, his shoulders hunched over, his hands shoved deeply into the pockets of his red coat.

"He reacted precisely as I thought he would." The imposing man answered. "Did you see the fire in his eyes?"

The shadow that had been in its place between the massive bookcases moved forward. Its long black hair rustled as it swayed against its back.

"Yes." The smooth, feminine voice answered. "He's starting to wonder if Mustang is one of us."

The grey eye narrowed. "I am _not _one of you."

A sultry laugh momentarily filled the closing space between them. A delicate gloved hand reached up and slid the small patch which covered the Fuhrer's eye. The lid twitched before slowly opening, revealing the red mark of a serpent arching, its body into a circle as it consumed its own tail.

"The mark of Ouroboros, dear _Fuhrer_, says otherwise."

The man's jaw began to buckle under the pressure as he clenched it. "We may have been created the same way and fostered by the same hand, but I am nothing like you." He icily replied. "I don't have to hide in the shadows."

"Hm." The eye patch was carefully returned to its place. "Perhaps—for _now_. As for the boy, if he convinces himself of what he created, he might try to hunt it down."

Bradley gave a slow shake of his head before his hands found themselves in their familiar position clasped behind his back.

"If he did that, he'd have to come to terms with what he has done." He simply countered. "No….it will be far easier for him to believe that Mustang is real rather than accept that he could be a homunculus. Ed believes he was unsuccessful, and now he has no reason to try again. In the end, it's all worked out rather well. Fullmetal has the real Mustang back, and thanks to him, we now have a new addition."

The shadow turned its head, its violet gaze settling on the figure disappearing down the road. "Yes, but we were lucky that nothing went wrong. This would have been far easier if we had just killed the Flame Colonel in the first place."

"Flame General." Bradley corrected with a smirk. "And that's not what we wanted. If Fullmetal had tried the transmutation with his body, we risked Mustang's memories returning. If he remembered any of his distrust of me and the military, he would have been much harder to control. No, we needed a _tabula rasa_ so to speak. And with Mustang as General, I can keep him closer to Central now. Closer to me."

"So you think you can control him now that you've promoted him? Forgive me, Pride, but if you doubt your abilities to control a transmuted version of the Flame, what makes you think you have any power over the real thing?"

Bradley chuckled before turning towards the shadow. "Because I control something that is very dear to him."

"Which is?"

Bradley slowly unclasped his hands. His smile widened as he tapped his finger against the glass window pane.

"His lover."

XXXXX

"Seeing your name on a tombstone does wonders for one's sense of mortality."

Ed swung around, his bangs sticking to his forehead from the newly falling mist. His eyes widened at the uniformed figure that stood behind him, eyeing the wide gold bar and single star on each shoulder.

"I thought you might be here."

Ed remained quiet, saying nothing as he absorbed every detail of the young man before him, from his shining eyes to his gaunt face. To Roy, it looked as if he was searching for something, but the older one wasn't sure just what. When Roy reached out his hand, Ed abruptly drew back and turned around.

"Congratulations on your promotion." He quietly said.

Roy's hand stayed in mid-air for a few moments before he realized it was still there and lowered it. There was a hollowness in the younger one's voice, a void that Roy had never heard before. No rage, no sorrow, no distrust. No hint of the fire that always seemed to burn deep inside his soul. Just…..emptiness.

"Look, I know this must—"

"I should go."

Roy slowly shook his head, unaware of just how wet the heavy mist was making his hair. "We need to talk." He softly argued. "I found something out when—"

"Fine." Ed interrupted uneasily. "I'll come by your house after dinner."

Roy's reached out and grabbed the boy's arm harder than he intended. "_**Ed!**_ I think you'll want to—"

The older one's plea stopped abruptly when the boy noticeably winced and brought his free hand up to his side. Roy instantly loosened his grip, his onyx eyes widening in alarm.

"What's wrong?" 

The blond head shook back and forth spraying both figures with a fine, muddy mist. Neither seemed to notice, much less care.

"Nothing."

"You're hurt."

"I'm fine."

Roy's brow furrowed as he reached over and lifted the younger one's shirt enough to see the bandages. "_Ed_….what happened?"

The boy jerked back, much to the dismay of his raw wound. "I-It's nothing." He grated out, his breaths too sharp. "Just a little accident."

"What—"

"Al's expecting me." Ed tersely interrupted. "I'll be at your house in a few hours, alright?"

But Roy wasn't given a chance to respond. Before he could draw his next breath, the young alchemist was gone, quickly making his way down the row of gray stones. He had not wanted to see Roy yet. Not until he could try and go through every scenario in his head, every possibility and every probability that what had been standing behind him was actually Roy.

XXXXX

Just as he had before, Ed stood in front of his lover's door, staring at the weather-worn oak and the eroded patterns the elements had carved into it. The house was dark, offering no signs of life from within its walls. The boy had come early, hoping to have a look around while its occupant was away. Hoping to find even the smallest sign of proof that his misguided attempt to bring his lover back had failed.

Or succeeded.

At the moment, Ed wasn't sure which one would hurt him the most.

"Just _open the door_." The boy muttered to himself, his hand outstretched but somehow unable to actually grab the brass knob. The wide eyes blinked a few times before the automail fingers finally wrapped around the metal. Ed heard a soft click, and the mechanism released, allowing the door to swing open a little. It would be another few minutes before those cold fingers shifted and actually pushed it enough so the shivering body could slip by.

The house was warm this time. No cold draft greeted the young alchemist as he stepped inside. But the silence and the loneliness from before still lingered. Ed took a few cautious steps into the entryway, still unsure of what proof he would find, and _if _he wanted to find it. But as he made his way into the den, he realized there was no mistake that _something _had happened.

Parts of the ceiling had been torn clean from its beams, incinerated into oblivion by the alchemic reaction the boy had started. The once prominent beams that remained were now scarred and blackened from the intense heat, warped into bent, unstable shapes. Fuery and the other soldiers had tried their best to cover the gaping wound to the house with plywood, fervently nailing them down to protect their fallen superior's home.

The floor had fared far worse, receiving the brunt of the reaction's wrath. A large, discernable circle was burned into the hardwood, scorched through to the cement foundation beneath. The surviving boards mimicked the beams above, warped and buckling up from the sub-floor below. The furniture was still against the wall where Ed had shoved it, some pieces now shattered beyond recognition. Buckets were toppled over and strewn about, some tossed there after the boy had dumped their ingredients onto the floor, others caught in the violent wind that followed. A few burned papers, curled by the heat, lay at his feet. Papers whose theorems and formulas were now blackened by ash.

Ed had nearly _destroyed_ the room.

But as he stood there, eyes widened, the scent of dank smoke heavy in the air, the damage was the last thing on his mind. What struck the boy as he stared at the destruction around him, was the small area in the center that was nearly…._spotless._

The area where he had poured the procured ingredients of a human body, where he had gingerly placed a lock of _someone's_ hair, was conspicuously clean. As if the charred boards had been scrubbed and scoured clean, as if every last trace of whatever had been there had been meticulously and painstakingly removed. Ed slowly knelt down, ignoring the sharp pain in his side, and ran his fingers along the wood floor.

There was no hint of what he had seen in his muddled memory. The lump of flesh and wet muscle and jagged bone that had formed far too quickly than it should have into a human shape. Nothing to validate what Ed had seen in his darkness when he was drowning unconscious in that hospital bed.

But if there was no hint of it, nothing at all, what had—

A soft noise suddenly interrupted the boy's frenzied thoughts. Ed jerked his head to the side, his golden eyes widening when they saw a shadow shift along the bedroom wall. As he rose to his feet, another sound escaped into the silence, another soft noise. Like something gently falling to the floor. When Ed walked over to the bedroom and looked inside, he realized just what it was.

"_What have you done?_"

Ed could only stare at the uniformed figure sitting on the edge of the bed, his voice stolen. The boy watched as the pages slowly slipped from the scorched journal in Roy's hands, the journal that contained the older one's theory of human transmutation. The journal Ed had set next to him moments before he clapped his hands together and slammed them down in front of that dark pile.

"_Answer me_." The onyx eyes had raised and were staring at the boy, blazing with a fire he had never seen before. "_**What **__have you done?"_

Ed's mouth opened, but no words were able to find their way out, no thoughts able to form into an explanation. His eyes widened even more as he saw the journal begin to shake, realizing that the hands holding it were shaking even harder. He slowly shook his head before taking a few steps into the room.

"I-I….I don't—"

"_**What have you done?**_" Roy roared, hurling the warped leather book across the room. Its brittle pages fluttered to the ground, their corners breaking into small fragments of ash along the floor. Ed didn't react as the taller figure suddenly jumped at him, pushing him hard against the desk along the wall. "_**What the hell have you done?**_"

It took a moment for Ed's mind to react to the pain in his side. It took a few more before it finally found a few coherent thoughts. The boy's eyes flared as Roy's hands reached up and grabbed his collar, pulling their faces close together. He struggled to reach down and lift up his shirt.

"What do you _think_?"

Roy suddenly paled. He knew. He _knew_ what the boy had tried the moment he stepped foot into his house. He could see it. He could smell it. He could _feel _it. But having the boy admit it had brought a sense of enormity that the older one wasn't ready to handle.

A solemnity slowly enveloped the two as they stood there, Ed's back pressed hard against the desk, and Roy's hands still clutching his collar. The older one finally dropped his grip and reached down to cover the automail fingers pressing against the tender wound.

"_Why….._?" Roy finally breathed out, shaking his head over and over again. The metal fingers beneath his own curled. "Why would you….?"

The question had been whispered against the boy's forehead. But somehow, the normally fiery boy's words faltered. He closed his eyes and leaned forward, letting his head rest against the older one's thundering chest.

"After what you've lost, what Alphonse….._why _would you do this?" Roy asked, his voice now barely audible as he wrapped his arms around the trembling figure pressed against him. "_Why_, Ed?"

Ed had several answers swirling around in his mind. Several reasons. Some even came close to escaping, teasing his lips before he bit his tongue to keep them from coming out. _Because I believed what the Fuhrer told me about you. Because I thought you had killed yourself. Because I thought I had driven you to it. Because I thought it was my fault…._

Ed couldn't bring himself to let one of those answers go because he wasn't sure which one was the truth. If _any_ of them were the truth.

_Because I felt guilty. _

The boy reached up, clutching handfuls of the uniform jacket, feeling the heavy corded braid rub against his skin.

_Because I wanted you back._

He drew in as deep a breath as his wounded lungs would allow, trying desperately to flood any doubts of Roy's existence away with the man's scent.

_Because I loved you._

Ed closed his eyes as the arms tightened around him, trying to block the pain shooting through his side.

_Because I __**love **__you._

"_**Why**__, Ed?_"

But when the boy finally pulled back, when he finally opened his eyes and raised his head, he surprised even himself with the words that came out of his mouth.

"How do I know it didn't work?"

Roy suddenly stilled. The thumb that had been mindlessly rubbing against the back of the boy's neck stopped. The quickening breaths that expanded his ribcage against Ed's stopped. Everything about him became motionless, stirring a panic somewhere inside the younger alchemist. But then Ed heard the rustling of fabric and felt a released sigh against his skin. He tried to lower his head again but suddenly found it trapped between two warm hands.

Roy held the boy's head, forcing the wide eyes to lock on his own. The dark, polished irises bore into the gold ones, pleading with them to see everything that they held. Then, before Ed could react, he felt lips crashing hard into his own, lips that felt and tasted familiar. Lips that urged him to open his own and deepen the kiss.

So Ed did. And in that fervent kiss, realized that this was no homunculus.

This was _Roy_.

"I-I saw them carry a body out of your apartment."

Roy sighed heavily as he pulled back. "It wasn't me." He murmured against the boy's forehead before he kissed it.

"Then who…?"

Roy shrugged before letting his arms drop back around the trembling boy. "I don't know." He whispered. "But that's what I need to find out."

Ed was quiet for a while, the enormity of the past few days too much for him to absorb. He had seen the outline of a charred body on that stretcher, he had wept next to the flag-covered coffin as it made its way home, he had shoved his hands into the bitterly cold mud and into a buried casket. He had used forbidden alchemy to try and bring his lover back. And now…..now, that man stood before him, his heart pounding against the boy's.

Disbelief. Sorrow. Grief. Guilt…

And now, the boy was completely _numb_.

"I-It's you." He suddenly stammered.

Roy tightened his embrace.

"Yes."

Ed closed his eyes. "You're real."

"I'm real."

The younger one pulled back, meeting the onyx eyes. He stared at them for a moment, searching them. Then he lifted his hands and placed them on Roy's blue jacket.

"Prove it." He whispered unstably. "Prove to me you're real."

The polished eyes narrowed for a second before they flared. Roy's arms dropped, but before Ed could mourn the loss of touch, he felt his lover's lips against his own. Then he felt something else. Hands were reaching underneath the edge of his shirt, fumbling with the thick belt of his pants. As the heat against his lips left and slid down his chin and neck, Ed heard a loud clunk against the floor. It was then that he realized Roy had slid the belt from its place around his black pants and tossed it to the ground.

Lips found his again and fingers busied themselves with buckles and zippers. Ed could feel the brush of air against his hips as his pants were pulled down enough to reveal his growing hardness. Before he had time to shiver, hands found a grip on his hips, lifting him onto the desk. A whimper escaped into Roy's mouth, forced out partly by the boy's pain and partly from his need.

The older one broke the kiss. "Did I hurt you?" He asked, his eyes clearing as a concern settled behind them. "Your side…."

"It's fine." Ed curtly assured, his hands dropping and finding a new grip. Roy reached down trying to stop the hands that were groping for his zipper. The boy raised his eyes, an eyebrow arched, a hint of his familiar fire behind them. "_What_?"

Roy swallowed hard. "What did you lose?" He finally asked, reaching up to caress the boy's tender side.

But Ed shook his head and didn't answer, finally finding the blue pant's elusive zipper. Strong hands stopped him.

"Tell me what you lost."

A low, frustrated growl escaped as the boy shook his head. "Not now." He sharply argued, not wanting to talk. He could handle a lecture about the transmutation attempt after. Talk was for later. Action was for now_. _Ed needed to _feel_ that what he thought was gone was actually standing in front of him, breathing softly against his neck. "Please….." He whispered, his voice lowering. "Not now, okay?"

Roy stared at the younger one for a few tense moments before finally nodding. There had been something in the golden eyes, a pleading that had begged the man that right now, Ed needed this more than anything else. He lifted Ed's legs, pushing them up and pressing them against the boy's chest. Then he wrapped one hand around the back on the blond's head, smashing their lips together while the other sought the handle of the desk drawer. Ed heard the scraping of wood as the drawer opened then the snap of a lid. As Roy's tongue demanded to feel more of the boy's, Ed felt fingers brushing along the curve of his hip and inner thigh. When the slick finger pressed against his entrance, he shuddered with an involuntary need.

Ed's breaths quickened as the warmth of Roy's tongue enveloped his own, as fingers slid inside him, gently but urgently stretching him. He suddenly pushed on the older one's arm, gripping the blue fabric of the uniform's sleeve as a sign that he was ready.

Roy broke the kiss once again and drew back, pulling his fingers free. The finger that were now entwined in Ed's hair, gripping his loosened braid, yanked hard, forcing the boy to keep his gaze steady. As Roy drew in a shuddered breath, he looked into the wide golden eyes and slowly entered his lover.

"_I'm real_." He raggedly whispered.

Ed gasped before blinking. "I…I-I know."

Roy drew his hips back, pulling himself nearly completely free. That's when Ed fought the confines of his pants and wriggled enough to get his calves around the man's straight hips.

"You're real."

Roy nodded before dropping his head on the boy's shoulder and thrusting all the way back inside. A pained gasp was forced from the boy's lungs, but he immediately tried to cover it with a moan. Roy paused for just a moment before pulling back and searching for a steady rhythm.

"_I'm sorry_…." Ed whispered as the next thrust began to fill him.

"_Shh_…."

But the boy needed to purge his emotions, his guilt. His flesh fingers fumbled to find a grip on Roy's sweat-soaked hair.

"But I…."

Roy nestled his forehead further against the boy's shoulder as he struggled to keep his strokes gentle. "It's alright." He murmured into the heavy wool.

"I….I thought you were…."

The onyx eyes closed. "I know." He assured between soft pants. "But I'm not."

Ed's hand dropped to the back of his lover's neck, fingers stroking the tender skin. "I thought you had left me." He whispered so quickly the words were almost indiscernible. _Almost_.

Roy suddenly stopped and lifted his head, drawing back to look into the boy's eyes. Ed whimpered as he felt the heat pulsing inside him, waiting for it to move deeper.

"_Ed_…."

There had been something in the golden eyes then. An emotion that surprised Roy. Guilt_._ It was then that Roy began to wonder if the younger one had tried what he did out of love….or out of _guilt. _Ed watched in confusion as a look of sadness watched across his lover's face. "What….?"

The dark head shook. "Nothing." He murmured, leaning down and gently biting along the boy's pulse point. Before Ed could think too much about that sorrow he had seen, he was filled once again, and Roy's hips began to move faster and faster.

Feeling Roy's release inside him was as necessary as his own, allowing Ed exactly what he needed. When the older one tried to pull out, Ed clung to him, clutching against the heaving chest, burrowing himself as closely as he could. It was only when they both began to shiver that he finally freed his lover, eagerly accepting the kiss that followed.

Later, after they had showered and found themselves curled up on the bed, Ed finally allowed himself to really look at the sleeping form next to him. He slipped the cool sheet from Roy's nude body, mapping each inch with his eyes and his fingertips. Deep inside, he couldn't admit to himself that he was doing this not just to learn the feel of his lover once again, but to search for something.

For the mark of Ouroboros.

But Roy did not have it. He _was_ real. Every kiss, every moan, every thrust had proven that to the young alchemist. That was one thing the boy believed without a doubt. One thing he now knew to be the truth. It was Roy who had stared deeply into his golden eyes as he took him. It was Roy whom he felt inside him. It was Roy whose scent he drew in as his breaths quickened towards his climax. For Ed, everything should have been close to perfect.

As perfect as it _could_ be for him.

But as Ed fell into a listless sleep, his dreams began to haunt him. They drowned the boy in their darkness, they tortured him with twisted thoughts. They bombarded his mind with the same images over and over. The pile of flesh, the dark figure, the face he didn't recognize. Over and over the same images, the same scene. The echo of his clapping hands. The scent of fire. The unknown face haunting him. By the time they finally freed him, Ed found himself sitting upright, panting as he struggled to even his breaths.

He _had _seen it. A body. A face. As an automail hand caressed the tender flesh beneath his ribs, Ed slowly began to realize what his grief had blocked from him before. He remembered seeing a figure in that bright flash, just before the agony ripped through his own torso. He remembered the Law of Equivalent Exchange. He had lost his ribs, so in return…..

He had to have received something.

So what had he gotten….

and _where_ was it?

TBC….


	16. Chapter 16

_**Demons and Redemption**_

_Chapter 16_

It was still a few hours from dawn. The late-night storm was now stagnant leaving a thick haze hanging over the city. Roy had been awake for a while, listening to the sounds of people caught in the merciless rain. Beside him, a soft, uneven snore rose, playing against the scattered cries and footsteps outside. Ed was in a deep but edgy sleep, the furrowing on his brow and twitching under his lids betraying that dreams were haunting him.

Roy carefully shifted so that he was on his side, propping his elbow on the pillow. With his other hand, he brushed the thick bangs from his lover's face, trying to study it in the pale light. It was a sight that despite all of his best efforts, he had missed. _Terribly_. Beneath their lids the golden eyes twitched more quickly, agitated by what they saw in the boy's subconscious. Roy frowned as he let his fingertips ghost over them before placing a kiss on the cool forehead. The brief contact seemed to soothe Ed, calming him in his dreams. Roy's frown slid into a hint of his smirk at the way his touch affected his young lover.

But then the dark eyes slipped lower, and all traces of that smirk disappeared. Roy's hand shifted and hovered over the bandages that covered the boy's abdomen. _What did you lose?…..__**Tell me **__what you lost._ The fingertips dropped and rested on the tightly wrapped gauze. _Not now….__**please**__, not now, okay?_ Ed hadn't wanted to tell him. Hadn't wanted him to even know, but it was far too late for that. Roy drew in a deep breath and held it before pressing against the gauze and bandages to feel what was underneath.

Or rather, what _wasn't_.

"Your ribs." The older one sorrowfully whispered. "Ed…..you lost…"

A sudden rustling cut through the silence, and when the dark eyes raised, they found a pair of gold ones struggling to focus on them. Roy jerked his hand back and slowly shook his head.

"I'm sorry." He quietly apologized. "I didn't mean to wake you."

The boy blinked, trying to remember just where he was. A sudden panic flooded his eyes as he struggled to sit up.

"What's wrong?"

Ed swallowed, trying to moisten his dry throat. "_Al._"

"He's alright." Roy assured. "I sent Falman to watch him."

The blond head drew back and groggy eyes blinked a few more times. "When?"

"Last night—before you came."

Roy watched as an eyebrow arched and a sharp grin lifted the corner of his lover's lips.

"What?"

Ed shrugged and settled back against the pillow. "I should have known you were planning to seduce me."

"Seduce _you_?" The older alchemist asked, his dark eyes glistening with a hint of their true blue. "If I remember correctly, Fullmetal, it was you who kissed me _first_."

Ed narrowed his eyes. "I think you're getting forgetful in your old age." He said as he closed his eyes and nestled more comfortably under the soft comforter. "You kissed me first last night."

"Mm…._last_ night maybe." Roy agreed as he tapped the tip of his lover's nose. "But that wasn't our firstkiss. I seem to remember _that _happening right here in this room. Remember now, Fullmetal? You….taking advantage of me in my sleep?"

The fiery eyes shot open. "_**Taking advantage of you**_?" He roared. Ed reached up and grabbed the man with his flesh and automail hands, flipping him down onto his back. The boy quickly shifted and straddled his lover's hips, looking down on him in their now reversed-positions. "You—"

The boy's rant was finished before it could begin when a strong hand wrapped around the back of his neck, and he was pulled down for a kiss. A small squeak of surprise escaped into Roy's mouth as he pried open the younger one's lips. Ed finally relented and leaned further down, dropping his hands on either side of the splayed raven locks. The need for air broke the kiss, and Ed drew back, panting a little as he stared down at his lover.

"I _what_?" Roy asked, his familiar smirk teasing his lips. It was a trait the younger one had missed, a sight he found himself wanting so desperately.

Ed shook his head, letting his lover feel the softness of his bangs tickle his face as they brushed across it. "You took advantage of _me_, bastard."

"Hm." Roy reached up to pull the lips taunting him down to his own, but froze when Ed sharply gasped. "_Ed! _What—"

"Nothing." The younger one grated out.

But Roy could tell by the way the boy had cringed when he shifted that he was in pain. He sighed as his hand slipped down and gingerly rested on the tight bandage.

"How many did you lose?"

Ed leaned back and crossed his arms over his chest, trying not to wince at the burning it caused. "Do you have anything to eat in this place?"

The frustration escaped Roy's lips in the form of a deep sigh. "_Edward._"

The golden eyes narrowed. "I'm hungry."

"How _many_?"

The boy finally shrugged. "Two or three." He replied. "Doesn't matter, bastard. I've got others."

Roy was unable to contain a low growl. He watched as Ed slid off of him and settled back under the soft comforter.

"Do you realize what could have happened?" The older alchemist asked, his voice now very quiet. The playful banter from moments before had suddenly vanished.

"That was kind of the point."

"I'm not talking about the transmutation." Roy countered. "I'm talking about what could have happened to _you_."

"So I lost a few ribs. Big deal. You're the one who was trapped in a mine for three days." Ed tossed back.

Roy reached over and brushed the hair from his lover's face. "That wasn't my doing."

"Well how _did _it happen?"

"The Fuhrer gave orders for me to take my men and investigate the mines. Everything that we had seen there was gone. The tools, the blood. They cleaned everything up, Ed."

"They knew we had been there?"

Roy shrugged. "Or they were just covering their tracks." He replied. "I told my men to go ahead just to get a look around by myself. That's when the shaft collapsed around me."

The golden eyes closed and a wry grin flashed across the boy's lips. "Took you long enough to remember you had your gloves, bastard."

There had been a seriousness, an exposed fear buried within the jest. One that the older one found easily. Roy knew the boy's sarcasm was a defense mechanism at times, used to guard his true feelings. He leaned down and placed a tender kiss on Ed's lips.

"The spark wasn't the problem, pipsqueak." Roy murmured against the soft lips. "Fire needs—"

"Oxygen." Ed finished as he opened his eyes.

"Yeah." Roy whispered with another kiss before pulling back. "Oxygen. There wasn't much left. And with all of the dust in the air from the collapse, it was difficult to use my alchemy on it."

A blond brow lowered. "But Bradley said you used it to finally escape."

"Yeah….a little at a time." Roy quietly answered. "I blasted away what I could and then had to wait for them to dig out the rest."

Ed closed his eyes. "If they hadn't…."

"But they did."

The boy simply shrugged. He struggled to shift onto his side, turning away from his lover.

"I'm fine, Ed." The low voice reverberated behind him.

The golden eyes remained closed, their lids tightly scrunched together. "Yeah."

Roy suddenly sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed, feeling the coldness of the floor beneath his bare feet. He lowered his head allowing his dark hair to fall into his face.

"Ed…."

"I thought you were…."

The onyx eyes closed. Roy drew in a deep breath, feeling the eyes which were now boring into his back.

"I thought you had done it to yourself."

Roy very quietly gasped, his onyx eyes widening. What he had seen the night before, what had flashed through the younger one's eyes had been true.

Ed had felt _guilty. _

With each silent moment that passed, Ed began to regret his declaration. He finally shifted, scooting to the opposite edge of the bed to find his clothing.

"Come on, Fullmetal." Roy said, forcing that smirk into his voice. "Just because you told me to get out of your life doesn't mean I'd incinerate myself."

Ed frowned as he pulled the heavy fabric of his pants over his automail leg. "That's not why….." He shook his head and closed his eyes. "Bradley said…."

Roy's brows lowered. "Said what?"

The younger one shrugged, wishing just for once that not everything he thought would fly out of his mouth.

"Nothing."

The older alchemist's jaw buckled as he tightened it. "Said _**what**_?"

Ed reached for his black tank top. "He told me about Ishbal." He finally replied. "I just thought…and with Brigadier General Hughes…."

Roy quietly scoffed as he shook his head. He wasn't sure what was worse. Ed trying to bring him back out of guilt, or Ed trying to bring him back out of pity. He suddenly stood and walked to the closet.

"I'll make breakfast after I shower." He stated, his tone falling back to the same he used with his subordinates. The disappearance of its tenderness was not lost on Ed.

"Yeah." The boy whispered. "Sure."

When Roy finally emerged nearly half an hour later, he was greeted by an empty room.

Somehow, he wasn't surprised.

~.X.~

"Come on, Chief. You look pretty down for someone who's come back from the dead _and _been promoted."

The dark eyes sharpened and fixed on the figure sitting across the oak desk. An eyebrow arched for a second before the eyes turned back to the stack of papers in front of them.

"What?"

Havoc drew back a little and held up his hand. "It's just that you're actually _doing _paperwork." He commented, gesturing to the neatly shuffled papers that had been diligently read and signed. "I guess they expect you to really do things now that you're a Brigadier General."

Roy was quiet for a few tense moments before carefully laying his pen down. Havoc watched as the man leaned down and opened his drawer, pulling out a pair of white gloves with a familiar red circle stitched on them.

"Should I remind you what else I can do?"

Riza narrowed her warm eyes, serving Havoc with a sharp glance before turning them to Roy. "Sir, perhaps it isn't the best idea to obliterate your subordinates as your first official act as a general." She suggested before calmly returning to the book in her hands.

The dark-haired man frowned before tossing the gloves back to their home in his desk. He reached for his pen once again, unwilling to admit the real reason he had so uncharacteristically thrown himself into his duties.

To keep his mind off of a certain blond alchemist.

The sharp tip of his pen hovered over the bottom of the paper, ready to lower and release a thin flow of dark ink in the shape of Roy's signature. But then the shrill ring of the phone interrupted him, freezing his hand in mid-motion.

"Yes? Of course, sir. Right away, sir."

Riza placed the phone back in its cradle before turning to Roy.

"The Fuhrer wants to see you."

A low growl escaped the Brigadier General, a sign that the meeting was the last thing he wanted at the moment. He simply nodded and rose to his feet, tossing the pen onto the desk. As he passed Havoc, he reached out and landed a playful punch on the man's shoulder before sliding his hand into his pocket.

"You wanted to see me, Fuhrer, sir?"

A chill briefly seized the younger man's heart as he asked the rhetorical question. It seemed every time he was in that office asking that question, bad things seemed to follow. Bad for him and bad for another alchemist who, despite Roy's best efforts, kept managing to slip into his thoughts more and more often that day.

"Ah, Mustang." The smile on Bradley's face seemed genuine enough, but Roy could tell by the glint in his uncovered eye that it was anything but. "Sit, won't you?"

Roy took his hands from his pockets and straightened them at his side before giving a slight bow in response. Then he finally entered the large office and settled in the dark leather chair.

"Tell me..." The older one quietly began. "How are things for our newest Brigadier General?"

"Just fine." Roy evenly replied. "Thank you for asking, sir."

"Good. Good. I knew I had been wise in giving you that promotion."

The dark head dipped in a slow nod. Roy crossed one leg over the other and clasped his hands at his knee. "Is there something I can do for you, sir?"

Bradley let another brief smile cut across his thin lips. "You always get straight to the point, don't you, Mustang?" He asked. "Well, that's one of the things I like about you."

The younger one lowered his head again in a nod but remained quiet. He could feel the cold stare piercing through him and finally raised his head again to meet the narrowed grey eye.

"I'd like to speak to you about one of your subordinates."

The onyx eyes widened a little. Roy began searching through his mind wondering if something might have happened while he was out of Central. "Which one, sir?"

"Fullmetal."

Roy's fingers tightened their hold on each other, clasping his hands harder together. A sudden panic flashed through his mind as he realized that Ed might have left Central with Al that morning after their argument.

_Damn. _

"Has he done something I should be aware of, sir?"

The Fuhrer leaned back in his chair, his narrowed eye studying Roy's reaction very carefully. He interrupted the tense silence by tapping against his polished desktop with his finger.

"No, not at all." The older man finally answered. "I would like you to keep an eye on him, though. He seemed very….._upset _over your apparent death, and I'd just like him to stay in Central for a while. No side trips for our young alchemist, understood, General?"

Roy slowly nodded. "Understood, Fuhrer."

"Good." Bradley offered the younger man an icy smile before gesturing towards the door. "You should get back to your office. I hear you have quite a bit of paperwork to catch up on."

Roy stood and gave his superior a stiff bow. As he turned towards the door, the young man suddenly paused, a flicker of movement catching his eye. He cocked his head to the side, narrowing his dark eyes as they traveled over the shadows in the corner. Then he shook his head and walked out of the office, closing the door behind him.

"Mmm….interesting. You think the Flame actually saw me?"

Bradley sighed as he pushed his chair away from the imposing desk and stood. "If he had, I'm sure his reaction would have been much more noticeable." He replied, a definite irritation seeping into his voice. "Sometimes I think you wouldn't mind if he saw you."

A low, sultry laugh briefly echoed in the room. "Well, why not? He _is_ lovely to look at himself. Perhaps it's time that we met."

Bradley turned so that he was facing the window, ignoring his associate's suggestion. He drew in a deep breath as he stared down at the pristine columns that flanked the large courtyard on each side. The storms had finally ended their hold on the city, allowing the sun's brightness to reflect off of the symmetrical buildings of headquarters. The puddles were beginning to shrink, and more uniformed people were milling about outside. The dark-haired man clasped his hands behind his back and sighed.

"You should check on the others."

The violet eyes widened for a moment before a slow smile spread across the shadowed face. Bradley turned his head enough to see it before his accomplice retreated.

"And Lust?"

The figure paused.

"Don't let anyone see you."

~.X.~

"Did I miss something?"

Roy had returned to a nearly empty office, with only one uniformed figure sitting at the long row of desks. He closed the door behind him and walked to the window, waiting for the response.

"I asked Havoc and Breda to move a few boxes from the basement." Riza replied without looking up from her book. "I believe Fuery went to lunch, sir."

"And Falman?" Roy asked as he stared into the cloudless sky. "Is he still with Alphonse?"

Riza nodded as she slipped a finger behind the crisp page she had just finished and flipped it over. Its quiet crinkling momentarily filled the silence hovering between them. Roy sighed, gazed down at the winter-battered trees, pretending to be absorbed in studying their bare branches.

"Well, aren't you going to ask?"

The soft brown eyes blinked once. "I figured you would tell me if you wanted to, sir."

Roy clasped his hands behind his back, unknowingly mirroring his superior's pose just a few floors above. He remained still for a while, listening to the creasing of the pages in Riza's book as she turned them.

"He wanted me to—"

He had finally seen it then. When he turned to face his lieutenant, he had finally seen the small box she had positioned in the middle of his desk. A small gasp escaped as he reached over and laid his hand on the worn leather.

"Edward gave them to me when I was packing your things." Riza informed, trying to keep the rising emotions from slipping into her voice. "I thought you might want them back."

Roy swallowed hard as he stared at the box, tracing the engraved letters with his fingertips. He didn't think he would ever see them again. And even though he wouldn't admit it to himself, part of him was relieved at that fact. "How did he…..?"

The striking, young lieutenant finally closed her book and laid it on her small desk. She raised her eyes and studied the man's lowered face.

"That's probably something you should ask him yourself, sir."

Roy stared down at the box for a long time before he finally grabbed it and slipped it into his pocket. He could feel the warm brown eyes on him as he walked back to the door, grabbing his grey coat along the way.

"Lieutenant, I need you to handle things for the rest of the afternoon." He ordered, closing the door behind him without waiting for the response. He did not see the small smile that graced Riza's lips or hear the soft words that followed.

"I figured you would, sir."

**Roy walked quietly down the streets of Central, ignoring the sideways glances of curious soldiers and officers who were still in shock over his return from the dead. With each step, he could feel the heavy box in his coat pocket knocking against his thigh. And with each step, the demons they represented seemed to burrow a little farther out from where Roy had buried them. The medals had found him once again, and with them, they brought back the ghosts that had haunted the young alchemist since his actions in Ishbal. **

**No matter how hard he tried, they would ****_always _****find him. **

**They would ****_always _****remind him. **

**It took almost two hours before Roy finally found his lover. He had tried every place he thought Ed might be. With Al. At Headquarters. Even the cemetery. His panic grew when each one turned up no trace of the boy. But it would be the last place the dark-haired man considered where he actually found him. Roy knew the instant he turned the corner to his house that Ed was there. **

**He knew from the loud clap and bright light that followed, blazing from every window. **

**"I thought I could at least try to fix it." Ed stated, finally breaking the silence with a subdued voice.**

Roy breathed out a deep sigh before he settled on the couch. Ed was standing behind it, arms crossed over his chest, golden eyes feigning inspection of the floor he had just transmuted. They were keeping their backs to one another, their eyes decidedly off of each other. The older one finally reached into his pocket and pulled out the worn leather box.

"How did you get these?"

Ed turned at the dull thud the rectangular container made as it landed on the coffee table. A small gasp caught in his throat as he stared at them. Roy turned his head, briefly studying the surprised look in the younger one's eyes.

"Lieutenant Hawkeye said you had given them to her." The older man quietly explained. He leaned back into the cushions, stretching his exhausted frame before letting one arm settle on the edge of the couch. His hand rested close to where Ed stood, his back still to the man. "How did you get them?"

The blond turned his head away, lowering it. His arms unconsciously tightened across his chest, causing a sharp pain in his tender abdomen.

"She told me about them." He finally replied, not exactly answering the question he was asked. Of course, when it came to Ed, Roy had long expected that. "She told me what they meant to you. I….I was wrong."

Dark brows lowered. "Wrong about what?"

The golden eyes closed and one shoulder lifted in a half-shrug. "I thought you took them out every night to remind yourself how far you had come." He softly explained, his normally fiery temper caged. "To remind yourself of your promotions. But she told me why you really kept them—because of Ishbal. Because of the things you had to do. You wanted to remind yourself of that. Of what you had to do to get them, and how you never want to have to do anything like that again."

Roy was quiet for a while, studying his young lover, studying the way the waning sunlight cast a shadow over his fair face, the way the gentle flow from the heater brushed through his blond locks. He finally cleared his throat and turned back to the small box in front of him.

"Ed…..what _exactly _did the Fuhrer tell you?"

"He told me there were things about you I didn't know." Ed's voice was strangely calm, his words barely above a whisper. "He said there were rumors about you after you came back from the Rebellion. Something about you being upset over an execution. He thought that Hughes' death might have…"

Roy closed his eyes for a moment. It was beginning to make sense now. Some of it, at least. He realized now that this was far worse than he had first imagined, far bigger than missing miners or some misplaced prisoners he had been instructed to oversee. The newly promoted Brigadier General was beginning to see that whatever _was_ happening involved the very heart of the State.

"He told you that."

It wasn't a question, but Ed answered it anyway.

"Yeah."

Roy breathed out a deep sigh as he leaned forward and rubbed his face, cringing at just how hard his head was throbbing.

"Was he right?"

The hands dropped. It seemed like an excruciatingly long time before Roy turned and met the wide golden eyes behind him.

"Ed, I think someone wanted you to do that transmutation."

The blond braid swung hard as the boy forcefully shook his head. "_**What**_?"

The older man's jaw tightened as he studied the dizzying emotions that passed over his lover's face. The shock. The denial. The rage. The _fear_. Roy slowly rose to his feet and walked around the couch to stand beside him.

"Someone must have found out the truth about Al after they took him from Youswell." He softly continued. "After that….they wanted to see what you could do."

Ed's throat suddenly felt very dry, his breaths sticking to the back of it as they tried to escape. Each attempt felt as if someone's fingers were closing around his neck, strangling the very life out of him.

"How…?"

Roy shook his head. "I haven't pieced together everything yet." He whispered, now standing very close to the boy. "I think someone may have found out about us. They used it to manipulate you. When they had their chance, they trapped me in that mine and told you I was dead, hoping you'd try the transmutation."

The burning in the back of Ed's throat intensified, radiating through his chest, reminding him of what he had lost in that attempt. He reached up to his side, clutching his black shirt as hard as he could.

"I don't know how deeply yet, but it's safe to assume the Fuhrer's involved." Roy continued. "What he told you…..I think it was supposed to give you a reason. Pity or….." The man swallowed before drawing his eyes to the side. "Guilt. I don't know. I think he was trying to add fuel to the fire."

Ed's breaths shuddered hard. "They used me." He uttered, shaking his head over and over. "They took Al….they could have killed you…..and then they made me think….."

Roy lowered his head. "This is something big, Ed." He quietly stated. "Something dangerous. We have to be very careful from now on."

"They _used _me."

"And we'll use them back."

The golden eyes finally met the onyx ones. The emotion drowning them was too overwhelming for Roy to hold the gaze. He turned away and closed his own eyes, waiting for the boy's question.

"How?"

"I don't know yet." The older alchemist truthfully answered. "But all of this connects to the military somehow. The mines, the prisoners, and the transmutation attempt. When I was trapped, I had a lot of time to take a good look around. I found marks on the walls—marks not made any tools."

"Then by what?"

"Fingernails." Roy grimly answered. "People were trapped in there like I was. They weren't as lucky, though. You remember the blood…."

Ed nodded.

"I think they were experimented on somehow." The dark-haired man continued. "So were the prisoners. They're an easy group to use—no one's going to miss them."

"But they'd miss a decorated State Alchemist." Ed softly finished. "Which is why they saved you."

"Maybe." Roy shrugged.

They were quiet for a while, each absorbing the magnitude of what was slowly unfolding before them. Each listened to the other's breaths, to the hitch in their rhythm. It was Ed who finally broke the heavy silence between them.

"It wasn't all guilt."

"What?"

The boy sighed as he walked back over to the spot he had been trying to repair and dropped to his knees again. He rubbed his hands together and eyed the damaged floor, getting ready to transmute it.

"My reason." He finally replied. "It wasn't all guilt. Or pity."

Footsteps echoed close to him as his answer. Ed could smell the faint scent of Roy's cologne as the man stood very close, looking down on him. He could feel the heavy wool coat brush against his back. Then he sensed the slightest of movement through his hair, the feeling of fingertips combing through it before the footsteps receded into the bedroom.

TBC….


	17. Chapter 17

_**Demons and Redemption**_

_Chapter 17_

Sleep promised many things to Roy. It held out its hand and offered to take him into its protection. It promised to soothe him in the comfort of its dreams. There, cradled in its arms, he could be free of the reminders of his past that haunted him whenever he was alone. In his sleeping mind, he didn't have to replay the same scenes that plagued him in his solitude over and over and over again. The devastation in Ishbal. The execution he was forced to carry out. The lost friend, the only friend who was able to lower the walls he had built around himself. The cold feel of the gun's barrel as he held it under his chin. The click of the safety as he released it.

The _what ifs_. The _whys_.

The _why not __**me**_?

Sleep _promised _Roy these things, but as what happened so often to the troubled man lately, the promise was nothing but a broken whisper. He hovered between consciousness and listlessness, vaguely aware of the night's shadows that danced outside his window. His body was unable to find a comfortable position, tossing and turning in a futile attempt to find relief. Even on the gritty, hard floor of the mine, he seemed to find sleep more easily.

Of course then, he had been unaware that a devastated boy would risk all he had to see him again.

_Ed._

Roy sighed as he straightened his lean body and settled on his back. Those shadows outside had shifted to his ceiling, painting movement across the pale stucco.

_It wasn't all guilt…_

He clasped his hands behind his head and mindlessly studied the shadows, his dark eyes deepening.

_My reason….it wasn't all guilt. Or pity. _

"Then what was it, Ed?"

The words slipped out unacknowledged and unanswered. Even though the twinge of disappointment and hurthad rushed through him when he saw the guilt in Ed's eyes, Roy wasn't quite ready to admit just _why. _

If he did that, he'd have to admit just what was in his own eyes every time he looked at the boy.

Then he'd have to admit why he never wanted Ed to see it.

Another sigh escaped the troubled Flame Alchemist. Low and quiet into the night air. He had always wanted to protect Ed. It was something that had crept into his guarded heart since he first saw the maimed boy lying in that bed, his blood-soaked bandages a severe testament to his failed alchemy. He may have been helpless and weak, but his golden eyes had been full of a fierceness Roy had never seen before. Even then, even for reasons he did not know himself, he wanted to protect the boy. But Roy wasn't quite sure just when over the years that the yearning to protect gradually became the yearning for something else. He wasn't exactly sure if there was an exact moment that he saw something else in those eyes or if they just burned deeper into his heart each time they met his. What he did know was that it was far too late to stop it. What had happened while he was trapped in that mine, and the restrained confession that had escaped Ed's lips just hours ago, left no doubt in the older one's mind.

That need to protect Ed had slowly begun to transform….

Into love.

A very fragile and cautious _love_.

Roy threw off the heavy comforter, wincing as his stiff muscles protested the sudden movement. The sudden admittance to himself was not helping ease his mind enough to find a peaceful sleep. Far from it. When Roy loved people…whether in friendship or something deeper…things tended to end badly. Things tended to end…tragically. Each time the determined man had let his barriers down enough to let someone in, something inevitably ripped that person back out. And Roy didn't know if he could handle another loss like that. He wasn't sure if it was better to endure the pain of ending it now and hope to salvage some of his battered heart, or if he should take a chance.

And risk destroying it wholly.

He didn't realize he was standing until he looked down. The raven locks shook back forth in defeat, and Roy realized he might as well stay up. So he grabbed his robe and gave in to the yawn that had been threatening to break free.

He stood in his bedroom doorway, staring into the darkness. From the corner of the den, the pale glint of the scotch bottle on the desk caught his eye. So did the corner of the small, leather box. His medals. His _scarlet A _so to speak. A small, mocking smile briefly crossed his lips as he thought about how those medals were resilient as he was. How they would not just simply go away.

Roy drew his eyes back to the dull bottle and the rich liquid which filled it. Through it, he could just make out the distorted image of Hughes reflecting from the picture resting against the wall. It beckoned him. It made promises to him, just like Sleep had. But for once, Roy didn't listen. For once, Roy didn't seek his solace in it. For once, Roy left his demons alone, sitting starkly on a desk in his quiet house.

He didn't look at them as he made his way into the kitchen. He tried not to think about them as he opened a cabinet door, his fingers rummaging around for a fragrant tea bag. He forced their images out of his mind as he hooked the kettle's handle over the faucet and filled it with water. But as he swung around to set the kettle on the stove, something _did _force his mind to confront another problem.

Or rather, some_one._

"Ed….what are you doing out here?"

The blond was sitting on the steps of his back porch, knees drawn to his chest, arms wrapped tightly around them. His chin was perched precariously on his arms, lowered enough to hide his face. His posture was defensive, and Roy could tell right away that he wasn't going to get many answers. If any….

"Ed?"

The boy shrugged, not turning to acknowledge the figure standing behind him. He simply adjusted his chin more comfortably against his arm and closed his eyes.

"Where's Al?"

Ed softly cleared his throat. He was very subdued. _Too _subdued for Roy. The older one reached out but stopped his hand mid-motion when the quiet answer reached his ears.

"Lieutenant Hawkeye is with him."

"_Hawkeye?_"

Ed nodded. "Yeah." He whispered. "She said something about her heater not working anyway, and she'd stay with Al so I could take a walk."

Roy closed his dark eyes for a moment, remembering the look on Riza's face as she quietly told him about the medals. There had been something in the way she had spoken about them and Ed. Something in the way she had told her superior that he should take the afternoon off to speak to him. A small smile crossed his face, and he tucked a message away in the back of his mind to do something nice for her.

And to be subtle about it.

Roy drew in a deep breath before settling on the cold concrete of his top step. He was ill-dressed for the bitter winter night, his boxers and thin robe offering little protection from the brutal winds. Ed didn't seem any better off in his usual garb, although the harshness of the night looked like it was the furthest thing from the boy's mind.

"So….what's wrong?"

Ed's brow furrowed a moment, as if he was truly contemplating the question. But then he simply shrugged and turned away.

"Nothing."

Roy shook his head. "So that's why you're sitting on my porch in the middle of the night?"

"Maybe I thought my coat might fly by to keep me company."

An eyebrow just barely arched and a golden eye just barely opened to gauge if Roy remembered the joke about his red coat. A smirk and deep sparkle in the onyx eyes told the boy he did. Ed closed his eyes again but heard a sudden rustling. Then he felt the softness of cotton brush against his neck as Roy opened his robe and wrapped as much as he could around him.

"Well, maybe this will help until it comes around."

Ed let a smile escape. His cocky, fierce smile. The one that always made Roy's eyes blaze in return. The older one chuckled softly as he pulled Ed closer to him, relishing the feel of the blond hair against the crook of his neck.

A comfortable silence settled around them for a while, enveloping them like the cotton robe. Roy slowly lifted his chin and very tentatively rested it on top of the boy's head, afraid that it might send him fleeing back into the night. But instead Ed just nestled closer, seeking the warmth of the older one's body against his own.

"We'll figure it out, Ed."

The boy stiffened before sitting up. Two golden eyes widened before slowly blinking. "Figure what out?"

Roy opened his mouth but no words came out. He wasn't quite sure what the answer should be. The mystery of the missing prisoners? The connection to the philosopher's stone? The military's possible involvement? Or even…..them? The Flame Alchemist suddenly smiled as he rose to his feet.

"Everything." He said, his own cockiness returning to his eyes.

Ed looked at him, a questioning look momentarily passing though his eyes. But then he nodded. "So…what now?"

"Well, I don't know about you, Fullmetal, but I'm going to bed."

The shorter of the two crossed his arms over his chest and huffed. "And what about me?"

Roy shimmied out of his robe and tossed it at the boy. "You can have this."

Ed just shook his head and dodged the ball of tattered cotton, allowing it to hit the ground. Then he pushed his way past the impressive physique attempting to block him.

"_Bastard._"

x~.X.~x

Sleep had beckoned Roy once again, holding out its hand and making its promises. This time, though, it kept its side of the bargain, allowing the restless man his peace. This time, though, Sleep had help in soothing the troubled general. This time, there was a warmth pressed against Roy's side, offering him comfort in his dreams. A warmth with blond hair that tickled his skin with each heavy breath. A warmth that murmured now in then in his sleep.

They hadn't spent the night engaged in a frenzied coupling or even enjoying a few slow kisses. Ed had fallen asleep almost the exact moment his head had settled against Roy's chest. It seemed he had needed the warmth of someone next to him, too. Roy had followed a little while after, at last drifting into a dreamless sleep.

Ed woke first. He shuddered as a sudden cold ran through him. He lifted his head enough to see that the covers had been kicked off and were now splayed across the hardwood floor below. His bleary eyes came into sharp focus when he realized his legs weren't the only ones lying on the bed. A steady heartbeat against his ear confirmed that the boy wasn't alone, and slowly the pieces fell together.

"Roy….?"

The older one was still asleep, his even breaths and twitching lids signs that he wasn't waking any time soon. Ed shifted a little, surprised by the arms that instinctively tightened around him. The boy sighed as he closed his eyes.

Even in sleep, Roy tried to protect him.

_We'll figure it out, Ed. _

_**We.**_

Ed's lips turned down in the corner, causing a pout to overtake his face. He had never really allowed himself to think about there being a _we. _He knew Roy hadn't quite meant it in the sense that he thought, but the fact remained that there _had _been something in the way he said it.

The fact also remained that whenever Roy tried to protect his lover, he always ended up suffering in the end. His demotion. His ordeal in the mine. The fire.

It was finally beginning to seep into Ed's heart that Roy protected him, even though it cost him dearly. Roy protected him the way he did for a reason. And what had he given the man in return?

_Well, aside from a few ribs, _Ed thought with a smirk.

The figure beneath him briefly stirred but then stilled again. Ed closed his eyes, feeling the muted heartbeat thrumming against his cheek. He listened to the sounds of the waking world around him. The tentative chirps of young birds for their mothers. The rustling of branches against the newly repaired roof. The occasional honk of a car's horn somewhere in the distance. Here, in the uneasy peace of the new day, Ed's demons began to creep back into his mind. The images of what he had seen through the glow of the attempted transmutation. The shards of memory rushing back to him. He had to face the inevitable truth.

He had created something in this very house. And now he needed to find it.

The only problem was how he could it _alone_.

Automail fingers curled in frustration as the problems churned in the young alchemist's mind. He didn't want to drag Al into any more danger. He didn't want to cause his brother any more harm than he already had. Ed also didn't want to risk what he had with Roy…._whatever _he had with Roy. This fragile connection between them, this paradox of a strong but delicate bond that was steadily growing…it was something Ed found himself wanting to preserve. If he told Roy about the homunculus he may have created, he could risk the man's anger. If he didn't, he could risk losing what little of his trust he had intact.

"You're awake?"

The gravelly voice startled Ed, causing him to sit up a little. He twisted enough to face the dark bleary eyes struggling to focus on him.

"Wow, good observation." The younger one derisively replied. "I can see why they made you a general."

Roy automatically tensed, ready to flip the crooked-grinning boy onto his back to give him a lesson or two about respecting his elders. But as he raised his hands, his eyes slipped down and caught sight of the gauze just visible underneath the boy's rumpled shirt.

"What?"

Roy's eyes snapped up at the barked question. He slowly shook his head before clasping his hands behind it.

"You know, it's not too bad."

Ed lowered his brows. "What isn't?"

Roy shrugged as he closed his eyes. "Waking up with a shrimp in your bed."

_That _had answered Ed's question for him. That simple teasing but almost timidly whispered declaration.

Roy _wanted _him there.

Ed felt his face flush a little as he nestled it back against the strong chest. He would say nothing. He couldn't risk losing this. He _wouldn't. _Not now. The boy closed his eyes and tried to convince himself that he could handle the possible homunculus himself.

_Without _Roy finding out.

"Hmm…well, we could stay _in _it, you know." Ed finally whispered when the frame beneath his shifted. He decided to let the barb about his height go unnoticed.

"Ed, I _do _have a job to go to."

The boy grinned as he over and straddled his lover. "Oh, right….what was it again? Something about being a general….?"

The older one reached up and pinched his lover's nose, holding it playfully. "Yes, Fullmetal." He said, pushing a sternness into his deep voice. "And if memory serves me…._Your _general."

A few moments of playful tousling and loud yelps later, and Ed found soft lips pressed against his own.

_This will be easy. _He firmly tried to promise himself as a warm tongue began to stroke his own. _He'll never know. He'll __**never **__have to know….._

x~.X.~x

"How was your walk, brother?"

Ed furrowed his eyebrows as he flopped onto his bed. "Huh?

"Your walk." Al answered, a slight knowing glow in his white eyes. "Last night. You said you were going for a walk."

The older Elric rolled onto his stomach and buried his face in his thin pillow. "Oh. Yeah. Uh, it was fine."

A quiet squeak escaped as Al nodded once. The armor rattled as the younger one sat on the edge of his bed, his cold metal joints scraping against one another. The gentle, trapped soul turned so that he could face his brother.

"How's General Mustang?"

The golden eyes widened for a fleeting moment before Ed managed to quell the surprise in them. He turned his head against the pillow, peering at his brother from over the white pillowcase. "Why would I know how that bastard is?"

Al didn't skip a beat. "Because you stayed with him last night."

The blond head flung up, eyes wide once again, mouth dropped open. "_What?_"

The gleam in the white eyes brightened. "That's what Havoc said when he came by this morning."

Al was fairly certain he had never seen his brother blush quite that shade of red before. The pillow made a very soft thud as it hit the hardwood floor, but neither Elric brother noticed.

"_**Havoc?**_"

And just as Al was certain he had never seen so bright a blush on his quick-tempered brother's face, Ed was sure that if armor could smile, Al would have a huge grin plastered across his.

"He came to pick up Lieutenant Hawkeye this morning. He said the General asked him to tell us that you were okay—that he had found you outside and let you sleep at his house." Al explained. "Lieutenant Havoc even had flowers with him. He said he had gotten them for his date last night, but she stood him up."

"So he gave him to the Lieutenant?"

Al nodded stiffly, his eyes focused solely on his older brother. On the one person he had left in his world. He could see the turmoil overtaking the golden irises, the buried torrent beginning to surface. He was beginning to sense that it was more than just his brother's denial about his feelings for a certain Flame Alchemist.

"Al?"

The head snapped up sharply as the question cut into the younger one's thoughts. "Oh….yeah. He said he didn't want them to go to waste." Al quietly answered. "They were pretty, brother. Like the ones Mom used to bring in from the garden sometimes. The Lieutenant….she looked really happy when she saw them."

Ed let his head drop back to the now pillow-less mattress, nestling it against the cotton blanket. "It was nice of her to stay while I...while I was gone."

"She looks after us, brother." Al agreed. "Just like the General."

Ed closed his eyes and sighed. "Come on, Al." He shot back, forcing a taunting cockiness into his voice. "He just doesn't want to mess with the paperwork he'd have if anything were to happen to us."

A sudden memory flashed through Ed's mind. He and Al had gone against Scar, and the results had been brutal. They had needed to return home for repairs. Ed remembered being crammed against the side of a bench in a train, Major Armstrong's massive frame pinning him. Hughes had rapped against the small window, a smirk on his face as he relayed a message from Roy.

_He said, "Don't die under my command, you're enough of the pain without the paperwork." That was it._

_Tell him, "Fine. There's no way I'm dying before you do, you morally bankrupt Colonel with a god complex. _

There had been a subtle but knowing chuckle that had escaped Hughes. One that Ed hadn't remembered until now. The boy opened his eyes and blinked a few times, wondering just what it had meant.

"You know it's more than that." Al somberly replied.

Ed shrugged, not wanting to talk about it. He already felt guilty enough for keeping the fact that there may be a homunculus out there from him. He didn't want to even think about what might happen if Roy found out.

"Sorry, Al." The older one suddenly mumbled. "About not coming home last night."

The younger one beamed. "I knew you were okay."

"Yeah, well….I couldn't stand coming back here." Ed tried to argue, a playful defensiveness in his voice. "With all that snoring you do, I can never get any sleep!"

Al shook his head as he leaned forward. "Uh, brother…..I _can't _snore." He gently argued. "Or sleep."

Ed flushed at the knowing tease in his younger brother's voice. He wondered just how much Al knew about him and Roy.

"Brother?"

Ed lowered his head, allowing his thick bangs to fall into his eyes. "Yeah?"

"He wants to help us." Al hesitantly explained. "He wants to help you."

The older Elric was quiet for a few minutes, the storm in his eyes finally overtaking them. Even though there was a glow of happiness finding its way into his shielded heart, as always, there was a shadow that threatened to overtake it. As always, _Equivalent Exchange _loomed in the background. In his mind, Ed's guilty obligations forced his happiness further and further down. The philosopher's stone. His brother's body. His lover's demons. And the fact that he may have created something dangerous out of his selfish needs. All began to slowly tear away at the boy's fading strength.

Ed suddenly sat up, letting his heavy black boots fall to the floor. He leaned over, setting his elbows on his knees, his shoulders slung low. His fingers curled into tightly balled fists, his fingernails cutting into the tender flesh of his palms. Finally, Ed slowly raised his eyes and focused on the piercing ones that held his brother's soul.

"Al…." The older Elric started after a deep breath. "Do remember when I tried to…..to bring him back?"

The armored head creaked in affirmation. "Of course, brother."

Ed nodded, fighting to keep his gaze steady. "There's something I need to tell you." He slowly gritted out. "About that night….."

x.~X~.x

"Well, someone's happy this morning."

There was a slight crinkle that cut through the air as the edge of a newspaper folded down. Two fierce, onyx eyes peered over the dark print.

"What?"

Havoc leaned back in his chair, holding his hand out, palm up. "I was just saying that you seem unusually….cheerful."

The paper twitched before it flipped back up, blocking the smirk on Roy's face. "Why do you say that?"

"You were whistling, Chief." The blond replied, his clear eyes twinkling in the reflected sunlight.

There was a thick silence for the Second Lieutenant's answer. One that seemed to grow with each passing second, taking on a life of its own. An occasional uncomfortable shift or rustling tried in vain to ease it but to no avail. Finally there was a deep sigh and the newspaper wrinkled as it closed and reopened to the next page.

"Well, as you said before, Havoc…..I _did _just come back from the dead."

"But…it's just that….well, General, sir, I don't think we've ever heard you whistle before." The awkwardly spluttered observation came from the other side of the room, causing most of the eyes to turn towards the somewhat meek Master Sergeant. Behind his paper, Roy quirked an eyebrow but kept his gaze focused on an article about the recent economic boom in Central.

"Have you ever seen me do _this_ before?" The General finally asked, raising one hand and rubbing his thumb and middle fingers together slowly.

"S-Sir, I was just saying that—"

"Relax, Fuery. I was only kidding." Roy interrupted, putting the young officer out of his misery. "Besides, I'm not even wearing the gloves."

"Oh." Fuery breathed out with a forced smile.

There was a quiet sigh and the sound of a book snapping shut. Then two warm brown eyes lifted and in a graceful move, the figure suddenly rose to her feet.

"I don't suppose you would like to join me for lunch, Fuery?" She asked, setting her book on the polished desk.

A slight blush colored the cheeks hidden by the young Master Sergeant's lenses. He lifted his finger, pushing the dark frames back of against the bridge of his nose.

"I-I would be honored to, Lieutenant."

Havoc snorted as he shook his head. "_Honored to_?" He asked, a glint flashing through his eyes as he narrowed them. "What is this, Fuery? Your senior prom?"

"Well, i-it's just—I thought…."

Havoc chuckled as he stood. He reached into his pocket and grabbed his pack of cigarettes, peering inside to see how many he had left. "Well, I guess I could force down whatever they're serving today." He said, tipping the pack over and tapping the bottom until one lone cigarette tumbled into his hand. "What do you say, Hawkeye? Want a third wheel?"

The blond nodded, motioning for the door. "You coming, General?"

The dark head remained hidden behind the raised newspaper. "I think I'll enjoy the quiet of an empty office."

Riza nodded and turned, following her fellow officers to the hallway. Havoc and Fuery were chatting about a new secretary as they walked ahead, leaving the Lieutenant a few steps behind. Just before she reached the door, however, Riza stopped and turned a little.

"Thank you for the flowers, sir." She quietly said. "White lilies….they're my favorite."

The raised newspaper hid the softening of the onyx eyes as they lowered for a moment. Roy finally cleared his throat and cocked his head to the side.

"I don't know what you're talking about, Lieutenant."

Riza smiled as she wrapped her fingers around the heavy door knob. "Of course you don't, sir."

A hidden smile answered the woman after she had left. Roy was about to fold the paper and toss it on his desk when a headline caught his eye. _Another Young Man Missing in Central: Fourth Disappearance in as Many Days. _The dark brows furrowed in concern as the alchemist scanned the article. Prisoners missing. Miners missing. And now civilians. As much as Roy didn't want to acknowledge it, there had to be some kind of connection. And as much as the newly appointed general didn't want to admit it, there was a high chance that the military was involved.

Roy sighed as he realized that _he _was involved, too. He didn't know in what, but he did know that it somehow now included him—whether he wanted it to or not. The prison inspections, the 'accident' in the mine. All of it seemed contrived so that he wouldn't get too close.

Roy also realized it now included his lover, too. And to protect Ed, he needed to find out how.

"Well, might as well grab something to eat." He mumbled to himself. Roy smoothed the wrinkles on his heavy blue jacket and straightened the braided cord that ran over his shoulder. He could run through the options in his mind while he ate, figuring out just whom he could trust. And what he needed them to do.

As Roy glanced down the long, stark corridor, his eyes sharpening at the desk of the Fuhrer's secretary at the end. The slender brunette wasn't there in her usual seat, her head bent over unseen paperwork.

"Hm."

The striking young general shifted his weight and turned, quietly walking down the hall. If the secretary was gone, there was a good chance the Fuhrer might be as well. Roy remembered the last time he was in the dauntingly impressive office, the shadow that he thought had stirred in the corner. He wondered if his eyes had just been playing tricks on him, if the fatigue from his ordeal had made him see things.

Or if something had really been there.

Some_one. _

Now was the perfect time to find out. Roy silently approached the double doors, noticing that one was slightly pushed open. With narrowed eyes, he glanced inside, seeing a tall, uniformed figure with its back to him. Roy silently gasped and turned, about to make an unnoticed exit. But then the Fuhrer's words suddenly echoed out into the hallway.

"I _told _you not to come here without telling me first. Someone could have seen you."

"That wasn't an option this time." A low voice smoothly replied. "We have a problem that needs your immediate attention."

Roy heard a low growl then footsteps heavily approaching him.

"Well?"

"It's our little acquisition." The sultry feminine voice replied. "It seems to have….."

"To have _**what?**_" The Fuhrer hissed out.

Roy leaned close, straining to hear the quiet answer.

"_Escaped._"

TBC….


	18. Chapter 18

_**Demons and Redemption**_

_Chapter 18_

_You have to tell him, brother._

That was all Al had said. He had listened very patiently to the somewhat disjointed story of the transmutation attempt. With his large hands clasped neatly in his lap, he had listened as Ed recalled every detail. Discovering Roy's notes. Gathering the ingredients. And reaching into the casket for a lock of hair. Al had kept his imposing metal body very still, not flinching once as his brother became increasingly agitated with each thought. He had watched with growing concern as the golden eyes blazed with a range of emotions, all disappearing too quickly to pinpoint exactly. There was one, though—one that he thought he saw flashing through them a few times.

_Love._

Al's voice had held its usual gentleness surrounded by a tinny echo. But there had also been a deep resolve within it, as if Al wanted his older brother to know that there was no negotiation on the matter.

Roy _had _to be told.

The younger Elric wanted that to be very clear. He was growing tired of the games the two stubborn alchemists were unwittingly playing. The denial. The latent shows of affection. The infuriating ability to put themselves in harm's way trying to protect the other.

It was maddening.

Al had observed early on how his brother and the then lieutenant colonel were alike. Too much alike. As the months had passed, he had also noticed the spark that seemed to electrify from each when the other was near. As if pushing two positive charges together, they would automatically but unwillingly repel. And Al was tired of it. They needed to be forced. And this was the perfect opportunity.

_You have to tell him, brother. _

Al had made him promise. For the younger one, it was an opportunity, but also a necessity. He may have wanted the two to finally admit what they felt for one another, but fear also dictated his decision. If Ed truly had created a homunculus, they were not able to contain the situation alone. Especially if the higher-ups in the State were involved. So Al, ever the practical one, had decided this was the perfect chance to kill two birds with one stone.

_You __**have **__to tell him._

Al had been forced to say it three times before Ed finally acquiesced with a brief nod.

Ever the older brother, Ed had made Al promise to stay in for the night. He had also instructed him not to let anyone in, no matter who they were. When Al had gently protested that Havoc and Fuery were coming by to play cards, the older Elric relented. It made him feel somewhat better for leaving Al alone again. And somewhat less guilty.

So had the amused glint in the white glowing eyes.

Ed had walked around the city for nearly an hour before he finally found the nerve to seek out his lover. Along the way he debated on the best way to break the news to Roy. He briefly considered letting it slip while the older one was buried inside him, thrusting as deep as he could go. After all, Ed reasoned, then Roy wouldn't be in too much of a position to argue. But by the time he finally rounded the corner to his lover's street, he had decided to take the easiest route. He would simply ask Roy for his help. And hope that the new general would give it to him.

Just as the young alchemist bolstered his resolve to finally seek his lover's help, he made a disheartening discovery. His persistent knocks went unanswered, and after a little help from a transmuted blade, he realized why.

The house was empty.

Ed had settled on the edge of the pristinely made bed, a slight frown overtaking his lips. A twinge of anger began to take shape inside him at the thought that Roy wasn't home. Didn't the man know it had taken all the resolve the younger one had to finally decide to tell him? But then that anger turned to worry when Ed began to wonder just where his lover was. A picture of Roy slumped over in the corner of some hole-in-the-wall bar flashed through Ed's mind. But that was soon replaced by another image—one that twisted that worry into jealousy.

What if Roy was on a _date_?

Ed huffed and crossed his arms over his chest. It would serve Roy right to come home with some girl and find a naked blond alchemist in his bed to greet them. A sly grin began to edge its way across Ed's lips. He could just picture the look on the bastard's face. He could almost hear the thwack as the perky little bitch slapped him and stormed out of the house. Ed laughed as he imagined—

What a minute….what was he _doing? _He wasn't some infatuated school girl! He was Edward Elric—the acclaimed Fullmetal Alchemist and living legend of the people! Ed jumped to his feet and jerked the bottom of his short jacket down, flattening any wrinkles. Then, with a smug look on his face, he started for the door, hands clenched into fists.

"I am _not _jealous, bastard."

His only answer was the slamming of the heavy wooden door behind him.

x.X.x

Despite the brave proclamation, Ed soon found himself walking past as many restaurants as he could find. His golden eyes made sideways glances into every window he passed, searching through the flashing smiles and shadows to find a pair of onyx eyes. He didn't realize the sigh of relief which escaped him when he could find no trace of the man in any of them.

That left the bars.

A sudden sadness clouded the gold eyes. He hadn't seen Roy drink in a while, but those times he did were proof enough that the man's demons were still haunting him. The enormity of just what his lover was forced to do under the guise of military necessity was just beginning to reach Ed. He hadn't realized the true purpose of the man's desire to rise as far as he could in the chain of command. Ed had always thought it was to feed his smug ego. But as time passed, Ed had begun to suspect otherwise, even before Riza explained it to him.

He had never known, though, just how young Roy had been when he was called to Ishbal.

Whatever had happened there had drastically shaped his perspective, Ed realized.

Just like what had happened to him had shaped his own.

Ed briefly closed his eyes. They really _were _alike. It was no wonder they butted heads incessantly over even the minutest of details. As the boy stood in front of the bar Roy frequented the most, he wondered if his own demons would begin to consume him, too.

The young alchemist found a sea of blue uniforms on the other side of the window. Young soldiers and old mingled together, a drink in one hand, a cigarette in the other. Some were laughing boisterously, the alcohol freeing the constraints that their daytime duties put on them. Others sat by themselves, a look of sadness masking their stern features. But Ed could not find that one uniform with the solid bar and single star that he had expected to see.

_Where __**was **__he_?

It was then, as the boy stood by the rickety doors of the bar, that a fear began to swell inside him. _What if whoever had trapped him in the mine decided to finish the job off? What if the military had taken him somewhere? What if—_

"_Al._"

Ed suddenly swung around and bolted down the cobblestone street, struggling to work his way through the maze of people out enjoying the night. A flurry of disjointed thoughts pummeled his mind—and none of them were good. His fear began to warp them into a new theory. Maybe Roy wasn't the one they were after. Maybe just like before, they were after—

"**Al!**"

Ed had practically torn the door off of the hinges as he burst through it, causing the occupants of the small dormitory to jump to their feet. No one seemed to notice as the playing cards scattered along the floor, covering the worn boards with their brightly colored designs.

"Brother….?"

Ed let out a breath he didn't realize he had been holding. "You're here."

The white eyes narrowed a little. "Where else would I be?"

The older Elric shook his head and took a minute to survey the scene before him. The meek Master Sergeant Fuery was standing with his mouth open and eyes wide behind their thick lenses. His uniform was wrinkled, the jacket contorted from his sudden leap from his chair. Havoc seemed more at ease, though his chair had been knocked to the floor when he jumped up at Ed's dramatic entrance. He was shaking his head staring at his winning hand that had now dissolved away among the other cards on the floor.

"Brother?"

Ed drew his eyes back to his younger brother. "I, uh….I thought you might have…left."

"Left? I told you I would stay here."

The blond alchemist crossed his arms over his chest, his golden eyes narrowing defensively. "Well, who knows? You could have….I don't know, seen another stray cat or something."

Al shook his head before settling his bulky body back on the edge of the bed. "Did you talk to him?"

"No."

The white eyes blazed with an accusatory look. "But you said—"

"The bastard wasn't home, Al." Ed quickly interrupted, not wanting to have to create an explanation for the two officers still staring at him. "It's no big deal—I'll talk to him later."

"Who? Mustang?" Havoc asked. He was still mourning his winning hand as he reached down to pick up his chair. "He mentioned something about staying late to finish some paperwork. He's probably still at headquarters, Chief."

Ed shrugged before walking over to the bed and plopping unceremoniously next to his younger brother. "I'll talk to him later."

But Al would have none of that. "You'll go _now, _brother."

Ed clasped his hands behind his head and settled more comfortably on the narrow bed. "Uh, Al?" He asked, closing his eyes. "I'm the older one, remember? You don't get to tell me what to do. Now get off my bed."

"Brother, I told you—"

"_Off the bed._" Ed interrupted, nudging the metal body with the tip of his heavy black boot. He opened one eye briefly to see if the armored soul was moving, then when he realized it wasn't, simply shrugged and tried to get more comfortable.

But the older Elric wouldn't have much of a chance to enjoy that comfort. He suddenly found himself hauled off the bed and dangling in the air, a pair of strong metal hands grabbing his shoulders, and a pair of white eyes quickly turning red.

"You'd better go to Headquarters now, brother, or else you'll _really _know what it's like to be smaller than a grain of rice."

Ed tried to ignore the snorts behind him.

"Al…..put me down."

"Only if you walk back out that door and straight to Headquarters." The younger Elric firmly replied. "You _promised, _Ed."

The snorts grew into all-out guffaws. "Better do what he says there, Chief." Havoc wryly commented. "He _is _a lot bigger than you."

Ed's eyes flared and before the Second Lieutenant could even blink, he had wriggled free and landed on the floor with a loud thud. The young alchemist's hands were seconds away from clapping when Al reached out and put his own between them.

"Brother…._please._" He implored, realizing that being headstrong against his brother was like ramming into a brick wall. "For me. You promised me."

As soon as the words slipped into his ears, another voice echoed in the back of Ed's mind. A deeper voice. A smoother voice. One that was cocky but hid just a hint of tenderness if one knew where to look.

His lover's.

_Learn a little self control, Fullmetal._

Ed sighed. He looked up at his younger brother and gave a slight nod before dropping his hands.

"Alright, Al." He quietly agreed. "I'll go."

He missed the sudden glow behind the bright eyes as he headed for the door.

x.X.x

Ed drew in a deep breath as his automail fingers wrapped around the dulled brass handle. Seven simple words. _Roy, I need to tell you something. _Seven simple words that he could blurt out in just over a second's time. The corner Ed's mouth twisted up into his crooked grin.

"I don't really have to say his name, do I?" He whispered to the hallway. The shadows seemed to shake their heads.

_No, you don't. _

Ed's grin grew. Six simple words. That was it. Six simple words. _I need to tell you something. _

It seemed easy enough. Six words. He could do that, couldn't he?

The boy suddenly drew back when a realization dawned on him.

_We need to talk._

That was only four words. Four.

Easy.

He could do that. He could force those four one-syllable words out of his mouth, right?

The golden eyes closed as the boy gathered every ounce of confidence in his short frame and shoved it into that smile.

Roy would understand. Roy would help.

_Wouldn't he?_

"We need to—"

But Ed's mouth abruptly snapped shut when he finally opened his eyes. Roy was in his office, alright, but he was in no position to hear his lover's confession. Ed shook his blond locks in defeat as he stared at the man. His body was slumped against the back of his chair, his head titled against his shoulder. And the deep onyx eyes that always seemed to burrow their way into Ed's were closed.

Roy was fast asleep.

Ed snorted as he shook his head. It seemed like all of their troubles together started in a scene just like this. Roy asleep in his office, Ed covering him with a jacket he forgot to retrieve. The younger one took a few cautious steps in, quietly closing the door behind him. Roy didn't stir.

The young general's face was somber in his dreams. Ed frowned at the look of tension that seemed to shadow each feature. The closed eyes. The slightly frowning lips. The furrowed brows.

Ed wondered just what dreams were haunting him.

It took a few minutes for the boy to gather the nerve to walk closer to his lover. He made sure his footsteps were quiet as he approached the desk. He frowned a little when he saw the chaos that covered the normally pristine desktop. Usually Roy kept his desk clear, his paperwork minimal. Ed had only ever seen two or three folders at the most neatly stacked in the corner. Of course, that was when the man wasn't otherwise frantically signing documents to meet his deadline.

But that night was different. As Ed drew closer, he saw an array of books and papers spread across the richly-colored wood. Some books were open, turned over with their spine stretched in order to hold a page in place. Others were closed but had loose papers spilling from them. The boy gingerly slipped in between Roy and the desk, sifting through a few of the books to see what they were.

That's when a folder in the corner caught his eye. Or rather the neatly printed label across the front of it did.

_Ishbal._

An automail hand reached out, and metal fingers lightly grazed over the black letters before seeking the edge of the folder to open it.

"What are you doing here?"

Ed froze when the question was quietly dropped into his ear. He fought hard to stifle a shiver as the heat of another's body was pressed against his back and warm breaths whispered through his hair. Then he cursed himself for not hearing Roy stand up behind him.

"I….I had to talk to you." The boy answered once he had found his voice. "Your house was empty so I thought…."

Arms suddenly encircled his waist and pulled him flush against a strong chest. Ed could feel the infuriatingly calm heartbeat against his back.

"That reminds me, Fullmetal." The arms suddenly turned him around until he was looking up into deep onyx eyes. Eyes that held a slight glint of amusement. "I thought you'd like to know that I'm deducting the cost of repairing the locks on my house from your budget this month. It seems that blade of yours can do quite a lot of damage."

The younger alchemist's face turned bright red and his golden eyes flashed, masking his embarrassment with anger.

"Well if you just gave me a key, I wouldn't have to use it!" He snapped back, the words flying out of his mouth before he realized just _what _he had said.

Ed immediately swung back around, arms crossed over his chest as he heaved in breaths. He was hoping Roy wasn't awake enough to process exactly what he had meant, but the quiet snort betrayed that he had.

"A key, huh?"

Ed forced his eyes to stay on the desk in front of him, suddenly realizing that the folder about Ishbal had been shoved under some books. His golden eyes narrowed.

"What are these?"

"Books."

The younger one sighed, a touch of his embarrassment still evident in the way he leaned away from Roy.

"I know _that, _bastard." He said, sifting through one with metal fingers. "Why are you reading them?"

"Research."

"For what?" A flesh hand crept towards the now hidden folder on Ishbal, but suddenly stopped when strong fingers captured it in a vice-like grip. Ed swung around, his eyes wide. It was the first time in a while time that Roy had shown that much force with him.

"What did you have to talk to me about?" The fingers gripped hard enough to make the boy wince. Roy pulled their hands away from the desk and then loosened his grip.

Ed swallowed. He felt a thumb apologetically rubbing against his wrist and jerked his hand away from Roy's.

"It was nothing." He lied. "I should check on Al."

"Havoc's with him."

"Yeah, well their card game's probably over by now."

"He'll stay." Roy firmly informed. "So will Fuery."

Blond brows furrowed. "How do you know?"

"Because I asked them to."

Ed drew back. "How did you know I'd come here looking for you?"

"I didn't." Roy honestly answered. "I asked them to stay to look out for both of you. Until we can figure out exactly what's going on, Ed, I don't want either of you easily accessible."

The younger one crossed his arms over his chest and huffed. "We can take care of ourselves." He hotly argued. "We have been for years. When that bastard that calls himself our father left. When our mother died. We always watched out for ourselves because we knew we're all the other one has. We do just fine at it, too."

A look of hurt flashed through the older one's eyes before he could quell it. His young lover was too intently focused on his rising rage to notice it.

"You and your brother fall under my command, Edward." Roy quietly answered. "The Second Lieutenant and Master Sergeant were assigned to guard you as a precaution. You're a dog of the military, remember? And as your commanding officer, I can use my discretion to make sure one of our prized State alchemists doesn't fall into something he can't handle alone."

There was a thick silence that fell between them. Roy arched an eyebrow and waited, gauging whether or not the boy would turn and run away, as he did so many times before. Waiting to see if they would have yet another argument that ended badly and had him questioning exactly what he was _doing _by staying in this fragile relationship with his subordinate. Ed looked as if he was debating the same thing, studying his lover just as fiercely as his lover was studying him.

He also looked as if he was seconds away from bolting.

So Roy decided this time to make him stay. He shocked the boy by reaching out and grabbing him, pulling him close and crashing their lips together. Ed yelped in surprise before opening his lips and yielding to the kiss, even letting a low moan escape. Roy smiled into the kiss before pulling back.

His smile grew into a bright grin.

He had finally done something _right._

"Come on."

Ed watched as the older one began shoving some of the books into a soft leather briefcase.

"Where?"

Roy grabbed his keys and the heavy grey coat draped over the back of his chair. "Home." He simply answered. "I need a shower."

x.X.x

Roy closed his eyes and lowered his head, letting the spray of hot water pummel his dark hair. The water streamed down the back of his neck and shoulders, saturating his skin and loosening muscles he didn't realize were so tight. A low sigh escaped as he stood motionless in that position, enjoying the momentary comfort that was easing his tension. His mind began to wander, trying to figure out just what Ed had wanted to tell him. It wasn't often that the younger alchemist voluntarily came to him with some sort of information. Especially of late. Roy was so far lost that he did not hear the glass door open or notice the object of his thoughts now standing in front of him. He jerked his head up and opened his eyes when he realized the water was no longer spraying against him.

"What are you doing?"

Ed shrugged and pushed a look of complete indifference into his eyes. "I don't want your water bill taken out of my budget, too, so I thought we might as well share."

The older one snorted. "Do you think I would actually—"

"Yes."

Roy said nothing but left a hint of his trademark smirk on his lips. He watched with growing interest as Ed turned and let the spray soak his unbraided hair. He also felt something else growing as he studied the way the water made a path down the curve of the boy's spine.

"Are you going to charge me for the shampoo, or is it free this time?"

More than just a hint of that smirk flashed across Roy's face. He leaned over the shorter frame for the small bottle and handed it to the boy.

"_This _time?" He echoed, his voice deliberately low. "Do you plan on showering with me more than once, Fullmetal?"

Roy's smile grew when he heard a sharp, spluttered breath escape his lover. Ed coughed, trying in vain to mask it.

"No." He finally answered, a bit too much force in his voice.

Roy said nothing to that, and Ed kept his back to the man, concentrating instead on pouring just the right amount of the slippery liquid into his flesh palm. The firm spray of water against his throat and chest felt surprisingly good. It wasn't until then that he realized just how sore his body was from his recent nights of tossing and turning in restless sleep.

Ed closed his eyes and reached up with both hands, working his fingers along the top of his head. The thick liquid began to form into a soft lather, covering his hair in an iridescent sheen. He almost had forgotten about the warm body behind him until stronger hands covered his and began gently massaging his scalp.

Ed opened his mouth, ready to give some sort of caustic barb to the man when he decided that Roy's fingers felt very good. He leaned back against the smooth chest, tilting his head down to give the man better access. He felt a soft chuckle rumble through that chest and despite his best efforts, allowed a smile to find its way to his lips.

"It's a shame this will be our only shower together." A voice whispered into his ear.

"Shut up and keep doing that." Ed shot back, cocking his head to the side as the fingers worked their way along the curve of his neck.

Roy nudged the boy back under the spray, positioning his head so that the water would wash the shampoo from the blond locks. Ed nearly allowed a whimper of protest to escape when the hands finally pulled away.

_Nearly._

Ed turned a little, reaching for the soap. He drew his golden eyes to the glistening frame behind him, watching as Roy worked a deep lather into his own dark hair.

"So what books did you swipe from the records room?"

Roy leaned over the boy, ducking under the spray. Ed swatted at his lover when the suds streamed down and into his own face.

"Bastard!" Ed grumbled, shaking his hair free of its new crown of lather. "You did that on purpose."

Roy chuckled. "It's not my fault the shower was designed for someone taller, Ed."

When the boy swung around, mouth wide open and armed with a barrage of insults for the cheap shot at his height, he felt the forceful press of lips against his own.

Ed squeaked into his lover's mouth, surprised by the stolen kiss. But that surprise quickly turned to heat, just as that squeak quickly turned into a low moan.

The older one tucked a mental note in the back of his mind: _Kissing Ed seems to stop his arguing. _

Too bad he couldn't use it when the boy fought him in front of his other subordinates.

Roy reached up through the steady stream of water and cupped his lover's face, tilting it a little to allow his tongue deeper penetration. Ed pressed his body closer in appreciation, fighting the older one for dominance in the kiss. When Roy finally pulled back, his polished eyes seemed to deepen in the dull light.

"Remind me to add soap to the list of things coming out of your stipend." He said, arching his eyebrows as he waited for the fire to fill the golden eyes.

"I haven't even used it yet, bastard."

Roy slowly smiled. "Not yet." He agreed.

Then before Ed could draw another breath, he was swung around and pressed to the shower door. He hissed at the feel of the cool glass against his chest. His hands were pinned above his head, the soap pilfered from his grip. Just as he was mourning the loss of heat from the stream of water, a body pressed against his back, warming skin with skin.

One hand held his arms in place while the other slowly trailed the bar of soap down the curve of his throat and along his breastbone. The edge of the bar ghosted around each nipple before returning to his chest, eliciting a sharp gasp from the boy. Then it dipped lower, rubbing in small, maddeningly slow circles under his ribs and along his flat stomach. Warm lips found their way to his neck, gently sucking on his freshly washed skin as the soap began to explore his straight hip. Flesh and automail fingers curled over the brass bar on the top of the door when the soap slid up the inside of his thigh and teased his wakening erection.

Roy began to move the bar of soap up and down the hardening shaft, using the lather to help with the strokes. He could feel the boy lose control of his breaths as the back of Ed's ribcage expanded and contracted erratically against his chest. Ed's hips began to thrust, trying desperately to match Roy's rhythm and force it to quicken. The younger one whimpered as his need began to burn inside him, building with an untamable frenzy.

And then, without warning, the strokes stopped.

"What did you want to talk to me about?"

Ed gasped and turned his head as far as his position would let him. Roy looked with a smug satisfaction at the flushed face and blazing eyes.

"_**What**_?"

"You heard me."

Ed growled in utter frustration. "How can you—"

"Because a good soldier always knows what weapons are most effective." Roy said, a glint in his dark eyes. "So…." The strokes began with excruciating slowness once again. "What did you want to talk to me about?"

"_Roy…._"

"Mm?"

Ed's growl that time shifted into a deep moan. "It…."

The other hand loosened its grip on the boy's wrists and dropped down. Before Ed could complete his thought, a finger teased the small of his back before trailing lower until it brushed against his entrance.

"It what?"

Ed clenched his teeth hard, trying to hold his moans captive. It was a daunting task, especially when a soapy finger slid deep inside him.

"I-It was…..nothing."

A second finger joined the first as the strokes began once again to intensify. Ed shivered at the feel of his lover's breath against his neck.

"_Liar._" Roy whispered against the shell of Ed's ear.

Ed squeezed his eyes closed and fought to control the shudders that were running through his body. "I'll tell you later, bastard." He gritted out.

Roy smiled. "Promise?"

This time, the younger one could only nod. The two fingers then slipped out, but before Ed could miss their feel, something much more impressive began to fill him. The blond cried out as his lover slowly penetrated him, stretching him with every pulsing inch.

Before he was completely in, Roy pulled back, teasing the boy with shallow thrusts. He matched their rhythm with his hand, stroking Ed until he brought him to the edge.

Then he suddenly stilled and dropped his forehead to his lover's shoulder.

"I only want to know so I can help you. Protect you." He quietly said, his confession just as intimate as their physical act. "I never make these decisions just to upset you, Ed."

Ed closed his eyes and savored those words as his lover began to fill him once again.

x.X.x

By the time Ed had recouped his strength from the intensity of his climax, he discovered that he was alone in the shower. Roy had recovered from his with infuriating speed and then left after pressing a tender kiss to his lover's slick temple.

As Ed ran the towel back and forth over his head, he felt a slight twinge of panic in his stomach. He knew as soon as he walked through the door and into the bedroom, Roy would demand that he keep his promise and tell him what was on his mind. But something in that whispered confession just moments before made him realize that Roy would help him. Scream at him, maybe. Yell. Pace. Glare.

But he would help him.

"_Damn._"

Once again, his confidence was in vain and his own confession of the homunculus would have to wait. Roy was curled up under his comforter sound asleep, the shower and the boy in it at last lulling him to his dreams.

Ed sighed and wadded up the wet towel in his hands. He walked over to the corner chair where he had tossed his red coat, using the soft glow of the bedside lamp to guide him. He was about to throw the towel next to it when a sudden reflection caught his eye. The moonlight had bounced off of the edge of something in the coat pocket. Blond brows furrowed for a moment as Ed tried to remember if he had slid his watch in there or not. He slowly leaned forward, straining his neck to see, when a quiet gasp slipped from his lips.

It was a key.

"You didn't….."

Ed swallowed as a rise of unexpected emotions suddenly swelled inside him. That one simple item, that one ordinary everyday little thing, told him so much.

Above all else, it let Ed know the amount of trust his lover had now placed in his hands.

Ed smiled as he lifted the down comforter and gingerly slid under it. His body relaxed gratefully against the pliant mattress, popping in places that he didn't realize had been so rigid. He nestled his head into the pillow, shivering a little as his damp hair pressed against his face. Roy was facing him, his eyes closed, his mouth slightly open as it drew in deep breaths. Ed couldn't help but shift a little closer, seeking his lover's warmth. The muted scent of soap filled the younger one's breaths as he stared at the now peaceful face of his lover, studying each line and curve. Before he realized it, an automail finger reached out and gingerly smoothed a stray hair from Roy's forehead.

The older one gasped a little as he was pulled from his sleep. Ed jerked his hand back and watched as two bleary eyes slowly opened, surveyed him for a moment, then closed again.

"Better turn off that lamp, Fullmetal." A groggy voice teasingly warned him. "I'd hate to have to take my electricity bill out of your budget, too."

Ed sighed as he shook his head. He turned over and flipped the switch before settling back the way he was.

"_Bastard._"

Roy just drowsily smiled before pressing a kiss to the shorter one's forehead. He slung an arm over Ed's hip before falling back asleep. Ed watched him for a while before his fatigue finally began to conquer him. He shifted again, this time nestling as close as he could, and closed his eyes.

"I'll tell you in the morning, Roy." He murmured as he drifted closer to sleep. "I promise."

But Ed wouldn't get that chance. At least not in the way he had hoped. Just an hour later he was roused from his dreams by a sharp bang. He shot up from the cocoon of down, trying to find his way out of the heavy sleep still clouding his mind. But a sudden blow shoved him back down. Hard enough to force the breaths from his lungs. A hand was on his chest, holding him against the bed. Ed began to panic, flailing around trying to clap his hands together. It was then, as he struggled to wrench his arms free, that he finally caught a glimpse of the hand holding him down.

And the mark of Ouroboros that was on it.

TBC…


	19. Chapter 19

_**Demons and Redemption**_

_Chapter 19_

A lone figure stood in a small basement room. It was dressed in a sharp blue uniform, with broad gold stripes and four stars along each shoulder, an adornment only one official in Amestris could wear.

"Fuhrer Bradley, sir."

The figure imperceptibly tensed for a moment before turning its head to the side.

"Yes?"

"Sir, the guards who were on duty when this happened have been found." Bradley could hear the soldier speaking to him shifting his weight from one foot to the other nervously. "They're in pretty bad shape, sir. We need to call for an ambulance."

The Fuhrer breathed out a slow sigh as he clasped his hands behind his back. His single grey eye narrowed as it surveyed the chaos around him. Although the brick walls were dimly lit, he could clearly see the gruesome splatter of blood and tissue which marred them. Along the floor, lab coats were strewn about, the blood so thick in places that it was bubbling where the threads could no longer absorb it. The metal door of the large cage in the center of the room had been ripped from its hinges and bent so badly that it was nearly unrecognizable. A desk in the corner sat overturned, and its carefully scribed journals were now scattered along the floor, their meticulously recorded information soaked in blood.

"Sir? The ambulance?"

The grey eye closed. "There's no need for one."

The surprised gasp echoed in the small room. "But, Fuhrer, those men—"

"Are to be put out of their misery." Bradley finished, his voice even and firm. "Execute them."

The soldier drew back in shock. "But they—"

"The official military record will indicate that they died in an unfortunate explosion." The imposing figure finally turned around and faced the young man behind him. He stared at him for an unbearable amount of time, watching as noticeable beads of sweat trickled from the soldier's temple. "You knew the importance of this assignment when you were asked to join it. You also knew that under no circumstances are you to ask any questions. It is your job to follow my orders. You must trust that I know what is good for this country. Now, unless you'd like to join those men, I suggest you take that gun from your holster and do what I asked immediately."

The soldier bowed before slowly turning and heading for the door. Bradley watched as he reached back and snapped off the strap that held his gun in place.

"So you're going to dispose of the guards but leave that one to talk?" A smooth voice suddenly asked.

Bradley frowned as the shadows behind him rustled.

The dark-haired man shook his head. "He's yours when he returns." He simply answered. "Just make sure there's no body left when you're finished with him."

"Gluttony will be happy to hear that." A dark head titled to the side allowing its thick hair to sway against the shadows. "And where will you be?"

Bradley's jaw bucked as he tightened it. "Tracking our fugitive."

"And how exactly will you be doing that?"

The grey eye tapered, drawing to the side to give the other figure a passing look. There was a distinct annoyance that flashed through it before it turned back towards the door.

"I'll worry about that. You just finish up here."

But a very low, taunting laugh let Bradley know that his female comrade was going to do anything but.

"You think he's returning to the place he was created, don't you?" Lust asked as she stepped behind the man's imposing form. "After all, we haven't trained him yet. He's just been trapped in this basement, his mind empty of any ideas, his time spent only on wondering just who he is…._what _he is. Yes…you're going to the Flame General's house, aren't you?"

That cold eye narrowed dangerously. "That is not your concern." He decisively replied.

"So you are." A quiet sound of triumph escaped the female homunculus. "Pity. I would really rather enjoy finally seeing the General face to face. I hear he has quite the reputation."

Bradley swung around, his patch now lifted, the red mark of Ouroboros on his eye glowing with a feral rage. "You will stay here and do what I've commanded, or else you'll end up just another casualty in our grand plan."

But the threat was empty to the other that had been created as he had been. They both knew what it took to destroy them. And what it took to keep them alive. Lust suddenly smiled as she drew back.

"Ironic, isn't it?" She began, her own violet eyes flashing. "Here we are trying to become human, and you already think you are one. Blending in with them. Living their lives. Feeling their emotions. I must say, Pride, jealousy does not become you."

"_Jealousy_?"

Before Lust could reply, she felt hands gripping her shoulders, shaking her with a seething fury.

"Yes." She replied, undaunted. "You're jealous of the Flame, aren't you?"

The steel grip on her frame loosened. "And how exactly am I jealous of someone who so desperately wants for what I already have?" He slowly asked. "Or have you forgotten that I currently hold the position he has been striving for since his return from Ishbal?"

"Yes, but you are merely a figurehead. A puppet, Pride." Lust replied, her mocking response serving to taunt the man further. "He has what you never will. Loyalty. Respect." The slender figure leaned closer, allowing the shadows to play off of the curves of her body. "And a _soul_."

The single eye flared before Lust found her wrist in a vice-like grip. One she could easily break but did not. The Fuhrer stared at her for a moment before shoving her back and turning towards the door. As he left, one thought was forefront in his homunculus mind.

_The newly appointed Brigadier General Mustang had suddenly become very expendable. _

x.X.x

Long, thick fingers had found their way around Ed's neck, tightening around his throat with excruciating slowness. He had quickly found himself immobile, his shoulders pinned down by a body much larger than his own. And much stronger.

Even his automail limbs had been rendered motionless by the weight crushing him.

As the fingers tightened, the gasses escaping from between their joints, the distinct sound of knuckles popping echoed into the air. Thick tendons constricted as the long appendages sunk down further into the tender flesh of the boy's neck. There was a sudden searing pain deep in his windpipe, and an unnatural sound escaped it as his body was pushed further into the mattress. Somewhere in the background, another sound escaped. One of metal coils creaking in the bed, threatening to snap under the overwhelming pressure of a body being forced into them.

But none of these things registered with Ed. There was only one pain, one feeling, one _thought, _that ran over and over through his fading mind.

He couldn't breathe.

He was beyond the point of struggling: it was futile against the beast strangling him. Now, he could only focus on the intense burning that radiated through his immobile chest. Ed could feel his lungs collapsing, shriveling further into themselves as the air they so desperately needed could no longer fill them. Soon the burn spread, branching down his sides and splintering off as his blood vessels began to constrict. Darkness began to creep into the corner of his eyes, shadowing his vision of the creature looming over him. The blood rushing to his ears roared too loudly for Ed to hear anything else.

Except for the one sound that would be his salvation.

A gunshot.

Ed was hovering between a muddled awareness and a darker abyss when the sound echoed through the bedroom. He could smell the odor of gunpowder, realizing its distinct scent as he struggled to keep his grasp on consciousness. The boy heard a loud yelp as the fingers around his neck suddenly flung back, then something thick and warm dripped down the side of his face. Before Ed could think to move, a shadow shifted close to him and a second shot rang out. The pressure on his chest suddenly receded, and the young alchemist's body jerked in response, arching off the bed as his lungs finally filled with air.

"_**Edward!**_"

A spasm ran through the boy's throat, causing him to choke as he gulped in his breaths. The shadow was beside him in an instant, helping him sit up, and giving his back two sound thwacks to clear his windpipe.

"Breathe."

Tears began to well in the boy's eyes from the exertion, and he wanted to scream at the shadow that breathing was the exact thing he was trying to do at the moment. His body just didn't feel like cooperating. But after a few more moments and a couple of harder thumps to his back, Ed finally stopped choking.

The young alchemist closed his eyes and swallowed hard, wincing at the pain it caused. He felt his chin being lifted and fingertips gently running over his neck, his skin burning at the touch. Roy pulled his hand back and shook his head apologetically.

"Ed….."

The boy looked up through his stinging eyes and focused on the two onyx ones nearly piercing through him. When he lowered them again, feeling the hot tears spill down his cheeks, he finally saw a hand close to his. It was holding a gun, a faint line of smoke still hovering around its barrel. Somewhere in Ed's chaotic thoughts, the realization occurred that the hand was shaking.

"You know how I said we needed to talk?" The words grated along Ed's throat, sounding and feeling as if he had just swallowed a mouthful of glass. He watched as the older one gave a slow nod. "Yeah, well…I think we need to talk."

Roy's eyes narrowed. "What just happened?"

The boy snorted but instantly regretted it as pain shot through his throat up to his nose and ears. Roy had asked so tersely, so matter-of-factly, as if it would be the easiest thing in the world for the young alchemist to explain.

_Well, Roy, I used forbidden alchemy to try to bring you back, but you weren't dead you see, and somehow I created something else…..and it looks like whatever I made wants me dead. Any other questions?_

But when Ed raised his eyes once again, the golden irises now free of the tears caused by his choking, the look on his lover's face immediately sobered him.

This wasn't a joke to Roy.

"_Homunculus_." The younger one quietly answered.

The dark eyes slowly widened as the single word sunk in. Roy drew back, shaking his head in disbelief. Ed could see just how pale his face was under the slight sheen of sweat that covered it.

"_**What**_?"

The boy swallowed again, shuddering at the burn that splintered down to his chest. Then he drew in a ragged breath and lifted his arm, gesturing to his bandaged ribs.

"I created it, Roy." Ed replied, his voice still thick. "When I tried to…"

The younger alchemist wasn't quite sure how his lover was going to react. Part of him expected the man to yell, to scream at him for keeping such a thing secret. Another expected a somber lecture on trust and how disappointed he was that Ed never seemed to relinquish any to his lover. Even after all that Roy implicitly placed in him. What the boy wasn't expecting was what happened.

Silence.

"Roy—"

The older one held up his hand to silence him. Ed watched as Roy stood and grabbed his clothes from the chair, tossing them onto his lap.

"Get dressed."

Ed's eyes widened. Was Roy kicking him out? Ending everything they had shared over this? The shock and guilt in the boy began to fuse together forming a new emotion. _Anger. _How could Roy just—

"If it came after you, it might go after—"

"_**Al.**_"

Roy nodded as he grabbed his own pants. By the time Ed scrambled to stand, Roy was already sliding his arm into the sleeve of his jacket uniform, fumbling to find the button holes to fasten it.

"I suspect the bullets did nothing but stun it." Roy quietly stated. Ed quickly slid his black tank over his head, stiffly lifting his hair from underneath it. He watched as Roy slid his gun into the holster just to the side of his right hip. "We need to move quickly, Ed."

The boy was too dumbfounded by his shock and fear for his brother to do anything but nod. The adrenaline that had rushed through his body during the attack was starting to fade, and a vicious pain was taking its place. He was barely aware of following Roy out to the street, to the black car they had taken home. Barely aware of the hum of the motor as Roy started the engine. Barely aware of the door slamming shut once he was settled inside. Only two thoughts pervaded his consciousness.

The pain.

And Al.

Ed sat silently in the passenger's seat, trying to focus on anything other than the burning in his throat. The slight odor of gasoline. The shadowed silhouettes of buildings that passed by his window. The frigid air inside the car from sitting out in the cold winter's night. The sound of Roy's strained breaths as he tried to even them out. Ed closed his eyes for a moment as he shuddered, realizing that he had left his red jacket behind.

"Put this on."

A soft gray coat was shoved into his lap, startling him. Ed mumbled his thanks as he darted a quick glance towards the older alchemist. Roy's jaw was tensed, buckling a little as he ground his teeth together. His dark eyes were sharply focused on the road ahead, his hands clenched onto the steering wheel. His expression was unreadable, even to his lover, to the one who was able at times to breach the walls that guarded it. Ed turned away and busied himself with wrapping the warm wool garment around his shoulders. He caught the faint smell of Roy's cologne as he drew in as deep a breath as his battered throat would allow, losing himself in its comfort.

"I don't think it's been here."

Ed turned and looked back at the older alchemist in surprise. Roy was straining his neck, his head tilted to the side as he looked up through the windshield. Ed followed his gaze, realizing for the first time that the car was stopped.

"I see a shadow sitting by the window. I'm sure people would be running out of there if it had been. That thing wasn't exactly subtle." Roy said as he opened his door. "Come on."

"_**Brother!**_"

Al had jumped to his feet as soon as he laid eyes on his older brother. The marks around Ed's neck were starting to deepen, the redness of his raw skin now threatening to bruise from the pressure under which it was held. The swelling had abated enough to leave what looked like to the younger Elric very distinct imprints.

Of someone's _fingers. _

"_**Brother, what happened?"**_

"It's okay, Al." Ed tried to assure, a forced calmness in his raspy voice.

"But what—"

The elder Elric held up his hand before walking over to the narrow bed and settling on its edge. Al followed, realizing his brother wanted their conversation to be as private as it could be in the cramped dormitory. From the corner of his eye, Al saw Roy briefly glance at them.

"Well, Roy knows about the homunculus now."

An unsettling squeak as Al sharply turned his head momentarily jarred them both. Ed clamped his hands on his knees, feeling tender flesh under one and hard automail under the other. He hadn't realized until then that they were shaking.

"It came after me, Al." Ed quietly said.

A large, gloved hand reached out but stopped just short of Ed's neck. Al drew back and shook his head, dropping his hand back into his lap.

"It was the…..but how can you be sure….?"

"Because in the middle of being strangled by it, I asked it!" Ed snapped, immediately flushing and holding up his hand in apology. "I saw the mark, Al. On its hand. The mark of Ouroboros."

"But how—"

"_Boys_."

Ed looked up, watching as Roy beckoned them with a nearly imperceptible nod of his head. He drew out a jagged sigh and rose to his feet, following his brother to where Roy and Havoc now stood.

"The Second Lieutenant is going to take you to a safe house." Roy said, his voice purely that of General Mustang now. He paused for a minute as he scribbled an address onto a notepad, ripping it off to hand it to Havoc. "It's not much—just a small apartment. But you'll be safe there until I can figure out our next move."

Ed watched in shock as the older alchemist handed the paper and the car keys to his subordinate. "But—what about you?"

The dark eyes narrowed. "What about me?"

The flush from moments before returned to Ed's face. "I just meant….what are you going to do?"

"A little investigating." He abruptly explained. "Havoc will stay with you, right Havoc?"

The blond lieutenant grinned and tipped his head. "No, problem." He guaranteed. "And, Chief?"

"Yeah?"

"You, uh, didn't get the buttons in the right holes on your jacket there."

That time, it was Roy's turn to flush. He stared down at his jacket to find that he had indeed skipped a button at the top, and one side of the blue fabric was much higher than the other. He tried to reassure himself that his subordinate had mentioned that fact just to ridicule him and not to insinuate anything else. Certainly not about Ed and him.

"You, too, there, Ed." Havoc said, a subtle gleam in his blue eyes. "Your zipper is off its track."

To the boy's credit, he was able to stop himself before reaching for his pants, at first thinking that was what Havoc meant. Thankfully, instead, he glanced down and saw that his jacket's zipper track was no longer clasped at the bottom.

"Yeah." He mumbled, blindly fumbling with it. "Come on, Al."

Ed paused for a moment as his brother walked by him, turning his head back towards Roy. He was surprised to find the man's dark eyes focused solely on his own, watching him as he stood by the door. He was even more surprised when the coldness of General Mustang was momentarily replaced with the tenderness of a lover before it was masked once again.

x.X.x

The apartment was tucked away in the outskirts of the city, on top of an old bakery. The Elrics realized as soon as they walked in that they were its first inhabitants the small place had seen in quite a while. The smell of stale air greeted them along with a few sparse furnishings. The couch in the middle of the den and its accompanying side table were covered in a large sheet, presumably to protect it from the layers of dust that had settled there. Aside from the small kitchenette off to the side, it looked to Ed like there was at least one bedroom down an unlit hallway. The boy's eyes fought a little to adjust to the dark apartment, realizing with a quick glance that all of the curtains were drawn closed.

"Who lives here?"

"No one."

Ed frowned as he took a few steps inside. "This is just some place the military uses to hide people?"

Havoc shook his head as he reached into his breast pocket for his ever-ready pack of cigarettes. "This isn't the military's, Ed." He said as he flipped the pack over and tapped the bottom of it. "It's the General's."

The blond head whipped around. "Ro—Mustang's?"

Havoc hand paused for a second as it moved the newly freed cigarette towards his mouth. "Yeah." He finally replied. "Belonged to his family some time ago, I think."

Ed simply nodded and turned back around, waking further into the small apartment. When he reached the hall, he realized there were two bedrooms that branched off of it, separated by a bathroom. He looked over at Al and pointed towards the end of the hall.

"We'll take the room at the end, Lieutenant." He informed. "You can have the bigger one."

"Oh, I'll just take the couch, Chief." The young officer murmured through the cigarette now caught between his lips. "The General should be here soon, anyway."

The blond alchemist nodded, a flicker of hope lighting in his chest that maybe he could talk to Roy and settle some of the uneasiness inside him. He started down the hall but was stopped suddenly by a very large suit of armor.

"You snore."

Ed's drew back, his brows lowered, his mouth slightly agape. "_What_?"

"You snore." Al firmly repeated. "I can't concentrate with all that noise you make, brother, and I want to read."

The golden eyes blazed indignantly. "_**What?**_"

"You snore." The younger one repeated for a third time, a slight twinkle in his white eyes. "You sound like an elephant giving birth. Or a duck being—"

"I get the picture, Al." Ed gritted out between his teeth.

"You take the first room, and I'll take the back one." Al suggested. "And when the General comes, you can sleep on the couch."

Ed opened his mouth but then slowly closed it as a realization hit him. A deeper look into those glowing eyes confirmed his suspicions and caused a blush to color his cheeks for the third time that night.

Al was giving him the room in case Roy wanted to stay in there…..

Too.

"Goodnight, brother."

Ed nodded, watching as Al turned and headed down the hall, his mind racing as to just how much the younger one knew of his relationship with the General.

"Yeah….night, Al."

x.X.x

Ed shifted a little, trying for the hundredth time to find a comfortable position. The mattress was far too hard for his liking, and his exhausted frame couldn't seem to relax against its unyielding springs. He finally just gave up and settled onto his back, clasping his hands behind his head, fingers laced together. The view of the ceiling wasn't all that different from the bare walls anyway, Ed reasoned. He narrowed his eyes and focused on the shadows swirling above him, the shapes swaying in the soft moonlight.

Each sound outside caused him to tense, and his shoulders ached at the strain on them. Part of him listened for any sign of the homunculus. And part of him listened for any hint that his lover had returned. It wouldn't be until a few hours from dawn that Ed at last heard the rattling of the front door and the heavy steps of military boots. He could make out muffled voices but couldn't discern the words. After a few minutes, the footsteps receded and the door closed once again. Ed waited, his breaths stilled for a moment until he finally heard another set of footsteps, these hesitant as they approached the hallway.

Ed lifted his head, squinting in the darkness to see what he could from underneath his closed door. A shadow passed beneath it, heading for the room where Al was. The boy could vaguely make out his brother's voice though the walls before the shadow finally returned, pausing just outside his room. Ed nestled his head back against his laced fingers and closed his eyes, holding his breath again.

But it took a few minutes before the door finally opened.

The blond knew instantly it was his lover. Roy's scent, the weight of each step, the premeditation of each movement. They were all things Ed was slowly beginning to learn about him. The figure came close to his bed, hovering over him for a moment, watching him as he feigned sleep. Then Roy pulled back and walked towards the window, slipping his hand into his pocket and resting his eyes on the night sky.

The silence that settled between them was uncomfortable for the younger one. He kept waiting for the man to say something, _anything_, about what had happened. About the homunculus. About Ed not telling him. About the fact that the boy had very nearly been strangled by his own creation.

And that the creation was still free out there somewhere in the bitterness of the winter night.

But there was nothing. No words. No acknowledgement that the boy was even there.

Finally, Ed had taken all he could.

The silence needed to be broken.

"I've never seen you use your gun."

Roy was startled out of his thoughts by the quiet observation. He cleared his throat before turning his head slightly towards the bed.

"What?"

Ed kept his eyes closed but knew that the onyx ones were on him. He drew in a few breaths before he finally decided to answer.

"Your gun." He repeated. "I've never seen you shoot anyone."

A dark eyebrow arched as Roy turned back to the window and the empty street below. "It was too close to you to use my alchemy." He explained, his voice strangely hollow. "I didn't want to risk…."

Ed gave a half shrug in response. "I've lost my arm, my leg, and some of my ribs." He pointed out. "Knowing what a well-done steak feels like wouldn't be so bad after all that."

But the attempt at lightening the mood did nothing but earn Ed a quiet sigh. Roy kept his gaze focused on flickering street lamp in the distance, watching the interplay of light and dark as it drew its final breaths.

"You were shaking."

Roy's brow furrowed. "When?"

"After you shot it." Ed ventured, not exactly sure himself why he was pointing that out. "Your hand was shaking."

Roy's fingers unconsciously curled. "No it wasn't."

The younger alchemist turned his head, fully facing his lover. "But I—"

"It _wasn't._"

There was a coldness laced within the assertion that caused the golden eyes to widen. But it was something else that made them lower, drawing away from the figure staring out the window. A certain fear buried in Roy's voice. A certain vulnerability.

A certain _shame._

At what, the younger alchemist wasn't quite sure. Ed laid back down, settling his head on his clasped hands once again, and allowed his eyes to return to the ceiling. "Yeah." He softly whispered. "I guess I was wrong."

They were quiet for a while, both figures motionless in the moonlit room. Ed had closed his eyes again, but his ears strained for any hint of movement from his lover. Every now and then, he would hear a tentative shifting of weight from one foot to the other, as if Roy was debating whether or not to stay. And even though the silence was thick with unspoken tension, the younger one was yelling the same two words over and over in his mind. A plea repeated again and again amidst the other thoughts that plagued him.

_Please stay. Please stay. Please stay. __**Please**__**stay**_.

"You should go to the hospital in the morning." The darker haired alchemist finally whispered, breaking the silence. "Your neck…"

"It's fine."

Roy opened his mouth to argue, but simply nodded instead, opting to let it go. The silence threatened to settle again, and Ed squirmed restlessly against the mattress.

"Roy?"

The older alchemist closed his eyes. "Yeah?"

"I wanted to tell you." Ed was surprised by just how small his voice suddenly sounded. "About the homunculus. I tried."

A low, soft sigh slipped between them. "I know, Ed." Roy whispered. "I'm not…."

Ed nodded and fell quiet once again, aimlessly focusing on the ceiling once again. Then he drew in a deep breath and sat up, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed. Roy turned and watched him, concern flooding his dark eyes.

"What's the matter?"

But the boy said nothing. Instead, he stood and walked over to the window, placing his short frame close to Roy's. He leaned close, resting his head against his lover's chest, and closed his eyes.

"I trust you."

Roy started for a moment before slowly reaching up and wrapping both arms around the boy. Ed burrowed as tightly as he could into the embrace, smiling to himself when he felt Roy's chin rest on top of his head.

"I know."

"I mean it, bastard."

A hint of the Flame's trademark smirk broke through. "I know, pipsqueak."

The blond head raised and golden eyes flared for a moment before lips were captured and a kiss preempted any retort about the nickname. Roy then smiled and tucked the blond head back against his chest.

"I _know_."

This time the silence which settled around them didn't bother Ed. But it did hold an air of uneasiness as it surrounded them. A certain calm before the storm.

_Two _storms.

One with the mark of Ouroboros on its hand, the other with the mark on its all-seeing eye.

TBC…

**A/N: Thank you for all the encouraging reviews! I try to reply to everyone, but I have fallen a little behind. So I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who is reading and reviewing, and thank you to everyone who has favorited D&R! It makes my day to see that! :)**


	20. Chapter 20

**Disclaimer: I don't own the characters of FMA-I just like to write about them...**

_**Demons and Redemption**_

_Chapter 20_

Somewhere in the distance a mother bird could be heard calling for her lost young. Ed sighed as he settled more comfortably on the slim windowsill, one leg swinging aimlessly, the other bent and leaning against the glass pane. He propped his arm on his knee and rested his chin in his palm, sighing again, if just to hear the sound of something else in the otherwise quiet apartment. He was stuck there, despite the fact that a renegade homunculus was still roaming the streets of Central. Ed had held true to his promise to Roy that he remain in the apartment at all times, even though it took far more self-control than the young alchemist had ever practiced. But what he had so softly admitted to Roy before had been spoken in truth.

He _did_ trust him.

And now he needed Roy to trust him back.

Ed sighed again, this time letting the deep breath reverberate through his lips. The tip of his heavy boot was now tapping against the wall, causing scuff marks to chip the already peeling paint. The boy wasn't used to such silence. In the home where he and Al had lived a more carefree existence, the sounds of the open country kept him company. The wind battering dying autumn leaves, tousling them before letting them flutter to the ground. Animals had chatted with one another, and people doing an honest day's work found conversation as a way to ease their chores. In the city, the drone of car engines and of people walking down cobblestone streets echoed all around.

But this apartment hovered somewhere between the two, too far out on the outskirts to enjoy the din of a big city, and too close to be lulled by the peace of the country. Here, there was just….silence.

The tapping paused as Ed watched the wind slowly cleave a cloud in two. Ed hated the day. He was caged there, powerless to track the homunculus, and unable to continue his quest for the stone. At least when the sun set, spreading its rich colors across the Amestris skyline, he could interrogate Roy about what he had discovered.

Although lately, the older alchemist had been less than forthcoming with any information.

But for now, amidst the silence, amidst the turmoil of uncertainty, frustration, and rage brewing inside him, one fact became very clear:

Edward Elric was _bored. _

He had already rearranged the freshly stocked contents of the pantry, vaguely entertained and quickly dismissed the notion of tidying up the sparse apartment, and half-heartedly investigated some of the nooks and crannies for anything of interest.

None of which had satisfied the gnawing boredom threatening to overtake the boy's ability to remain locked within the increasingly claustrophobic walls.

"Hey, Al, you wanna play cards?"

The sharp creaking of metal precipitating the gentle reply. "No, thanks."

Ed huffed, letting his breath escape in a very audible sigh. "Come on, Al—I'll even let you deal first."

Again, the squeak of metal filled the room as the armored head shook back and forth. Blond brows lowered as Ed hopped off the windowsill and walked over to the couch. "Why not?"

The response was simple. "You cheat."

Golden eyes widened in offense. "I _cheat_?"

"Is there something wrong with your hearing, brother?" The bodiless voice held a hint of amusement to it, the white eyes gleaming to match.

"When have I ever cheated?"

Those bright eyes widened at the incredulous question. "On the train to Youswell. On the train to Liore. On the train to Central. On the—"

"Alright, alright!" Ed sunk down on the couch next to his brother, holding up his hands in defeat. "I get the picture, Al. What if I promise not to?"

"Hm." Al leaned against the back of the couch, its worn frame creaking as it accepted the weight of the hollow armor. The book in the gloved, metal hands slowly closed, and Ed smiled as he saw he resignation in the white eyes. "Okay, brother. But not with your deck."

The older one's smile fell. "There's nothing wrong with my deck." He defended.

"It's the only way I'll play."

Ed's brow furrowed. "I only have one deck." He argued, reaching into the pocket of his dark pants.

Al shook his head and began to open his book again, thumbing through the pages to find the strip of leather that held his place. "No deal, brother."

The elder Elric rolled his eyes at the pun before grunting and getting to his feet. He stretched his arms above his head, and briefly let a yawn overtake his youthful face. "Well, maybe Roy has a deck stashed around here somewhere."

Al said nothing as he watched his brother head over to the desk against the far wall of the den. But his eyes told a different story. Their white glowed as he reflected on his older brother's words. Or rather, one of those words. _Roy._ There was a hint of something buried in the older one's voice whenever the name escaped his lips, one that Ed always tried to mask. Al mused that he noticed the appellation used more and more and _bastard _less and less. At least with such contempt behind it.

"Did you find another deck, brother?"

Ed had become strangely quiet, his short frame stilled as it leaned over the bottom drawer of the desk. Al strained his heavy head to see just what had captured his brother's attention.

"Brother?"

Ed finally turned, carefully clutching something in his flesh hand. As the boy walked back towards the couch, Al could just discern what that object was.

A photograph.

"What's that?"

Ed settled back on the couch and carefully tilted the brittle photograph up so his brother could see it. Al focused on the figure in the picture, one with familiar onyx eyes and a shock of black hair.

"The General…" Al murmured, studying the details of the frozen image more carefully.

Roy was standing in front of a large house, one that dwarfed even Shou Tucker's. His lithe, youthful frame was silhouetted by two large Cypress trees. He was only a boy in the photograph, around a few years younger than Ed. His hair was short, gleaming in the sunlight. On his face was a genuine smile, bright with no hint of the jaded smirk that would find its way to his lips as an adult. But none of those things had captured Ed's attention as much as those dark eyes. There was something about them, something that drew him instantly into Roy's very soul.

They were _innocent._

They were full of hope and promise. They were void of any hurt, of the demons that now haunted him. Al turned a little and looked at his brother.

"He looks happy, brother."

Ed swallowed before nodding. He reached out and ran his flesh fingertips over the image of Roy's face, unaware of the eyes steadily watching him.

"It must have been taken before he joined the military."

Another nod. Al studied the photo again, seeing what his brother saw in those eyes.

"Ishbal really changed him, didn't it brother?"

Ed briefly closed his eyes. "He's a soldier, Al." He quietly answered. "He knew what that meant when he joined the military."

"You're one, too, brother." Al replied, watching the golden eyes fling open. "A dog of the military just like the General. Alchemists have to do what the State asks if they want to follow through with their own goals. We do what they want so we can keep doing our research. The General had to do what they asked to keep his own goal in sight."

"That's different." Ed protested.

"How?" The younger Elric gingerly countered. "The only difference I see is that we're lucky, brother. We haven't been asked to make the choices he did. We have a superior who's made sure we aren't sent on missions where we have to hurt people."

The younger Elric watched in silence as his words were carefully absorbed and analyzed. He had made sure to subtly emphasize the word _superior_, forcing his brother to realize what he had seen so long ago. That Roy was forever trying to protect them. That Roy wasn't always doing so because he didn't trust the boys or doubt their abilities.

He was trying to ensure that they didn't suffer as he had.

Realization slowly seeped into the golden eyes before it was masked by an unreadable emotion. Ed suddenly stood, the photo still secure in his grasp.

"I think I saw a deck in the back of the drawer." He stated.

Al pretended not to notice when the photograph was not slipped back into the desk where it had been found, but instead into the pocket of a black pair of pants.

x.X.x

"Is something the matter, sir?"

Silence hovered in the air as the blonde officer's answer, and she drew in a soft sigh before taking a step closer to the heavy wooden desk.

"General?"

Again, nothing. Not even a hitch in the man's breathing as the lowered eyes furiously scanned the paper before them. Hawkeye's normally calm demeanor cracked for just a moment as an unreadable expression passed over her face.

"Uh, Chief?"

Different officer, but same response. Roy did nothing to acknowledge either subordinate. Havoc slightly frowned and offered Hawkeye a shrug.

"General Mustang, we—"

"Do you have those records I asked for, Havoc?"

The tall officer drew back before shaking his head. "I…well….did you need those _now_?"

A sharp glance and creased brow was his response. Havoc bit back a deep groan before rising to his feet. He offered Riza a bright grin as she gestured with a wave towards the door that she would help him.

"_Lieutenant_."

Both officers halted, but it was Hawkeye who was the focus of intense onyx eyes. Riza turned, catching the slight nod of the dark head beckoning her to stay behind. She closed the door and walked back towards the desk.

"Sir?"

"I had not wanted to involve you in this just yet." Roy carefully began. "But this goes much deeper than I wanted to believe."

Soft eyes widened in surprise. "What does?"

Roy sighed before reaching into the hidden pocket of his jacket uniform. His lieutenant watched in silence as he produced a piece of paper, folded into a neatly pressed square. Only the quiet rustling of its worn edges filled the space between them as he opened it and placed it squarely on his desk. His lieutenant leaned forward, cocking her head to the side to get a better look.

"This." The alchemist simply answered as he gestured towards the large map now laying across ignored papers that had needed his attention.

Brown eyes narrowed as they observed several small dots marked on the paper. They did not notice the fingertips hovering over the outline of the large region until their shadow eclipsed the precise dots.

"Each mark is a place of suspicious activity involving the military in some way." Roy guardedly explained. "Towns where people have disappeared. Prisons that hold no prisoners. Missing civilians. Missing soldiers. All in the past few months."

It was silent for a moment before a soft voice answered him. "There are so many…"

Roy sighed. "Is that all you notice?"

"What else is there, sir?"

The scraping of thin metal against the lipped top of an ink well answered the lieutenant. She watched as a steady hand set the tip of the pen against the map and slowly connected the outer points to form a perfect circle. The remaining marks inside its circumference were then attached with the line of ink, forming two triangles, one inverted and overlapping the other to form a six-pointed star.

"What is it?"

The dark head slowly shook back and forth. "I don't know for certain." Roy truthfully answered. "What I _do_ know is that it's no coincidence." The tip of the pen lightly tapped against a point that was located in the exact center. "And neither is that."

_Headquarters._

"I believe it's an alchemic symbol." Roy speculated. "But whose it is and for what purpose….I don't know."

Riza lifted her gaze from the map. "And you think the military is involved?" She ventured.

A short nod was her answer. "At least one of their generals is." He dryly stated, flipping the pen over and tapping a mark that was the corner of one of the triangles. Riza instantly recognized the intersection where Roy's house was. The pen then swatted against another part of the map, one unmarked and outside the outline of the triangle. "But my old apartment isn't part of this symbol. That means it's still safe for now."

An unreadable and unnoticed emotion flickered briefly behind the brown eyes. "And Fullmetal…"

Roy visibly tensed. "Yes." He responded. "Both he and Al are safe there it seems."

The usually perceptive onyx eyes did not catch the faint hint of a smile cross his lieutenant's face.

"How long will you keep them there?"

A dark eyebrow arched in response. "It's not so much how long I can keep him there." Roy finally replied, unaware that he had only referred to Ed in his answer. "But how long he'll stay."

Deceivingly delicate fingers brushed over the map, coming to rest at the spot where the pen had just been. "Perhaps, sir, if he doesn't feel as if he's trapped, he may not flee."

The young General lifted his dark eyes. "Meaning?"

"Meaning, sir, that he might stay if he feels he's not your prisoner." The blonde carefully continued. "He is an accredited alchemist. He's no longer the child you found in Risembool, his body and soul splintered. Perhaps it's time to trust that he's capable of taking care of himself."

The lieutenant's response was silence. Contemplative silence. She watched as Roy turned and slowly walked to the window, clasping his hands behind his back. In the muted reflection she could see his dark eyes, their focus not on the colors of the setting sun but rather lost deep in thought. After a few more moments, she glanced back at the map before turning towards the door, her boots clicking against the wooden floor with each step. She took one final look at Roy before leaving him alone and closing the door behind her.

"Smart man." A sultry voice whispered from the shadows. "He knows much more than we believed."

The Lieutenant turned her head before a wide grin spread across her face. "Yes." There was the sickening sound of muscle stretching and reforming beneath skin, bone snapping and reshaping. The blond hair suddenly darkened and sprang free from its clasp, lengthening. The crisp, pressed uniform melded into black, shortening to expose the pale legs and arms of an androgynous figure. "And now _we _know more. Like where he's hiding the Fullmetal Pipsqueak."

A subtle smile found its way to the other one's lips. "Yes." She agreed. "But there's no fun in hunting game when it's already caught in a trap."

"So?"

Violet eyes narrowed. "Your little lecture on trust should convince the Flame General to let Fullmetal out from under his thumb." Lust replied. "Why don't you make yourself useful and see where he and that metal heap wander off to?"

A sharp grin flashed across the pale face. "My pleasure." Once again the sound of muscle and tissue molding itself under skin echoed in the hallway, the pale face this time reforming into that of a certain young General with dark eyes and a determined smirk. "But for now, I need to find Lieutenant Hawkeye."

"Make sure she knows everything he just told you. We wouldn't want them figuring out about you just yet."

The figure nodded, adjusting the heavy blue cuffs of his uniform jacket.

"And, Envy?"

The dark head turned.

"There's no need to let Pride know about any of this."

x.X.x

It was just after midnight when Roy found himself working his key into the rusted lock. He had stayed at Headquarters long past anyone else, locked in his office as he rechecked every scrap of paper, every carefully documented piece of evidence. There was an eerie calm that surrounded him now, contrasting the turmoil that was becoming harder to hide behind his dark eyes. He could tell by the way no shadows were shifting underneath the door that the apartment's occupants had long since gone to bed. There was a sense of relief with that realization, coupled with a twinge of guilt.

He had barely said two words to either Elric since they had been exiled to this tattered apartment for their safety. And as much as the elder alchemist tried not to admit it, also for his peace of mind.

"_Alphonse._" Roy had blinked a few times when he entered the den, his eyes trying to adjust to the darkness that encompassed the room. He had been surprised by the large metal figure sitting very still on the couch. "I didn't realize you were…."

_Awake _wasn't the right word. A bodiless soul didn't sleep, _couldn't _sleep. But as the tired General fumbled for the right word, the boy kindly helped him.

"Sometimes I like to sit in the dark and just listen." Al explained. "I listen to the people outside and wonder what their lives are like. I even pretend I could be them for a day, to step into their shoes. That must sound silly…"

Roy shook his head as he clutched the key in his hand, feeling its sharp edges press against the tender skin of his palm. "No, Alphonse." He softly argued. "It doesn't."

The creaking of thin metal as it rubbed against itself echoed in the room as Al turned a little. "There's dinner still in the oven, sir." He pointed out. "In case you're hungry."

Roy nodded, even though the thought of food didn't seem too appealing at the moment. His diet of late had consisted of little more than a steady flow of coffee, and the thinning of his face stood as its testament.

"I'll have to remember to thank Hawkeye for bringing it over."

"Lieutenant Hawkeye wasn't here, sir." Al replied. "Ed cooked."

Roy drew back. "Ed?"

"Yes, sir. He cooked dinner, but….well, I guess he made too much." The boy carefully answered. "I think he said something about you having some if he didn't come out and finish it for his midnight snack."

A faint smirk found its way to the alchemist's lips. The thought of Ed being so…domestic…was as endearing as it was humorous. But that smile disappeared as a realization surfaced.

This _wasn't_ Ed. It wasn't the boy's nature. Little by little being caged was beginning to quell the fire that burned inside the younger one's soul. The fierce independence that always radiated behind those golden eyes was being tamed now. Maybe a little too much.

_He's no longer the child you found in Risembool, his body and soul splintered. Perhaps it's time to trust that he's capable of taking care of himself. _

"I should probably get some sleep. I have to be at Headquarters early." Roy explained more to himself than the armored soul intently studying him. "Goodnight, Alphonse."

"Goodnight, sir."

Roy was exhausted. His body ached, the muscles in his neck and shoulders strained from the burdened they carried. He had foregone sleep and nourishment too long, and with each passing day, he felt its consequences. But as it had so many times in the past, sleep eluded him. He quietly slid off the blue pants of his uniform and unbuttoned the cuffs and collar of his starched shirt, mindful of the snoring form sprawled across the bed. But it would be nearly an hour before Roy tore his gaze from the darkened skyline and gingerly slid under the blankets beside him.

"You better not have eaten my midnight snack, bastard."

Roy jolted a little at the sarcastic barb. He lifted his head enough to gaze down on the blond one, surprised to see Ed's eyes still closed. He opened his mouth to answer, but instead simply shook his head and nestled it back against the thin pillow.

A few minutes of silence passed, and Roy figured by the slowing breaths of the younger one that Ed had fallen back asleep. He closed his own eyes and began to drift. They flung open once again when he felt the mattress beneath him jostle.

"You stayed late again."

Ed was sitting up now, knees pulled to his chest, one flesh and one automail arm wrapped around them. Roy's eyes narrowed as they strained to study the lowered face.

"Paperwork."

"Hm."

Roy drew in a deep breath before closing his eyes. "_Ed_."

There was a nearly indiscernible hitch in the boy's breathing. _Nearly_.

"Yeah?"

"I've been thinking."

"And?" Ed scoffed, trying to ignore the sudden tightening of his stomach. "You want a medal or something?"

As soon as the words left his mouth, the younger alchemist's eyes widened in horror. It had been a flippant reply, one to mask the anxiety of exactly what Roy had been thinking about and how it involved Ed. Too late the boy realized the cruelty unintentionally brandished with his choice of words. He lowered his head, letting his forehead rest on his automail arm.

"What about?"

It was an uncomfortably long wait before Ed heard the soft clearing of the other one's throat. "You." Roy quietly replied. "You and Al."

Ed swung around, his lips parted a little. He tried to search the now open eyes for any hint of what was coming next, but they were decidedly focused on the dingy ceiling. It took the boy a few moments before the question that wanted to escape his lips finally did.

"What about us?"

Roy drew in a deep breath. "It may not be wise keeping you in this apartment all the time." He finally began. "If someone finds out you're here, you and Al would be sitting ducks. I think it would be better if you went out during the day."

The golden eyes widened again, this time in utter shock. Ed drew back, trying to figure out if Roy was telling the truth, and if he was, then exactly what would be the catch.

"I also can't keep assigning my officers to watch the two of you while I'm not here." Roy continued, his eyes still searching the shadowed patterns on the ceiling. "They're needed for other duties at Headquarters. If you and Al do go out, you won't have any military protection."

Ed slowly shook his head, the message between Roy's words becoming more clear. He was letting them go so that they could continue their research. And he was freeing them of the tethers of their good-intentioned by bothersome babysitters. Ed suddenly shifted, straddling Roy's hips. He placed his hands on either side of his Roy's head, his flesh fingers brushing against the man's dark hair.

"You mean it?" Ed softly asked, leaning close to his lover's face.

Roy slowly nodded. It took him a moment before he allowed his eyes to meet the ones boring deeply into them. "Yes." He whispered, reaching up with one hand to brush Ed's fallen bangs away from his face.

The bright grin that answered him caused his breath to catch, but as a flesh hand shifted to smooth back his own locks, it was caught in a harsh grip. Ed drew back, frowning.

"What?"

Roy sighed. "Just….promise me you'll be careful."

The frown shifted into a smirk. "I'm _always_ careful, bastard."

But the teasing remark did not lift the shadows from behind the onyx eyes. "_Promise me_." He whispered, the boy's hand still in his grasp.

Ed leaned down and captured the older one's lips with his own, his actions always speaking far louder than his words. There was an urgency burning behind his motions as he nipped at the older one's lips, demanding entry. There was a slight hesitation before Roy acquiesced, parting his lips to allow the boy's tongue to press against his own. He finally released his hold on the boy's wrist, his fingers finding a new prisoner in the blond braid as the kiss deepened. Teeth nipped and teased. Lips sought their matching softness. Tongues, the taste of one another. Ed was forever trying to prove his dominance in each kiss they shared, in every intimate touch he gave. He refused to break the contact even as his lungs burned for air, constricting in his chest as he denied them their breaths.

It was Roy who finally broke the kiss, gently pushing the boy back.

But the deepening of his dilated eyes, the gleam that delved deep into the dark irises gave Ed no mistake as to what he wanted.

"Roy—"

Whatever thought the boy had was obliterated as soon as he was flipped over and found his body covered with another's, the force of it pressing him back into the mattress. Lips searing against his with an almost unnatural heat, forcing them open and seeking to explore all that was within. There was barely a chance to relish the renewed contact before those lips left his and found a new target, the hollow of the boy's neck.

"_Roy…_"

This time the name escaped in the from of a low gasp. While lips suckled the tender skin of his throat, hands were deftly removing his boxers. Ed struggled to help, only to have his hands pinned above his head and the juncture of his neck and collarbone caught between Roy's teeth. He could feel the blood rushing the bite, flooding beneath the pinched skin. And then just as quickly the heat disappeared replaced by a soft whisper of breath causing goosebumps to prickle along the boy's exposed skin.

Onyx eyes flashed with something the younger alchemist couldn't quite place, but before he could speculate for too long on just what it was, his attention was forced on the tongue now swirling around his nipple. Strong hands slid his black tank up over his scarred torso, lifting it over the boy's head. As lips hungrily suckled, fingers found their gentleness as they ghosted along the rough skin of Ed's ribcage, feeling what was _not _there. Roy suddenly drew back, staring at the scar that left a jagged path along Ed's side.

"It's fine." A quiet voice interrupted. "It doesn't hurt."

Roy simply shook his head and reached down to unbutton his now wrinkled shirt, his eyes lowered as they avoided the reality of just what that scar represented. He took his time, his breathing now very calculated as his fingers worked the buttons through the stiff stitching of each hole. He slid the fabric over his shoulders, pulling his arms free of its constricting sleeves. He turned his head, tossing the shirt haphazardly and watching as it hit the side of the dresser. His attention was instantly brought back to the one before him when he felt a warm breath against his neck.

"I promise."

The words were muffled, their quiet assurance whispered into his skin. Ed was sitting now, his body pressed close to his lover's. He stayed very still for a moment before he pulled back and met the wide onyx eyes.

"I promise." He repeated. "I'll be careful."

Roy nodded, unsure of the truth behind the pledge. Or rather, unsure of the boy's ability to keep that truth. He watched silently as Ed laid back down against thin pillow, his thighs parting slightly in invitation. Roy drew a deep breath before leaning over the smaller form, reaching for the bedside table. Ed closed his eyes in anticipation of the slick fingers urgently preparing him, but instead felt the loss of the older one's body heat. When the boy opened his eyes, he found his lover settling beside him, his dark eyes searching his, probing for some unanswered question. Ed's brow furrowed, and he opened his mouth, wanting to ask Roy what was wrong. But the older one shook his head. Then he leaned down and pressed a kiss to the boy's smooth shoulder before gently turning him on his side.

It was then that Ed understood why Roy had laid down beside him. He felt a strong hand settle on his thigh, just above the scarred skin, pushing it up and towards his chest. Soft cloth brushed against the curve of his lower back as Roy slid his own boxers down far enough to free his growing hardness. Then fingers gently prepared him before the heat of Roy's chest seared against his back. He closed his eyes and waited, feeling the nudge of something much thicker than the probing fingers. As Ed forced his body to relax, accepting his lover as he entered him, he felt something else.

An arm wrapping firmly around his chest.

Ed pressed back into the embrace, gasping as he was stretched mercilessly. Roy was penetrating him slowly, taking his time as he held his lover against him. The older alchemist said nothing, allowed no sound to escape his lips as his hips fell into a maddeningly measured rhythm. His lover, however, was trying desperately to quell the moans that threatened to escape with each thrust. Automail fingers clutched at cotton sheets, holding their cotton threads prisoner in a metal grip. Ed buried his face in the pillow, concentrating on the sensations overtaking him. The brush of dark hair against the back of his neck, the increasingly ragged breaths across his shoulder, the arm that tightened its hold against his chest with every plunge deep inside him. Ed was so far lost in each feeling that when the arm around him shifted and fingers found a firm grasp on his own throbbing erection, he yelped in surprise.

Roy's hand was gentle but firm in its strokes, matching the rhythm of his hips. Ed bucked his own hips, thrusting them forward to keep contact with the soft skin of his lover's palm, but Roy wouldn't relinquish his control. He shifted a little, pulling back. Ed stifled a whimper at the loss of heat pressed against him. When the hand stroking him withdrew, however, a groan of frustration escaped. But before Ed could mourn its loss too long, he felt Roy's other hand slip beneath his slim waist and gently cup his hardened length.

Then Ed felt his lover shift, thrusting into him with force so that his own hips moved forward. The boy shuddered as his erection slid against the friction of Roy's palm, sheathing itself into the heat the curled hand provided.

Roy moved them both, his thrusts punctuating his lover's. His free hand shifted back to its original position, fingers firmly splayed against the boy's heaving chest. He held Ed against him, feeling each shiver, each hitched breath as he took him.

Although he tried to stave it, it would be Ed who climaxed first. A deep moan preceded his peak, and he jerked in his lover's hold. He was vaguely aware of Roy's arm shifting beneath him, his hand releasing its spent prize. It moved up, clasping its mate so that the boy was held tightly against Roy's chest. It was then that Ed realized his lover wasn't in as much control as he believed. A drowsy smile passed over his lips as he felt the tremors in each of Roy's breaths. Then he felt the man tense and knew his release was close. Ed reached up and covered the hands that were clasped over his chest with his own, hearing a hiss escape Roy's lips as the cold metal came into contact with his skin. With a soft, unrealized grunt, the older alchemist came inside his lover.

Ed closed his eyes as he felt lips press to the back of his neck.

When the boy had finally gained some semblance of control over his body, he shifted a little, pulling away from the warmth behind him. He was surprised when the arms around him tightened, nearly bruising him as they pulled his frame back.

"_No._"

One simple word gritted out between clenched teeth. One simple word and the feel of his lover still pressed fully inside him, unwilling to give up the closeness it afforded. One simple word of utter possessiveness. This time Ed yielded, allowing his lover to hold him. He let his automail hand slide from its place over the man's hands and reach back, finding a firm grip instead on his hip. It was another simple gesture. One that let Roy know the boy wanted him to stay inside.

Ed didn't remember falling asleep, but woke when he realized somewhere in his hazy dreams that the heat against him had disappeared. He struggled within the confines of the blanket to turn, shifting over onto his other side. The golden eyes strained to adjust in the muted light, fighting to focus on the figure beside him. The moonlight afforded the boy a chance to study the face turned towards him. For the first time in a while, Ed studied every detail of his lover's features. The dark brows, furrowed even in sleep. The slight parting of his lips as they drew in even breaths. And the dark circles that laid beneath his eyes, a physical testament to the long, sleepless nights the man had endured of late.

Ed sighed as he reached up, tracing the soft lids as they fluttered. He realized then how gaunt his lover had become, how much the strain of everything that had happened was now manifesting in physical form. The sheer enormity of everything that happened coupled with the man's unrelenting need to be a shield for his lover were taking their toll on him. His whole body was tense even in sleep, from his shoulders, to the fingers that were now clutching the cotton sheets. Ed realized then what a sacrifice it had been to tell him what he had that night.

To allow he and Al to go out on their own, away from his protection.

Roy truly did trust him.

Ed held his breath for a minute, his eyes narrowed, his ears tensed as they listened to the even breaths of his lover. The heat of Roy's body was heavy, enveloping him in the winter night. The younger one could tell that he was deep asleep by the slow rise and fall of the exposed bare chest. He was lost somewhere in his dreams, unaware of the scrutiny he was now under. After a few silent moments, Ed finally let his breath escape in a low sigh not realizing just how fast his heart was beating then.

Roy _**trusted **_him.

That truth coupled with the fact that Roy was indeed fast asleep gave Ed the courage to allow his own truth to escape to the surface. One he had been trying so desperately to bury. One he could no longer ignore. Ed hesitantly leaned forward, his lips close to his lover's, feeling his soft breaths whisper against them.

Roy would not hear the words the boy wanted so desperately to utter. The words that reassured Ed of what he felt. Of what he thought. Of what he did.

The boy could whisper them now and sleep safely in the knowledge that they had been said but never heard. That the feeling he had allowed to surface could be cemented with his words—words that only the darkness would hear. So he finally closed his eyes and parted his lips, at last able to let a simple truth spill from them into the void of night.

"_Roy….I love you_."

TBC…


End file.
